Ilia! Why, hello there. I thought I'd leave a review on your entry to your amazing challenge.
This story is very interesting. It feels like an exerpt from a bigger story. And you know I'm a sucker for angsty things.
The idea is something I've thought about before and that makes much sense to me; ex-followers of He Who Must Not Be Named using Harry's children to exact revenge after many years so I really enjoyed this plot.
The ending is so horrible: they have no idea what to do. I'm a little worried for them. It only leaves me wanting to know more ~ what do they end up doing?
Anyway. Thanks for sharing. I still remember the excitement this challenge brought to me.
--AxjionAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you liked this story. I wanted to make this a longer story, but I'm afraid I won't have time. I'll keep this up, though, as a little teaser =P
That's the beauty of one-shots; I don't have to tell you what happens! You can create your own ending from what I've already given to you =P
Thank you so much! Report Review
what happens next? do they save James? will Ginny sacrifice herself? I really wasn't expecting it to be about James and Harry or this situation to be honest. For some reason I thought it was about Sirius and I don't know why? I am so intrigued but this story, will you carry it on? I reckon you could make a bigger story out of this one shot.
10/10Author's Response: Haha, thank you! I appreciate your review and your questions! I was actually planning on making a long story based on this one-shot, but I don't know if I'll have the time to do that. Thank you so much, though! I'm so glad you like the story! Report Review
oh no! No ending? We don't get to find out what happened? Honestly the ending is kind of leaving us hanging there, but it doesn't seem as if resolving the crisis was your goal with this, am I right?
I like the whole idea/plot you have with this, but it wasn't exactly smooth in its transitions. For example the line:
"Lily and Albus were in bed by then, exhausted from the emotional and physical demands of saving a loved one’s life. It was four in the morning."
seems very out of place. In my opinion it would make more sense towards the very beginning of this piece. introduce Harry and Ginny fighting, sitting and pacing, then put in this little line. From there you can explain what's happened. It also keeps the whole issue a secret a bit longer which I think could be very cool. It keeps your reader guessing!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: Thank you! No, it was supposed to end on a sour note. This is just a sneak peek of one scene of what I see to be a long story. Thanks so much for reviewing!
I see your point; it does seem a bit out of place. But with the challenge being 500 words exactly, I had a hard time putting everything in that I wanted, and that resulted in some not-so-smooth transitions and things of the sort. Thanks for pointing it out!
Thanks for your review! ^-^ Report Review
amazing so far. write more please.Author's Response: Thank you! I hope to get the novel out sometime in the future. =) Report Review
Hello dear! I'm sorry this review is so long in coming, RL got nuts for a while. But I'm finally here!
And I loved it. You have a stunning 500 word story. They're hard to capture sometimes, the length can seem limiting (I suck at them) but you took a scene and it doesn't feel cut off or incomplete. The struggle Harry and GInny are facing comes across perfectly, with their desperation and anxiety nicely communicated. Well done! I really enjoyed this.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: Oh, it's no problem. I'm sorry I'm so late in responding. Thank you! 500 words is a nightmare, but I actually liked writing it. It was kind of like a game - gotta get it exact, you know? Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it ^_^ Report Review
Awww. Wow. Oh my goodness, I can see Harry and Ginny having some kind of crisis during their children's youth, and this seems like the kind of crisis that would once again face Harry Potter.
It is upsetting to see that something happened to him, and it's so sad to read the conversation between husband and wife about finding out what to do.
Wowww, this was just a downer, Ilia! :P No matter how beautiful.
It was so short though, and I want to read more! Unless it's for a challenge, I would love to see it become a short story. ;)
10/10Author's Response: Drue! Thank you! I'm so glad you liked this. I won't lie, I love being mean to Harry Potter. It's so easy. XD
I'm going to expand this into a novel eventually, so I hope you keep an eye out for it. =)
Thank you so much! Report Review
Haha, well I like the idea. It's very creative; it kind of reminds me of a movie plot! I also have a lot of questions flowing around in my head now. What does the rest of the wizarding world think of James? Do they know he's being used as a puppet? How old is everyone -- are all the kids graduated from Hogwarts? How long has it been since James was captured?
Personally, I think this would have worked better if this scene was actually in the story (in the novel), rather than as a prequel. I feel like nothing progressive happens in short prequels like this or in prologues - the author just sets the stage for the actual story. So if you wanted a prequel, it would've been better to write the scene of James sitting in the bar with his friends and then him getting attacked or everything going black. That way, the readers would think, "Whoa, what happened?!" And then they'd be intrigued!
I also didn't like how this ended. Even though it's a prequel and I know there will be a continuation, there should still be some sort of a conclusion. Just like there should be a conclusion with each chapter, but even more so because this is a one-shot. This story felt like more of a fragment of a sentence; as if it ended with a comma, when it should've ended with an ellipsis.
I understand that you only could use 500 words, which I understand is extremely hard. I do like the plot and you can count on me to look for the novel when it comes!Author's Response: Thank you! Questions are good. I was expecting a lot of confusion with this, and I have no intention to answer them until the novel comes out. =P
While I am flattered to receive your unrequested review, I don't believe it is your place to tell me what I should have done. I have done what I, as the writer, thought was best, and that's the end of it.
Thank you for your input. Report Review
This was...wow. Intense. You captured the dynamic between Harry and Ginny with the conflict over the potential of losing the other versus never getting their son back. I also think it's cool that you did your own challenge with this as well. I'm almost scared to take on my own challenge. I think I'll do it in a month, when people have forgotten and I won't put the challenge tag on there. I can't wait to see how the coming novel turns out.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the mini-plot. =P XD Your challenge was awesome, and it just happened to match nicely with my own. Thanks so much! Report Review
Hello there! Molly from TGS here with your requested review. I'm sorry that it's taken me a little longer than usual to get to this; I've been extremely busy as of late.
I'm not sure what to make of it, if I'm being honest. That's not to say that it wasn't great, because it was! It just felt like this was an excerpt of a story and now I want more! To say that you've woken the sleeping beast that is my curiosity simply wouldn't suffice. Now I'm sitting here at my laptop, trying not to grumble at the fact that it's over as I write up this review, lol.
For being such a small piece, it packed a lot of punch. Harry and Ginny's anxiety was tangible, and I felt sorry for them. For James. It wasn't as though he had asked for it. No one had, yet Harry, once again, has the responsibility resting on his shoulders. Poor guy can never catch a break, can he?
The dialogue flowed extraordinarily well and seemed very realistic. Opposed to full-length novels where this sort of situation arises and heated words are suddenly being spewed, this had a build up. It went from a rational discussion to a totally irrational suggestion from a mother who's just trying to save her son. I could feel her heartache as well as her determination to get her son back, and also Harry's emotions.
Like I said before, now I'm curious as to what happened at the end. Did they get James back? Was he truly evil? Will we ever know?
This was wonderful! Good job!
MollyAuthor's Response: I totally understand. Thanks for taking the time to look at this. =)
Thank you! I know what you mean - it's rather confusing. But I'm so glad you're interested! I have the whole novel's plot planned out, but I don't know if it will ever be written. This is just one scene that serves as the foundation for the novel, and I figured it would be a 'trailer' of sorts, if this were a film. I'm glad you like it!
Thank you! It's such a high compliment to hear that this 500-word piece 'packed a lot of punch.' I'm never nice to Harry. XD
I originally didn't have the emotional tie-in in this conversation, but I felt it added more, so I added a little husband-and-wife drama. XD
Thank you so much! I'm glad you're interested ^_^ Report Review
Hello, Ilia! I saw this and wanted to drop you a quick review telling you how great your writing is. ^_^
I thought it was great how you used the title you were given for GrayLady's challenge -- it seems ironic in a way. And I also like that that's really what this fic is, a short conversation that leaves the reader dangling, wondering what happened next. But wow, for 500 words, you managed to pack in quite a bit of background, so that it was perfectly clear why they were having this conversation in the first place!
You have a good handle on Harry's and Ginny's characterization, too -- I know this was short, and it was mainly just dialogue between them, but still it seemed like you had a strong image of them in mind.
I enjoyed this a lot!
MelanieAuthor's Response: Hi, Mel! Thanks so much! I'm flattered ^_^
The rules for that challenge were to have some sort of irony. With my title, I wasn't allowed to use the genres fluff or humor. I quite like the effect the irony has on the story as a whole. =)
XD I don't know what prompted me to take my own challenge (perhaps my huge ego took over my brain for a while) but I actually can't imagine a conversation like this taking place in a longer story.
If there's one thing I know, it's people. I study them, to be honest. In real life, I just sit and watch people. It's good to know that's paying off in my writing.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your drop-by review =) Report Review
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