"This person shall be your partner for the year. Exchanges are unable to be made, Miss Evans. Oh, we'll start simple. Sleeping Draught, please!"
So Slughorn! Good work!
I also really loved the tiny Lily thing. Written so well I totally wish I could ride around in James Potter's hood for the day.
TAuthor's Response: -covers face in embarrassment- I wrote that, didn't I? Well, I'm glad I got Slughorn right at least! Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Aww what a beautiful way to end this chapter! Tragic but beautiful.
(And now I've completely stuffed up the review I was planning because I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Otherwise it would have gone something like this:
Best part? "Years of careful observation." James grinned at her charmingly. It was a serious statement, covered and amended with a joke.
"More like stalking," Lily joked back.
"Okay, so stalking," he grinned cheekily.
Haha! Oh gosh I love how you write their banter! )
Ahem yes. And now I shall leave with my warm fuzziness in tow to read your next piece of brilliance. Yay!Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it. I cringe in embarrassment at how I wrote it because my style has changed so much, but I'm glad you like it anyway. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I really like this story...I've never looked at it this way and I like it.*professional voice* my only advice is that you reread your chapters before you submit them and maybe if you could have someone else read them too. It would probably be helpful...great job and keep writing!Author's Response: I can say I don't remember it much. It went through so many revisions (if you think these chapters need work, you should've seen the earlier versions), and it got to the point where I didn't care about quality, I wanted it to be over. I like to finish things I start; leaving it on hiatus forever makes me uncomfortable.
I do promise to go back and fix them one day. Just... Don't check out its sequel, okay? Because those aren't getting fixed.
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
This is a great start! (I know you've already completed the entire story so I sound like a bit of a douche saying so) but awesome first chapter. Sets the scene and the L-J relationship really well. Can't wait to read the rest!
TAuthor's Response: Haha, it's okay! I feel like that when I review completed stories!
I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for the review! Report Review
I read that last word and I was like NO. You absolutely HAVE to keep writing because I NED to know what happens during Christmas break! You should get Lily and James together or something! Really. I. Am. Dead. Serious. That was really good. So you gotta keep going and don't give up... I WILL be reading it!Author's Response: Don't worry, it's on its way. Well, more metaphorically. I've had it written for something close to three years, and I'll get it up after I get my challenges in.
And, just so you know, I think you'll like the Christmas break story.
Thanks so much for reviewing. Report Review
oh god please write sooon
this is so goodAuthor's Response: I really am trying. No excuses, I just haven't gotten to it. I'm more focused on Until We Die at the moment, which I also haven't updated like a lameface, but I should this weekend, after my ACT. Report Review
ohhh snap!! sorry i just couldnt resist, that was so far one of the biggest mistakes that James has made!Author's Response: It is the biggest mistake he makes, more or less.
Thank you so much for reviewing! It always brightens my day. Report Review
haha! i LOVED it! that was AMAZING! : DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
aweee! : ( poor Lilly, i did love it, it was amazingly well writen! : DAuthor's Response: Poor Lily, but she is eventually okay. Thank you, I'm glad you thought it was well-written! I like to take my time with the chapters, so that was lovely feedback. Report Review
awee!! i LOVED it! that was AMAZING it was AMAZING! : DAuthor's Response: Thank you very, very much. I really do appreciate it. Report Review
really good :) i like it alot.
~Luna65Author's Response: Thank you. Very, very much. Report Review
keep going!! great story!! 1 million/10Author's Response: Wow, thanks! Report Review
you need to continue itAuthor's Response: I am working very hard to continue it. Report Review
you need to continue itAuthor's Response: I will, I promise. Report Review
i love it XDXDXDXDAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I loved this chapter. It reminded me of 'Gulliver's Travels', which is one of my favorite stories.
I also like that Lily was able to appreciate the assistance James was giving her.
PAuthor's Response: I think I'll check out that story.
I tried to make Lily less of an ungrateful wench and to give her a softer personality. Of course, she gets angry and she has weird personality switches. But she's in mourning, and as she begins to adjust to life again, it will pan out.
Thank you much for reviewing. Report Review
Favorite line: '"Years of careful observation." James grinned at her charmingly.' My least favorite line came right after this: 'It was a serious statement, covered and amended with a joke.' That one seems extraneous. That's exactly what I got from the quote itself. They say that great writing is about showing, not telling. You've shown us in the first line what's happening in James' heart - you don't need to tell us, too.
The last part of this was great. I think James is realizing that he has to treat her with kid gloves this year.
I'm excited to read on. Well done so far.
PalomaAuthor's Response: I do tend to reiterate... a lot. So I thank you very much for you kindly-phrased critque. I have future reference now and that's always a great thing. I'll watch extra hard for those!
I do enjoy my parts with Peter. He is going to be a lot more prominent than most people seem to make him.
I am very happy you want to read on. That's so encouraging.
Thank you dearly for reviewing. Report Review
I really like the beginning of this. I particularly appreciate that you haven't revealed too much too soon, so that there are plenty of reasons to read on.
That's what I'm going to do right now.
PAuthor's Response: Ooh yay! I always fear I'm moving too quickly, simply because I hate exposition. In original stories I write, I usually always skip the expostion and jump straight to the initial incident and things pick up as I go. I tried very hard not to do that in this story. So your comment was especially helpful.
Thank you so, so much. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Report Review
I love this so much! Please update soon.
I love the shrinking potion twist, it is so unique I haven't seen anything like it :) Aw James..cute. Poor Lily! Her dad :( Please update soon!Author's Response: I'll try. Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Loved it :] poor Lily... I love Sirius' hilarious inability to keep his mouth shut or say anything halfway polite.
10/10! Update soon!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I have plans to get one up this very night, if possible! Report Review
this was really good! its interesting too! hmm...i wondering whats bugging lily? oh well i guess ill just read and find out! keep writing!Author's Response: Yep, it's all there in the next chapter! Thanks so much. Report Review
A funny thing happened here. I like your story; it's quirky, clever, cut-to-the-chase good. But in a way, it sounds just like this chapter in one of my stories (an un-posted, futuer chapter), which is why I think it's funny (not literally of course). You're whole James being HB and Lily thinks he's lying and that Remus is actually HB is like exactly what I wrote to. But great minds think alike, right? Haha. Great start. Can't wait to read on.
EnnaBellaPotterAuthor's Response: Great minds think alike. Wow, that's weird. Good weird though, I think. Hey, at least we know that neither one is copying! That's a great plus! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
i really like this story i hope you update soon!Author's Response: I'm working on it! Thanks so much! Report Review
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