Aw. That was great! I had to go look up "second person" to make sure that I was going to be able to say it correctly and intelligently back at you! :)
I think it totally worked and definitely allowed one to become closer to the character and feel what she was feeling.
Thanks for this!
X Char Report Review
Ooooh, a second person perspective piece, I really do enjoy these, but I can’t imagine how difficult they must be, seeing as I have never attempted it. I think any attempt is good, but you really did a good job with it.
The middle part of this piece was a bit confusing. I struggled because I didn’t know that time had passed between the following two lines:
“‘I don’t mind.’
Your movements are hurried and erratic as you stumble your way down the private hall that leads to the...”
I feel as if you could use something to break them up and thus show that some time has passed, whether they had a conversation immediately, or later on doesn’t matter, just that the reader “missed” something. After rereading this a few times I was able to assume that some time had passed, but I think making it more obvious could be helpful to your reader.
I love Teddy and Rose. Yup. Simple as that. The end of this would have won me over if I hadn’t already enjoyed every other part of this one-shot. It, like your other one-shots I have read, felt very complete and it wasn’t missing anything, which is hard to say of most one-shots. It had a clear story to it and such a sweet ending!
Great job!! And Happy Holiday!
:)BaletGir Report Review
I don't really like reading stories in the second person. I have a hard time following the story that way. So I avoid them at all costs. However, it was TedRose, therefore, I had to read it. Obviously. :P
This is not my first time reading "Collisions of the Heart", but I felt I needed to review this time. I had noticed I had favorited it, but I had no idea why. So I read and read and read and got to the last line and then I remembered why I added this to my favorites.
"If you weren’t so wary of rejection you would kiss him right now, even with the whole hospital watching, but it doesn’t matter because he’s not scared and he kisses you anyway."
I am such a romantic at heart, it kills me.
Here I'll get to the good part. :) Despite my dislike for second person, you did a fantastic job. You wrote wonderfully structured sentences and there are a great number of lines that I absolutely loved, but I won't put them in here.
Thank you so much for making me change my mind about second person and letting me get a TedRose fix. Report Review
This story, for some reason, was black and white in my mind. It was weird - in a good way, of course. :) I really enjoyed itAuthor's Response: That's so odd! I'm glad you liked it though ♥. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
I read this a while ago when it was recommended it to me since it was a Tedrose, which I LOVE, but somehow I never got to reviewing. Well, this review will be my 500th and I just wanted to come back and reread this because it's fantastic.
It's not that much about the romance even, because the story is not focused on the all that much. I love your characterization of Rose, that's what drew me in and that's what makes this story special. She's amazingly written. So much, that she's one of those characters that just speak to you from the page, appearing more real than what you're used to in fanfiction. Her thoughts and ideas about everything were very much easy to relate to. At least for me since I just understood her most of the time.
The second person was perfect. Mainly because I didn't even notice it, therefore it didn't bug me, therefore it was more or less flawless to me. Great job.
Teddy was LOVE. I mean, he is in most stories, but in this one he was more realistic and his gestures of support to Rose were so nice. It was obvious there was friendship first and that's what made the romance so much more beautiful than something that would maybe be overly romantic. I'm not expressing what I mean enough, I think, but it was just amazing in my opinion.
Lovely, lovely and a Tedrose, even more lovely. Oh my Goodness, I am just so full of yay right now. :)
ElizabethAuthor's Response: Liz ♥
Hahaha, don't worry about it! I read many, many, many stories that I mean to come back and review, but I never end up doing it. You're a better woman than I. I feel very privileged being your 500th review, I can tell you that now ^_^.
I focussed a lot on characterisation throughout this story, especially in comparison to my usual writing methods - plan nothing and whack it all down on a page without thinking :P. I do get the impression that it was of benefit to me though, so I've got to admit planning isn't such a bad thing and I should probably do more in the future! I'm so pleased that you liked Rose too because it was writing this that made me adore her.
I'm so glad you think so! Squee! Some people really hate second person, but I'm completely devoted to it, so it makes me even happier when people say it worked or that they liked it.
Ah, Teddy ♥ I think it was Susan that pointed out that he was quite Remus-esque here and I don't think that judgement's very far off the mark. Teddy never ceases to amaze me/make me swoon, but I definitely prefer him like this than as a crazy player - no matter what I write sometimes :P.
Thank you SO much for this review, Liz! You're fabulous and flatter me far too much, but I ADORE you.
xx Report Review
Awww, this is such a wondefully written story. I absolutely LOVE Teddy/Rose but it is, unfortunately, not written enough. Though I usually can't stand second person POV, you made it work really well. I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Well done!!! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and I completely agree with you on the Teddrose front! It's love ♥. There are quite a few really good ones around though, if you PM'd me on the forums I could probably direct you to a few :P. A lot of people aren't too keen on second person, but I adore it, which makes me even happier when people say they felt that this worked well!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review ^_^ Report Review
A friend of mine recommended I read this story to explain why people like Ted/Rose so much. I'm a huge Vic/Ted shipper myself. And, I really liked this. It was wonderfully written, so well in fact that I barely noticed it was second person. A lot of the times when its second person, you know right away because of the repetitive usage of "you" and "your" will drives someone up the wall, but your sentences are so well-constructed and varied that that didn't happen! Very good! And while I liked both your characterizations, and understand why your vision of the characters had them winding up together, I must have some ingrained bias against it. But, that's my fault and not yours and this was beautiful! Great job!
--FannyPriceAuthor's Response: Hello, FP!
First of all, I am ridiculously flattered that anyone would recommend one of my stories to you, especially as a good example of a ship! It's such a huge compliment and I'm not quite sure how to respond to it! I do like Vic/Ted myself, but it's just not very often that I read it.
Writing in second person was a huge challenge for me, but I'm so glad that you feel like it worked. I'm very conscious of the fact that a lot of people don't like it, so I tried to be as natural with it as possible, and less commanding than it can often come across as. I never really understood the dislike though, because the first second person fic I read was by Gubby and it was just mind blowing!
I completely understand! It means a lot that you enjoyed the fic despite not being a fan of the ship, and as long as you understand how the characterisation worked in this fic then I couldn't possibly ask for any more! ^_^
Thank you SO much for taking the time to read and review. It's very much appreciated.
Jane xx Report Review
Get this. So, apparently, I haven't reviewed this. I could've sworn that I had, but I got you, my dearest Jane, for the review exchange. So, here goes nothing!
Um. Obviously, I love it. How could I not? I mean, the way you utilize the second person is just superb; you might've already guessed, but my L/J was inspired by this piece, though you clearly have a much better handle on the second person than I do. Speaking of, your characterisation of Rose is just...oh my, I don't even know. She's perfect, but not in the traditional sense of the word. She's a perfect character because she is flawed, but not to the point where she becomes a walking cliche, which I love. You present her as a very real person in a very plausible situation. Applause all around, my dear.
Okay, now my favourite part: TEDY!
I. LOFF. HIM. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. THE LAST LINE IS JUST GHDFSUOGHDSUOGHDFOSUGSD. SO GOOD. I was jumping up and down and squealing myself hoarse when I read it. Seriously, talk about the MOST ROMANTIC SCENE EVER. GAH. I love it. I love him. He's just...GAH. NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE HIM. GHSUOGHDFUSGHDFUDS.
So. I loved it the first time I read it, but even more so the second time I did. This was fantastic, Jane. Absolutely stunning.
MollyAuthor's Response: ISHN'T THAT SO SAD? :( Hahahaha, I often do exactly the same, but you've got to love a bit of the TGS review exchange XD.
You are FAR too nice to me. It's rather easy not to like it due to 'unusual' pairing, second person issues etc. but you're just a total babe :P. OH SHUSH. I did not inspire you. You inspire ME, so I will not listen to any of this nonsense. This one-shot actually took AGES to write, and quite a bit of re-touching to keep people in character, so I am SO GLAD that the characterisation turned out well in the end ^_^. YOU ARE MAKING ME ALL SQUEE-ISH AND SUCH. I often find it hard to be realistic (see Viktor for more info).
YAY! Too bad the evil letter copier turned your long name into TEDY, haha.
SO DO I. IS IT WEIRD THAT I FELL MORE IN LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THIS? YEAH, IT IS, BUT WHATEVER. I was ALMOST going to make this a horrid ending and be all awful, but Marina and Rachel banned me because they liked the last line too much :P. HAHAHAHAHHAHA.
Thanks so much for reviewing, and making me laugh, and making me squee AND FOR BEING LOVELY ♥
xx Report Review
While I've never been a fan of second person, I think you've pulled it off quite nicely.
I like the emotions, the childishness, and the depth of the characters in this story. To me it was quite realistic.Author's Response: Yes, it's not a lot of peoples cup of tea, but I absolutely adore it XD. I'm very pleased that you thought I didn't do an awful job of it though!
I really wanted to convey a sense of realism in the story, so I'm thrilled that you thought that came across.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review ^_^ Report Review
Jane, I've heard so much about this one-shot, and now I've finally had a chance to read it! It's lovely, and I think you made an excellent choice in using second person. I think second person allows you to make certain observations that would not fit or flow as nicely with first or third person.
Rose's characterization is subtle and refreshing - you haven't overdone her or made her into a caricature of herself. She's real and complex and human; I can identify with her on several levels, and I suspect other readers will also be able to.
One of my favorite parts was this:
You've never been one for crying; your parents weren't terribly forthcoming about showing the particular emotion that it related to. Neither are you it seems. You don't cry now, but you wilt a little bit, and your insides ache. You recall all of those naďve girls in your past, who, stupid with love, wept over men and participated in what you believed to be nothing more than amateur dramatics. You feel sorry for them now.
It really struck a chord with me as a reader - the never-ending quest to balance one's reason and emotion...or even the struggle to be okay with feeling emotion in the first place. It's a very poignant thing, to discover that it's okay to actually feel something, and that to display emotion is not necessarily weak or deserving of derision.
MelanieAuthor's Response: Ah, word of mouth is a disastrous thing. It builds things up (namely this story) far more than they should be :P. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the use of second person in this because I really adored writing in it! I think it creates a nice effect and for me it was a little less forced that first or third can be.
You flatter me far too much, Melanie, lol. Personally, I did quite like my characterisation of Rose here -which feels rather absurd to say- and I just adored writing her. This one-shot took a lot longer than a piece of writing normally does for me, but I thoroughly enjoyed the whole process of it.
I'm terribly glad that you enjoyed that particular but and found it something that a reader may be able to recognise or relate to. You're right, sometimes showing emotion can be incredibly hard and I just wanted to depict the struggle that Rose and many other people have with it.
Melanie, this review was incredible and THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for taking the time to leave it. It came as a total surprise and I was really pleased to see it ^_^
Yay! You posted it here! ^_^ It's wonderful that you were able to, and now I get to favourite it and huggle it and keep it for ever and ever. :P Well, perhaps not to such a mushy extent, but it is a story that I loved the first time I read it, and I love it just as much now.
So here's the same review I left that Gluttony. Not very imaginative to post the same thing, but it still reflects my sentiments.
Oh wow, I love this. :D The ending was my favourite part because it's just so perfect, how she ran into him and how he came back for her. *romantic sigh* I needed a story like this to make me feel better, and it did, so thanks for that Jane. ^_^
The writing is excellent - you carried the 2nd person thought without slipping, which isn't easy, especially with the present tense thrown in as well. The 2nd person did make this more interesting to read, though I can see that it wouldn't take too much to switch it to 1st person, if you really wanted to. But the 2nd person does have a more artful touch to it.
Your Rose and Teddy are really well-charaterized. I love how Teddy is a lot like Remus - a little hesitant, yet also annoying in knowing that he's right. Then Rose was a perfect combination of Ron and Hermione - I can see her becoming a Healer, something that would impress both of her parents. :D
I've been meaning to read this for a while, and I'm sorry that I waited as long as I did! It's wonderful that you wrote this ship and wrote it so well. ^_^Author's Response: I did, Susan! I'm SO happy that I got it up ^_^. Lol, nothing wrong with a bit of mushiness, especially if it's coming from you :P. Your flattery actually turns me to jelly XD. Although, do not worry, I shall not do a Jack and quote you in my summary, Lol.
I hope you don't mind if I leave you the same response, but as you said it still holds true.
Shall I squee now or later? It doesn't really matter because I've squeed a lot already XD! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this and with the reception it's getting in general. I toyed with a sad ending, because they generally make more of an impact, but I just couldn't do it. It wasn't destined to be depressing, and I'm glad that it cheered you up ^_^.
-blushes- I can't thank you enough for your comments, so I'll just thank you again! I was very nervous about working with second person, but I ended up enjoying it immensely. I didn't really think about using past or present either, the present tense just sort of flowed out, lol. Marina and I discussed the switch to adapt it for another website, but I decided just to leave it the way it is and keep my fingers crossed. I also felt that the second person was almost the essence of the story and I don't really want to give it up! I think it's found a nice home at Gluttony, though.
That's probably because I am a complete Remus lover... Do I sense that you're one too? Lol, my affection for Remus shifted to Teddy quite a bit once next gen appeared and I absolutely adore both of them. I'm glad that you think I managed to capture a bit of the essence of their parents in their characters. I wasn't trying to go for total copies, just something believable and although exhibiting their parents traits, themselves. Teddy is such a Remus though XD, lol.
I'm just thrilled that you read it at all and enjoyed it. Your compliments inflate my ego far too much... Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
I (heart) Teddrose a bit too much, I think. Far too much, actually.
Second person = great success. I LOVES IT.
Rose = lovely.
Teddy = gorgeous
Nicholas = (non 12+ word)
"you should have seen the looks I was getting at The Burrow for upsetting you" - I like this. Amused me greatly. Love Weasley family solidarity.
"And it's Teddy because he's always the one there to catch you and to pick up the pieces, and it's Teddy because, without realising it, you seem to orbit around him, a fact which has become abundantly clear recently." - Favourite line. Like it even more than the last line, which itself is adorable and makes me all fuzzy and warm inside, like hot chocolate, if I liked it.
FANTASTIQUE, MA CHERIE
xxxAuthor's Response: I cannot decide which pairing I like best! I really like Tedonique when I don't write it :P, Teddy/Victoire from the pen of Marina is god-like, Teddy/Molly is AMAZING and Teddrose is just love. SO HARD TO PICK.
Thank you, I did enjoy it.
She is quite a nice little character.
I am a big fan of the Weasley clan insanity. I seem to be able to fit it in anywhere and everywhere.
This is a bit of fluffy, fuzzy, cuddly story. Me and my thing for happy endings. AND MERCI FOR THE QUOTES.
Thank you SO MUCH for reading and reviewing!
XXX Report Review
i think its adorable! there should be more teddy/rose stories, you know spice it up a bit (:
-ChloeAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I definitely agree with you. I love reading stories where Teddy is paired with someone other than Victoire ^_^.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
This is my favourite one shot ever! You have a gorgeous style, a brave choice of narrative or whatever you call it and the most enchanting plot. Flawless. Its a bit like melting chocolate, delicious and tasty. And that last line is to die for. Made me all chokey and teary. The perfect way to end the piece and i am so so jealous of your talent.Author's Response: MARINAHILL, I'm blushing from all of your wonderful praise! You're definitely well versed in your literary terms ;). And I love chocolate a lot, so that comparison you made just means all the more to me. Thank you very much, endings are always difficult to write and to hear that you liked this is fantastic. I wish I could read something of yours in return hilly, I'm sure that you're a great writer!
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review! ^_^ Report Review
that was great, i really enjoyed it :)
i hope you'll make a second part! i'd love to see the two of them together and telling their familyAuthor's Response: I'm so glad that you enjoyed reading it! Thank you so much for the compliments XD.
Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be writing a second part, but feel free to check out my other stories as I write a lot about the next-gen characters! ^_^ Report Review
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