Wow...just wow. I cannot even put into words how amazingly written this peice of writing was. Such emotion and depth was poured over this short script that I cannot even begin comprehend how you managed it. The only complaint I have was the fact it ended! From the very first line I knew this was going to be a good read (aside from the numbers of people who've favorited this). The way you dragged your readers in by the amazing summary is something I need to work on, but you managed it perfectly.
My favorite line has to be: "How can something so tranquil at times yet be so dangerous in other circumstances?" I don't know why this line is my favorite, perhaps it's the use of words? I dunno, but thats my favorite line.
One question I do have to ask though is, who's this based on xD May sound silly and I'm just being oblivious, but it never mentions her name. I'm guessing it's Rose because of Scorpius, but y'know I could be intierly wrong on that matter.
Once again you have amazed me with the powers of your writing and I now leave you be. Amazing read, thats I all have to say.
Snoopy xAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed this piece because I loved writing it. And that line means so much to me because water is both safe and dangerous, and I was able to play on that with these words. :) And yes, you're right, it's Rose. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Hey Leslie! This was absolutely beautifully written. I really felt Rose's pain as I read. I'm not big on Rose/Scorpius, so this was a perfect version of the ship for me to read.
The fact that Rose jumped into the river and held her breath for so long was really fitting. The imagery of that while she was sorting through her pain fit really well. I especially liked how she counted the time she was underwater.
I'm so glad that Rose doesn't want to get Scorpius back. She's a strong person in this and I like that. He doesn't deserve her and I got the feeling that she walked away from this ready to face the world and never looked back. Really great one-shot! :)Author's Response: I'm not much for Rose/Scorpius, either, or Ted/Victoire for that matter. Or really Ted/any Weasley-Potter next gen girl. It's so overdone and cliche'd that I like reading of the couples not working out. And when I write a one-shot of either ship (only have ever written this one and a teddy/vic one-shot) they never end up together. I just see Ted as being with someone more original, non-canon, because he's Harry's godson and would have grew up around the Weasley-Potter kids in an older cousin type relationship. Though, there are a couple authors I'll read for Rose/Scorpius and Ted/Victoire.
Aw, thanks, I'm glad you liked the decisions I made in fleshing out Rose's character based on her decisions and no-nonsense attitude as she continued to look forward after her failed relationship with Scorpius. I love writing females who are independent and fierce in accomplishing their feats. I'm glad you enjoyed, Sarah! Thanks again for the review! (: Report Review
Amazingly written fic! I loved all the emotions in this! Cheating isn't a new plot, but the way you wrote it made it one! I loved all of Rose?'s emotions. You were really able to convey what she was feeling, first her loss, and then her realisation that she was better off starting anew. I loved the idea of breathing underwater, and then Rose counting the seconds while still thinking. I also really like your description, particularly at the beginning when you describe the setting and situation.
I just loved this! All the thoughts and descriptiveness was just really amazing! Great writing!
- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you! This really basically wrote itself, but I really am quite proud of it myself so it makes me even more happy to read that you enjoyed it. Thanks again! (: Report Review
Happy Hufflepuff Tuesday!!
Aww poor girl I donít envy the situation she is in at the moment . I really like the imaginary you set up here. It made the story seem very vivid in my opinion. I also liked the counting it gave the story that extra umphf. It was truly a nice touch to the story. Iím not extremely fond of the ending to be honest with you seeing itís a bit rushed but it does fit the story in a way.
- Cleopatra ( Slytherin)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this story.. it's one of my favorite one-shots I've written. And the ending kind of grows on you after a while as I had quite a few people say they didn't like the ending, but turn around and say next that they actually do like it after all. But, yeah, thanks again and I really appreciate the review! (: Report Review
It's celticbard here from the review exchange over on TGS. I'm so glad we got paired up for this round. This one-shot was the perfect summer story. Even though I don't envy Lily's situation, I kinda wish I had a beautiful creek in my backyard to take a swim in. ;)
I find it fascinating that you based this fic on Munch's "The Scream" and ended up coming up with this scenario. For me, "The Scream" has always been about terror, but you really put a different spin on it, making it more about despair and regret and longing. Very creative! I also loved how Lily constantly second-guessed herself throughout the story as she battled her insecurities. And even though she seemed aware of her flaws, she truly came across as a strong character. The last scene in particular reinforces her natural independence and resilience.
Overall, this was a lovely story, Leslie and I really enjoyed reading it. Great writing! ^_^
celticbardAuthor's Response: Awww, thanks Lee Anne! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought it was creative. I really had fun writing this and it all came out in one go with very little thought. I just let my mind take off and tell my fingers what to type.
Yes, I think we've all had to battle insecurities at some point in our lives. I'm glad you saw her as a strong character as I really do try to make my characters as multi-dimensional and solid as I can. I feel like characters are what pushes my stories a lot of the time, that keep the plot going because they had conflict and drama to it all. Thanks again! (: Report Review
I like the imagery you presented here. It's all very vivid. It's almost like a scene from a movie, actually, that starts with her stepping on those leaves and ends with her on the ground, lying on her back, smiling (the smiling part is probably just me :P). If you think about it, this is all very simple and short and sweet, but it's very meaningful and symbolic as well, and that, I think, is what sets this story apart.
You mentioned in your A/N that the prompt for this is that of a figure screaming, right? I find it clever that you've chosen it to represent it as a description of loss, and the fact that Rose isn't actually screaming on this one - she felt like doing it, but she didn't - is also very nifty. She's chosen to jump in the water instead, to numb the pain, I assume. It's all very reflective of the personality you've chosen to give her as someone who's rather conflicted. I like her. There's something honest about her, especially the way she's reacting to the situation. Her emotions are just so raw and it adds realism to her character. Great job! ^_^
There are times, though, and I hope you'll pardon me for saying this, that the sentences seem a little too wordy for me. That doesn't mean it's bad, though. It's probably just me, you know, because I think some of your shorter sentences are really powerful and I love them, tbh. It's just an opinion, really. ^_^
I like the counting part and the way Rose is pondering things and questioning herself as the water consumes her. Again, the scene is very vivid. This reminds me a little of the game my sister and I used to play when we were younger where we would swim to the bottom of the pool and sit there and count to see who could hold her breath longer. Hahaha. If you've ever tried that before, it's actually very calming and refreshing, especially the moment you break the surface.
That's actually part of the reason why I love the ending to this. I must admit that it feels a little rushed, especially the realization on her part, but see, I am familiar with that feeling just after you catch that first breath. As I said, it's very refreshing and it can surely give you a more hopeful and positive outlook, which is exactly what Rose have. Yay! I'm so happy that she's finally making that first step. It's very promising.
Overall, I think this is a fabulous story and I truly enjoyed reading this. I'm looking forward to reading more from you, dear! Keep writing! ^_^Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much!! You're review totally made me smile and I'm glad you were able to recall from personal experience that sense of freshness with breaking the surface after holding your breath under water as that's what I was going for when I had her jump into the water. This basically wrote itself as I imagined myself in the character's (Rose in this case) perspective; I tend to put myself in any of my characters shoes, so to speak, when I write them.
Heh, I do have a tendency to be wordy when it comes to description, I'm not even going to deny it. But I'm glad that my shorter sentences made it all more powerful and hopefully means it balanced it out from the wordy ones. I always worry that my shorter sentences will come across as incomplete/fragments to the reader so I'm glad you found them powerful and enjoyed them.
Anyway, thanks again for the lovely review! I really do appreciate it even if it took me a while to respond. (: Report Review
Merry Christmas Leslie!!
I enjoyed this fic. The main character was very proactive and liberating. Reading this gave me a very independent sort of feel. The counting was a nice touch that really helped provide an unique style to the fic.
Well Done!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) Report Review
This is very tragic yet also very beautiful. I love how she decides in the end that it's for the best that she's alone and that now she can start anew.
I loved the flow and word choices. To me it almost seemed poetic. It was lovely.
This seemed very realistic.
Nice job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so glad that you enjoyed this one-shot because I truly did enjoy writing it. Thanks again! I really do apreciate the feedback! Report Review
Leslie poo! Or poo poo Leslie, if you will :D
This is very nice darling. Sorry this review is so long in coming, as you know, rl was nuts for me for awhile.
I really like the imagery here. I can just see it so well. And the counting, that really helped the flow of the piece I think. I realy liked this story lovey. You did so great! Loff it.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for such a nice review, Shiloh! I'm happy you liked this one-shot and thought the counting underwater was written well. xD Leslie Report Review
Hi Leslie! I'm here with your review (finally!) from TGS.
First off, I thought this was lovely -- I thought you dealt very well with the emotions involved, and I loved the theme of trying to find a way to escape from pain. I think it's excellent, that you can take a prompt like the one Rin gave you and create this fic out of it. ^_^
To address your critique focuses:
Well, to be honest, there were a couple of points when she reminded me of myself, so I suppose I have to like her for that fact alone, right? XD For example, when she tried to figure out how she can be sensitive and emotional while also being cynical -- I identify with that a lot. The struggle to figure out one's own emotions is never-ending, and I think Rose is an excellent character to illustrate that kind of emotional complexity. She's the daughter of Ron and Hermione, so there's bound to be a lot of fire and ice in her personality, because Ron and Hermione each have logical and passionate tendencies that are quite pronounced. So that being said, I thought you characterized her quite well in such a short fic (oh, that's not a jab at the length, by the way -- just an observation!)
Really great -- the images were vivid, particularly at the point when Rose was under water. Also, I really love this line: I cannot say for how long exactly I have been running, just that my legs already feel accustomed to the pace I am traveling at. That's all sorts of metaphor going on right there! Once again, I find myself identifying with it in some way.
Well...I absolutely hate saying anything negative, but in the interest of honesty I should admit that I wasn't a huge fan of the final paragraph. It's very hard to put my finger on why, but for one thing, it didn't seem to have a lot of impact or wow or pizazz. Not that an ending always has to have a wow factor, but it seemed to be lacking something. Another issue I saw with it, is that the resolution seemed a little forced -- like it was an artificial sense of closure. It didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the story, about her angst and pain and wanting to escape and feel safe -- all of a sudden there's this whole thing about a fresh start and being better off without some cheating bum -- it seemed a little bit too rapid a solution based on the rest of the fic. Maybe that's what reduced its impact. I almost wish there had been a little more doubt, uncertainty, longing, cynicism, some unconnected threads...I don't know, it just seemed like this fic couldn't really be wrapped up in a neat and tidy package, but that's what the ending seems to be attempting.
HOWEVER, I should say there is nothing objectively wrong with the ending. It's written well, and this is your show and your vision, so I'm not really anyone to tell you what Rose thinks or does not think. ^_^
Anyway, I thought this was a great read, and I think you did justice to the emotions that this kind of situation evokes.
MelanieAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the detailed review,Melanie, and I'm sorry it's taken me his long to respond! I've been running around like crazy this month and things are just now starting to slow down again.
I'm glad to read that you enjoyed the story, and I do agree that the ending is quite what I even expected/want. I will more than likely end up going back to rework it into what I envision will make a stronger ending and I'll let you know when I do if you'd like to read it. So, anyway, thanks again for the review!
Leslie Report Review
Leslie! I'm so glad you requested this! I love it! I'm afraid I don't have much to say, because it's simply amazing! The though that Rose and Scorpius no longer being and Scorpius cheating on Rose, well. I can't imagine no other pair. Your descriptions are amazing, each and every word. It's wonderful.
I don't know what else to say hon! Beautifully done! xD
xxAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks so much Alicia! I'm so happy that you liked it, and flattered that you can't find anything to critique in it. I'm glad that you enjoyed my descriptions. Thanks! xD Leslie Report Review
Hey there! Thanks for requesting a review and breaking up the boredom that is my life at this moment. :)
Great beginning. You start with a bang, and I really like that. The description was great, too. It wasn't over the top, and it didn't sound like a thesaurus, so kudos. I really felt like I was running through the woods alongside your main character.
For some reason, I love this line: '...as I slip off my shoes to dip my feet in, thereís a catch in my breath.' It was worded in a way that when the word 'catch' came, it reflected its meaning perfectly. It stuck out in the sentence, because of the unique way in which you placed it, and I felt myself almost having to catch my breath from its suddenness, like your protagonist caught her breath after receiving a shock from the cold water. Sorry for all my rambling, but it's just a beautiful sentence and I had to comment. :D
I love the counting as she's underwater. It actually scared me a bit, because she was staying under a bit too long. As the seconds ticked by, I was thinking, When is she going to come up?, and that added worry made her ponderings that much more fascinating. I was hanging on to every word.
I liked the ending as well. It seemed to be an allusion to baptism, if I'm not mistaken. Being born again, anew. A fresh beginning. Very effective. Perhaps a bit rushed, though. You might want to smooth the ending out a bit, but that is simply my opinion and you are the brilliant author here. So it's your choice. :)
Overall, a 9.5/10, but I'll round it to a 10/10 since this rating thingy doesn't have that many options. You totally deserve it, though. Great writing. Feel free to request again any time.
GinaAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks so much, Gina! I'm so glad that you liked it and felt the description was just right. And that was one of my favorite sentences too, it just kind of flowed out of me when I reached that part while writing this... I'm glad that it got you reacting from it, that means so much to me to know that my descriptions can be that powerful.
Oh, I'm glad that the thinking underwater while the seconds went on got you hanging onto every word, that's what I was going for. I wanted to pull in the reader, and I'm glad you felt intrigued.
I was definitely going for the whole born again feeling, and I'm happy that you got that from the ending. And I actually think the ending does end a bit too sharply, too, but it's kind of grown on me now. I may smooth it out sometime in the future, but for now I think I'll keep it like this. Also, thanks for the high rating, I'm flattered.
Thanks so much!
Leslie xD Report Review
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