I've been waiting for an update for age and I've only found that you have updated now! I really love this.. Please continue it :) Report Review
A new chapter and a brilliant one I must say.
As I wrote before in my previous review, I love Regulus and I love the way you depicted him. It was incredibly touching to read the part where he is crying while is mother cruelly told him (even if she thought he was sleeping) that she prefers Sirius.
I also love the way he acts towards the other Slytherins, he is cold and classy. He acts like a Black is expected to, even though he is broken inside.
I like the part with the twins, it's crude but it is so typical of a rich and young brat having his way with girls just for fun or simply because he is looking for something he doesn't know : Love.
I think that's the reason why I love your story so much, all the Slytherins are the way I have always imagined them, arrogant, libertine, cruel and acting as if they own the world... Plus, I always have a tender spot for Regulus, an unknown hero...
What can I say, I love your story, please update soon!!! You're really talented :-) Report Review
First off, I have to apologize for skipping your Dramione. I just can't stand that pairing. :/ It's a thing I have.
Ahhh! I love reading about Reggie! :)
The bit about Walburga still loving Siri threw me off a bit... Look at her portrait. Look at Kreacher. She was ashamed of Siri. I don't think she had an ounce of affection left for him by the time he left home.
Cute, cute, cuteness...
Don't think a Pureblood Wizard would be caught dead using a Muggle expression (from our era, especially) like "whipped." :/
Oh, Aurelie is such a pretty name. I've always like Aurelia and Aurelius, too.
Anyway, another lovely story! I hope you'll update this; I'd really love to read more of it! :)Author's Response: Don't worry about it, I don't like the pairing that much, either. But, my idea only worked with Dramione, so...
Me too! His character is so unexplored and everything we know about him is intriguing.
I don't know, maternal love triumphs blood purity, I think. I mean, I know she thought he was a disgrace and a blood traitor and that he soiled the family name, but I do believe that she still loved him deep down.
You're right about it being from our era, I hadn't thought of it. But, I think Muggle and Wizard teenagers pretty much use the same manner of speaking.
It is, isn't it? I love naming characters.
Thank you! The chapters for this story are longer than what I usually write, the next chapter is almost completed, though. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Amandax Report Review
Oh my God, I loved this chapter so much! I love stories to do with the Black family and this one is superb :) Keep it up and I strongly encourage you to follow through with this story!Author's Response: I'm really so happy that you did because this is actually my favourite story of mine, and the least well-received. Me too because of everything we know about them and all the little secrets and mysteries. Thank you! :)
I am! The next chapter is almost done, just need to find the time to finish it up. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really really appreciate it! Report Review
very nice, good job. i absolutley love it! 10/10
x ElyAuthor's Response: Aw, thankyou so much for reading! I'm glad that you love it!
Amandax Report Review
I really enjoyed this first chapter. Like you, I think that Regulus is an interesting character. Caught in a war he didn't fully understant, he died as a hero and when he betrayed Voldemort, he stood for himself for the first time in 19 years .I firmly believe that for the first time in his life he did what his heart told him, not what his parents or friends expected of him. Your Slytherins are as they are supposed to be : seductive, evils and manipulative.
I like Rosalie so far and the fact that she doesn't seem to look like the usual and stunningly beautiful OC. I may have one concer about her though, be careful not to turn into a Mary Sue, a main character and a romantic heroin can have a decent physical appearance and still be lived by the handsome pureblood.
Anyway, ypu did a fantastic job so far and I look forward to read more. Your story is well written and your style is catchy, the descriptions are really well done.
It's a 10/10 for me :)Author's Response: Hi :)
I'm so glad you did because this story hasn't really gotten a lot of response. I'm so interested by his character, that's why I wanted to write this so much. This is my current favourite story to write. Yes, I like that we don't know much about him, but everything we do know is that more intriguing. I'm glad you like the characterizations of the Slytherins, its how I picture them.
Yeah, I wanted to emphasize as much as possible that she was a subtle beauty, overshadowed by her beautiful sisters. Thanks for that Mary Sue tip.
I'm so glad you think so and want to read more. It makes me really happy to know that you think this is well-written. I'm even happier to know you like my writing style, because I find its very much the same in all my stories; I love writing description.
Aw, thankyous so much for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
guess who? :)
alright so i've got some constructive critisism, and some good things to say.
firstly, you use some words too much and too close to each other. like in the first two or so paragraphs, you used "the young man" around four times (not that i was counting xD) and i feel like that's overkill. also, when you're writing about rosalie climbing the wall, you use the word vines far too many times in the same paragraph.
now onto the good things ^_^
i love love love regulus. he's so much more than the books made him out to be (in the few times that he's mentioned) and i'm glad you're finally showing people that. now some people might not like too much description but i love it :D just be careful on going too much into detail about minor, or unimportant characters.
haaha, i love the initial awkwardness to regulus' and rosalie's first meeting, it's probably exactly what would happen if that happened in real life, and i died of laughter at ms tallis' last comment about virginity.
love it, keep writing m'dear and hurry up and get the next chapter out or i'll have to pester you at school ;)
xo.Author's Response: Vikki! :)
Yeah, I think I need to go back and fix some things because I've gotten so much constructive criticism.
I love writing him, I think he's really a complex character. Yeah, I love writing description... but, yeah, I know it does get to be too much. Something I've got o work on. I guess I don't notice as I'm writing, but when people point out certain things I realize it.
Yeah, I was originally going to have them actually talk, but it was too soon. Haha, she was trying to scare Regulus with that comment.
I'm so glad you liked it :) I will get a new chapter of this up when you start writing! Thanks for reading and reviewing this, Vikki! I'm surprised you even remembered my penname, lol.
Amandax Report Review
Hey there :). Here from the forums with your requested review.
I liked this. I sense some conflict right from the start, and I am left wondering what is bothering him. Of course it could be a number of things; what with his allegiance to the Dark Lord, his brother being disowned, and so forth. We aren't given a reason, and I think that works here. Eventually I figure it will all become clear.
You pay a good deal of attention to detail. I am able to picture the scenes clearly, almost as if I am in the room with Regulus as he's writing. Almost as if I am out there in the garden, watching Rosalie's futile attempt to climb the stone wall. So good job with that.
The characters were described well. Sometimes I did feel that they were all too beautiful though, but I guess with their place in society, the pretty would attract each other. Just be careful with using 'perfect' too much. You did so with Regulus and the twins.
This is a different take on Walburga than I have seen before. She's just as I imagined, yes, what with the manner in which she does things. But, I haven't ever considered the motherly side to her. Taking out her son's clothes, as annoying as that would be for someone his age, is a nice touch. Also Regulus' thought about her visiting Sirius' room in the night was enough to make me sigh. As much as we would like to hope that she's a dreadful woman, I should think that she had some level of affection, if not love, for her first son. I'm definitely liking this portrayal of her. It makes her seem more human.
Regulus seems to have many sides to him. He doesn't seem too fond of the gathering, or socializing with his other Slytherins. I'm guessing he's more of the quiet, observant type. I've always been curious of his character. He was redeemed when we learned what truly happened to him, and I always wondered how he really was at school, and what events led him up to joining the Dark Side. I love that you chose to write about him. Minor characters give you so much room to play with, and I enjoy stories with them. And I believe you're characterizing Regulus well, so far.
There were some errors though. Sometimes you tended to let the sentences run-on. Such as, As he came closer, he saw that the girl had long light brown hair that fell in waves well past her shoulders, it was messy and had leaves in it, some of it plastered to her face. They were scattered throughout, and I sometimes had to re-read to get the idea. Also, you sometimes start consecutive sentences with 'He' or 'She'. It does make those paragraphs bland. Maybe mix it up, a little?
The chapter did flow well though. It gave just enough to have the reader wanting to know more, especially about Regulus. It introduced the necessary characters, such as Rosalie and her family. And the end made me sigh, again. Sirius, the brightest star. Does Regulus maybe see himself as second-best; always out-shined?
Anyway. Brilliant writing, and I think you have the makings of a very good story here.
Keep it up!
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: Hey, sorry it took me so long to get to this. Thankyous for taking up my request!
I'm glad you do. There is definitely conflict and Regulus is very much under pressure at this point. I think there is so much going on with Regulus, that I couldn't explain it all in one chapter.
Yeah, I very much like writing description, I'm glad you think I did a good job.
I'm glad you think the characters were described well. They may seem beautiful on the outside, but most of them are very ugly on the inside. I used perfect for a reason, that you'll see later. But, I get what you mean.
She's based on how I see her. I don't see her as heartless, just a little too extreme with caring about her social standing and her pureblood status. I'm glad you're liking the portrayal of her.
Regulus is a very complex character, I think. Yes, in that way he's like Sirius, except he's obedient and just does as he's told. I've always been curious about his character as well, which is what lead me to write this. Yeah, when JK Rowling actually explained his character and we learned of RAB, I had this newfound interest for him. They really do, now I've gathered all my information about Regulus and I'm just working with it. I'm so glad you think I'm characterizing Regulus well. That's one of the most important things in writing.
Yes, my grammar is lacking and this needs some editing. I guess I don't realize it as I'm writing, but when its pointed out I do realize it.
I'm glad the flow of everything was good. Yes, this was more of an introduction to everything, with no questions answered. The end was a done on a whim, I was about to post this then I added it in. Regulus does see himself as second-best, but more on that later.
Thankyous so much, your comments and thoughts are so nice. Thankyous for your encouragement and for reading and reviewing! :)
That was really good... I'm reading the Confessions of Adhara Greengrass and it's so different from this story. I think you really show your writing skills in this one. It's a really beautiful story, but I think Sirius is younger than Regulus - not older. You should definitely continue the story, it's amazing.Author's Response: Oh, thankyou so much! I love writing Confessions of Adhara Greengrass, but yes, they are very different, Adhara I can write off the top of my head, this takes a bit more time to come together, and much more editing.
I'm so happy you think its a beautiful story so far. No, Sirius is older than Regulus. I will be continuing this because I really I've always been really interested in Regulus.
You're way too nice, you've totally made my morning with this review, thankyous so much :) Report Review
That was a very interesting first chapter! I really enjoyed reading that. Just a few things you improved on.
You began the story off giving me an impression that Regulus was an incredibly complex person. I got the sense of internal conflict with the writing of 'Toujour Pur'. Keep that up. Don't let him drop the act. Make him exlusive, make his speech eloquent (a pureblood like him wouldn't stutter or speak colloquially), don't let him ramble.
Also, it's nice that you're writing chunky paragraphs but don't overdo it. Some of your sentences are a little too long. In other places, you've unintentionally repeated pronouns. I think there was a place, when the hostess was first introduced, when you began three following sentences with the pronoun 'she'.
On a similar note, try to keep the descriptions of his actions succinct, so don't ramble on about something unimportant, unless the action is accompanied by a narration of thoughts, and don't spend too long describing characters. Otherwise, you give it the impression that the character is important, even if it's obviously just someone minor.
Just remember - your main concern here is delivering and communicating to the audience. That's you MAIN concern. Don't fancy things up too much till the message is lost.
I love the way you've developed these characters. JKR created these Slytherins as cold-hearted villains; you're finally giving them their side of the story. I LOVE Walburga Black. She's such a tough, yet motherly figure to write and I think you've done that well.
Maybe you should develop Regulus more. I'd like to know more about where he stands in the war.
So far so good. Well done and keep it up!Author's Response: Thankyous so much - firstly, for being the first person to give my story a shot and secondly for leaving me an amazing review with fantastic constructive criticism and thirdly for liking this :)
I think Regulus is a really complex character. As I was writing I didn't feel by the end I'd put everything in on how Regulus is this point, but I couldn't. The next chapter will have much more about what's going on with Regulus now. In doing this first chapter, I researched Regulus and I think there are so many interesting things about him (which I will include later). There is a lot of internal conflict with Regulus. This takes place shortly after Sirius leaves. In one of the beginning paragraphs I touched on the subject, when Regulus was thinking about Sirius. There's going to be a lot more of that. The 'Toujours Pur' summary is kind of opening up for all of that.
In my mind Regulus is a lot like Sirius, except I think he's more reserved and haughty. But, you'll see I'm giving some of Sirius' traits to Regulus, they are brothers after all.
Thankyou, I find it tedious to read long paragraphs, I lose interest easily. Oh, yes, I know, thanks for picking up on that. Oh my gosh, I went back to read and I can't believe I made that error, I will go back and edit that asap.
My writing style is to write lots and lots of description, but I understand what you mean. Thankyous for your constructive criticism.
Thankyou, I quite like writing the Slytherin inner circle. To me, most of JKR's Slytherin characters are cold-hearted (Bellatrix, for example), but I don't know, Regulus, from what JKR said about him (the quote in my summary), there's that untold mystery about. I think he was good, but being secondary to someone better for so long makes you want to outdo them (sibling rivalry).
I read this one-shot from Walburga's point of view, and after reading that, it gave me a new perspective of her. I'm glad you like my characterization of her, even though she hasn't played a huge role yet.
It was hard writing this with so many things in mind, Regulus is a very complex character and I realized I could explain how I envisage him all in one chapter. But, I am going to develop him, that's my number one goal with this. Voldemort, Death Eaters, everything - will be coming in the next chapter.
Thankyou so so so much for your amazing review and you're fantastic constructive criticism, you've helped me immensely. And once again, thankyous for taking the time to read this. Report Review
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