Yes I know I read your stories in a backwards fashion, but alas I have now read this one. Everytime I read one of your stories Susan, I come back thinking wow that was amazing, then I read another one and think wow that was even more amazing. You are a very gifted and talented writer.
Now onto the story, I loved the flow of this one-shot even though it would jumble from different parts not going straight from one scene to the next. It was perfect the direction of the writting flawless. Especially the ending, the tragic ending, and when Moody says about dying alone, very emotionally touching. Beautiful work Susan darling.
LoreAuthor's Response: This story is different from the other Grimm ones in being more separated from them. I thought initially that "ad memoriam" would be the last, and so that too includes Grimm's death, but this story fits in the middle of that one, and so making the series work chronologically is no longer a successful venture. :P
So reading this one out of order from the rest doesn't matter at all - that's what I'm trying to say. ;)
Anyway, thank you so much for this review! You're much too kind, and you've found my weak spots - this story and Grimm - so any compliment of it really means an incredible amount. ^_^ Thank you!
I seriously cried in this chapter, I finished your mini Grimm series and it's completely enthralled and captivated me. Reading part IV kind of ruined part I for me though XD This is brilliant writing and this has got to be one of my favorite mini series or whatever you want to call them. :)Author's Response: Really? Oh wow, I'm sorry to have made you cry! It is, however, excellent to know that the emotion was that effective, and even better that you've enjoyed the Grimm series that much. It means a lot to hear that from you. Thank you! ^_^ Report Review
In the first paragraph, do you truly mean mourning sickness, or is that supposed to be morning sickness?
When I first started reading, I wondered briefly if this was going to be like a book I once read (for the life of me, I can't recall the title . . . it's in a box in the garage; one of my mother's books) about a scientist who invented a serum that would allow him to travel back in time mentally, though his physical body traipsed around in the present. There were a whole bunch of problems, naturally, and at the end, he was hit by a train while wandering in his trance.
That was COMPLETELY off topic. Before I get properly on topic, I haven't read "This Longing," as I'm sure you know, so I'm not familiar with Tiberius Grimm (he must be a favorite [original] character of yours, to meet the requirements of this challenge) or his history with McGonagall. Therefore, I'm not entirely sure if there are undercurrents of meaning I may be missing, but this does seem like a piece perfectly capable of standing on its own.
I'll address structure first. You do seem to like breaking up stories into segments and arranging the segments in an unexpected order, don't you? I don't notice a lot of writers doing it, which is probably because writing it presents logisitical challenges at times and also because it demands more from the readers. We have to pay attention and not just snooze and skim through it. (Your stories are easy and enjoyable to pay attention to, though. You always manage to grab me somehow.)
Back to structure. I think it works perfectly fine to have four different points of view in this piece, though if you hadn't broken the story up this way, it likely would have seemed strange. Naturally, Grimm's POV was very important, as was Minerva's. These POVs addressed the emotional undercurrents of the events. Moody's POV was used to describe the more technical aspects of the death . . . the fact-finding mission. Frank was included again to show emotionality--Moody's, this time. I am impressed by your usage of minor characters to more fully describe the major ones.
Characters: I loved McGonagall! She is one of my favorite characters, and I thought you did her justice. Your style of writing, which tends to feel a bit old-fashioned, suits her very well. I don't know much about Grimm, but I enjoyed him as a character. I believe I got a decent feel for what sort of person he is.
Plot: I don't have a problem with it. I enjoyed it. I found it very interesting to view the death period from so many angles. It reminded me a bit of a crime/police drama of sorts, with more emphasis on the drama.
Realism/Plausibility: Obviously, this isn't going to happen in the so-called real world. However, I thought the characters seemed very real, as did all the emotions they experienced. Everything your characters did, I can imagine without having to stretch and reach for it.
Excellent and thoroughly enjoyable.Author's Response: The pun on "mourning sickness" fits too well, and I can't change it, even if it is a typo (which it actually is, but shush). It's just too perfect. XD
That book actually sounds pretty interesting - I had a somewhat similar idea in another story of mine, but it didn't have that same problem of the body remaining in the present time. Instead, the overuse of the time-travel potion caused one to fall into a coma or go mad. Maybe I've also come across that book somewhere in the distant past and it inspired that idea. ;)
The undercurrents are heavily restrained here in order to make the story stand more on its own (I hope). There were more things I was going to slip in, but they would have required too much exposition, and I wanted to keep things on the simpler side, especially with the timeline jumping around like it does.
The out-of-order story is something I experimented with for a time. I think it's out of my system now, but it's still fun to try and write because I have to try and keep everything in order too, putting together the pieces of the story in a way that doesn't entirely rely on linear time. I'm glad that it works to keep the reader's attention and makes it more of a challenge to read. It's the kind of story I would prefer to read myself. ;)
Frank was a random addition, so I'm very pleased that he added to the story. I wasn't sure if that part of Moody's narrative would work because I was switching away from him, but it was necessary in order to show more of his feelings. It couldn't be done from his perspective because he would do too much to block it out, rather like McGonagall does, and I wanted more feeling, even in that technical portion of the story. This part was more mystery-like, which I enjoyed doing, and it was definitely inspired by crime dramas, which can be so wonderfully deep and entrancing, and I wanted to capture some of that same feeling here.
The characters being realistic and understandable for the reader is mostly what I was looking for in regard to plausibility. I'm trying to make this an original story, and making the plot work in the real world isn't working at all. There has to be either a historical or fantasy/sci-fi element to it, and how that element will work is something I'm still trying to construct.
Anyway, thank you very much for your review. You're so detailed that it's really inspiring to read and respond to each of your reviews. :D Report Review
Wow, that was hard to read. Beautifully written, of course, but hard to read.
They might have learned, how to become flexible and become stronger together, but they never did.Author's Response: Hard as in all of the time displacements and perspectives, or in the sadness of the storyline? I can believe either or even a combination of both, as it is a "heavy" story in both ways.
However, it's wonderful that you liked how it was written. The characters are annoyingly flawed, which makes their romance imperfect and impossible. That's perhaps the most painful thing of all. Report Review
Susan, how? How do you manage to write such amazing one shots??? I must say, you have the originality/descriptions/characterizations going for you. They are flawless. well the characters have flaws making them realistic but everything else just flows across the page (or screen of my computer)
My favorite lines in this entire piece of amazement:
"A sound from far away, a knocking ringing knocking ringing, further and further away now, growing more distant, distant now, no longer to be heard in the growing, raging silence that is nothing and everything.
It all stops. "
I love how you repeated "It stops. It all stops" at the end again too. I think it connected well and ended nicely. I also think having so many different views helped the story, rather than hurt it. I love reading in new perspectives and I love how this one turned out. They really add to the emotions and you get a feel for not only one character, but many. Like with Minerva, I just felt ready to cry with her.
Another thing I love about your writing is how it makes me breathless, stop and think for a moment "What if this happened to someone I knew or it was me?" I love how you draw the readers in with every word, line etc.
Write a book please? Seriously Susan, if this is your hpff, I'd love to see your original stuff (Actually never mind, I have..I believe at fiction central I have read some of your work, as I'm an author there too) :)
*is favoriting*Author's Response: Um... I don't know. They just come out this way. :/ I write what I see in my head, or whatever words my brain comes up with. It's strange because sometimes the words and images are just there - they hit me (often in the shower or before I fall asleep - don't ask :P). As for the characters, I spend a lot of time listening and observing people to see what they do and how they act, then I use those things for my characters. I'm glad it works. :D
That paragraph you've picked out was my favourite to write for this story. I loved doing the repetition, as though these words and noises were echoing in Grimm's mind as he died. The part before the "it all stops" comes from reading too much poetry, though (Yeats and/or Dylan Thomas, it sounds rather like them). I think I enjoyed writing this whole story too much - it's like a regurgitation of so many things that I've been reading and thinking about lately, which made it oddly satisfying to read.
I'm very glad that the multiple perspectives didn't hurt the story. I got so confused writing and editing this that I worried that readers would as well. The story feels like a giant spiral. XD
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, Sarah. It means so much to hear from you, especially on these later stories, which are as close to original fiction as I am at the moment. It wouldn't take much to de-Potterize them, so perhaps that book isn't too far away. :P Report Review
I don't even know where to begin... But I do have this vague sense that if you don't start publishing original fiction soon I am going to have to eat your face! This is so beautiful in every way. I am not TOO familiar with Grimm and Minerva's relationship, but even being a bit behind in that regard, this one-shot can completely stand alone. I love the way you play with time and point of view. It keeps the suspense building. I also think that you're the best at using descriptions to create emotional intensity... I typically hate description, but in your stories I get the feeling that it is never wasted or used carelessly - but like a fine tool. The emotional intensity of the characters mixed with the mundane attitudes of others just builds and builds. Somehow in this relatively short space of words, you've conveyed a lifetime of romance and drama and angst and ... whoah... Seriously ... get publishing original fiction or die! :PAuthor's Response: *hides face* Eat my face! :O That is very serious, I'll have to find a place to publish pronto. :P Though I have actually started poking around - it's only my timidity that's holding me back.
It is meant to stand alone, however much it's tied into other stories - I didn't want to get too much into detail about backstory because that would have been too much, overwhelming the rest of the story (not to mention that it's already a very long short story). It's great that the whole romance was clearly built into the story - I wasn't sure how much readers would be in the dark, seeing that it's all there in my head, and sometimes I forget to explain things so that others can understand. ;)
Playing with time in this story was my favourite part of writing it. Every section fits into the next, based not on chronology, but on thematic similarities. I kept flipping back and forth while writing so that I wouldn't mess anything up and so that the hours would seem about right. It's a kind of story that I've never written before, and I'm just glad that it made any sense at all.
Well, I'm also glad that the emotion worked. I almost cried writing this because there was so much pain in it, so much unreached potential. It is an intense story, and I'm very glad that you liked reading it (or that it moved you, as it's hard to "like" or "enjoy" sad stories like this one). Thank you very much for the review, Jessi. It means a lot to hear from you. ^_^ Report Review
... so funny story, I read Jekyll and Hyde yesterday (for the first time ever for my eng. lit. degree course). I can't fully tell, but I think it helped how I read this.
I also haven't read any of your other Grimm Tales (I know, I'm a bad person), but this is so tragic and beautiful. I absolutely loved all of it, and it's obviously going straight into my favourites. I'd never have thought someone could write so much McGonagall, who I never even considered writing fanfiction about before, which such astronomical success. It's amazing! And Grimm is a fantastic character, I shall have to read more of your Grimm Tales.
100/10, as always Susan.
Jenny.Author's Response: Did it actually help? That's interesting, since I just added the name as a joke of my own - but when I think about it, the name does fit the "moral" of the story about experimentation, etc. The original story is an exciting one, and the more I think about it, the more I can see how it influenced this story. :D
I don't even know why I write so much McGonagall - I like her as a character, but she's not one people normally write fanfiction about because so little is known about her, and she seems pretty straight forward in the books. It's wonderful that you enjoyed this story and that the sense of tragedy really showed through. It was supposed to be just a mystery, but it became something else, perhaps better. :P
Thank you very much for this review, Jenny. It was amazing to hear from you! ^_^
I'll admit I was moved to tears. Maybe it's that I have really come to love Grimm, and this universe you have created. He's so real, so human, and yet something more too. I don't know quite how to describe what I mean, but his character, so carefully written and presented with precision and an air of someone the author, you, knows well. I am not surprised that he has been mistaken for a canon character. I eagerly await each new installment to 'This Longing', and was intensely surprised and pleased to see this unexpected addition to the story.
Anyway, as to this piece. I loved it. The way you formatted it added immensely to the emotional upheaval of the plot, and the tragedy of the characters. It's an almost anti-climactic ending to a powerful character, but it suits him. It's unexpected, something I appreciate about your work. And yet it's the perfect explanation for his character. That in the end, despite all his brilliance, he is felled by his own mistake. Sequestered away in his own house, with no assistant or anything of the sort.
The meeting with Minerva is amazing too. I love the allusions you make, a couple that have shown up in the other two one shots. Like his proposal, and their ill fated romance that refuses to really die away. I love this part.
"He would see her one last time. Minerva. He had to tell her about this, had to let her know that goodbye would be goodbye this time. There would be no coming back with an apology and a kiss, no winning her over again and again, cracking the rockhard surface of her heart, each time harder than the next."
It sums up their history. The young love, the mistakes, all the trying and failing they've gone through. And then in the end the regrets they both have comes through. Minerva not quite believing he's really dying, at least not as he says. The last few lines are what got me, when she knocks and he doesn't answer, and she knows.
Oh my gosh, I just love this piece. It's powerful and so full of things to gush about. You did such an amazing job writing this, your talent knows no bounds. I love seeing where you started and where you've come to. This is superb, and definitely one of the best pieces you've ever produced. You put a lot into you characters, and you deliver such exquisite work. I love this.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this review, Shiloh, and I'm very sorry for taking so long to respond to it. I was very surprised to see another review for this story and I've read this review a few times, enjoying its words. I really appreciate that you took the time to write such a long review. ^_^
Moved you to tears?! Wow, I want to say that it's amazing, however cruel that sounds - it means that the story worked and that the characters were sympathetic. It was something I was worried about, that the fragmented plot would prevent people from feeling for the characters. But that's clearly not the case. :D
I'm also very glad that the formatting added to the story. There were times when writing that even I got confused as to what was going on and when it was happening. XD But it's wonderful that you found it heightened the emotions and the tragedy of the story. And it is very tragic - I meant it more as a mystery-type plot, but it became something far more than that. It really captures Grimm and McGonagall's relationship in a way that the previous stories hadn't, which made it at once exciting and troubling to write. And it also encapsulates Grimm's character, like you said. It's the only ending that really suits him.
Thank you again for this review! It means so much to have heard from you. *huggles* Report Review
This was so utterly perfect and heart-breaking. I don't know how else to describe it. It left me speechless. That last part killed me (in the very best way possible). I debated whether I should read this or not, thinking I didn't want any spoilers, but I'm so happy I did. If anything, this makes me more excited to read the rest of This Longing, as morbid as that sounds.
I really liked the format you have here. So very, very effective.
Excellent work, as always :) A trillion/10Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much, Dani! In a horrible way, I'm glad that the ending was so powerful - when I first came up with how I wanted it to go, I cried, it was that painful. Having them miss each other by moments reflects their entire relationship - all hits and misses, never consistent.
I tried not to give too much away for TL, leaving me some holes to fill in later on - I'm awful for changing my mind. :P Report Review
Oh, gosh, Susan, that was just... so fun to read! :) I mean, you have this plot line planned out in such a short amount of time, and it moved quickly and didn't miss a beat. I really enjoyed it, especially reading the different PoVs. 10/10
- RinAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you, Rin! :D It's wonderful to hear from you, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed this story.
Knowing that the plot actually made sense helps a lot because, the way this story came out, I was worried that it would be horribly confusing. Telling a story, especially a one-shot, from so many different points of view was a challenge, but I'm really glad that it worked out for the best. ^_^ Report Review
That was very sad and it had alot of emotion, well written.Author's Response: Thank you very much! ^_^ Report Review
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