i liked it very much!!
i think you captured very well the fear and uncertainty draco felt throughout his sixth year..
my fav line is definitely the last one.
I think that draco is one of the most misunderstood characters in the whole harry potter series; he had an unsupportive family and disloyal friends and he was never given a true chance to change. That is why in all my stories i write about him being mature and ready to pay the price of his actions.
i think in the end he knows what he's doing is wrong but he fools himself into believing that there was no way out.
~marlita Report Review
Kudos on having an idea I've not seen before! I think it was positively fascinating that he'd find himself talking and semi-confiding in Myrtle, of all people. It was awesome to get into Draco's state of mind for a bit, to really get a feel for how daunting this task was and how having to do it was eating at him. It's also really realistic and makes me feel for him that he actually cried-- some might argue it's OOC, but it really is realistic considering he's sixteen with a horrible task and the threat of death over his head-- it's practically inevitable he'd break down like this at one point.
Both he and Myrtle were spot on, characterization wise, and I really did enjoy the interaction between the two of them. ^^ She seems the perfect person for him to be talking to -- a ghost who just wants conversation and doesn't necessarily question what it is he's doing for the Dark Lord.
It really felt like a moment that could be missing from the sixth book! The only bit of critique I have is that the spacing seems to be wonky between some words? Such as here: ' problems, as did I' - I took out the spacing here, but just wanted to point in the direction of one of them. =)
Otherwise, this was awesome! Unique and certainly a good peek into Draco!
-Cappie/Hufflepuff Report Review
Hello there, Annie here with a review for a fellow Lirate! :D
I really liked this missing moment because I felt like you really captured Myrtle's voice and character. Draco did feel a little off, but I still felt like it was Draco, despite something not quite being him. I think with some editing in just making him more of a wreck but also a Malfoy would nail his charactization.
Other than that little bit of CC, I think this was a very well done story and I look forward to reading more of your stuff. I loved the insight this gave me into where the Myrtle as Draco's confidant thing came from, and I enjoyed reading it! :)
gingersnape, Gryffindor Report Review
Draco's inner thoughts to me were PERFECT! That's exactly the characterzation I have for him in my mind. A lot of people either characterize him as either a huge softy inside or just as a huge jerk, but I think you got him spot on!
I think when Myrtle came, though, everything happened a bit fast. I don't think Draco would end up letting her in on everything THAT fast, you know? Perhaps after a few trips to the bathroom, her constant nagging he might finally give in. But I think at first, he'd just be annoyed for a really long time.
Anyway, despite that, I loved this! I just had to read it when I saw the summary, haha and it didn't dissapoint one bit.
Keep at it! :D Report Review
This is an interesting missing moment from HBP.
I think that you have definitely found Myrtle's voice, I can certainly hear her trying to wheedle information out of Draco and I like the way he justifies opening up to her.
You've done a good job with Draco's voice, too, his sneering, dismissive, "Yeah" and a lot of his speech patterns are spot on. (Though I'll Brit-pick a couple of phrases below.) So, the voices are generally good.
But, in my opinion, Draco is not quite Draco. He has never appeared to be anything other than proud (even boastful) about his father, but you make him disappointed to see any resemblance. I also thing that you've set this story too early, if he's this remorseful about accidentally cursing Katie, why accidentally poison Ron? Simply I don't think that you make Draco desperate enough, or cowardly enough.
As for my Brit-picks, there are a few things that I simply cannot hear Draco saying "Boy was I ever wrong" is one of them and there is also at least one "I guess". British people simply do not say "I guess".
N Report Review
Ooh, this is a really great concept for a story! I'd never given much thought as to how Malfoy and Myrtle ended up as confidants, but this really worked. Myrtle is exactly the type to spy on someone and then wheedle the truth out of them, and Malfoy would undoubtedly have been close to cracking, and so easy to break.
I liked the style at the start too, as introspection broke way for outer dialogue, thus setting the scene for Myrtle's eventual entrance. The only thing that might do with tweaking is the way these thoughts became a bit repetitive towards the end. I realise that it's more realistic that way, as people do tend to be repetitive when they worry, but perhaps extending the theme, with new details or further catastrophising, would make it even more compelling.
Still, the dialogue was very in character, and the whole justifying section at the end was brilliant. Really nice piece, and original too. Report Review
Hi Deana *waves*. My geometry finals are over, and I thought I'd start the review fest off with one of your one-shots, which, by the way, is a very captivating read.
I really love what you've done with it. Everything we've read in Harry Potter...including this, could be up to so much reader interpretation, it would seem foolish not to write a story about it. And this is the first time I've read a story involving Draco in his sixth year.
So the plot is obviously based upon Draco's experiences in 'The Half-Blood Prince', so I'm not going to waste much time on it. You've done your research, and I'm very pleased with the outcome. The thing that makes this story good is the amount of emotion you put in it...
Draco's character is exceptionally good. Since I don't think you've ever done first person in AiNFiLaW, it was quite interesting to read. Of course, you did him wonderfully in "Love and War", but hearing the "I's" and the "Me's" just makes it more real. Anyways, you captured his personality beautifully- the anguish and anger he feels is totally him. Absolutely no criticism at all.
Also, adding Myrtle made my day. I think I've read one story with Myrtle in it, so it's really a rare occurence. You did her justice as well, with adding your own touch. It was flattering to see Myrtle so sympathetic =]]
I'll end this on a light note. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your story, and if someone tells you to change it, don't. You have a gift Deana. A very beautiful gift indeed.
Constants.Author's Response: Hey Constants!! Thank you so much for taking the time to read & review this for me! This was such a very pleasant unexpected surprise to wake up to! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to it tho... Anyways, I really did do a lot of research for this one-shot, especially when it came to Moaning Myrtle, so I'm glad that shows! I guess emotion just seems to be a bit of a strong point for me, haha. (But I'm really NOT am Emo kid tho, I sear, haha!!) Sorry, that was random... moving on.
Nope. The only time I ever did first-person in 'Love & War' was in the Intro. I am also considering going back to that for the Epilogue as well, but that's a different story. We're not quite that far yet, lol! No criticism, really? You are so nice my dear!! *hugs* I'm happy you liked Myrtle. She was SO MUCH of a challenge for me to write! URGH! I mean, we barley know anything about her and it was just - well - quite the experience, let me tell you, lol! But it makes me SO extremely happy to know that people really do like her. It just shows that all my hard work really did pay off!!
I am so glad I didn't just scrap this and drop out of the challenge like I was going to. It's getting reviews like this that really help keep me encouraged. You are your own worst critic they say and, with this one-shot, that definitely was the case, lol! Thank you so much for all of the kind words friend! You are awesome, and rather gifted yourself I might add!! =) Report Review
Sorry it took me so long to read and review this. Ok, so I'll get the negatives out of the way first 9there were only a few things) hate pointing things out like this but I do have to be honest, otherwise there's be no point in me reviewing.
It was just Draco's characterization, you made him alot more stronger and mature in this, it was good, don't get me wrong but I just think, at this stage of the story he is going to be the complete opposite. This is Voldemort we're talking about, he's going to be a wreck, he's going to be anxious, annoyed, pointing the most pointless things out. This is his time to shine, for too long Harry Potter's has pbeen taking the spot light, for too long he's envied him and now this is his chance to prove himself to be more powerful and just as capable as Harry Potter. I don't think his persoanlity is going to be exactly understanding, it's going to be more on the brink of sickness, he's going to be trying to convince himself that he can do it, not the other way around, he's going to be reffering to St Potter, Mr perfect always getting what he wants. He's going to be the same arrogant, immature Draco Malfoy he's always been, exept this time he really has issues.
You really did well with him though, even though his character was a little different, I really like how you made him argue with himself, and that little voice of conscience he has in his ear all the way through this.
I especially loved his dialogue with Myrtle, well done by the way, Myrtle was perfect. Shje's usually very difficult to write because she's just so whiny and annoying but you portrayed her so well in this, and I love how Draco responded to her, their conversation was perfect.
I really liked the story in this, it kept me intrigued the whole way through beacuse I've never seen this scene in the book beforem, it's good to see things from Draco's perspective for once.
' “Sooo,” she says to me in a prying manner, “why exactly are you in here crying, hmmm? It‘s not too often that I find boys crying in the bathroom! Especially not handsome boys.” She winks at me and I cringe inwardly. This is not how I imagined spending my morning. '
Lol, that bit made me laugh for some reason.
Writing was amazing, I wish I could write like you, you have a talent for creating an atmosphere, i always struggle with things like that.
I really hope this does great in this challenge, 'twas amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it
KatieAuthor's Response: Ok, so I'll confess that I could NOT wait for you to read this one. It just felt SO weird, writing something and then posting it without consulting you first, lol! So I was a bit nervous to get your review on it, cuz I wasn't sure what you'd think about it...
I totally do get what your saying about Draco's character tho. I guess I'm just too used to writing the angsty 'AiNFiL&W Draco' lol! However, in my mind, this was towards the late-middle/near-end of the school year when he was beginning to run out of both time and options. I guess I kinda pictured him to be a little bit more soft at that point. Sure, he'd act tough out in public, but when he was alone and by himself, I just imagined him as acting different, that's all...
Oh my goodness, Myrtle, lol! I had such a difficult time with her. At first, I didn't like ANY of it. I put writing this off for so long, and I was just about to scrap the whole thing because I was NOT satisfied with her at all. I mean, she was so incredibly tricky to write! And then, I go ahead and put the story up anyways and whaddya know? EVERYBODY loves her, lol! Geeze!! I simply LOVE IT when that happens, haha!! So thank you very much for saying that you thought their conversation was perfect! That comment right there totally made my day!! *hugs* & Hehe, and that line makes me laugh a lot too!! :)
Despite all the complications and frustrations, I really had a lot of fun writing this one-shot. Missing Moments from the HP books are always a lot of fun to read & write. Thank you so much for all the compliments hun, and thanks for the 10! I am so happy you enjoyed it Katie!! =) Report Review
One thing to say about this chapter: IMAO
50 kajilleon shabilleon kabaladadoo(or whatever dr evil said outta 10Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you!! haha!! =)
I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks a million for reading & reviewing for me, lol! -_~ Report Review
Well your set for believability but you could do with some work on characterisation. Myrtle is perfect but Draco seems slightly OOC he's too nice to Myrtle I can never see Draco being nice to her for the sake of it but this is of course your interpretation. A good story nonetheless.
Sparkle xAuthor's Response: Yeah, I know he seems way too nice in this, but I was just trying to display him in a more vulnerable state here... I guess I am just way too used to writing the "All-is-NOT-Fair-in-Love-&-War" version of Draco, haha! But I am glad you liked the story though! Thank you so much for the review! :) Report Review
In response to the review you requested:
Okay, I'll start with the positives:
- I liked your Myrtle. Nicely done - not too over the top, and it was nice to see, despite the serious circumstances, that she was still giggling like a school girl. Very nice.
- Your detail was nice. Sometimes with one-shots, people just write and write and write and never get anywhere, but you wrote with just the right amount, making it a nice flowing read.
- You summed up your idea nicely with the last sentence about Draco's confusion, and really knowing and understanding a person. Sometimes keeping it simple is better, so great work.
A few problem areas:
- The first paragraph sounded like a song. I know that sounds weird, and I don't even know if it is a bad thing. I seriously tried humming it in my head.
- I found it a little hard to believe that Draco would tell her everything. I can see him spilling small details of what he was up to, but I think Draco's smarter than to confide in anyone, but as your title says, it's "An Unlikely Confidant," so whatever. I can't really see him confiding in anyone else, so I see understand your choice for picking Mryrtle.
- I found some areas a little hard to believe. As well as being upset, I can see him being incredibly angry as well, and perhaps taking it out on other people, and himself. Maybe just something to think about for next time?
Anyway, overall, nice one-shot. It flowed nicely, and was a good read. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Awesome! I'm glad you liked my Myrtle, and that you didn't think she was too over-the-top, cuz I had been worried about how she would come across in this... And I have been working really hard on enriching the detail in all of my stories, so it's relieving to know that that is showing through too, so thank you for saying that!!! :)
I am a musician, as well as a writer, so if it sounded kinda songy at the start, that was probably just me, lol! And Draco didn't exactly tell her everything, he only told her about the vanishing cabinet in this... But I do see what you're saying about the believability aspect of it though.
Thank you so much for leaving me such an awesome review! I'm also glad that you liked the ending part also! I know its weird or whatever, but I always like to try and tie-in the title in with the story/chapter that I am writing somehow! Its kind of a habit of mine, lol! =) Report Review
Hey, hey, hey!
Wait a sec, I'm changing into what I call "critic mode".
Don't worry, I don't bite :)
Anyways, I liked how Draco wasn't totally prim and proper, and delving into Draco's feelings like that was..insightful. I think he would've been a little meaner toward Myrtle, but that's just me. So, overall, the characterizations were awesome, description of Draco's thoughts was spot on...and.
*reverts back to old, random self*
That was awesome!
First one-shot ever?!
Peace, love, and awesomesauce,
MichelleAuthor's Response: LMAO!! Oh gosh Michelle, you really crack me up sometimes, you know that? :)
Yep, yep, this was my 1st ever attempt at a one-shot, and my 1st time ever entering a challenge as well! It was SO challenging, lol! (and yes, that pun was intended, hehe!)
Thank you so much for reviewing dear, I am very glad you liked it!! You're probly right about him being more mean to Myrtle, but I guess I just can't write a very mean Draco after working with him for so long the way he is in AiNFiL&W, haha! -_~
Anymahoot... I appreciate all of the kind words, and the continued support from you! You are awesome girly!! =) Report Review
I think you've got Draco's inner turmoil and reflections down really well, this was a really good and interesting read =]
I really liked it
spam_up_samAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm so happy you think I got him down well here! I was a bit nervous that it might not come across right, so this review just made my day, haha!! :)
I'm glad you really liked it tho! Thank you SO much for the review!! =) Report Review
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