Birthday Challenge. Review #5.
Firstly I'll be the nit-picker that I am and annoyingly point out things that I've noticed xD:
"...I remember exactly what it kind of magic it takes to destroy them..." - I'm guessing you accidentailly put the added it in without meaning to xD
He glanced up at the watch on the clock. - I don't really understand this. Do you mean the clock on the wall? Or have I got it completely wrong o.O
This is lovely. Gilderoy is spot on, especially when he first opens the door to his murderer xD
Things I found funny:
Yes, Gilderoy Lockhart was ready to face the world indeed. - This made me laugh so hard. I could just picture Gilderoy dressed like that, but all porky and with the material straining, haha!
"But you're fat!" he said, stunned. - I was in stitches again here. Ron always has perfect comedic timing xD
Despite this being quite dark I found it surprisingly... fluffy? I think that's the right word. The ending was lovely and I'm so glad he made amends before he died. I love the thought of pristine ol' Lockhart getting fat. I can really see it, which is what makes it even more hilarious.
The flow was very nice, despite everything passing rather quickly. It seems a bit odd that he'd just stay awake for 24 hours plus however many hours he'd already been awake for, but I guess it's slightly understandable considering he's going to die and wouldn't want to miss anything. The last line was just wonderful though, and makes up for any negatives.
I think I may actually like Lockhart now. Bless him 9/10
Lorren.Author's Response: Here is my incredibly late response to your lovely review!
AH! You're right. Two typos. I'll go back and fix those now.
Haha! I'm glad you appreciated the little Ron humor. I always love it when he makes silly remarks at the wrong time.
Good! I'm glad that I didn't totally bring you down. I think it's hard to make a story about Lockhart that doesn't have a light-hearted feel to it. He's such an outrageous character. Thank you so much for your comment about the flow. That's always something I worry about.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Hi, I'm here with your requested review.
Well, this just stunned me. Completely. Your Lockhart was fascinating, and you wrote him exactly as JK, but with your own twist of his obese-ness. I liked how the way he let his body fall apart was in tune with the way he'd let his life fall apart. Some of the images were more grotesque than others I've read, but they all created a fantastic image. The addition of the trio was enjoyable, I was overcome with joy when Gilderoy wanted to make up for what he'd done. This line summed it all up: "I was a bad man, wasn't I?"
I have no suggestions for this. The mood was chilling and sweet at the same time, though mostly chilling. Lockhart's impending death increased the reader's urgency for him to do something, anything. The way you incorporated almost everything we knew about Lockhart into the story while at the same time making him your own; it was amazing.
All your hard work on this paid off; I enjoyed it immensly. As I read it, it wasn't hard to imagine the words flowing off your finngers. Excellent job. 10/10.
~lllbAuthor's Response: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
You have no idea how nice it is to hear this. I was afraid this story was going to be completely shunned because it is so grotesque in its depiction of human failing, and I worked so hard to make it the best I could. Really, thank you so much for understanding this story and giving me your thoughts on it. I really appreciated it so, so much! Report Review
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