Reading Reviews for Brink
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by clowsan Nine

9th January 2011:
first of all, I love your writing style. I mean I'm not a big fan of second person point of view but this, this is superb! I love your pacing and description. I love that this have enough angst in it. it is without any doubt magnificent!
I felt a bit sorry for James but nothing to stop me from wanting Sirius and Lily to be together. Please, please do update. haha.

 Report Review

Review #2, by chillychick95 One

3rd January 2011:

I like it. Written from a point of view that's rarely written about in ff's. I like it. I'm involved and I'm in the story.

Great read. But then, it's you. What else should I expect?

Brilliant. Keep writing.

 Report Review

Review #3, by melian Nine

9th November 2009:
Hi there! I had this fic recommended to me ages ago but I just haven't had a chance to look at it before now, and I think you've added two or three chapters in that time. So my apologies for not reviewing sooner, life is just a bit hectic right now.

I'll say first off that I'm a real canon nerd and I very rarely look at Sirius/Lily fics because I just can't see Sirius doing that to James. And I will say second off that I had thought that there was a rule against second-person fics on this site - don't ask me why I thought that, but I did - but I figure you would know better than I do about that sort of thing so it seems I've been proven wrong. I only mention it really because it took me by surprise, and took me a little while to get used to. And thirdly, I will comment that usually in reviews I talk about spelling and grammatical or canon errors (something to do with being raised by schoolteachers), but since your author's note at the start pretty much explained all of those away, I won't in this case.

Right. Enough of my rambling. I think this is a really good story. It's an interesting take on the whole love triangle thing and throwing it against the background of the war and everything the Order was doing really adds to it. I think your characterisation is very good - we have so limited information about these people, really, that people can get away with just about anything, but it does tie in with what we do know (if you accept the affair, of course) so it's certainly believable. I like how you've pretty much not included any OCs at all (I'm ignoring the French girl Alice was trying to set him up with) but still managed to find enough characters within the canon to make a good story. And I like how you haven't gone overboard with background information - you've just hinted at enough for us to work out what's happening, but it does make the reader think and it's refreshing. Too many stories leave absolutely nothing to the imagination and I think it's often more effective when there is a bit left unsaid.

All in all, like I said this is a great story. I'll be sure to drop back when you've got some more chapters up to see where you take it.

cheers, Mel

 Report Review

Review #4, by long_live_luna_bellatrix One

31st October 2009:
Firstly... Happy HPFFSAD! I'm a day late, but it's better than nothing.

A lot of people don't like second person, but I find it highly enjoyable once I've read a few paragraphs and sunken into my "second person" mode, if you will. I've never read a Sirius/Lily (don't tell timeturner!!!) but I find it a highly interesting ship and I can't wait to see where you take it. I like the time you set this in; comfortably after Hogwarts buts before anyone dies or betrays someone else.

I'm wondering... Do you like the word 'Brink', or you just tend to write stories with 'Brink' in the title? :P

Your characters are well written so far, I liked the "going for rugged and handsome" line as well as the fact that you've established that Peter is a person and he is not in anyway entirely stupid.

Your author's note suggests low self-esteem on the topic of this story... please don't be so down. The writing is as clear and smooth as I've ever seen, the characters are enjoyable, and the plot is under way.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Burke Eight

31st October 2009:
what a place to leave it, poor Potters how tense for Sirius and James?
Again, another great chapter.
Enjoy NaNo, I eagerly await the new chapter once it is over and you've had time to write it.
The story is continuing nicely at a great pace, and the chracterisations are flawless. Great work.

 Report Review

Review #6, by Burke Seven

28th October 2009:
wow, I cannot verbalise how much I am obsessed with this story...

The characters are so real, I want them all to get their happy endings but know that it will not happen and that knowledge breaks my heart- and I'm not usually one for happy endings.

I feel like I know these guys, like I'm one of thier friends and I'm watching all this going on from the distance, despite this being written in second person, but maybe I am just wierd.

Only comment I have constructivly are these-
Sometimes the italics to normal transition is a little choppy, and the large spaces, whilst indicating a pass in time, can throw the flow of somewhat.

Other than those tiny things, all I can offer you is a huge congratulations.

I am gripped and enthralled by this story, and eagerly await the next installment.

Author's Response: Flow has, in my opinion, always been one of my most difficult foes. That and my inability to write in the third person persuasively. I have a hard time transitioning from one location to another or from scene to scene smoothly - mostly, for the same reason I have trouble in third person. It's all too many pronouns and physical actions - walking here, stopping there :P

 Report Review

Review #7, by Burke Four

28th October 2009:
I was just going to read straight through these chapters and review to them all but I simply cannot.

I am mesmorized by this story, the realism in it is terrifying, the emotions, characterisations, they're very good.

The story is travelling so fast, it is almost a blur. But I suppose, in times where such evil is going on as in this, time would seem to slip away and become a blur would it not?

I am really enjoying this, it's marvelous.

My favourite line's-
"Actually, do you know where Dumbledore is?"
"He's in the kitchen learning to make canapes, I think."

Really great.

I love how you have portrayed the characters, Sirius is astounding with his bitterness, resent, sarcastic defense.

Lupin is exactly how I imagined him to be if he were a real person.

James, I cannot help but wonder that he knows the truth abotu SIrius and Lily and is, for his own sake as well as theirs, pretending not to notice it to save them all...

Onto chapter five now, this is spectacular! Great, great work.

Author's Response: As always, thank you first and foremost.

The pace of this story has been very difficult for me. I am not the kind of person who can dwell on a single day for ages - extempore, chronicles and all of my OF span over months and at a rather quick pace but this story - it has me slowing down. Looking back at the eight chapters i've (now) posted, it makes up barely a week in time. An eventful week, to be sure, but a week nonetheless. I'm afraid it will never end at this rate :P

 Report Review

Review #8, by Illuminate One

27th October 2009:
:D I'm really glad I stumbled over this. I've never read anything written by you before.

I think this is a brilliantly written beginning chapter- you've established the story and the characters. I think, however, you could make it a little clearer that the beginning is a dream, because it took me a second to figure it out- although you did say in the AN that this is unedited, so that's really no biggie on my part :)

Apart from that, well written (I especially like your description and your dialogue at the start) and well done!

Author's Response: Thank you! This story has been...educational, to this point but i've stuck to my guns on editing it. Working myself out of corners is far more entertaining (and frustrating) than i'd imagined it could be. People seem to be responding pretty well to the raw tone of it, so I think this is a story that I will continue with exactly as I have and then go back in and edit it when i'm done :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by Burke One

27th October 2009:
I have no idea what caused me to read this story, it was just so vague and since its by you and I've glimpsed some of your other stories I decided to give it a go.

Boy am I glad that I did.

I've never read second person before, and I've never read a Maurader story like this before either, both firsts for me that I am very impressed with.

I loved the tone of this piece, I can fully connect with Sirius and his emotions. The other characters are perfectly to canon from what we know and so realistic it is quite spooky. I honestly could read this and think it was real, that is how well this is written.

Considering, according to your note, this has no editing you're a rather fantastic writer (but I'm sure you know that already) there were maybe two or three typos in the whole thing, and that's just typos no grammatical things I could notice at all.

This flowed well, the start was very realistic and your descriptions are amazing, like mentioned previously, I easily got lost in this chapter and thought it was real.

You've made magic realistic with the emotions, actions, and descriptions that you have put in here and I applaud you on it, it is fantastic.

Definitly going into my favourite stories and I will read the other chapters soon as I have time to, I want to read them now but I have no food so groceries must come first... But I think I can treat myself to two or more chapters later tonight.

I have no idea if seven chapters is the end of this story or not, but I hope that it is not as I think that this will be an amazing story!

I am amazed at your talent and cannot wait to continue reading this story.

Please keep this story going til the end.

Thank you for writing such an amazing story! I feel ashamed about my own stories now...

I hope that you write something original and get it published one day, you have that talent without a doubt.


Author's Response: Oh boy. These are the reviews I have the hardest time responding to. If I can wax philosophical about characterization for seventy-five words or so, I'm golden - but, back to the wall when I have to come up with something to say to a review like this all of a sudden my vocabulary abandons me. It's a cruel karmic joke, really. So please forgive my rather inadequate response because all I can really think to say is 'thank you' and that I hope the rest of the chapters live up to your expectations.

 Report Review

Review #10, by JLHufflepuff Two

26th October 2009:
Okay, now I'm dying to find out what Lily specifically needs to talk to James about. This angsty situation is just what I love oh so much! :) I also like the way you are developing aspects of the Marauders and the interpersonal dynamics of their friendship as wel as hinting at things between Lily and Sirius. It is quite annoying the way James just keeps coming in before they can actually talk for real.

Author's Response: James is pesky like that, isn't he :P

 Report Review

Review #11, by JLHufflepuff One

26th October 2009:
I like the dream at the beginning ... it brings up a lot of questions about what their relationship is that can be pieced together in what happens after Sirius wakes up. I've never read a longer fic that is in second person, and I think it works really well for this! We have to piece things together based on Sirius's own thoughts, which are kind of here and there at the moment... I love the feeling of foreboding, too... can't wait to see where this is going! :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm always happy to fight for the cause of second person - I think it tells a different story than third or first can, and i'm glad other people can see that in what i"m trying to say.

 Report Review

Review #12, by AndrinaBlack One

26th October 2009:
That's a great start for the story! It starts with a dream/memory, but it also continues a bit dream like for a while with the short scenes which we don't get any background to at first. It's a captivating way to start; a bit mysterious in a way. Leaves one guessing what it's all about. And then you unfold the events towards the end and we're like officially in the story.

I like the way you write the characters. They're voices are strong and believable. The only complaint I have is that I find it a bit strange that you call Remus "Lupin" a lot of the time, as it's from Sirius' point of view and he would surely think of him as Remus. But otherwise I like the way you write your characters and the way the story unfolds.

Author's Response: You know, I actually had to ask someone about the last name thing. (How pathetic is that?) it could be a local thing or maybe it's a prep school thing but I didn't know the first names of half the boys in my graduating class because, as far as I knew, they didn't have first names...we just called them by their last names (even the set of twins). I was totally thrown to discover that this isn't normal practice (though you would think the fact that this phenom almost never exists in literature might have tipped me off, but no - it didn't :P)

Live and learn, I guess. I'll have to go back and edit that when it comes time to go back and edit. :)

 Report Review

Review #13, by momotwins Seven

26th October 2009:
Ouch. Helluva fight between Sirius and James :( I'm not sure what I'm rooting for to happen - friendship to prevail, or love? I like that the way you write it, the possibility really is open, I honestly don't know which way it will end up. It's a nice feeling in fanfic - or romance at all - not to know for sure how it's going to end.

Author's Response: Would it ruin the magic if i told you writing it this way was a total cop out on my part?

 Report Review

Review #14, by momotwins Six

26th October 2009:
I think the interactions between Remus and Sirius are my favorite part. Not in a slash way, of course. I just like reading about them. Male friendship is often portrayed oddly, and it feels very natural here. Very well done again.

Author's Response: I love boys. Give me a choice between two great girlfriend and one boy and I"ll pick the boy every time. (This does not always prove to be the best choice for my OTHER relationship s but life lessons and all that jazz :P) Their friendship was easy - it was not writing the Lupin of twenty years later (see: Extempore) that was the hard part.

 Report Review

Review #15, by momotwins Five

26th October 2009:
I didn't think it was a bad chapter - it was certainly very sad though. The talk of going after Regulus was very poignant. James calling Mad-Eye "grouchy" did make me laugh, though.

Author's Response: Can I just tell you how glad I am people picked up on that line?? It was so important to how I understand James. Sirius may be self-destructive, but I wanted James to be the only one that was truly impulsive, not because he was trying to be reckless, but because he just didn't take anything all that seriously. I think James would have grown up to regret the way he behaved in his younger years - once he was all war torn and wise. Talking back to Moody and trying to lighten the mood with Sirius seemed like natural things he would have done because he's just not as dark and twisty as Sirius or Remus.

 Report Review

Review #16, by momotwins Four

26th October 2009:
I think I need to go read your other stories. I feel like I'm missing a lot, though you throw tidbits of backstory in (Sirius and Lily skirting around their attraction for years), I still feel like there's a whole other story behind this that I don't know. Maybe it's meant to be that way - it sort of reminds me of French cinema, actually. Love Dumbledore learning to make canaps, and all the appearances of the other Order members (Fabian!).

Author's Response: LOL - don't bother. As anyone who HAS read any of my other stories can tell you, I don't exactly, uh, 'explain things' in such neat packages. I have a tendency to weave elaborate back-story which I only reveal in bits and pieces throughout stories because, with the exception of Newlyweds, everything I've written follows the same time-line and the same history. It's an utterly useless, yet psychologically satisfying game I play with myself :P I should probably get better about that but, sometimes, i think it's better that way - a little mystery never hurt anybody. Well, except for that one time when it totally did but, for the most part, it just leaves me avenues to write the back story down. Though, I will say this, a lot of the back-story in this gets threaded through in flashbacks (Read: Ways to increase one's word count and make a formerly too short chapter long enough to post)

 Report Review

Review #17, by momotwins Three

26th October 2009:
"tried and failed to writhe in a manly fashion"
--lol. That made me laugh.

You know, Sirius kind of reminds me of House here. Maybe it's the leg, and the snarkiness. I don't know. I like it though. Lily is such a strong character, I love the way you write her. She feels, I don't know, right somehow.

Author's Response: Lily strikes me as a worrier. Not as much as Molly, mind you, but enough to be concerned for all of the people she loves in a dangerous time - but she also seems like the kind of person who only has so much patience for simply worry - someone who is more than happy to exert control over the boys when their reckless behavior gets out of hand in her eyes.

 Report Review

Review #18, by momotwins Two

26th October 2009:
You do a great job of conveying the atmosphere in a situation. I loved the uncomfortableness between Sirius and Lily, counting the poppies on the tablecloth. I like his comeback "I'm handsome, too" lol. Good times. And I wanted to mention, though Peter's lines are brief, I think you're really handling him well, being part of the group. I think he's possibly the most mishandled character in fan fiction (at least in the top three!). Really great job.

Author's Response: I have a hard time with Peter (not as hard of a time as I'm having with Sirius, but ya know.) Clearly they got something out of his presence or they wouldn't have tolerated him. Mostly, I just let him play the forgotten middle child or the straight man.

 Report Review

Review #19, by momotwins One

26th October 2009:
I don't usually go for either Siri/Lily or second person, but I'm totally sucked in. The dialogue is excellent - I hate to use the word "snappy", but it is - and I really enjoyed this chapter. It's very well done. I'd never have known it was unedited if you hadn't mentioned it.

Author's Response: You have no idea how many of my reviews start with the phrase "I don'€™t usually go for second person" I'm bringing it back, I tell ya ;) But seriously, thank you. I consider it high praise when someone says there is a perspective or a ship they weren't really interested in until they read something I wrote. It's gonna give me a complex :P

 Report Review

Review #20, by timeturner Six

20th October 2009:
I really don't know where to begin. This was, by far, the best chapter of this entire fic so far. You've perfectly pegged Sirius here. From his challenging words to Lily, to his indignation with Lupin's insinuation, to his anger at being told to find her. The cliffy is a fabulous one, letting the words not only sink in for Sirius but the reader as well. You even manage to get his emotional switch in there where he goes from anger at the idea of rushing off to save her to the moment when he thinks she really IS in danger...from anger to immediate worry. Fantastically done. This is what I've been waiting for from you. *hugs*

Author's Response: Sometimes I think you believe in me even more than my mother does. This should concern one of us - i'm not sure who :)

 Report Review

Review #21, by timeturner Five

20th October 2009:
I hate it when you knock yourself. Annoys the crude out of me. You seem to be getting a stronger grasp on Sirius and that shines in this chapter. He moves with purpose and you show his inner emotions with more clarity than you have in previous chapters. AND his thoughts didn't revolve completely around Lily which was nice. It's nice to see him thinking of other things, bigger things. The back and forth between the boys was done fabulousy - I especially liked the line about not up to killing his brother. Lightly written, it still managed to give away their willingness to stand beside him no matter what his decision was. I don't like Dumbledore so Sirius' little tirade about him made me smile as did the glib "you're grouchy" line. Once again, nicely done.

Author's Response: Oh timeturner, where would I be without your never-ending support? Oh, right -“ still trying to finish CHRONICLES!!! I'm going to sum up the responses to three reviews here on this one because otherwise people will start thinking I have a crush on you, but trust that I am quite firmly aware of the fact that you've made me a better writer in a lot of ways. Internet, if you don't have a timeturner, you should go out and get one right away -“ cuz she's kinda awesome :P

 Report Review

Review #22, by Ydnas Odell One

3rd October 2009:
It's nice to see something new form you. You're the only Marauder author that I have the stomach to actually read. Which means your good!

Author's Response: I’m going to consider this my first “real” review on this story. Not because none of the rest count – but because this is the first review that came about on it’s own rather than because timeturner or I were discussing it :P So thanks :) And can I also just say “Wow” – because that’s quite a bit of a flattery there. I’ve never really written Marauders before. I mean, Extempore was Lupin but that wasn’t the Marauder Era and I like to think he would be quite a different person in his youth… So other than my OOYR challenge, I don’t have any experience in this realm and I’m finding myself fumbling around a bit. As always I appreciate your reviews and your patience in tolerating my perspective :P

 Report Review

Review #23, by timeturner Three

3rd October 2009:
Firstly, you aren't allowed to edit while I am in the middle of reviewing. Because, you know, that's just uncool of you.

I miss not knowing what Lupin knows. You skimmed that and it wasn't very nice of you. I like how Sirius' worry over ran everything else and he went to check on her no matter his own condition. Very Sirius of him. I like that at the end she finally gives him some of his own medicine with the spell. I did miss the description here. This chapter moved really fast and you didn't really let us in on the setting descriptions or the characters thoughts/emotions much. Peter was amusing and Sirius' reaction to him was equally so. I did like how you put the strain once again between Lupin and Sirius. You seem to be following that canon thread quite strongly. Lovely job, hon, just give me more Sirius/Lily action!!!

Author's Response: [This is in response to the fact that while adding this chapter I tried to type the chapter title (Three – cuz I’m original like that) into the Title Field and it didn’t show up so I did it again. Turns out the first version ended up at the end of the chapter. The best part is, no one was going to tell me because they thought I was being profound. Clearly, no one remembers Extempore’s ode to the number 3. Signed, The Count]

This chapter sucked :P I’m not being self-deprecating, it’s just that writing any kind of adrenaline pumped rapid sequence action scene is painful for me to write but I needed the impetus to move both of them forward from the cat and mouse game they’d been playing to a place where they would be ready to admit it wasn’t just going to go away if they ignored it long enough.

I miss not knowing what Lupin knows too :) The last thing I really worked on was Extempore. I started that story because I loved Tonks and, by the time I was done with it, I had a pretty big crush on Lupin :P It’s awful because I actually write Lupin more carefully here than I write Sirius. Probably because Lupin is a character a lot nearer and dearer to my heart. Respecting canon, he tells Harry that he thought Dumbledore was looking to him to exert some control over Sirius and James but that he never could…I think, as a youth, his status as an outsider would have caused him to be very gentle with his friends…and the time spent outside of the middle would also have made him perceptive and sensitive to other peoples needs. I guess what I’m getting at is that I think he would have noticed something was up between S&L almost immediately and, while I certainly expected him to confront Sirius gently, I don’t think he would do it without being certain things would go horrifically badly if he didn’t :P

 Report Review

Review #24, by timeturner Two

3rd October 2009:
Like the awkwardness that you put here between Sirius and James. Often in stories like this, people forget (or just ignore) the Sirius/James friendship. While you have it a bit strained from Sirius' perspective (as it should be) you have James acting quite naturally. That adds more dimension to the triangle and storyline you've created. The cane comment was funny and I adored where Sirius loses his temper with her. That's my kind of Sirius there :D

Nice cliffy and bringing Lupin into the mix with his unease (no matter which direction you take his part in it) was nice. I can easily see it helping lead to the rift that we know appears between them later in the canon series.

Author's Response: I think there are people in life that you just kind of have to be with. They might not be the person that you end up with or even the happiest, most healthy relationship you’ve ever had but, for one reason or another, it’s just inevitable. Skirting the edges of canon, as I so love to do, I think the only reason Sirius or Lily would have ever jeopardized their respective relationships with James would be because they couldn’t not.

We really shouldn’t even talk about Lupin, who I’ve always felt was probably closer to Lily than James…not that they spent more time together, but that he always understood her better than he understood James or Sirius… So I tend to feel like, no matter what happens, he’s always in her corner. Clearly it is my affection for characters that lead me to this story, not my indifference towards plots :P

 Report Review

Review #25, by timeturner One

3rd October 2009:
Of course, you know I already love the subject matter. The ship is near and dear to me and I'm glad to see you writing it. But all of that goes without saying, I guess. I'm happy to see you writing again and I like that your style shows through even in a setting your aren't real comfortable with. I particularly like the little nuances - Sirius noticing this and that about her movements - and love the paragraph where you finally allow them to kiss. Your description there is awesome. It shows glimpses of what I see in your original work and its nice to see the things you've learned in original filtering through to your fanfic.

Author's Response: I wanted to leave your reviews for last, not because they’re hard to respond to (which they are – but that’s not new for me) but because you’re my friend and you’ll still love me if I don’t answer them… but then I thought that might be mean, so back into FIFO order it is :)

I’d hope you love the subject matter since you’re pretty much the only reason I decided to write this particular story, darn it – I expect one loyal reader out of the bunch :P

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>