ok I really enjoyed this! you wrote so beautifully and it flowed really well. I wonder what it is that's making her act this way? I haven't read many stories with Lucy in it and I'm glad that I read this one.
10/10Author's Response: Oh thank you! It's quite different to a lot of my stories, so I've never been entirely sure about it. What's making her act like that? I could tell you, but that would take all the fun out of it :P
There's nowhere near enough Lucy stories out there, it's a shame really. Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing, I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Wow, that was great. Short and sweet. I loved it.
10/10Author's Response: Aww you're far, far too kind.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Wow. Just...wow. This was amazing, Jack. I can honestly say that I'm at a loss for words.
It might not have been very long, but it certainly packed the punch. I absolutely ADORED this paragraph:
She was, she knew, charming. Possessed of a natural grace and sparkling blue eyes certainly not passed down by her father. He hadnít been the easiest father, demanding and over-protective. Perhaps it was unsurprising when the divorce came.
I can't say what it is about it that I liked, but there was something charismatic, if you will, about it. Like I felt like in that one little paragraph, I began to understand Lucy and why she is the way she is. Oh, and just to let you know, I love your version of Lucy. She's quite cute and tragic in the way that she can't let herself be happy or at least love anyone the way they love her.
Also, I should say that I'm in LOVE with the symbolism of Lucy being at the top of the steps. I don't know if you meant for it to play out this way or not, but it shows that she has the upper hand in the relationships. She's the more powerful one and like a god, she can crush it. Extinguish anything she wishes from where she stands. It's almost as though she has a view from the top and is controlling things before things get too out of hand, before she allows herself to feel too vulnerable. Gah, I love it!
Oh, and one last thing. I dunno if it's just because I'm obsessed with 500 Days of Summer, but she reminded me a little bit of Summer, what with her not-quite-full-disbelief/faith-in-love attitude. *shrugs*
Anyway, it was MARVELOUS. Beautiful. I would compare it to poetry, but that would just be taking it a step too far (even though the prose is quite poetic indeed) :)
I loved it! A million bazillion out of ten!Author's Response: You are far, far too nice. Or just crazy. I think I like the first option better though :P Either way you've got me blushing a ridiculous amount!
That's the great thing about this challenge, no filler - everything has to have an effect, has to be bigger than the 500 words. Does that make any sense?
That paragraph took me a while to get right actually, the words were all there but they just wouldn't behave properly! Still, I think it turned out okay in the end!
Interesting point actually, I wasn't entirely sure what I liked about it when I was writing the thing! Aww thank you! I really don't know why she isn't written about more often. Lucy, Hugo and Louis are the least written about of pretty much anyone in the Potterverse - especially the Next-Gen. Cute and tragic√Ę¬Ä¬¶ I like that. A lot actually. That's really very much it =]
-High fives Molly- That was totally deliberate! It was actually one of the few things I consciously tried to do with this, so am very glad it worked. I can't really add a whole lot to your analysis because that's pretty much exactly how I saw it and wanted it to be seen as.
No you're right, you're right - she definitely was quite influenced by Summer. Summer is just totally the sort of girl I fall for, was kind of interested in exploring that sort of character from that perspective. So I'd like to think she's similar, but not the same :P
Bahahaha pretty much this entire review had been a step too far - you're just exceedingly nice. Although you totally did manage to make me feel a lot better about my writing which is always a good thing I suppose XD
Anyway, thank you so, so much for this. Was just completely and utterly lovely. Report Review
Hi, Jack! Ilia here from the forums, reviewing for my challenge. =)
I love how you write ships like this. How do you think to pair people in this way? I would get lost in the criss-crossed family tree =P Anyway, I love the emotion you have here. You showed in such a clear way what each character was feeling, and with only 500 words! That's so awesome.
XD I was surprised to see something serious from you, too. But you handled it as though serious is the only stuff you do. It still sounded like you, though, which I think is vastly important for a writer. If a writer doesn't have his own voice, he is non-existent.
Great story! Thanks for taking my challenge! I hope you enjoyed yourself! ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Hey Ilia, I'm amazed you're managing to keep up with it all - challenge has been way too popular! :P
Haha it's not that crazy a ship is it? Just Lucy/OC. I think Jane is the only one who decided he was Teddy and just went with that because she loves him :P That's the great thing about the 500 words, you have to show everything in a clear way - no running or hiding.
A challenge is meant to be challenging right? I'm so happy I was able to keep my voice, but manage to actual make this at least serious-ish. Good to know I can do slightly more than one thing :P
Thanks so much for reviewing and for the great challenge! I really did enjoy it ^^ Report Review
Are you sure you wrote this, Jack? I didn't detect humour in it at all =P.
I really did like it though! It was a really nice piece and I enjoyed the fact that it was about Lucy. Leave Roxanne alone though, (have been review stalking), I'm marrying her off to Scorpius ;).
Also, I really liked the anonymous man in this. Granted he only got a few lines, but they were lovely lines and once I decided that he was actually Teddy it got even better.
You struck a nice balance between pity for Lucy and... non-pity... XD. Actually, other people probably pitied her more, but I have the Teddy love, so it was harder. I think it added another dimension for me. SO WELL DONE XD.
I vehemently deny any accusations of rambling.
FROM MEHAuthor's Response:
Hey! I can be unfunny sometimes you know! Feels strange to be protesting that, surely it's normally the other way round?
I am glad you liked it, even if it wasn't quite as funny as you imagined. I loved that it was about Lucy - have now decided she's completely lovely and I want to write more of her! Too late about Roxanne matey, I wrote a Quidditch one-shot about her last night. And quite frankly am glad. Marrying her off to Scorpius! -shudders- poor Roxanne. What a horrible, horrible thing to do to the poor girl!
Ah well the good thing about the anonymous man is that he's anonymous. He's pretty much anyone/everyone. And so, there's a distinct possibility it's Teddy. He's been with every single other Next-Gen girl after all!
I'm quite divided about Lucy as well actually. On one hand, she's completely lovely, on the other she's all cold and twisty inside. Makes her rather tricky :P Ooh, dimensions! Don't know if I've ever done them before!
Who said anything about rambling?
TO YOU Report Review
This was really, really good. It was all so realistic. Sort of a coming-of-age one shot. It was a really good idea, to have Lucy learn that she was not as good at loving as she was at being loved, and how she dealt with it. I liked that touch that was the boyfriend saying "Liar" when she meant her apology. The unfairness of it all hit me hard. Beautiful story. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! I do like to at least try and keep things realistic. I just find it more fun to write, as well as to read. I really like that everyone is interpreting it in different ways, not majorly different, but just a bit. I liked that line as well! Was trying to show just how much she'd hurt him. Yay for mentioning unfairness! That's really what this is all about, because neither of them actually 'win,' it's a straight out lose-lose situation.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I'm too lazy to log into my account. :) Anyway, I really loved the way you used every word to its full potential, and kept the reader sitting there until you were finished! It was great. Thanks so much for writing such a lovely fiction!Author's Response: Haha I think we've all been there before :P Aww thank you! You almost make me sound like I know what I'm doing! Really does mean a lot coming free you, seeing as you're pretty much the goddess of one-shots. I really am glad you liked it, especially as it wasn't exactly about conventional characters or anything. Report Review
Love it, Jack! It's such an interesting thing to do with Lucy's character -- she's already so neglected as it is.
It's so great how you don't explain outright exactly why Lucy is the way she is, but the reader can definitely draw inferences and assumptions.
And this scene works so well in just 500 words because this anonymous guy represents was has been and/or will be a lifetime of various relationships gone awry for Lucy. He represents a bunch of others, and that allows the fic to be bigger than 500 words, if that makes any sense.
Great job. :-)
MelanieAuthor's Response: Thanks Melanie! Poor Lucy, I really do feel for her, she's got a lot of potential. She's way, way too neglected - I'm saving all those Next-Gen characters! Louis, Lucy, look out Roxanne!
No, I think there are a few hints here and there that help the reader (ie. you) to make a few guesses. Hopefully it's not completely up in the dark.
Yays! That was exactly the point with not naming him. The suggestion that it's happened before and it's all too likely to happen again. That sort of crashing, crushing inevitability. Totally get what you mean and it means a lot. Thanks so much for the review, I am glad you liked it! Report Review
What an amazing one-shot Jack! I adore your Lucy! She's quite amazing - different, and I really love the whole concept behind this. You've given a somewhat common idea - you know, ice-queen sort of thing - a breath of fresh air; Lucy seems a bit more complex, like she really wants to. Like, because she has been loved all her life, she really can't see the value of love.
Anyway, I think the 500 words challenge really suited this. The ideas came across really well - concise and really stood out. The tiny snippet of Lucy's life really broke up the story well, and without making it completely unstructured and messy.
Heartbreak gave him wings.
I think this is my favourite line. There is probably some literary name for twisting things (for some reason pun sticks out but I'm not sure), but I can't think of it right now (or the more likely option being I have never heard it :P). By yes, this line draws to mind "love gives you wings" and to see it flipped like that was clever :)
Time for some speculation! Feel free to ignore this entire section ;) Anyway, I think the reason Lucy can't love, as I said above, is because she is too exposed to love. There were a couple of lines in this which gave me that impression - that she believed she could love, but it wasn't really love. I'm not making sense. I'll stop now :)
ANYWAY, I really adored this, Jack. The concept was perfect for 500 words, there were some really stand-out! lines that really left an impact. Lucy was just lovely - she gave the illusion of perfection (I actually had a picture of those weird clips you see, where the model is running through the sunny field but whenever the camera gets close to her face she twirls away or something.../rambling), but by the end she'd cracked. Overall, amazing job.
(MM review is coming soon!)Author's Response: RAWRS BACK
Ahh well I love all my characters! They're much more important than plot to me. So I do like to do interesting things with them when/if possible :P I'm glad you liked her anyway. I couldn't actually tell you where she came from though, she just sort of popped up in my head and wouldn't go away!
I'd like to say that was all planned out and everything, but really it wasn't at all - got lucky maybe? :P
And again I'd like to say I knew that was a technique. Hahaha I think I just have a nice turn-of-phrase and it's deluding you into thinking all sorts of things.
Yay speculation! Oh no chance, this is my favourite bit. Ooh interesting idea! I'm not going to confirm or deny either way - that would ruin all the fun! :P It is a very, very interesting idea though.
I don't think I could have kept it going for much longer to be honest! Although her character is really quite promising - she's tempting me! Way, way too much. Oh I know exactly what you mean - that's so what I was thinking about as well! Woah, that's crazy - maybe am better than thought?
Thanks so much! Report Review
First review, first review, first review - I've always wanted to be able to say that ^_^
This is also possibly now the quickest review, because it has JUST been validated (within the last 5 minutes)
Again, you've heard it all before but I do not care. You shall hear it again. I love it. The fluttery thing I told you about? Even happened second time round. This is proof of its fantasticallity (definitely not a word this time).
This is the line that really got to me:
- "That's weak. That is so, so weak."
It's just filled with this desperate, horrible hurt. I did have to pause at that point and wait a second to carry on - that was the impact.
Now, you are going to tell me I am being silly and perhaps I am but I just adore it. It makes such a change from everything else of yours that I've read (I mean, your sentences have gained subjects - that's a novelty). It's proof that you can turn from the humour of MM to the seriousness and ... despair, I guess, of something like this, and along with that, proof that you are a brilliant writer.
Now, go and hide if you want but I shall still expect those answers for Collette at TGS ;)
At the very least, I hope this cheers you up.
Ffantastig (I'll let you guess what that one means)
xxAuthor's Response: Hahahaha most definitely the quickest and firstest! Awesome one too XD
I'm still totally not convinced, even the second time round. It's still nice of you to say it though.
-Calls you a silly- Thank you though. That sense of hurt is exactly what I wanted to come through with it - that line in particular. Just so completely and utterly different to, as you point out, MM that I can't quite bring myself to agree with you as much as I normally would :P
I answered them! Promise. I'm sure they're utterly and completely wrong but I did answer them!
Umm so ffantastig review! That works right? Seriously though, thanks for this - really does mean a lot. Report Review
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