kjhdafbjfjdv. okay. i LOVE this beginning. and the way you write is just so relatable. gah. okay. waiting for the next chapter :) Report Review
I know it was a short first chapter but seriously you've got some talent. Def. keep going with this story.
Cheers!Author's Response: Thank you! Working on it! Report Review
You have a good story coming into play, but you should fix, or at least try to do a few things.
Don't start so many sentences with "I" - you can use them, just not so often.. It can get a little boring, and it makes you sound like a bad writer when you aren't. Also, don't start any story in the midst of an action-y part, unless you plan to start the next paragraph, or even chapter, telling what happened and what lead to it.
I noticed that you had a few sentences that didn't end with a period, question mark, or exclamation point. You also sometimes put a period after quotation marks after someone spoke, and you already put an ending mark before them. You don't need to do that.
Okay. :] That's all. All-in-all, though, you have a good opening chapter, and a good story in the making.
Please don't take any offense to what I said (my friends say that I can be a bit harsh sometimes), I'm just trying to help.Author's Response: Don't feel bad at all! I like critical reviews, because while I can pull stories out of my head by the hour, its harder to pinpoint what I get that niggling feeling about. I'll definetly go back and fix those I's, and those other grammer mistakes. And I'll switch around a few paragraphs so it starts in a flashback.
Thanks so much!
-Amulya Report Review
That was...beautiful. Really, there's no other word that can describe that story. I loved it. And what's weird, it totally describes me. I love your emotions and heavy descriptions you used for those emotions, I really felt like I was Emma. It was a great romance! Loved it!
*torrentaldownpour aka lovelyinsaneAuthor's Response: YAY! I'm so happy that this story is getting good responses. Wow! That was an amazing compliment. I'm dancing inside right now. Report Review
This was wonderful! Actually, I think this would be a really good one-shot. Very dramatic, bitter.
The only thing I was iffy about was the rant Emma had. But I'm not entirely sure what suggestions I can make. It just felt a little verbose. Other than that, it was great! I loved your characterization of Emma, and all your allusions to Jane Austen's novels. I especially liked how you made showed that Oliver takes advantage of her, but she still loves him anyway.
Anyway, great story!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I was thinking about maybe just making another one-shot the follow up to this, but it depends on how it goes. Since almost everything I write is depressing. Oh well. And yes, I kinda' feel the same way about her rant, so I'll play around witht that. Thanks! Report Review
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