OHH, what a great twist at the end! A very very nice piece. I love how you portrayed Bellatrix doubting...we don't see much of that in the books/movies and yet it felt so natural Report Review
That was interesting but still good. Liked how it was a good story that was so short. I liked the ending, not where Bella died but the little twist you had in it. Report Review
This was interesting, I really thought that the poison was in the vial. It was nice to see Bellatrix doubting Voldemort for a while. I wonder why he was testing her? This was a very good story and in five hundred words! well done.
10/10 Report Review
Oh my, I did not expect that ending. I mean, I read through the reviews for this and knew that she died, but I didn't think it'd be like that. I thought she really was going to drink the venom, and the venom itself would kill her. I mean, this is Voldemort we're talking about. She even knows that he won't hesitate to kill anyone, even his own Death Eaters.
Then, it hit me. This is Voldemort we're talking about. This is Tom Riddle. He's clever, he's always been clever. He wouldn't kill his most faithful follower, the only one that he actually calls by nickname, unless she wasn't faithful to him as he believed. She proved that at the end that she did have doubts, even though they were very small and she overcame them. But, too late, right? Man, that was good.
-Reyes91 Report Review
Um, unexpected, but creepily sad. Who would've thought,eh?
EAuthor's Response: haha alas yes, the curse of the staff challenge to kill you're favourite character! perhaps not perfectly in character, but it obviously had an effect. Thanks for the review!
Burke Report Review
Hey there! This was a really good story! Bella is by far my favorite character too, and you cleverly killed her. You used the Every Word Counts challenge to your advantage. The imagery and atmostphere were good, as well as the emotion. And subtle foreshadowing, with how Bella kept remembering how log it had taken her to decide to drink it, was great too.
I've reviewed several 500 word fics since Ilia's challenge came out, and it's always hard to find a lot to say for such a short story. Yours was one of the few that didn't feel like it ended too abruptly, or that you rushed it. It was highly enjoyable! My only suggestion is to go through and read it out loud; sometimes you over- or under-used commas/periods. The last sentence, for instance, and the one piece of dialogue that Voldemort spoke, sounded a little forced.
But overall, great job!Author's Response: Wow what an awesome review! Thank you so much!
Firstly, thank you for commenting on how poor Bella died, it took me several attempts to discover a way that I found fitting for her. Also thanks for the comments on the imagery, atmospher and emotion, it was so difficult to encompass it all in such a short word limit, it was great fun.
Secondly, I'm glad that it didn't seem rushed or that it ended abruptly, I read a few of the other entries before I wrote mine and I know what you mean, but it was very difficult I must say!
Lastly, thanks for mentioning the comma's and fullstops. I'll go back and read it out loud and fix up those things that you've mentioned!
Thanks again for the awesome review,
Burke Report Review
that stunk like a skunkAuthor's Response: guess it wasn't your thing. oh well, I like it that's all that matters. Report Review
O_O really good... im totoally passing this around to my friends. wait. may I?Author's Response: :D
I'm glad you like it!
Thank you so much for the review, so flattering!
I'd love if you recommended it *blushes*
Thanks so much!
Burke Report Review
Hi! Ilia here to review your entry for my challenge ^_^
I usually don't like it when stories start off with descriptions of the weather and stuff like that, but I'm beginning to appreciate it more. You set the scene beautifully with the first few sentences, and the mood was clear. Brilliant. A very smart idea.
I love the idea of this! The relationship between Bellatrix and Voldemort is one that I think deserves more attention, because we don't really know what goes on between them other than the fact that she's obsessed with him. You did a great job of portraying an insight into their relationship, even if it's just a servant-master one.
This is an interesting take on the staff challenge, too! I never would have expected anyone to combine my 500-word challenge with the one that requires 24 hours. You did an excellent job!
Thanks for taking my challenge! I hope you enjoyed yourself! ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: First off- Thank you for coming up with the challenge! It is the best challenge I have taken, it really made me think about what was important and not important about my story!
Secondly- Thanks for the great review! Glad you like the idea! I wanted to show that even Bellatrix is not immune to Voldemort, no matter how fanatical she is, he will always doubt everyone around him, always testin to keep everyone on their toes, regardless if it is Bellatrix or not.
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks for reviewing!
Burke. Report Review
Hello dear! As requested, I am here to review you. And let me say, you really deliver the goods with this one =]]
Since it is only 500 words, I can't get much from it. I'll dig though, and see where we can go from there=]]
Okay. I've always known you liked the dark horror stuff. That's awesome. I think it's amazing how you can get into their heads the way you do. You couldn't make me write Bellatrix for money. I would absolutely butcher her. Yet you...you don't, and that's what makes you a wonderful writer. You do them justice, you exceed in writing them. It's saying something that you can write Bellatrix, but Voldemort too? It's almost impossible to write him, but you did it!
The plot was great, and so were your descriptions. There was barely any dialogue, yet I felt as though I was there with Bellatrix, about to drink the poison. The inner struggle she has reminds that even though she can be quite loony at times, she is human. Good job!
I can find nothing wrong with this story. Teach me your secrets!
Constants.Author's Response: Wow! What a review!
Thank you so much for this!
What a compliment to be told I can write Bellatrix and... Voldemort! :-)
Thank you so so much!
What a great review! THanks heaps!
Yup I've overused the word thanks, but I can't think of a substitute! :-)
Keep safe! Report Review
That was interesting!
Bellatrix in a very different light here. Usually, ones that have her doubting are at the very start of her DE 'career', but this seems to be much later as she is already his most trusted servant.
It is bordering on OOCness, but I think it could be taken as perfectly Bella, too. It is only human -- if you can call Bella that ;) jk -- to be suspicious and to have doubts about drinking the vial.
She sounds so hopeless at the end, "restoring her beauty" she sounds desperate, too. Grasping for some sort of justification for her to drink it.
I didn't think Bella would acknowledge that Voldemort would kill her as carelessly as the others, but again, it's different. A good different.
The opening was very good, by the way. It really set the daunting atmosphere for the rest of the fic, and set up the following events nicely. Gave us a sense of Bellatrix and her life at the moment, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I really liked this. It's a unique piece to me, and I think you wrote it well, despite it's short length. Short and sweet.
Although sweet is probably an anonym for this fic xD
Nice one-shot! Good writing,
xCNxAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you found it interesting!
I'm also glad that you connected with her desperation and hoplessness near the end, she's doubting the one man that has ever made her feel complete and powerful, and it hurts her to doubt him.
Her reference that he may just kill her like anyone else- is her thinking that he is powerful without her, she is just his supporter, his servent, he is the one in control, the most powerful wizard who does not need anyone to make him, he just chooses her because she follows orders. No matter how much she loves him she cannot help but realise that he does not need her, or that is what I believe in any case.
I'm glad you liked the begining! It took the longest to write and make up to a standard I was happy with, so you mentioning it really puts me at ease :-)
Thank you so much for your review!
Burke :-) Report Review
Hi there, I'm here with your review as requested.
I really enjoyed reading that & was disappointed that it was so short, that being said, it was powerful enough as it was. I thought you got right into Bella's head and gave her enough to be mulling over, finally seeing the evil side to Voldemort that everyone else sees as well.
I know you mentioned in your request that you thought there might be some OCC'ness, but I'm not sure that there was. I don't think even Bellatrix, as fanatical as she is, would hurry to drink posion to show her loyalty, it's just human nature to be cautious over something like that isn't it? & you gave Bellatrix a human side which you don't often see in FF.
All in all, I thought you did a really go job with this. Please feel free to re-request anything else in the future.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!
I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it and that you felt it was powerful despite its short length.
I'm glad I gave Bellatrix a human side- I think she is an amazing character, that like many dark or 'evil' characters is too easily put into one stereotyped cliche, just like Vincent Crabbe and Lord Voldemort as a child.
When I have something else I will definitly re-request because your review was awesome.
Thank you so much.
Burke Report Review
Hmmm... very interesting. I like it. Of course, if this was a normal story, I would've made it a ton longer. But for whta it is, it's extremely good. I expecially love the bit at the end that explains it all. Very nice descriptions and such. If at all possible, I would've added some dialogue... dialogue just makes everything so much better!! :O) All in all, this was extremely well written. I LOVED the way you characterized Bella... you did a great job of getting into her head. Thunbs up! keep writing! :O)
Author's Response: Haha yes it would be great fun to write as a longer story, but as its a response to the 500 words one (which was a really hard but a good challenge) it cannot be :( Maybe I'll look at something like this for a longer one... we shall see.
Haha yeah dialogue... To be honest I'm not very good at dialogue, it probably could have some in there. maybe I could have Voldemort speaking his disappointment, or Bellatrix scolding herself in the mirror. I'll keep that feed back in mind! Thanks for that!
Am glad you liked my characterization of Bella, I was trying to make her more realistic rather than just some crazy psychopath!
Glad you liked it and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
It was good and it flowed.
And with only 500 words, not bad! You had me going that the venom was the poison very nearly until the end. Poor Bellatrix!
I couldn't catch and grammatical errors either, so that's a plus.
Cheers to nice writing!Author's Response: Thanks for the quick review! I'm glad that the little twist worked out and am very happy that it worked well and flowed.
Thanks heaps for your review! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection