i enjoyed the story
I would never have believed it of draco before the final book. But his actions in DH showed he was changing. Report Review
oh man. Seeing Draco this way made me cry. It was such a well written piece. Perfect in her talking, perfect in draco's confusing perfect in details, just everything i loved. It flowed together so easily and it was so smooth and it just seemed right, it seems like one of those missing moments from the battles that could change Draco into the person he could have been all along. This is a remarkable piece and you are an amazing writer!! :D Report Review
This is the first Draco/Pansy story I ever read, and I liked it a lot!
I'm more of a Dramione-shipper usually, but I decieded to give this one a go and wasn't disappointed!
You made the situation very believable and touching, and it showed another side of Pansy than the one we all know from the books. It really could have happened that way.
I also liked Draco's characterisation, because his reasons and thoughts were appropriate for the situation he was in.
So all in all, great story!!
MirielAuthor's Response: Hola Miriel! I'm glad you stopped by to look at it too!
Yeah, Draco/Pansy's aren't the most popular of stories, but this one just kind of worked out. Gave a better reason for him not ending up with her than 'I just really didn't like her' you know?
I'm very pleased you weren't disappointed! And I did work rather hard to make it touching, so it's always nice to know that an author's work is appreciated XD
Thanks for the review Miriel! Good luck with Nocturne ;)
Jackson Report Review
I'm going to try to analyze and help with anything and everything I can, so take a deep breath, and here we go!
Let's start with descriptions. Honestly, a lot of this story was internal, so most of the descriptions really have to do with translating emotions into words. So we'll really deal with internal things like feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc. Which I really think you did a great job with! If, in fact, you were trying to portray these emotions (in order): denial, placation, self-loathing, reflection, desperation, and anguish. If that looks right to you, then you did an awesome job of showing it. At least, that's what came off the page at me.
Next, we'll look at plot. Which, really, there isn't much to say about. I think you did a great job throwing in a scene that actually could have happened in canon, since we really know nothing about Pansy during the final battle.
Next, how about flow? Here's another one that doesn't have much to say about. The way that Draco's thoughts flowed from each emotion to the next was flawless from what I see here. There was nothing to break up the narrative. So again, good job.
I'm gonna go out on a limb now and address dialogue, which I normally don't do. Here though, there wasn't much dialogue, so you could read a lot into what was being said. Pansy's dialogue shows her desperation as a character to be reassured that Draco "loves her." It's very telling that she's so adamant on having him tell her that he loves her. It shows her character's need for importance in others' lives, even as her own is ending. Draco's few lines show his confliction. I like that you're able to transfer emotions to the few lines of dialogue that the characters say. Draco's dialogue also shows that he's torn between reassuring Pansy in her final moments and telling her what he perceives to be the truth. It's very good that you showed all that. Great job.
And now for voice/tone which was very important in this story because of the number of emotions that you were fighting to portray. Your tone was amazing for the story. It was obvious the pain that each of the characters was feeling, though different in reality. Pansy's desperation and physical pain were obvious through her words and actions. And Draco's emotional pain was very real in everything he thought and said. So AGAIN, good job.
Now for my all-time huge thing: characterization. I've heard that I can get obnoxious, so you might want to get ready to clench your fists and grit your teeth now. Haha. Okay, since there are only two characters in this story, this might not actually take as long as usual. Let's start with Pansy. First thing you should know is that, no, I'm not a huge Pansy-fan, so I'm really trying hard not to be biased. If you've seen my author's page you know that I HAVE tried to write for her a few times, so I am open-minded that's she's not all bad. Okay, I see Pansy as a very vicious person towards outsiders. I think she's probably different towards Draco though, and that's what you portrayed. I don't think that it's "impossible," per say, that Pansy loved Draco, but I think it's very unlikely. I think that perhaps she THOUGHT that she loved him, but what she was feeling wasn't real love. So here's my problem with your Pansy: I think that the canon Pansy is too... Slytherin... to say some of the things that Pansy said to Draco here. I don't think that it's impossible for her to think that she loved him, but I think she's too self-serving to ever say she'd "do anything" for anyone. But honestly, it's starting to sound like my Pansy-bias is coming out, so I'll move on. Next is our dear Draco. I'll do a completely different paragraph for my psycho-analysis of the young Malfoy, but first I'll tell you what I thought of yours. Which was that he's probably more canon than any Draco I've ever portrayed. XD I think you treated his character wonderfully. I think it's very good that Draco in your story was sort of emotionally indecisive. I think that canon-Draco is the same way. I liked that even DRACO didn't know where he stood on his relationship with Pansy until it was too late. I think that's very accurate to how someone would probably feel in his position--completely shaken and unable to think clearly.
So here's my psycho-analysis of Draco Malfoy, in case you would like to know or feel any desire to write for him again: I think that Draco is inherently misunderstood. I think there's a lot more to him than people give JKR credit for. I think that, yes, Draco's a daddy's boy. And yeah, he's pretty slimy. He's not a traditionally hero, if anything, he's an antihero. But the thing about Draco is that he isn't truly EVIL either. He talks big but doesn't really want to carry through with anything and I think he's very scared of the future that was laid out for him by his family. I think that, more than likely, Draco would have been on the side of the Order of the Phoenix--had he not been so proud. His pride is his tragic flaw. He doesn't want anyone thinking he's less than perfect and he's probably scared of people looking down on him. He had no reason to ever come to terms with treating another person as an equal. And with anything involving relationships, Draco probably doesn't want to show that he's attached. That, in his mind, would make him vulnerable and weak. He'd rather play it cool and pretend to be perfect.
Okay, there's so much more I can say, and if you're interested, feel free to PM me on the forums. I've got a serious obsession with doing character studies. :]
For my final thoughts on your story: I don't think you give it enough credit. I honestly think you did a very good job, though I'll probably never like Pansy. I think you did a great job of showing the emotions that the characters were feeling and everything clicked together very well. It's a study in internal feelings really, and I liked it.
Good job, you did really well.
--DracoFerret11/DarkRoseAuthor's Response: Hi Emily! You know the drill - or actually what happened. So I'll just say thank you ONE more time and give you a smiley.
:) Report Review
Hello, xkaittloveex here from the forums to review your story!
Oh...my...goodness. This may just be my favorite story I've ever read on HPFF. Ever. Yes, that's right...my favorite. I'm literally at a lost for words right now and tears are leaking out of my eyes, but I will try to compose myself and write something useful. Actually I'll probably just blubber about nothing but I LOVE THIS. I hope you understand how much I honestly do.
First of all, I love Draco Malfoy. He is one of my favorite characters in the series. I absolutely adore him. Pansy, on the other hand...not so much. And I never liked them together either. I found it to be completely wrong. However, this story is completely RIGHT. I love how the reader is able to see a different side of both Draco and Pansy. I LOVE reading stories when Draco is caring and kind and loving and just perfect. They make me so happy. This story made me more than happy though. It made me glow. Well...it actually made me cry but you get the idea. Draco was portrayed as someone who honestly cared for another human being (something readers of HP don't really see a lot) and that was a nice change. When Pansy practically begged for the confirmation of Draco's love the tears began to fall from my eyes. I love seeing characters who are usually so tough finally so vulnerable. It makes one realize everyone has a little bit of vulnerability inside of them. It was beautiful so well done on that aspect.
I loved the setting of this story, too. It was an interesting place and definitely fit very well. Kudos for that, too.
When it came to language and tone and grammar...it was all there. I didn't have a hard time reading this - everything flowed. In fact, sometimes I read it so quickly I had to go back and reread again. I was that into it. In fact, I think I'm going to be rereading this often - I loved it that much.
I feel sad I can't give you a real critique because I just love this story THAT much. I just...ah...it was so AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC. I'm sorry to disappoint if you wanted something more technical but I'm definitely giving this a 10/10 and it would be higher if I could go past 10. It was beautiful and passionate and filled with emotion and I loved it. I will be sure to recommend this to anyone and everyone! Please keep up the incredible work!
- KaitlinAuthor's Response: You complimented me quite a lot in here (and sometimes through an apology).
Thank you. Thank you very, very much. I'm glad you liked this work. I'm very proud of it, and I'm relieved you were so taken with this work.
And that's quite the claim. Makes me blush, don't cha know?
Considerable work has been put into this small little work, just to make sure that the flow has been perfected (causing some avid readers [we won't name them :P] to read so quickly that they miss a few things and must go back, which in turn is all part of the plan) and all grammar should be 100% correct.
Trust me, if I were honest I'd rather have you say my piece is a ten out of a ten (pushing 11, if breaking infinity were possible. Huh. Breaking Infinity. I like that) than have you tearing it to shreds grammatically. I'll call Apop for that, haha.
I'll definitely work on keeping (I wrote 'creeping' first. that'd've been weird. O.o) the good work up! Thank you so much for the review, Kaitlin, I really appreciate it!
Jackson Report Review
Wow. I loved it. It was so intense, so full of pain. Really amazing writing. I'd love to read more from you. :)Author's Response: Thank you Jacqueline! I'm super happy that you liked it!
I'm glad you thought it was good writing as well.
Jackson Report Review
So, first to your question that you asked me to consider when reviewing. To answer this will be a perfect way to start this review. (Worried yet?) You asked me if I 'bought' the moments between Pansy and Draco.
Answer is (drumroll) YES. Why? Well, you've attempted something very tricky here, in my opinion. You've attempted a dialogue in a crisis situation, not an easy task! We have the total chaos of a battle and this young guy is holding the hand of a girl who's desperately asking if he loves her or not...as she's dying. I mean...wow Macabre is a really good title for this story. This is an extremely macabre situation. I certainly wouldn't want to be in this situation. HOWEVER, that small little voice in my head wants to ask: What WOULD someone say in this situation? (And I love that you draw exactly this reaction from the reader out...this is where I realized, wow...this feels real!)
What the real "topper" for me is, are the thoughts going on as this is all happening. I do think your mind races at a time like this. I think its human nature to want to comfort someone, especially someone with whom you've a relationship of sorts, at a time when they are clearly dying. If I was dying and someone I loved was holding my hand, I would definitely want to hear "I love you"...I mean, I can't think of anything else I'd want to hear, to be honest.
I personally enjoy the dialogue as it is. I like the story as it is in general. I think the dialogue itself is not THE most important thing, its Draco's thoughts that are steering the story here--and they are clear, poetic, beautiful...and and and :)
I fear I'm beginning to ramble, so here is the summary. I like this story very much. Period. It's wonderful, mostly because I have respect for being able to write such wonderful dialogue in such a difficult scene. So give yourself a pat on the back. Job well done. 10/10 from me :)Author's Response: I'm sorry it's taken a few days to respond! That's my fault.
Thank you very much for the review! I'm glad this story has finally gotten 'perfected'. It was written back in October!
It's a shame I can't really remember the plans or the inspiration for any of this fic. It's kind of alien to me in that regard. I know the title IS for the situation, but beyond that, well. It was a challenge, I suppose.
But I'm glad you liked it! And that you didn't think it was at all melodramatic. I definitely had to ask that question when writing it (what would someone say to their old flame dying?). It's not answered, but at least it is addressed in this fic.
I'm glad you thought his stream of thoughts was a good (nay, dare I say great?) addition to this story. I think it makes the story, after all, because someone watching the exchange wouldn't know half of the true story. Draco is the only person that COULD have found Pansy lying there, when you think about it.
I agree with you completely. If I thought about it, I'd want to hear those three words too. It's got to be the most comforting thing, and know that person means it. And that's what Draco struggles with --- what if Pansy saw through empty words? Are they empty words? Why can't I just SAY IT?! That kind of thing . . .
I couldn't help by smile happily at this review. Hard work recognized, because it really was. I put my heart into Draco, and I'm glad it was appreciated! :)
And I didn't notice you to ramble! And even if you were, I love rambling --- to read and to write. It's kind of my thing.
Definitely patting myself on the back! Thank you very much for the great review beautiful one! I remember that much from your name. Spelling it though . . . I'll get back to you!
Thank you very, very very much!
Jackson Report Review
Beautiful. Poetically tragic. I loved it, and like others have told you, I was put near tears.
You asked if I felt for both of them -- absolutely. The way you wrote the both of them was amazing to read. I really don't have words to describe it -- they were written so realistically that they felt, well, real. The recounts of their relationship is canon to the T, and the present portrayal of it fits that perfectly.
The poetic-ness of it isn't annoying by far. It pulled me in, and before I knew it it was over.
To sum it up, one of the best stories I've read in a while. You'll be getting a favorite from me, which is rare. I'm sorry I don't have much else to say -- with stories I really, honestly love, that's usually the way it goes.
Oh, and may I -- incredibly ignorantly -- ask what 'macabre' means?Author's Response: Yay! Well, not yay that I almost made you cry, but yay that you liked it! And I'm really sorry that this took me four days to reply. I feel bad about that.
But know I really definitely appreciate this review! I'm soo glad you felt them to be real, and everything! Ah! This review made me very happy. I'm glad you liked it so much.
I love stories that are like that. I read and then it's over. I don't even realize I'm reading. I'm ecstatic --- elated! even --- that my story was one of those for you.
Talk about a confidence builder! I think I'm going to go try and write on my main fic again!
Anyways, thank you very much for the favorite and the amazingly pleasant review. Macabre . . . well, the best example I could give is Edgar Allen Poe. It's a kind of thing dealing with depressive situations and mainly those associations are death. The Tell-Tale Heart is Macabre. Well, anything he wrote, really.
It's kind of a vague term, for me. Some days I know perfectly what it means . . . other days I'm stumped when someone asks. I hope I was able to clear it up somewhat!
Thank you times quite a lot more than I could count to for this review HBP!
Jackson Report Review
I'm here with your long awaited review! So sorry it's been taking forever.
I thought this was the most touching story, ever. I've never read Draco/Pansy, and I think you've done this brilliantly. I loved the dialouge and the emotion that you gave Draco. It's a different side that I saw of him, a side that I knew existed within the core of his skin. He loved Pansy, and I practically cried when I read the pain in his heart.
I think horror and dark would work well with this. Just the mention of the blood that she couged up makes it dark. I think that drama works as well with this. And the romance. There's a lot of romantic tension between the two, but I think you have it just right. I enjoyed reading this! Good luck with your editing, and I hope I helped with what you wanted
~lovelyinsane aka torrentaldownpourAuthor's Response: Hi Torrential! No worries about the time. Sorry it took me four days to respond.
Thank you for the pleasant review! Yeah, I tried to make the whole thing as realistic as possible. Draco really became an emotional person near the end, I think. Ridiculously complex, but not really shown.
I'm glad you did like it, though.
And you're right. I had never really thought of it being a Horror/Dark before. And it's not. It's Dark! I wish they weren't together. I'll tag it that anyways though. Yeah the blood . . . oi.
Thanks for the 10! Makes my day! You definitely did help me out. Editing's gone swimmingly, I just wanted to finish it up before I replied, I guess. (that's my story, anyway)
Thanks again (that's a three-part thank-you), Jackson Report Review
This is the first Draco/Pansy fic that I've ever read. I don't really know much about Pansy and I had to read up a bit on her before giving this review. Tee hee.
Anyway, on to your story. In terms of characterization, I think Pansy seems like a kinder, more sensible, less daft person in your work compared to how she was portrayed in the books. Well, good for her then that an author has actually made her less horrible than she actually is. Tee hee. So, if I'm to think strictly in terms of canon, I'm inclined to say that Pansy is a tiny bit OOC here. However, if my frame of mind is solely focused on the romance/drama part, then you were definitely on target.
I liked how you portrayed Draco here, how you added more depth to his character. I'd always thought he was a very shallow boy but HBP changed my mind a bit. And your version of him is even better because it showed that he has indeed grown as a character.
The statement that struck me the most was:
She spoke most of the time, she liked to, and Draco welcomed a time when he wasn't expected to be the sole bearer of the conversation.
There is something so true about that. I imagine being the ringleader of the Slytherins, Draco definitely had to do all the talking and entertaining, so to speak. And for him to think of Pansy in that way was something I found very poignant. It made me see him in a different light and it made me believe in your Draco - in his anguish, in his regret, in his grief.
Overall, quite emotional and heartbreaking. Thank you for making my first Draco/Pansy encounter an interesting one. ;)Author's Response: Hiya butterbeer! Sorry about the long wait for a reply. No excuses! I sorry . . .
I guess I could see where you come from with Pansy. I mean, on the surface she looks like a very shallow character. Person, check that. A shallow person. However, Draco appeared much the same way until the different side of him was shown in HBP, you know?
And while writing this I wanted to think of Pansy in a way more shown in the books, you know? (I always say you know . . . you know?) Joke aside, even if a jerk was dying . . . I gotta think they'd be somewhat serious and honest about their life. And I can't imagine any character in HP having NO redeeming qualities. After all, I know Rowling said somewhere that the only one who did was Voldie.
So based on that info is why I wrote Pansy as . . . well, a damsel dying.
But I do think (you caught me) I took the 'make her less horrid' thing to a point of slight Out-of-characterness. But I'll argue against it! Bwa-ha! (don't know what kind of laugh that was --- maybe diabolical?)
Yaaay! I'm stoked you liked that line. Probably my favorite from this one, too. Like you said, something so honest about that line. It explains for his grief, which was what I was going for --- so I'm really happy you were able to lock in on that!
Anyways, I'm very merry (and Pippin too!) you were entertained (and brought in on some respects emotionally) with this fic!
Hey there! It's Kristen here with your review :).
Do you want the sweet or the sour first? Well, I feel things go better if they end on a good note, so I'll tell you what I personally thought you could improve on. It's just that - my personal opinion, please don't take any offense :) I'm only trying to help!
I congratulate you on trying to write in a stream of consciousness, but at points the images you were trying to create in my head got very muddled. One such point was here:
"Throughout everything, all the woes and trials Draco—trials! Isn’t that a way to put it?—put Harry through, he still tried to save him."
Be descriptive, try playing on your reader's emotions. Have you ever read "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien? It is a VERY good and powerful book on being soldiers in Vietnam. It sweeps you into an ocean of emotions, the reality of war and death. I strongly recommend it if you ever see it at your bookstore. Anyway, with "The Things They Carried," the author writes in the moment, ensnares you into the overwhelming feelings a soldier feels a the brink of death. Yet he does it with such clarity that makes the book all the more powerful.
I wish you could have been perhaps a little bit more descriptive with Pansy, perhaps given her more defining characteristics and movements. Also, Pansy is dying. And dying pretty quickly, from what I got in the story. I didn't see anything really WRONG with it, but I just personally thought it was a tad unrealistic that she could go on speaking like that. If a rock was crushing me and I knew I was dying, I would either be saying few words (words take breath, like when Hamlet dies, he says "the rest is silence," the two syllable word of 'silence' took energy and then he died) or I would be trying to spew out as much as I could in one breath. I like that you enforced that her voice was quiet, and the other effects of dying such as coughing blood, but I never really fully got the blow that Pansy is DYING (a rather horrible death too), rasping breaths and whimpers and all. I hope that came out right!
Watch out for typos, I noticed that Pansy tells Draco how she wanted to help him with coping with the task, she says "go it" instead of "do it." Just a nitpicky comment, but I thought you'd like to know :).
Okay! Now onto the sweet stuff!
I loved your sentence structure, and how each sentence flowed. The long ones into short and vice versa. It had a very nice effect, and it sort of measured how Draco's mind was in a mess.
My favorite lines were:
"He could see her, smiling smugly and waving as she passed him, eyes bright. As though he deserved death, or something. Maybe he did."
"His place was next to his father—at the Dark Lord’s feet. How pitiful. "
I think you captured the essence of Draco quite nicely. The brief flashes of bitterness, the fear that showered over him; I'm glad he wasn't typical fanfiction Draco. I liked how he said he loved her after she was dead. I love happy/bittersweet endings, but I think if he actually told her he loved her when she was still alive, it would sort of came off as cheesy. I enjoyed the way you did it - especially when he repeated her name in denial.
Just one question - if you were writing a fanfiction where their roles were reversed, do oyu think Pansy would have done the same for Draco as Draco did for her/ Or was his assumptions the truth?
Overall, I liked this story :). Thanks for requesting!
KristenAuthor's Response: Kristen! Aw. It sucks. I typed it up I swear. Okay, it's been completely edited thanks mostly to your input (and read through several times for typos), but I responded before I edited . . .
Anyways, it's okay. I'll take each paragraph in stride . . . I understand that line could be confusing. I was writing from . . . a stream of consciousness that is rather screwed up. It was stylized off of The Things They Carried (was reading that at the time, oddly enough), and then when I finished this I was reading Heart of Darkness by Conrad. yeah. Those don't mix well. So in the edit I went back, after reading As I Lay Dying again, and made it more . . . streamy.
But yeah, those typos are incredibly embarrassing. Oi. I do feel a tingle of 'oh no . . . I did that?' every time I read this and saw those mistakes.
I'm actually surprised you thought O'Brien's book was powerful. Grand book, but the main point of that books is not it's story telling, but the way he plays with the reader's mind. Is this a biography? Isn't it? He said it was, then said it wasn't? Was the whole last chapter about death . . . what was that? You know? But I guess you could make the argument it was powerful at time. That star-shaped hole . . . yeah, I have to agree with you. And it was so believable! Ahh, getting off track . . .
I hope with the edit I made Pansy less stoic, and I think I did. Rereading she does come as more an object than a person.
Thank you for the compliments, too. I'm glad you did like it overall. Now onto that question. I don't think I can answer that question. I mean, it's arguable both ways, and just . . . Pansy's character is so vague. I mean. If I had to choose one or the other, I'd think Draco was right. She'd pass on by, sticking her tongue out and laughing as she cursed a Muggle born (dramatization).
Anyways, I'm SO sorry for taking so long with the reply. Like I said. I did reply! Oh well, I hope this was all right, and thank you very much for reviewing my one-shot!
Jackson Report Review
well, I must admit that I am amazed. This is a really beautiful one-shot, and as I've never really seen a good account of Draco post-war, I really appreciated it. That and you added Pansy :p.
Draco- I really thought that you made him believable. A lot of people will hate him because he's no longer arrogant and snotty, but what they fail to realise is that he changed after Harry saved him. I mean, yes he might still have that air about him sometimes, but he matured. He went a long way. I think you captured this eccense perfectly- everything from his regret to admitting his love was spot on.
Pansy- hmmm. I'm not too sure about her. There are two Pansys in my mind. One of them is really kind to Draco, but she is more infatuated with his money/power/status than loving the person he truly is. Let's face it, before he became a Death Eater, he was a rather nasty piece of work. The second Pansy is nasty to everyone, especially muggle-borns. She's not that nice, and is extremely selfish. I think that canon Pansy is a combination of the two, so that is why I am having such a hard time with this one.
Don't get me wrong. I love AU. But if you were going towards canon-ness, I'm edgy. It's an absolutely fantastic storyline...Pansy dying...Draco caught in a whirlwind of emotions. I just don't think she would be willing to do anything for Draco.
Anyways, as far as the emotions go, they were spot on. You had me at the edge of my seat, reading paragraphs over again because they left an impression on me. Out of all of it, the following line had the most effect:
“Draco, I don’t want to die.”
My eyes just watered from reading it again. Death is such a nasty ordeal, and when Draco was thrown into a situation where he had to watch a loved one die again, I really felt for him. The imagery you cast in it as well; her coughing up blood, finally dying in his arms (tear) was really sad.
I may have to add you to my favorites :)Author's Response: Hmmm -- this response is ridiculously overdue. I don't know why I haven't responded before. Oi, I've no excuse; sorry!
Anyways, I'm glad you were amazed. I can't really remember where this story came from, but I remember it had to be about death and Draco/Pansy. So I, thinking that if Draco ended up with someone else other than Pansy, decided to kill her off.
Well, I tried to take both of their characters into account; Draco watching his first 'love' dying because of him---then Pansy. Now, I've gotten a lot of reports that she is OOC here. Granted we only see her when she's slurring mudblood's names, we don't ever get an insight into what kind of person she was. So then, I took her for, when times were good, as a kind of Peter Pettigrew. Going for the boy with the most, and that was Draco. In HBP, when Draco's family lost favor, Pansy would inevitably bail on him as well.
However, when faced with certain death, and no matter how badly Pansy wished otherwise, she was dying---people say things. Perhaps Pansy really wouldn't have done anything for Draco---mistakes are made in words, but dying, she wanted to make amends, I know I would. She'd want to be accepted as a good person that was loved and valuable, because, when you think about it, she wasn't really; average student, she was just a Pureblood.
I think, then that you're right. She didn't really love the person he truly was, and maybe Draco didn't really love her at all; but isn't that the beauty of it? Two people lying to each other as one of them is about to die as a last attempt to make amends. Draco felt an attachment to Pansy yeah, but swept up in the moment, perhaps he said something he didn't mean, you know?
Thus the title.
Anyways, I am glad I urged an emotional response out of you. Rereading the paper (besides being embarrassed by some minor typos) I did get the feeling it was truly sad. And at a pivotal moment in the series as well.
Thank you for the compliment, Grape! I'm glad you liked the story and thank you a million times over for the encouraging review! Report Review
I should be finishing ATAS, but I didn't feel motivated. (I should be in bed too, but I'm doing what I do best . . . staying up late with HPFF.) So I decided to check out some of your other work.
Strictly from a style standpoint, this story interests me a lot because it is quite different from the way you wrote LCBS and especially ATAS. I haven't read your other one-shot yet, so I can't make a comparison with that one, but I could hardly believe . . . is this really JR? Where are all the words?
It's got this flowing sort of poeticism you have in your writing, though, so it does feel like yours, just so much more concise than I'm used to reading from you. You really focused in on the emotions here and the thoughts rather than describing the setting.
I'll admit I find the whole dying declaration of love thing to be a little cheesy, but you pull it off pretty well. Draco's a tortured soul anyway (like Harry . . . hmmm), so he can pull this off without sounding silly. I like the way you got into his head; I think your characterization of Draco is very well done. As for Pansy, well, we don't know her that well, so writers have leeway. I don't know that I truly believe she'd be this introspective and nice-sounding, but alone with Draco in her final moments, I can buy it.
I also liked the hints you provided at the beginning of Pansy's imminent (or is it eminent?) death so the reader knew before you stated it outright. You didn't confirm it until Pansy had accepted it in her mind. I thought you raised some very interesting questions through Draco's thoughts, but you didn't feel the need to answer them fully, because Draco couldn't answer them.
Nice work, JR. :-)Author's Response: Well thanks I suppose. No I don't suppose, I know. Get it? haha ANYWAYS . . . Wordiness is bad yeah yeah. It's being worked on and junk. haha and what are you trying to say? You didn't feel motivated? Ouch. Anyways, onto your almost compliments:
Good to know I have 'sort-of poeticism'. I'll try and make it real poeticism sometime for you, right? haha. Good that I pull off a little cheesy pretty well though.
And personally, I mean, I think anyone would get pretty poetic given that situation, even someone like Pansy Parkinson. I try and define her better in LCBS, but isn't she just a product of her environment? We never get to see what kind of person she is, save for circumstantial evidence. I attempted to get into some things of that nature here. I think is imminent. Eminent means high in station. Like Your Eminence, you know?
Anyways, I digressed again. Thank you very much for the review Apop! And I do appreciate the 'almost compliments' from my 'biggest' critic as well, ha Report Review
Here with your review, you weren't first in line but when I saw the summary I couldn't resist just giving it a read.
Glad I did.
This is great, I enjoyed it immensly.
It is amazing that you were able to spread a few moments over this many words and make it seem normal, it doesn't seem drawn out at all, yes it is slow, but I think in this circumstance it would be one of those moments when everythin is going so slowly and despite that (as demonstrated by Draco's inability to say to Pansy what he wanted) there is not enough time. This story gripped me and I could not stop reading, and I re-read it several times before reviewing because I enjoyed it so much.
Really great as far as I could see, nothing stood out and it all seemed really marvelous. I love your choice of words in this piece and the way you have written it.
I think Pansy gets more flack then she deserves (probably on account of how many people are in love with Draco) but I think you've done a much more honest and realistic and canon approach to her character than I have ever read before, I really liked the way that you portrayed her, it seemed fitting and realistic for her. I always wondered what happened to Pansy after the Battle and why Draco married Astoria- your story here is an answer to that question that I really think is fitting and I think this is what I will keep in my mind as what happened to poor Pansy, yes I think I will. Thanks, now I know what happened to her. :-)
You mentioned that you weren't sure if I would like your version of Draco but its very canon, very realistic and very good so you needn't have worried at all. I like how, despite Pansy dying, he continues to think about all the things he has done wrong and in the end we see it is because he is blaming himself for everyone dying, Pansy especially in this moment, but in reality everyone. He is putting an immense load on him and re-evaluating his life and by denying his feelings for Pansy until it is too late almost seemed like the end of his past and the beginning of his future, his new life where he would try to be less 'the arrogant, popular boy who is the arch-enemy of Harry Potter' and more 'Draco' whoever Draco turns out to be.
I really enjoyed this, gret work on an amazing story, please keep writing things that are dark, realistic and meaningful like this and let me know when you have, I'd love to read them and will happily review.
Thanks for requesting, you did a great job.
10/10Author's Response: Burke I have no idea WHY it has taken me so long to write this response. I feel low brow for it, and have not a single excuse! Sorry about the lapse in time, but here goes!
Can you guess what my first line is? Big rocks are very dangerous, you know? HAHA! Didn't see that coming did you? (sorry, I'm being weird I know). Anyway, THANK YOU! Duh!
My arrogance is swelling after reading this review! And because of your kind words I think I'll write another quick, dark and tragic one shot along these lines.
Thank you for your encouraging words about Pansy's characterization and Draco's! I always wondered about Pansy. We know what Draco's issues were. But why was Pansy so . . . mean? Did she have problems, skeletons, issues? I tried to explore that here, throwing in minor hints and things.
Thank you very, very much Burke, I appreciate it so much! Report Review
It's Michelle, here with your review! :)
And yes, that comment did seem a bit harsh.
Hmm... The word macabre really does fit.
This was very well-written, and that's the understatement of the year.
The way Pansy and Draco's relationship was portrayed was different than what I usually read, but I liked it anyways. The wave of emotions was so overwhelming and I was close to tears.
You did a wonderful job on this story.
~MichelleAuthor's Response: Sorry I haven't replied to this review! I did appreciate it. I could have swore I had, because this is one of those reviews that make your day! Thank you a thousand times over for the review Michelle!! Report Review
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