This turned out really well, Sian! The stream of consciousness style here allows the reader deeper into Minerva's mind and heart - I could feel her pain and understand why she fell at the end. The rhythm of each sentence keeps bringing me back to the waves, the sound of the water hitting the shore then receeding again. It's very beautiful what you've been able to do here (and I'm very jealous of it!).
It's always great to see another Tom/Minerva story, and although yours doesn't make Tom explicit, he is there in the violence of your descriptions. What I loved most, however, is the way that Minerva feels she has to act around him, putting up defenses only to give in. Her defeat isn't permanent, though, and that's so her. :D
Excellent work! Though I'm not at all surprised. ^_^Author's Response: Thank you! I really loved writing in the stream of consciousness style, it's such a fun way to write. I'm so happy you felt it taking you to the sound of the waves, that's exactly what I wanted the rhythm to do (and I'm very jealous of the way you write as well XD).
I agree, I love seeing Tom/Minerva's around, there really aren't nearly enough of them. She's a resilient one, Minerva, I've always wanted to write her and I really must do it more often. There's simply far too many characters that are on my 'must write' list :D
Thank you so much for the lovely review *hugs* Report Review
Hello! I'm here to review for the challenge. I'm so sorry for the extensive delay, November was seriously busy for me.
Wow. And that is what I call stream of consciousness. For every author, stream of consciousness is different...and in that, it is different when writing various things. Some writers are very stale and write very uniform, very proper. Others, write with wild, free abandon. I can see the wheels in your head turning whilst I was reading this. It was a dark pool swirling faster and faster. It's contents were unknown, yet so obvious. Stream of consciousness allows a writer's mind to follow freely, grasping the ticket to unlimited access of the imagination. Say what you want, write what you think. And that's exactly what you've done.
This was an absolute joy to read. Thank you for thanking me! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. On a side note, my actual style is stream of consciousness, so I understand that "freeing" experience. I suggest you try SoC more often, for you have an excellent hand at it.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Hey! No worries, you're awfully nice to review all the entries in any case.
*blushes* Thank you! Stream of consciousness is fascinating, like you said it's different for everyone and yet it's still amazing.
Thank you so much for the lovely review *hugs* I will have to try it more often, it's far too much fun not too XD Report Review
I've read a few of these stream of consciousness challenge pieces now, and overall I've been rather impressed by the results. It's also interesting for me to note that all the pieces I've read have had a sort of dreamy feeling, often with sky and/or ocean imagery. Very interesting.
So, as I said, the overall feel and mood of this story was very dreamy, floaty, and even melancholy. It really was an "under the moonlit and starry sky" story. I enjoy this dreamy writing style. I also thought your story flowed well. You moved well from one description to another, like a stream of water. The repetition (another common theme among the stream of consciousness pieces, which isn't surprising at all) helped with that flow, because the repeated words and phrases served as bridges of sorts.
In your review request, you also inquired about characterization. I'm not finding much to say about it. I did find the part where the character was introduced to be a bit jarring in comparison with the rest of the story. I know this story is written in the first person and does describe Minerva's thoughts (if thoughts are the right way to describe it), but I don't really feel very acquainted with her as a character. Obviously, Voldemort (or Tom Riddle, I guess) is the other character, and I can see Minerva having some of those regretful thoughts (assuming T/M or a crush at least), but the strong description in this story overpowered the characterization.
I still thought it was a good story, and I would never have thought to mention the characterization if you hadn't asked.Author's Response: I've noticed that too, or at the least they tend to be outside. Maybe because stream of consciousness is sort of thoughts in their natural form it's quite easy to link to nature. It is interesting XD
That's good you wouldn't have thought to comment on it, it can't detract from the story too much then :P I was just worried she would seem completely ooc because I've never written her before and she's a strange character to write.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review *hugs* Report Review
Hi, Sian, it's Gubby with your review at long last! :) So sorry it took so long, but here I am. And can I just say, I'm so happy that you requested this from me. I've never really read your work before, but I really, really enjoyed this one.
For one thing, it was Tom/Minerva. As popular as it's becoming nowadays, I generally avoid it, because in my head, it's very difficult to get right and I don't like spoiling my image of them. But I think this was a lovely portrayal of them. It's a bit more romantic than you'd see in canon, but you do see that hint of their canon selves and that's what important to me, especially when it comes to this sort of ship. With this glimpse into her thought process we see some sort of serene panic, and that sort of reaction fits her very well, at least as far as Tom is concerned. I like that we see Tom more through her eyes than as a character himself, so what we see is only her perception and not what he really is. Because in her mind, it seems like he is merely intriguing and dangerous than... deadly? There's definitely some sort of attraction there, but that underlying suspicion and fear kind of bubble to the surface and though we don't see him in reality, he's... darker. The tone is very frenzied with a touch of romance and I think it works very well with this style.
Secondly, it's stream of consciousness. Now, I adore writing in this style because it really is freeing and therapeutic, but reading someone else's thought process is difficult for me. SOC is a very personal thing for an author and I know it's hard to get your idea across to a reader after the fact. But this was definitely a pleasure to read. It did adhere to what one usually thinks of when it comes to SOC, lots of strange connections and complex sentences and whatnot, but this is also lyrical and beautiful. Its flow is just right: we see some sort of a plot, but we're also so stuck in Minerva's head that it's hard to make any more sense of the situation than she does. The concept isn't jaw-droppingly original, and I think you know that, but the style is beautiful and tragic. The relation between his eyes and the stars and abysses and... well, everything. To be completely honest, I don't know how SOC enables this sort of very lyrical work, but I love it.
Very, very well done. The style really lent itself well to the ship, and vice versa. I enjoyed it a lot ^_^Author's Response: Hey Gubby! Thanks so much for popping over to review :)
Is Tom/Minerva becoming popular? I've never come across more than a handful, I think I need to go read more XD Yes, I'm like that too, I don't like reading stories which spoil pairings I like - I was quite nervous about writing this for that reason.
I was quite worried this wouldn't make sense as it's straight out of my head, it's had no sort of filtering to make it sensible to someone else. I do love the style, it's so much fun to write. I'm so happy it worked!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review Gubby *glomps* Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection