Argh, such a lovely Weasley Twins characterisation. I likes the pace of the entire piece and how it centered on the moon. Report Review
let me just start off by saying--wow. in my opinion, you are one of the BEST authors on here, and i feel like many of your works (like this one!) are not appreciated for their genius. having said that, let me repeat: wow. this is your stream of consciousness?! THESE are the gorgeous, magical images that just fall out of your head?! jealousy does not even begin to describe it:)
this story makes me cry every time. never stop writing, please. Report Review
AMAZING! It was like reading poetry. The words seemed to flow magically, the characters so filled with emotion. I knew it was Fred and George, it couldn't have been anyone else. I cried through the whole thing. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks so much, Kimya! I think stream of consciousness can be very poetic when it's not just plain weird, and I'm glad I was able to pull it off. I am sincerely flattered by your review!
Melanie Report Review
Yes, it's me again!
Beautiful. I am quite literally in awe of your writing ability. I cried again, even though I had no idea why I was crying. Tears just started pouring down my face, and I had to stop reading, stop thinking about it. It was nearly too hard, but I read it through, and it was inspiring and magnificent.
~ LTAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I don't even know what to say. I'm glad this was so touching for you!
Melanie Report Review
Wow, Mel, this is stunning. I've seen it on your page but only just got around to reading it. I'm glad I did, this has to be one of the best stories about Fred and George I've ever seen. The anguish here is so apparent, but not overwhelming to the reader or 'in-your-face'. But it's very real, and easy to relate to. Not that I know what it's like to lose a sibling, and I'd just die if my sister ever died, but in this I could feel my own heart breaking along with George's.
The way he remembers Fred is wonderful. Here it seems like Fred was the perfect one. The one who made all the laughter and every good memory George has is because of him. Which, of course, is true of someone grieving. Fred was a wonderful person, but no one is perfect. I also like the almost anger there at the end, but colored by the awful grief of the brother left behind. It was powerfully written. From the laughter at the beginning, to the screaming and crying to the begging for forgiveness and at last an almost hopeless acceptance.
Just WOW Melanie, I loved it, to say the least. And now that I've rambled on without coherent thought, I'll just leave it at that.
Shiloh Report Review
It was like reading poetry.
How beautiful.Author's Response: Thank you!! Report Review
wowee. this was a wonderful story. It was heartfelt and moving and beautiful. I can not think of a better example of a stream of consciousness. I am sad reading this but at the same time unaware of it because of the beautiful flow of the language. wonderful job.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the awesome review! Report Review
Oh, holy hannah! What a piece of writing! I'm sitting here in awe, almost unable to formulate a coherent review! That was incredible! How you could take randomness and make me so completely understand EVERYTHING! Thank you so much for such a wonderful and beautiful (and heart-wrenching) fic!Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I am speechless! ^_^ Report Review
that was touching. like, i dunno what it is, but post-hogwarts fred and george stories are like sad. some are dumb, but most of them are like sad. and make me want to cry. but i never do for some reason. they just become a real downer for sometime, and i'm in a sad mood for the rest of the day. aha, no, totally kidding. this story did have a very very depressing mood or tone, whichever one it is, but that's kinda like what's expected. cause someone died, you know?
xoxoAuthor's Response: Yeah, they definitely are sad. I always wanted to write one, but I always had the feeling that all the post-Hogwarts twins ideas had been done over and over again and it would be nothing new or original. But this challenge gave me a way to take a new spin on it.
Definitely depressing, though, I know what you mean!
Thanks for the review, Alice!
Melanie Report Review
This is absolutely beautiful. Wow. I'm so glad I got paired with you for the Review Exchange.
I don't even know what to tell you. Gosh, I love this. I cannot believe this was written for the Stream of Consciousness Challenge - because, if I'm not mistaken, pieces for that contest aren't allowed to be edited, right? It's just what comes to your mind at the time, and you run with it? I am utterly stunned and impressed that this is what you came up with with no planning or editing.
I am seriously speechless. This is going on my favorites immediately. Heck, I'm adding you to my favorite authors as well. I've read several of your other works, and you are most definitely talented. The way you string words together is absolutely beautiful. It seems effortless, it really does. This particular piece was a perfect balance of prose and poetry. It flowed wonderfully.
I love the concept of measuring moonbeams. It's playful and magical and exactly what I picture a younger Fred and George doing. And then, of course, George can't measure them by himself. He can't seem to figure out how to navigate the world and life by himself. That was so incredibly powerful and moving. It brought tears to my eyes, especially here: 'I said that the moon is meant to light the world when the son has gone away.' I caught that 'misspelling' of sun, and then it struck me. So creative! Ah! :D
10/10. I'd give you more if I could. How the heck did you put so much meaning into something that wasn't planned? I totally envy you for that ability. Amazing.
GinaAuthor's Response: Aw, Gina! Thank you so much! What a wonderful review...I am so flattered!
Yep, no editing allowed, so I'm surprised it came out so coherently. The thing about me, though, is that it's hard for me to turn off my internal filter, so it probably isn't 100% pure stream of consciousness...but still, no edits were made after I finished writing!
I'm really glad you caught onto the playful aspect of measuring moonbeams -- I think you may be the first reader who's pointed that out, but it's exactly what I was thinking when I wrote it. Something very nonsensical and fanciful and twin-like. So yay! -- you pointing that out made me so happy!
I don't even know how to respond to everything else you said! I am just so seriously flattered. Thanks so much for reviewing!
Melanie Report Review
Melanie, I'm sooo sorry! I know I said I'd review this around a week ago, and I'm just getting to it now. >_< I feel awful!
It's apparent upon reading it that it is a very good thing you did this as a stream of consciousness fic. That challenge looked VERY interesting, and this is proof that it can turn out well! I was a little scared -- heck, if I were to join the challenge, my writing would be incoherent at best! -- but my fear was irrational. This was brilliant!
I'm not sure what I thought the chapter title (it began with me and ended with you) meant, but it certainly wasn't anywhere close to a good assumption. That's what I like most about this fic; those poetic words are everything the story is about, but unless you see them in context, they mean nothing. It makes the reader want to see them in context and see just what was meant by that story and chapter title.
I think any other form of writing would have lost the entire point of this story (which I think is similar to something I said in my review for As Yet Untouched?). George's thoughts are exactly as they ought to be.
I'm glad you got the word 'moonbeam.' I can't imagine being able to take that simple word and turn it into such a sad story of loss. The way you used the challenge made it seem like moonbeams were meant to appear in this story, not like the story had to base itself off of moonbeams. I hope that made sense!
10/10Author's Response: Gosh, sorry it's taken me so long to respond! Thank you for the fantastic review!
I know, SOC is very daunting -- I used to hate reading it. So I am really glad this surpassed your expectations! ^_^
You're right, I think SOC fits George (and the twins in general) very well. There's an inherent feeling of inanity and nonsense, and I think that makes for a good twin story.
And I definitely get what you meant when you said it looked like moonbeams were meant to appear in the story -- and I'm very happy to hear it!
Thanks again for this review!
Melanie Report Review
Melanie! I'm here to review for the challenge!
If I do say so myself, I believe that I gave you the perfect word. I didn't know what to expect, to be honest. At first I thought perhaps you would write about two lovers, but no, you did something better. Much better. I love that your stream of consciousness writing is random, yet perfect coherent and flows smoothly. The best paragraph, by far was the Guildencrantz and Rosenstern bit. At the end you talked about bacon...bacon! With that particular paragraph you give the reader something to ponder, to wonder why bacon, why not sausage?
I believe that you captured Fred and George perfectly, well George rather. This is a masterpiece, a one-shot full of emotion and love that bursts with each sentence. Overall, a great one-shot and one you should be very proud of!
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Hi Shelby!
I have to say this is one of the best, most rewarding (and most challenging!) challenges I've done yet. It was truly challenging for me because I like for things to be straightforward and coherent, and I like to do a lot of thinking before I write. So to just write without filtering, and then not go back and edit, was difficult for me, but also very liberating and mind-opening. I definitely plan to write in this style again in the future!
Why bacon, indeed. I shall leave you to ponder it. ^_^
I'm really flattered by your review, and I'm so glad you thought I did justice to the twins. It's interesting, your comment about what you thought I might do with the prompt, because when I started thinking about the word "moonbeam," it just seemed like it fit the twins. I can't explain it. But I am so happy to hear you found this so moving!
Melanie Report Review
Oh, my boys! Poor George. You captured his frustration and grief that bordered on madness. There was one time I thought you had a type-o in there, when you said the moon lit the earth when the 'son' had gone away, but it really makes sense both ways. The 'son' has gone, and George is left without his other half. Nothing is easy anymore. Nothing makes sense, and George has gone down these lanes of memory searching for purpose. Such beautiful imagery! Such terrible, beautiful sadness. Again, I am speechless. Stream of consciousness is difficult to write coherently. You put me to shame. 10 of 10. Incredible.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this! I am really glad you found it so moving -- especially since, as this was my first experience writing SOC, I really had no clue what I was doing. ^_^
Yep, I did write "son" intentionally, and I wasn't entirely sure about whether I liked it that way -- though I wasn't supposed to edit anyway, so it was a moot point, haha! I think I do like it that way, but there's something to be said for subtlety, and I don't know whether changing "sun" to "son" was very subtle of me. :-P
I'm seriously flattered by your review. All I wanted to write in response was "squee," haha. Thank you so much!
Melanie Report Review
Amazing. So sad. Oh dear George, how awful. That was one of the worst things JKR could ever have done-- split up the twins.
You pulled it all together and wrapped it up and pushed it forward again, and oh it was beautiful.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you found it so moving. Report Review
This was a touching, emotional piece. Losing someone is hard, it might slowly eat you away. Losing someone's twin, the person you had felt most connected to, can kill you. The pain you feel when he's not there any more becomes more unbearable by the minute.
I know you had to write "stream of consciousness" style. It fits perfectly with the purpose of this piece. George's remembrance of his Fred, this particular memory he's cherishing about them - oh, so painful, a fragment of a broken heart which probably never can be mended.
Moving, beautiful piece. A very nice first attempt in a style which is really tough to master. Two thumbs up!Author's Response: Hi Zoltan! Thank you for the review!
I'm glad you thought the stream of consciousness style fit this piece. I feel like it really suits characters like Fred and George in general, particularly because of their sometimes inane behavior.
This style definitely is difficult to master -- it's at odds with the way I do everything, which is to think it our first. But I'm very glad the end result was able to convey so many emotions.
I appreciate your review!
Melanie Report Review
That was amazing. One of the best one-shots I've ever read, and definitely the best Fred and George one. I loved the concept of the moonbeams. And the purposeful misuse/switching of words. It was funny and sad. Thank you.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was really fun playing around with words like that -- it definitely suits Fred and George. I think this writing style also suits them because it's naturally nonsensical, so I immediately thought of them. ^_^ Report Review
I have no words other than "wow" and "just wow"
oh and also "deep"
thankyou for writing this.
xoxoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm very glad you liked it. Report Review
Mostly, I say this because I can feel the connection. Anyone who has ever lost someone, in death or not, will feel the pain that is felt here, will share the feeling. The feeling of connecting the little things that didn't matter to other people, the things that were insignificant. This was very well written, especially with no edits or prior planning. You have great talent in writing and this challenge worked well for you.
~ the Wolven CriticAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I was surprised to find how much I liked this challenge -- it's very freeing, and I like the thoughts that came out when I wasn't sitting here thinking a lot and trying too hard. I'm really glad the emotions came through to you. ^_^ Report Review
I've got to hand it to you, Melanie. When you told me this was a stream of consciousness fic, I thought it was going to be as dreadful and as boring and as pointless as a work by William Faulkner. Yes, I despise the man, if only because one sentence can take up three-fourths of a page. It's just not natural, I say!
Anyway, moving on to the actual review.
Once again, you have done it. Struck gold. And with such a simple prompt, too! I mean, it must have been difficult to think of a one-shot based upon the word "moonbeam", but you've done a fabulous job with it. The fact that they were always and will forever be chasing what it unobtainable brings tears to my eyes. Their quest is so...futile. And they take it with the naivety that they'll actually get what they're after. It's tragic, but at the same time oddly uplifting.
For some reason, the jumper bit made me tear up. Horribly, too. I got the sniffles and my roommate was all, 'What the hell, why are you almost crying?'. It was very hard to explain, so I just showed her. Surprise, surprise, she loved it as well and told me to tell you so.
I experienced several different emotions throughout the length of the piece. At first, I was joyous at their childish behaviour, their innocence. And then my spirits were dampened, weighed down by the tragedy and the jumpers. Those darn jumpers! But by the end, like I said above, I felt uplifted. Somewhat hopeful. It reminds me of the feeling I had when I exited the theater after watching "Finding Neverland".
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that everything you write, Melanie, is beautiful and unique. I don't think I've ever read the stories of such a diverse author. I'm just glad that I can count you among my friends on TGS. I feel honoured to have read this.
Fantastic job, my dear. But then again, isn't it always?
XOXOXOXOXOXOAuthor's Response: *squishes Molly*
I agree with you, stream of consciousness can be terrifying to read. I probably feel the same about James Joyce as you do about Faulkner. I'm really glad you liked this, though!
It was weird, the prompt immediately made me think of the twins -- probably because I immediately started thinking up all these random, philosophical, amusing questions they could ask about the moon. So from there I just started writing whatever came to me.
I'm kind of glad to hear the jumper part had such an impact on you -- although I don't want to make you cry! *offers Kleenex* But wow, I'm so flattered to hear your roommate liked it, too.
I'm really ecstatic that the childlike behavior was apparent to you -- it's what I wanted to get across in this piece (well, as much as I could without planning anyway...it's what I was thinking about while writing). I had this image of them being their frivolous selves, but there was also a lot of futility and sadness. For me, it was a very nostalgic thing to write.
Thank you thank you thank you! I love your reviews so much.
Melanie Report Review
This made me feel oddly sad! Just reading about them trying to catch something that they never can, just sounds futile. :(
I always marvel how each and every one of your stories is so different from the others. They're all so unique and different that I sometimes wonder if you're just one writer! :D No I'm joking, because they're all very lively - even the sadder ones - and I think that's what sets your writing to another level. :) When I read your stuff I feel like you really enjoyed writing it. (I hope this is true! :D)
Gorgeously sweet, and also quite sad but in a strange way... this story is really spontaneous and I love that! It's good to be random. :)
10/10Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I feel bad because I haven't been reviewing many of your stories lately! :-( I will catch up sometime, I promise. I'm moving out of my apartment this week, and everything is CRAZY lately.
Anyway, this was definitely different than anything I've ever done before -- I don't think I've ever really attempted a stream of consciousness like this. And my multiple personalities would like to assure you that we are, in fact, one writer. XD
But yes, I enjoy writing all of my fics, and I'm happy to know it seems that way to you as a reader!
It is good to be random and spontaneous -- writing like this is a good exercise, and I might try it again in the future.
Thank you so much!
Melanie Report Review
Wow, this is a very intriguing one-shot. When I saw "stream of consciousness," I wasn't too sure about it. :| I tend not to like that style much. Actually, I either love it or hate it; it depends entirely upon the story and the author and probably what sort of mood I'm in.
I thought the beginning was a bit choppy. I think you'd have polished it up a bit if editing had been allowed, but overall this is extremely impressive for a non-edited story. I have to say some parts are better than others, but that's usually the way it is with my own writing: the first version always has a few bits I really like and even more that I want to improve. That's just the way writing is, I suppose. You really seemed to hit your stride maybe 1/3 or 1/2 of the way through this, and you surged toward the end.
I like that you didn't reveal until near the end who the two characters are. I knew already from your summar/warnings area (but, hey, I don't always bother to read those, especially when I'm filling requests), but you laid a few clues and then worked it in rather subtley.
I loved the homonym you worked in there, changing from sun to son. This was such a fanciful, dreamy piece of writing, but it also had a frenetic edge to it. I would definitely describe this piece as surreal. I particularly loved the description of Fred and George trying to catch the moonlight in buckets and stuff it in their pockets.Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I was actually really excited that you chose to review this piece, because your reviews are quite insightful and honest, and this piece was a bit out there for me.
I'm not a huge fan of stream of consciousness, either, to tell you the truth. It really does depend on the author, story, etc. I remember struggling through James Joyce in my English classes. But I decided to take this challenge because it was actually challenging for me, since it's difficult for me to just sit and write without any kind of filter. It usually takes me forever to write because I think about what I want to say first. This challenged me to just let the thoughts spill out of my head, and I'll admit I couldn't completely turn the filter off. It was a very good writing exercise for someone like me, I think.
I think stream of consciousness writing has a naturally random, choppy, nonsensical aspect to it, and I was actually trying to keep that in mind as I wrote -- because I have this desire to make everything make sense and flow right, so I tried to do away with those thoughts. But yeah, there are definitely some parts that I like more than others -- although, overall, I was pretty pleased with the raw feeling of this piece. I may actually try stream of consciousness again in the future. It's very liberating (as cliche as that might sound).
I'm really glad you caught the sun/son thing! I wasn't sure if anyone would see that, so I think you just made my day! And I agree, it's definitely surreal -- but I think surreality fits Fred and George in some ways. ^_^
Thanks again for the review! It was a very pleasant surprise to come home to!
Melanie Report Review
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