Reading Reviews for Lost in time
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by morningstarroost Chapter 3: November 1977

4th April 2011:
Lol sounds like a fun time

Author's Response: Thank you for your review.
~ Peaky


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Review #2, by Ms Malfoy Chapter 1: November 1977

21st January 2011:
Hello, again.

I don't read much Marauder-centric stories, but the light-hearted fluffly ones I love. This falls into that category :D

I would've preferred to be introduced to Rory and Chenoa a bit differently. Generally, OC's require a lot more developing than canon characters and after this chapter, I still don't really know that much about them.

I do love stories where James confesses his undying love for Lily on a regular basis too.

Cant wait to see what the next chapter brings!

Author's Response: HEY!

Thank you so much for your review! It means a lot. The others are being developed, I have more chapters to come. They're in the editing process.

~ Peaky


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Review #3, by lilygirl_1014 Chapter 3: November 1977

21st December 2010:
Funny!!! Please continue!!!

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Review #4, by Siriusly i love you Chapter 3: November 1977

11th December 2010:
“Hogwarts is doomed!” Alice cried dramatically.
i laughed so hard at that line. I love this story, it very funny and cute and i love the idea of the trio going back in time and this is one of the better stories about it. The one think i would worry about is too many characters. sometimes it gets confusing switching from onte to another, and who's point of view it's in and such. But i love this story and you're writing
-Dilly

Author's Response: Alice is my best friend in real life, she said something similar in regards to our school at the time. I tried to avoid the normal cliches of time travel but its hard to work around, hopefully I've avoided them.

Thanks love,
~Peaks


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Review #5, by moonbaby11 Chapter 2: November 1997

12th September 2010:
Once again, another great chapter. James' characterization was better in this one, but I thought Hermioen was slightly off. There were a few rude remarks that she made that I could never picture her saying.

How could Lily not have noticed that the Harry wasn't James? I'm just slightly confused, because wouldn't she have been able to see that he had different colour eyes and a scar?

When Sirius mentions that James and him had sung Hakuna Matata in the Great Hall, how could they have? The song's from Lion King, which was released in the 1990's, but this story is taking place in 1977. That part just confused me...

There were a few spelling errors I noticed, such as:

'Suddenly, a brunette suddenly whizzed past him and a black haired boy followed.' It shoudl only say suddenly once. Two suddenly's sound odd...

'dormatory' The word is spelt 'dormitory'.

'Lilly' Her name is actually spelt 'Lily'.

Overall, I really thin you have a good idea, and it doesn't seem cliche at the moment, so good luck with this story!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your reviews, I have taken them into consideration and have edited what you have suggested I edit.

~ Peaky


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Review #6, by moonbaby11 Chapter 1: November 1977

12th September 2010:
Hey! I'm here with the review that you asked for! Sorry that it took so long. School started, so I'm still getting into the swing of things.

Anyways, this seems like an interesting beginning. Sirius and Rory seem to have a different sort of friendship going on there, so I can't wait to see how that develops.

I thought that your characters seemed to be in character most of the time, but ocassionally they strayed out of character, especially James. He seemed a bit too obsessive and theatrical. I always thought that he was in love with Lily, but what you have him acting like seems a bit much.

The bit about Peter always eatign cheese was funny, and I get why you did it, but it was also rather odd. I'd liek to see more of him in other chapters,s ince most Marauder stories completly ignore Peter, or just have him tagging along and saying, like, 3 lines in the story. I'd love to see if you could actually give him a part in the story! I think that would be really cool and non-clice.

Overall, I liked this chapter. I think you've got a promising story ahead of you, but just watch out for your characterizations!

Author's Response:
Thank you for your kind review, I have written a few more chapters that are going through editing at the moment and I've kept a particular eye on characterization. :)

Catch you round!

~ Peaky


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Review #7, by Ronsgirl29 Chapter 3: November 1977

5th July 2010:
I am SO sorry it's taken me over 2 weeks for this review! I've been insanely busy. Real life is a pain.

Anyway, this chapter was fun to read. The race between Rory and Professor Davenport was probably my favorite part, just because it was very light and funny. Plus I think it would be pretty awesome to have a teacher cool enough to race you!

Your characterization of everyone has been pretty consistant, and I know it's only the third chapter, but you might want to work on giving the characters a little more depth. Right now they are all very one-dimensional, and with the number of main characters you have its hard to disinguish them if they aren't more defined.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my other review, but I don't read timetravel fics often so I'm really interested as to how the trio ended up in the past. Something to do with Dumbledore, haha or at least he's in on it, based on the end of chapter 2!

Over all, this was a nice read. Just work on giving more life to your characters(:

-ronsgirl29

Author's Response: That is quite alright, I'm sorry about taking forever in the response, I completely forgot about HPFF cause school started back up. EEEP! Anyways, yes you did mention you don't normally read time travel fics so I'm rather flattered that you're actually reading mine.

Thanks again!

- Peaky


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Review #8, by myriad Chapter 3: November 1977

3rd July 2010:
I think you need to tone Rory down a notch or two. I like the idea of her character being overly enthusiastic, and generally energetic, but I really think she’s just to over the top. Like, I find myself wishing she’d just take her Ritalin and calm down already.

I love how James is treating Harry like something he just bought at the store. Just the way he says ‘isn’t he wonderful’… It’s funny and it sounds like something James would say.

You’re characters have very strong voices. When I’m reading, I don’t feel like I’m reading someone’s third person, boring (I’m not calling you boring I promise) account of the things that are happening, I feel like they themselves are speaking. I’m not sure I can properly explain what I’m trying to say, but it’s a good thing.

“…and was fining it quite easy keeping up with her.” Should be ‘finding’ instead of ‘fining’

Your pacing is, again, very good so far and this chapter flowed very well too. I don’t know how much you care about plausibility, but I find it very unlikely and hard to believe that a teacher would be racing his students to classes. McGonagall was spot on though. This was another chapter that lacked in direction and I want to caution you that, even though the chapters are mirroring Rory’s personality, you don’t want to take it too far. I think if you tone Rory down a bit you’ll have no problem with this, you seem to be very good at making your chapters match the characters.

As far as characterization, everyone is well represented except for Rory for the above mentioned reasons, and Davenport also for the above mentioned reasons.

This chapter didn’t really add anything to the plot either. You should try not to have any filler. You want every chapter advance the plot, even if it is only a little. That’s going to add a lot in the way of direction.

Author's Response: I'd like to thank you for your lovely reviews, they have helped develope later chapters and guess what... I HAVE A PLOT! Hopefully, I really do hope I have a plot now. I tried so hard!

Apologies this response has taken so long, we've had computer issues for a while now. :)

-Peaky


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Review #9, by myriad Chapter 2: November 1997

3rd July 2010:
“You’re right, I can’t, the will to mock is just too great!” Great line! I love a sarcastic Hermione.

You want to watch your grammar. There were many places throughout where there should have been commas but there weren’t. Tiny things like this will throw off the flow of the story because even though the pacing is really good, the lack of commas (in certain places) will have the reader reading lines again to catch the pauses. I hope that makes sense.

Hermione’s lines are just hilarious. Like I said before, I generally dislike those three in any fic, but I like what you’ve done with her.

About halfway through (starting where Ron says ‘well that was weird’) you have the trio walking into the common room, but then just a few lines down they are leaving the great hall. That got very confusing. It just feels like there’s a big chunk of the story missing right there.

“Oh Merlin, not already,” Hermione rolled her eyes with annoyance. Merlin, these boys can be so stupid! Suddenly they heard a shout from the next corridor. Here you are missing quotations. And probably a line space too depending on how you want to write it.

This chapter seems to have a lot more direction than the last one. Again, I attribute that to the fact that Rory did not play as big of a part in it. So, I think you’re on the right track as far as plot. Watch out that Hermione doesn’t become a Mary-Sue. That’s a hard thing to avoid with her, but just be aware of the fact.

Your pacing is really good throughout, however the flow is interrupted here and there because of missing commas, choppy writing and also that part where I think a chunk of the story is missing.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your constructive and well needed advice, you've helped me edit other chapters so I'm stunned at how long its actually getting. Oh well, a good well written fic has to be a decent length and leave the readers craving more.

- Peaky


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Review #10, by myriad Chapter 1: November 1977

3rd July 2010:
“…and Chenoa was mixing a potion, looking at a recipe that had the title How to cook annoying boys, and Rory was dressed…” Here you’ve used ‘and’ too close to each other which is messing with your flow.

“Stupid…Rory took map…chased for ages…can’t breathe…need FOOD!” This section right here confused me a bit because a few lines up Sirius is talking just fine and doesn’t seem to be all that out of breath, but then here he’s just the opposite. It’s a continuity error is all.

I think as far as characterization goes, most of the characters just act a bit too silly. I realize you’re going for humor with this, but they’re just a little over the top, James especially.

I like the very beginning of the story, the first paragraph; however, you should elaborate on it more. As it is it doesn’t seem to be there for any reason and feels rather disjointed from the rest of the fic.

I also really like the end where Harry Ron and Hermione show up. I generally dislike them in any fic (which is why I do MWPP only) but I’m curious to know how they got there.

The general flow was okay. It was really good in places, but then there were others where the storyline got very random and the writing choppy, and all of that disrupts you’re flow a lot.

As far as plot, I am confused. I can’t really see where this is going besides the Harry, Ron and Hermione thing, and this chapter didn’t really seem to have too much direction. That being said, I have the feeling that Rory is a very random directionless person, and I like how the chapter mirrors her personality.

Author's Response: THank you very very very much for your advice and review, it was so kind and to the point. It was greatly appriciated. :) I don't really know what to write because its the third-ish review but yes.

Thank you once more for your time and I promise, next time I request the story for later chapters that there will be more depth and less choppyness.

- Peaky


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Review #11, by Ronsgirl29 Chapter 2: November 1997

5th June 2010:
Here from the forums with your review!

I've read both chapter's one and two;

Chater 1-
I liked how you introduced the characters. You didn't list them one by one telling us everything about them, you just kind of threw them in and used their actions to show us who they were, which I like!

Would the Marauders be in their 7th year in this story? (sorry if you mentioned it, I can't remember!) I also really enjoy the dynamics between some of the characters. They've really got chemistry!

My favorite line was about Peter and the cheese. It just made me crack up!

Chapter 2-
Well now the timetravel beings! I was a little confused when Harry, Ron, and Hermione meet the marauder era kids. Now they don't know they've travelled in time, but then they give fake names? Why would they do that if they think they've just walked into the common room? It's not a major thing, I was just slightly confused.

The interaction they had was rather halarious. I loved how James was talking about how he was the evil twin. Very funny! And hermione's jaw dropping upon sirius' entry? I sense something interesting could happen with them? haha

The only thing I'd work on is make sure your character interaction has variation. Like the little mock fight with Ron and Hermione at the beginning was nice, but it was very similar to the Rory sirius parts from the last chapter (enless of course you were aiming to create parallels between them, then job well done!)

Overall, I enjoyed :D I want to know what Dumbledor had to do with this! He also is doing something crazy ;)

-ronsgirl29

Author's Response: Hey ronsgirl29!

Thank you so much for your review, it was fantastic and a total inspiration. I'm glad you liked it, stay tuned for there are many more chapters to come. :)

Catcha round,
Peaks


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Review #12, by carrebear14 Chapter 2: November 1997

1st November 2009:
good story i can't wait for more

Author's Response:
Thank you carrebear14, we're writing as we speak.



From,
The Funny Trio


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Review #13, by NikiBunny Chapter 2: November 1997

29th October 2009:
story is intriguing, will be waiting 4 update! :)

Author's Response: We're working on it. :) Thank you for your review!


From,
The Funny Trio


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Review #14, by Chimera19 Chapter 2: November 1997

29th October 2009:
Nice. And so funny!
Do please continue. I'll be hounding your story.

Author's Response:
Hounding!? I'm scared now, do I need to look out for a reviewer with yellow-ish Golden wolf eyes?

Thank you for your review.



From,
The Funny Trio


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Review #15, by Riley Chapter 2: November 1997

26th October 2009:
I really hope you write more!
that was very good so far. :D

Author's Response:
Hey Riley!

Thanks for your reply, it means a lot. Can't wait for the future!


From,
The Funny Trio


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Review #16, by biggestHPfaneva Chapter 2: November 1997

22nd October 2009:
lol james this is awsome

Author's Response:
Thank you for your review BHPFE! (you seem to have a long name... :P)

My co-writers and I thought James was rather funny ourselves. :)


Catcha round.


The Funny Trio


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Review #17, by anonymous Chapter 2: November 1997

15th October 2009:
interesting.

very interesting.

*nods* do continue.

Author's Response:
Thank you anonymous!

lol

From the Funny Trio


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Review #18, by hermionesmith Chapter 1: November 1977

14th October 2009:
heyhey not bad.
will be interested to see how you decide to write this.
:)

Author's Response: Hey Hermionesmith!

Thank you for your review, it means a lot. Hope you stick around for our future chapters. ;)


Thanks,

Peaky, Muddy_Phoenix and cygnet_dahlxox


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Review #19, by princessluna Chapter 2: November 1997

14th October 2009:
yay! you updated so quickly!

i love writers that do that!!

i enjoyed this muchly!

good job :D:D

Author's Response:
Heyy PrincessLuna!

Thank you for your review, we try to update as quickly as we can because we love the reviews... and laughing our heads off while writing.

Thanks again,

Peaky, Muddy_Phoenix and Cygnet_Dahlxox


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Review #20, by princessluna Chapter 1: November 1977

14th October 2009:
nice! i like it. it's difficult to find a good time travel story these days.

do continue :)

Author's Response:
I agree, this is why my friends and I decided to write something good.



Thank you for your kind words,
From cygnet_dahlxox, Muddy_Phoenix and Peaky


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Review #21, by ginny4eva Chapter 2: November 1997

14th October 2009:
once again, i approve. enjoyable chapter :)

can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response:
Thanks Ginny, I'm really glad you like it.
We're working on the next chapter as we speak!


ox Peaky, Muddy_Phoenix and cygnet_dahlxox


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Review #22, by ginny4eva Chapter 1: November 1977

14th October 2009:
haha prescott and watson??? very good. i approve.

i look forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response:
Thanks Ginny!
Well, we needed something similar to their names otherwise it would've been awkward. And I'm glad you like it, can't wait till your next review. ;)



From cygnet_dahlxox, Muddy_Phoenix and Peaky


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Review #23, by jameslover Chapter 2: November 1997

14th October 2009:
tee hee

i love james

i likey

:D

Author's Response:
We thought he was rather funny ourselves, who knew he'd have a look-a-like hmm?

We had to make up something!


Thank you for your review, it helps us keep writing.


From cygnet_dahlxox, Muddy_Phoenix and Peaky


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Review #24, by nymphie Chapter 2: November 1997

14th October 2009:
hahaha

very good

keep it coming

Author's Response: We're getting there, thanks for your review Nymphie!


From Peaky, Muddy_Phoenix and cygnet_dahlxox


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Review #25, by --jessica malfoy-- Chapter 1: November 1977

14th October 2009:
twas good :) i had a bit of a laugh.

just out of interest, what was the lord of the rings reference about??

otherwise, good start!

jess

Author's Response: Thanks Jessica M!!

My two friends and I thought it was rather funny when we were writing it, we're glad you enjoyed it.

I, Peaky, am going through the phase in life where everything reminds me of Lord of the Rings. Smiggle, as you can see is something like Smeagol. SO I thought it would be rather cute if Sirius called her Smiggle, that and its rather funny in later chapters. :)

There should be more to come in future chapters too, as long as its funny.


From Peaky, Muddy_Phoenix and cygnet_dahlxox

p.s. Maybe you could tell us what some of your fave quotes are from the books/movies of Lord of the Rings?


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