That was... breathtaking. It was so lyrical and rich of description and emotion that I never want to write another story in my life because I will always want to match it. Oh my gosh. Absolutely breathtaking.
Every now and again I come across a brilliant piece of writing on HPFF and rate it 10/10, but for your story, that would be an understatement. Barely 50/10 would suffice. Your story needs no criticism or improvement and I don't think I've found a story like that ever on this whole site, so wonderful job. Better than wonderful.
I love this story more than words can describe, and I thank you so, so much for writing it; I rarely find anything (even books by professional authors) as beautifully well written as this. Fantastic job and I hope I get to see more of it.
dobbys_socks Report Review
This was beautifully written.
I'm definitely confused about this Astoria, who's warm physical description seems to clash with her poisoning of Pansy, but it leaves food for thought and is, as I said, extremely well written.Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review! I'm very happy you liked it. Astoria was an interesting character to write -- not quite sure how the contrast came about, but there you have it! Haha. XOXO, Kalina. Report Review
It was a very enjoyable read; you definetly deserved to be the overall winner. The plot was compelling, the way you intertwined the two stories (Hamlet and yours) was mysterious, but not to the point of confusion. The fact that you kept us wondering who they were talking to until the end was a compelling hook. And the end? Both fitting and unexpected, all at the same time. Top it off with lack of spelling and grammerical errors, and you've got an amazing story.
Chears!!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked the story - I did try to keep it clear from confusion, but that's not always possible, I suppose. As for keeping Pansy mysterious, ah well. It's a weakness of mine ... I tend to use that as an "OMG!" moment in a good deal of my stories. XD Thank you again very much for the review! :)
XOXO, K. Report Review
Truly A Beautiful Story
Quite Descriptive. Very Heart-Wrenching.Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
hmmm i like it!=) its different and it kept me guessing right to the end- you even made pansy parkinson seem like a nice person=) thanks xAuthor's Response: Thank you! :) I'm glad you liked Pansy.
XOXO, Kalina. Report Review
Not only was this well-written, but I didn't see any grammatical errors. I didn't see anything wrong with this story, really.
Everything was good, although I was just a bit confused as to who was in the bed and whether Astoria was Draco's wife or just a friend at that point, until you cleared it up by calling her his wife and cleared it up by saying it was Pansy under the sheet.
Very, very, very good.
10/10 Report Review
Hey, it's civilized from the Forums, and this is your review!
This is great. You lost me entirely, but I know this is great. In fact, I don't really know what was happening at all. Was is Pansy that he was mourning? And Astoria murdered her with arsenic because she was jealous that there was something between them? Hmm... I can tell that this is just beyond my mental capacity right now, but perhaps I'll read it again in the morning (heehee I have a half day tomorrow!) and I'll understand it better.
Yes, this is quite wonderful. The end really pulls it together. In fact, I was about ten sentences from the end and I was thinking of giving you this nice long review about how I didn't understand a thing. And then I got to the end.
You want to know the impact on the reader? I'm going to go out on a limb and compare the impact to being driven into the earth by a crashing space shuttle. So pretty much that's the biggest impact I could think of (in the best way possible!).
While it's still pretty confusing, the end definitely pulls it together and I'm going to need a few hour's worth of thinking about it before I truly understand.
You really have a talent for writing. Great job!Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for the review!
Aw, I'm sorry you got confused! :( Draco was rather sad because Pansy was dying, yes, but he doesn't quite know why he's sad - does that make sense? He's puzzled at himself. I wanted him to still be the coward he was throughout HP. He resigns himself to Astoria's fate. And Astoria chose to murder Pansy not through jealousy but to "save" Draco from committing any future adulteration - does that make sense? It's a lot more coherent in my head, as it is with many things, LOL! XD
Crashing space shuttle! Oh my! *blushes profusely* Thank you so much! That's ... wow, that's huge! I'm so happy it impacted you in this way. I'm sorry it confused you (to be honest, a lot of my one-shots are very confusing), but I'm still happy you appreciated it! This review has really made me think and I can't thank you enough for it!
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
Oh my gosh, what an absolutely stunning piece of writing. This is beautiful, lyrical and rich. I adore it!
Every once in a while I am lucky enough to come across a piece of writing that needs no critque; where the writing is so clean I am able to simple sink into the depths of the characters and the plot. This is such a piece and after my last two reviews, you've no idea what a pleasure and relief it has been for me.
I love the suspence, and how you pair beautiful details (Draco's leg moving as he sits by Pansy's bedside) and ugly details (sweat and urine) together. You weave so much into such a compact bit of writing, I'm in complete awe. I want to be able to write like this, I really do.
I've a favorite line: "Yet here he is, still chained and ravenous, to this rocky earth. He is consumed by the wrong choice." Yum...
Happy sigh, this is wonderful. Thank you. 10/10. Feel free to post in my review thread anytime!
BBAuthor's Response: *rubs eyes* Oh, my goodness! You have no idea how many times I died, just reading over your review. *blush* Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it - it was my first time writing from Draco's point of view, so it made very little sense in my mind.
Suspense is undervalued, in my opinion. Too many cliffhangers are written nowadays, and it's hard to find a story that creates an air of suspense without having to have the author type a 'let's have my readers hanging on the edge of their seats' last sentence. I'm not sure suspense was what I was aiming at here, but nevertheless, I'm so glad you found it in here! I like to create stories that set people a little on edge, which is why I reused the themes of sweat, disease, vomit, and urine.
I'm glad you liked that line! I was inspired by Dostoevsky's beautiful writing. One can only aspire to write in the way that he does. I've obviously fallen in love with his novels. XD
Thank you so, so much for this review, my dear. *blush* It's made my day so much better! :)
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
This was a really interesting take on the object 'knife'. I think that for all of the 100 objects I thought of, I had a small idea of how they might be used. Nothing too detailed, I just had some ideas. But this was different than what I imagined.
That is not to say that I didn't like it. Quite the contrary; I adored it.
I'm not going to go too much into things other than the knife aspect of the story, but I do want to mention that I really did like how you tied the 'triangle' together. I think I felt sympathy for all three characters. And that was really special.
All the references to various literature just added another layer to this piece. That was a really nice touch.
I think this one-shot is quite... poetic? I am not sure if poetic is the correct word. But you just use English in a really nice, pretty way. All the sentences, particularly relating to the word 'knife' just stream together. And it really was something lovely to read.
This quote, in particulary, got me thinking: "A knife is the root of terror," she says. "A smaller sword. And dinner conversation is like swordplay. No one can win. All will be dead by the dessert, slain by the poisoned sharp edge of an opponent's blade."
It just embodies so much in it. And it really made me think. I don't know how you write so well!
You definitely used the object in an interesting way and I can only hope that half the entries that I receive for the challenge are as lovely as this is!
Really, really nice one-shot. You should be proud.
-Ju :] Report Review
How can I possibly sing your praises anymore? :P This was wonderfully written with such stunning literary allusions. At first, I was wondering who the girl was in the bed - you surprised me with Pansy.
It was beautiful, truly, truly beautiful. Astoria and Draco's dialogue was perfect and I was amused by Astoria's final line. Also, the imagery of the red blood and Draco's pale hand is brilliant and sent chills down my spine.
Another, wonderful, wonderful one-shot ;DAuthor's Response: Don't sing my praises! Sing someone else's praises! D: I'm glad you liked it, dear! I love using literary references myself - and, having recently fallen in love with Dostoevsky, I felt compelled to use him in the first sentence. Haha, I thought Pansy would surprise just a little bit, if not too much!
It's great you liked the dialogue! I always struggle with that bit, to be honest. I always feel like I under-do it, if not anything else. Thank you so much for this amazing review, dear, it means so much to hear from you! :)
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
Wow, you finished this one off brilliantly. That question at the end, how it changed everything! I wasn't expecting that, yet when I think back over the story and my initial reactions to it, it should make perfect sense, it's the perfect reason why she was poisoned. You gave clues to it throughout, how Astoria was jealous and hated sunflowers and the way that Pansy treated her so servant-like. it all fits.
The ending also places the "triangle" into perspective, showing the actual relationships between these characters that don't show up in their speech or obvious actions. It's all very subtle, just beneath the surface, and that perfectly suits their pureblooded status - they are the upper class, and there are rules to be followed, even with those one hates.
I also like the uncertainty of Draco's relationship with Pansy - it adds another note of mystery to the story, one that you don't provide a solution to. It keeps the story from neatly tying up because the "crime" isn't punished - it's actually something Draco sees as being "the right thing" which is even more interesting to think about. It makes me wonder why Draco thinks this and start to question everything he's thought about Pansy throughout the story. I love short stories that make me think and re-think everything about them - it's more fun to read them. :D
This is another excellent story from you, and it's really amazing how you keep coming out with captivating stories, all of a very high quality. This is the sort of thing you could publish and have English students around the world study. :P Yes, I do expect to see your stuff out there one day. ;)Author's Response: I've no idea why you leave me such lengthy reviews Susan - it will take me eons to get around to them all! But I appreciate them so much *hugs* They always brighten my mood. :)
The image of Pansy lying on the bed was actually Romilda at first, and she had been poisoned by Ginny. But then, I felt, that would have put Ginny too out of character and I didn't want that (I don't like writing Ginny anyways), and the Slytherins fit like a gloves. God, they're so elitist. What little snobs.
I would have to say that dialogue is my weakest point, so I don't use it all that much to reveal many things. I prefer emotions (what a shocker, eh?) and mannerisms, to be truthful. And the Slytherins have a plethora of both. I think. XD
You know, on Draco's relationship with Pansy, I don't think there WAS any solution - I have no idea what his relation with her, if it's just brotherly, if it's an old love, if it's still a lover ... there are so many options. The fact remains that Astoria is jealous of whoever captures Draco's emotions and she sees them as a threat to their relationship, and, consequently, politics. Draco sees it as the right thing, I think, because in a way Astoria has prevented him from the "sin" of adultery - by sinning herself. I rather liked that concept, even if it came to me by the end of the one-shot, and not earlier.
*blush* Thank you! I have no idea how to respond to that idea - being published is in all of our dreams! And I will see /you/ in paperback 'fore myself, dearie. :) Thank you so much for this lovely review, Susan. It's always so fantastic to hear from you, and you know your opinion matters a great deal to me. ^_^
XOXO, Kalina Report Review
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