Hi, it's JaneTwilight from the forums, you posdted this fanfiction in a response to my challenge, here's what i thought of it...
Ok, so your cliche was a sirius/OC love/hate relationship, the way that i've chosen to judge this is on characterization, plot, writing and cliche. I will not be taking into accound any spelling or punctuation mistakes but I will be concentrating on your grammar so if i do spot any mistakes I will point them out to you.
Ok, so here goes...
I've always found characterization a reasonable place to start.
Joyce: She comes acroos as the kind of person who would find it very easy to question things. She's not dumb, she can see straight through Sirius's little facade. She also seems rather mature, she can obviously tell the difference between childish and acceptable. This quality in particular seems to encourage her strong dislike for Sirius. Despite her maturity she definitley knows how to pass low, witty comments. Lol, she doesn't handle temptation all too well but I think anyone would struggle in a situation where they found their lips glued to a marauders. Overall i enjoyed her characterization, it was the exact type of OC I was looking for.
Sirius L-O-V-E-D H-I-M! You certainly pulled his character off without difficulty, He was rude, he was confident, he was seductive; in other words everything a marauder is. He's great, I can see he definitley has everything that a marauder status requires. Defo has that womanizing potential that we all love about him lol. I can tell by the way you described him exactly why both Joyce hates him and also finds him irresistable.
Cliche: Ok, so this is what I'm mainly looking at, here's what I think.
It was definitley in here; usually I'd be lookin for a little more detail but you wrote it in such a way that although it was simple it was VERY effective. verything I was looking for.
Plot: Brilliant, perfectly based around the cliche. I'm glad it wasn't too complex, it made it easier for me to get into the story.
Writing: I loved it, the whole compositon of your writing was brilliant and your description was spot on; not too heavy and not too basic.
Overall I really enjoyed this, straight away you have set a high level for this challenge, great job!
xAuthor's Response: Yay! I am so happy you liked it and thank you for the review! Report Review
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