Reading Reviews for Vengeance
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sabya Sachi Vengeance

21st June 2010:
Nice! :)
I love it..

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Review #2, by castaspell Vengeance

18th May 2010:
I really enjoyed this. I thought it was very good with the character's emotions. And it moved me that Regulus died for the love of his life.

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Review #3, by TheTenthWeasley Vengeance

2nd April 2010:
Amazing. I really don't know how I didn't figure out that everything would lead to R.A.B.'s note, but I suppose that was better, because I got a cold surprise when I saw it. It was very creative, using that as the reason for writing the note.
10/10 x

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Review #4, by AngelEyez3954 Vengeance

31st March 2010:
This was very beautifully written, and it was a very realistic account about what led to Regulus' betrayal. I thought that his characterization and the characterizations of his parents were perfect. Adelaide is also a very believable character. I'm sad that she was mad at him when he died.

My only suggestion would be to back and fix the spacing of the paragraphs, as I found it a bit difficult to stay focused on the story with the large paragraph breaks.

Great work :)

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Review #5, by purplestars4life Vengeance

15th January 2010:
that was amazing. i enjoyed every second. it was perfect. a perfect life story for the regulus that we never knew about. this story filled in the gaps for me. even though jkr didnt write it i felt like she did.
good job and i loved this!

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Review #6, by quibblerfan135 Vengeance

13th January 2010:
hehe an unusual twist to the story-i like it. its good although it kinda felt a bit short! but that's just me wanting more of the flashbacks=) um oh and you write dinner when i'm pretty sure you mean diner. overall i think this story actually made me like regalus more and it kind of makes sense of the fact he killed himself for the horcrux =) thanks x

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Review #7, by midniterush21 Vengeance

26th October 2009:
aww that was so sad, but excellently written! adelaid/regulus would make a great love story.

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Review #8, by midnightblack07 Vengeance

15th October 2009:
Wow, very good take on Regulus' last few hours, and the motivation behind his decision to bring down Voldemort :)
I always found this to be one of the most tragic parts in HP because we have no indication that Sirius ever knew about the truth behind his brother's end :(

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Review #9, by RonsGirlFriday Vengeance

3rd October 2009:
Hi there! I'm here with your request from TGS!

I enjoyed this a lot. I especially liked how you switched back and forth between the present and past scenes. Sometimes flashbacks aren't great, but I think that alternating consistently like this can be effective.

My biggest criticism is that I would have liked to see more development overall -- for example, more development of Adelaide's character, why/how they fell in love, etc. I say that because you concentrated a lot on things that happened before the actual poisoning, so I think you could have expanded some things. I also really wanted some more development in the very last scene, when he decided to take his vengeance -- it was such a crucial moment, I think you could have definitely given it more attention. ^_^

The characterizations all seemed very good, though I wanted to see a little more development of the relationship between Regulus and his parents. I had all these questions floating around in my head, like Why didn't they disown Regulus for this? and How did Regulus maintain his relationship for so long? Why wasn't he more suspicious of his parents from the beginning?

Your grammar is good -- I only noticed a few grammar and punctuation things here and there (like some misplaced commas), but they weren't glaring enough that they disrupted my reading.

The flow was nice, although towards the end I felt like the fic was rushing towards its conclusion. That just sort of relates back to what I said earlier -- you could perhaps draw things out a bit more.

I was left with some confusion about a couple of things (although that might be more my problem than yours, so please take this with a grain of salt). I assumed Regulus told Adelaide he was promised to someone else, as a way of protecting her, right? It was the only reason I could think to explain why he would say that. And with the note at the end -- with the way you've written this story, I assumed the "secret" he discovered is no longer the secret about the Horcruxes, but rather the plot to kill his girlfriend? But did he send Kreacher to place the note in the locket and replace the original Horcrux? I was a bit confused as to his dying orders to Kreacher, since I wasn't sure how much of a twist you meant to put on what happened in canon.

All in all, I think this is a very good entry for the staff challenge! Thanks for requesting! ^_^

8/10

Melanie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this, it's an awesome critique. I'll definately keep everything you said in my head when I'm writing.

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Review #10, by MarauderAddict Vengeance

30th September 2009:
Oh, that's so sad.

I've never realy seen Regulus as a nice person, or as a loving person, but this story gave a completely different perspective.

It was actually really sad, and I'm on the verge of tears right now. I'd ask you to continue, but it's a one shot.

That was absolutely brilliant :D

MarauderAddict ~!~
10

Author's Response: Oh wow thanks! :) I kinda liked writing Regulus as the non bad guy! I'm also happy that I almost made you cry. I love writing sad stories. Thanks for the review!

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Review #11, by Siriusly Smitten x Vengeance

27th September 2009:
In response to the review you requested:

Firstly, I think as a response to a staff challenge, your take on the loss of Regulus is great. I thought his character for the most part, was pretty close to canon. I had never given much thought to Regulus falling in love, and how his family would play a part in that, but you captivated his feelings very nicely.

Perhaps if this wasn't for a challenge, and you made it longer, a further development of your OC would be cool, just so readers can get a clearer understanding of the type of girl Regulus fell for. We read shes a Ravenclaw, and he met her because they were Head Boy and Girl, but it must have taken a lot for Regulus to fall for someone from another house. Perhaps if you ever did decide to expand this story, you could look at that aspect?

I like what you did with the poison. Definitely something I can see Regulus doing.

Something to improve on. The dialogue was a little corny, but I'm a fan of fluffy nonsense, so yay.

Was there a word limit to this challenge? If not, a little more detail wouldn't go astray. But, overall, great one-shot. The ending was very effective, and you kept the larger plot to canon (Voldemort, Regulus parents, Regulus finding out about the horcruxes), which is nice to see.

Hope this helps for further writing.

Author's Response: Thank you for the critique. I know I definately need to work on my dialogue when I write. It definately helped me loads. Thanks again :)

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Review #12, by civilized Vengeance

26th September 2009:
This is really powerful. It has such a strong voice, and you totally nailed the staff challenge. You know, you'd have my vote if I weren't already writing my own piece for it... :]

Weird. I have no criticism. Usually I am just a fountain of it, so take it as a very high compliment that I, civilized, have nothing to improve this. Good job!

A few things I especially liked:
-Your character building. I was almost in tears when Reg told Adelaide that lie about him getting married, and that was fairly early in the story! You gave such insight to the characters in very few words, and for that, I applaud you.
-I love your flashbacks. Some people write flashbacks and they do nothing for the story at all except fill space, but yours build and build upon everything previously written, then set the stage perfectly for whatever is next.
-Alright. Some people, when they're doing a challenge, read the challenge (in this case, Staff #4), have the plot bunnies jump around in their heads, butcher their own ideas, then post it for the world to see. And that's putting it lightly. But you, with this story, I was so caught up in it all that I forgot it was even a part of the challenge until I was done, and I was so excited. This is really one of the best entries for the challenge (besides my own, of course, which it currently a WIP ;]).

Truly, this is great. KEEP WRITING! I'll be keeping my eyes out for more of your fantastic work.

Author's Response: Wow your review was so nice, it almost made me cry! Thank you so much for taking the time :) It's greatly appreciated. It helps so much to know what you are doing right and wrong!

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