Reading Reviews for Vision Quest
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclaw_princess Vision Quest

21st February 2011:
Hi, ravenclaw_princess from the forums.

This was a very deep and philosophical story and I was completely immersed in it. I love your use of descriptions and I could realy see the enviroment when the Vision Quest was taking place. The fight with the wolves and the bison was also really good and I could picture it clearly in my head.

The story flowed really well and the flash backs and the newspaper article etc all fitted in well. There was a good ballance between descriptions, events, dialogue and the internal musings of Adam. Even the wolves didn't totally appear out of no where.

I liked Adam. He seemed very mature and his dialogue and his thoughts reflected this. Yet he showed all the usual traits of 16 year old, like fear, doubt and confusion, and the need for guidance. He also had that little bit of humour about Clay getting his broomstick which I thought was a nice touch.

I did notice a number of spelling errors through out and mostly they are things that wouldn't be picked up by a spell check like could instead of couldn't and ever instead of every. There aren't that many that they detract from the story but another careful read over wouldn't go amiss either.

Overall though, well done on an excellent story. It is very well written and I like how deep the meaning of the story is and also the details of which you have described their world. I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: Yes, on the broom. When kids think they're going to die, their thoughts always goes to who gets their stuff in order to avoid a Battle Royal.

And I am considering giving all of my stories over to another beta to breathe some new life into them.


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Review #2, by TheProphecy Vision Quest

21st February 2011:
Hello!

From the forums here! I just noticed you posted another request for a different story that should be done in a few days :D

I really liked your beginning, you're such a visual, descriptive writer and that worked really well in this and you did have some dialogue but not enough to ruin the effect. The description was wonderful, I really felt like I was there rather then detached from it. You did a very good job of pulling me into it.

Your characters were all very realistic in emotions and speech and nothing was too OOC for teenage wizards out in the woods. You had a very subtle development of your main character which I liked.

I also like the idea of the story, I especially liked the Native American magic idea I thought that was unusual but good.

Your last line was a wonderful cliffhanger :)

It was very long, I felt you could've split this up a little bit and made into a short story. I also felt you could develop this into a Novella, there is so much more you could do with this idea. :)

Well done, I really enjoyed this :)

Hannah x

Author's Response: Thank you for all the kind words of praise on the topic of this story.

I actually did write this oneshot in the mind that Adam would play a big part in it, but I have several more stories to write in the series before that will happen.

Although I did see an Americans Challange on the forums. That might be an excuse to give Adam his own little novella as well. Would you mind if I wrote you on the forums and ask what you think might be a good story.


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Review #3, by LovelyMioneWeasley Vision Quest

15th January 2011:
While the subject is still considered under speculation in Europe, American media sources have just received confirmation that the Hardscrabble Creek School of Magical Arts will me invited to participate in the Triwizard Tournament, taking place this coming October at Hogwarts School Witchcraft in Wizardry. --I think you mean Witchcraft and Wizardry.

And the bison, worn for the previous attacks, was hardly in a position to offer itself as a worthy opponent.
-- Worn from the previous attacks maybe?

Those were the two only real issues I saw with grammar or anything else. I think you did a good job on editing and reading this pretty thoroughly before you posted so well done on that front.

The pacing and flow of the story was good and done seemingly with ease. The story didn't jerkily take you into a flashback or randomly make it appear that a pack of wolves were going to jump into the story. Everything seemed natural and well placed in a flowing but straight timeline.

I really liked Adam's character; I think you did a good job of portraying a sixteen/seventeen year old that may have been a bit more mature but not unrealistically so. The entire concept of the Vision Quest as well was very trippy and very awesome. I think it would be a fun experience to have the opportunity to be so harshly greeted by nature.

The entire scene with the wolves and young bison was brilliant! It was so well written and so easy for me to envision in my head. I usually get my head turned upside down all around by violent scenes, attacks, or Qudditch matches (to reference Harry Potter world), but this was easy for me to follow. If I can follow it, then I'm sure anyone can.

I liked the seeping influence of the Triwizard Tournament and the unknown sphere around it. It is so like students to begin to start rumors and attempt to collect so much information so quickly. It reminded me of (at least the movie scene) of the Transfiguration class about the history of Hogwarts and the Chamber of Secrets ^_^

Overall, I really liked the one shot; it was complete without skimping on details or character development. It was a good little "one-shot' into a world that didn't need everything explained away about it. Go fix the mistakes I pointed out and do some more advertising for this well done little one-shot!!!

9/10

Lindsey

Author's Response: I am on my way to fix the typos! Thanks for reading!

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Review #4, by libby103 Vision Quest

14th January 2011:
Hey! It's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!
Sorry it took me a bit to get to reviewing this!

This is a really great take on the Native Americans' tradition of Vision Quests! So I really like the concept on which you've built this story upon! Even though I'm not well-versed on these rituals...

The plot is nice. Not the most interesting, it's a bit more philosophical and general than my usual cup of tea, but I enjoyed it. I like everything that happens, the plot line sounds perfect, not too rushed and not drawn out.

I sometimes rant about plausibility, but this story was very plausible. I can totally imagine this happening right now, nothing seemed off. Even the newspaper sounds right, though I personally would've loved a statement from a Canon character, it might've ruined the realistic value of this story.

Characterization!

Adam's character is very nicely set up. He's a bit like Harry, I think, personality-wise. I find him heroic, but not entirely willing to be so.

Professor Blackbear's character is a bit strange to me. In his actions and the way you describe him from Adam's point of view, he sounds old, wise, and at least a bit traditional regarding his Native American ways. However, in the way his speech is written, for the short amount of time he does partake in dialogue, he sounds very modern and sort of hip.

So, I just spotted two errors with spelling/grammar. (which is a very low amount, I'm usually very good at spotting those kinds of things)

"In his arms and strapped to his back was more than enough fire would to get them through at least the next three days." -I'm fairly certain you meant "firewood" rather than "fire would"

"As soon as Professor Blackbear heard this answered" -"answer" not "answered" which is a verb form

Sorry if this review was a bit on the long side!
from,
Liberty (Libby103)
p.s. Feel free to re-request me on my review thread on the forums if you have any future stories

Author's Response: Wow! I'm sorry about taking so long to get back to you. RL has been so hectic lately. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, as I was a bit worried after it got no reviews. As far as Professor Blackbear, yes he does come off as wise, but he has also spent his entire life teaching teenagers. He would likely have picked of the modern dialect. Besides, I was afraid if I made him sound like a character from a bad movie, it would take away from his humanity.

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