Wow, that was a very interesting and new read! I think it was a really great look into this world (it is involved with another one of your stories, right?) and made me curious about get culture.
I loved get narrative voice for done reason. There are just those people who you really enjoy being inside their head, and she was one of them.
Thanks so much for the lovely afternoon read!
Jami Report Review
This was very interesting! I don't really have any context, but the writing was great! I like the descriptions and how you combine thoughts and dialogue in a smooth way. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks love! This review was a really great surprise. I've not had a very great night, but this totally just made it so much better. I am so glad you liked it... If you're interested, maybe you can check out my Novel sometime? This one-shot is a companion piece that takes place after chapter 5 in the bigger story. Idk if you would want to or not, but it's there if you wanna check it out, lol! ;)
Ooh, I actually rather liked this! I haven't read any of your other stories.. but to be honest, I picked this one because it was a one shot. I liked Saleena's character, it was likeable and the narration of the story and her thoughts were nicely written. All the conversation she had with her grandmother was really good as well, it really showed me what her grandmother was like as well.
I really like the plot. Gypsies? Interesting. Males are discriminated? Even more interesting. I liked the idea of 'born a leader' as well. This one shot felt a little like the first chapter of a story. Well written though, enjoyable!
- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :) Report Review
So glad I FINALLY got to read this! It really is like a "missing moment" from AiNFiLaW; I was very curious as to what had happened when Saleena went back to the Gypsies for her training. This is a very well-written piece, Deana, and it flows beautifully. Again, Saleena's characterization is great; she's a very likeable character. Well done, dear, 10/10!Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you finally got a chance to read this too. I was wondering when I might see you review for this, lol! :p Glad to know you thot it flowed so well tho, and also really glad you liked it hun!! Thanks again for everything Jayde, you are too good to me, lol! XD Report Review
I'm sorry it's taken me a long while to get to your reviews, but RL has a way of blowing up and taking over. I didn't want to rush through your reviews, so I started with this one shot.
This was a great little peek into Seleena's culture. It is a great back thread to her character (where I last left off with AINFILAW). I'm thrilled to see that you've started another story too!! I'm very anxious to get to reading that so expect reviews in the next week or so. :D
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hello Melissa!! Trust me, I know all about how RL gets in the way of things, lol. That has been happening to me a lot recently too... Anyways, I am so glad you liked this, and very glad you chose to read/review this one!!
Oh, and I would be absolutely THRILLED if you did decide to read/review my new story too, haha!! It means a lot to me that someone as awesome & talented as you would wanna read my stuff, haha! :p
Hey :) this little things is lovely! It just fills in some gaps that we didn't know before and also helps us to understand the dynamics of a Gypsi colony. I feel really sorry for her because se really didn't want to go back and Menerva should never have forced her the way that she did... I understand her reasoning behind it but. She could have at least done it a little less savagly an abruptly. As for her Grandmother. Grand indeed! She seems very self assured, proud and majestic (350 years in the throne may have helped toward this) which is everything Seleena isn't, nice contrast you have there :) also I picked up something; her idlike of physical contact, is that because if she were touch their flesh she would be bombarded with unwanted memories?
Really nice, I liked it and it cleared a few things up :)
MelliexAuthor's Response: OMGosh Melliex, I AM SO SORRY that is has taken me so inexcusably long to respond to this incredible review!! RL has been insane these last few months, and I am just now getting the chance to clean out some of my unanswered reviews today... That was when I found this in there. I had no idea you had even review this one yet hun, I am so, so sorry!! :(
You did, however, hit everything spot on, haha!! I wrote this little excerpt in order to show more about the Gypsies and such, since we do not get to see very much from Saleena's perspective in AiNFiL&W... You also seem to have interpreted Queen Carla very well. It's good to know that her pride and selfishness are both coming thru alright here, lol.
As for Saleena's dislike of physical touch, yes, that does have something to do with it, but it is not the main reason behind it. But mostly, Saleena just doesn't like to be touched, lol! She is very withdrawn from others, and she doesn't like to get too attached to people anymore because, well, she was in love with Sirius, and therefore was also great friends with Lily & James as well... So she actually took all of their deaths pretty hard, and that has something to do with her lack of a desire for physical contact as well. (Or at least I hope that makes sense, haha!) ^_^'
Glad this helped clear a few thing up tho hun, thank you so much!! And again, I am so very sorry that I did not ever see this amazing review of yours before now... I hope you can forgive me!! Also, I cannot help but wonder how far you are in AiNFiL&W now. We should catch up sometime, haha! It seems like we haven't talked in, like, forever, lol!! ^_~
~Deana~ Report Review
Hi!!*waves* I really liked this story!! I didn't see any grammar mistakes, which doesn't really bother me because I'm awful at grammar :( I really like the plot line. It seems really interesting. I like the power that Saleena has, its unique and powerful. Your story had so much detail, it felt like I was standing in your story! Great Job!!!
10/10 Report Review
It was very well written and very interesting, but I do have one complaint. My complaint is that it feels less like a one-shot and more like an excerpt with the lack of finality of any sort. It seems like a beautifully written chapter that has just been ripped out of a story, which I do admire, but I'm not sure it quite captures what what a one-shot does in the way of it being a snapshot of sorts, if that makes any sense at all. Report Review
First I'd like to start with that I thought this story was great! :)
I like the world you've created, though I didn't get a very good vision of it in my head, it's probably better described in "All Is Not Fair In Love And War"
As for grammar I haven't found anything that's wrong.
I like your character, Sareena she seems to act like a real person and not be all perfect. The plot is also interesting, it left me wanting to know more about Sareena and the Gypsies though it finished on kind of a cliffhanger, I don't know if that's what you wanted though. Anyway I can't think of anything else.
Again, great story ! :DAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks so much!! :)
Yeah, the cliffhanger was intentional... If you read "All is NOT Fair in Love & War" though, you will find out more of what happens to Saleena as her training with Carla progresses. She is one of the more important characters in my Novel, so it does goes into a lot more detail there than this one did... Perhaps, if you're really board and looking for something read, then maybe you could check it out sometime? You don't have to tho, lol! ^_^'
I'm really glad you liked Saleena and the world of the Gypsies! Thanks a lot for the great review!! =) Report Review
Very Interesting story you wrote there. I'm not really informed about your work but, is this part of a bidder idea? (other one-shots, novels...) I thing you've created a world and character that give you a lot of juice and you could write many more interesting stories with them. (might be rambling though, I'll go check what else you wrote before going on!)
You have a great writting style; particularily when it comes to describing the emotions and thoughts of your characters; it feels like we are right there, in their heads.
Again, very original and creative; keep writting!Author's Response: Yep, this is a companion piece for my Novel; All is NOT Fair in Love & War, and it takes place right after Chapter 5. I have another one-shot up that's about Saleena too; Perfect. But it takes place when she is younger tho, and Sirius is in it! :)
I'm glad you liked my work tho, thank you!! I am actually considering doing a Novella about Saleena & the Gypsies after I finish "All is NOT Fair in Love & War". If I do do that, it won't be for a while tho... Emotion is one thing I always strive to get across when I'm writing a story, so I especially want to thank you for pointing that out!!
Thanks so much for the review! Feel free to check out the other 2 stories too, if you have some free time and can;t find anything to read! It would be nice to hear more of your thoughts!! :) Report Review
I dont know why I get the feeling I have read this earlier...it your novel a Sirius/OC??
I really love the way you have described her feelings and the character of Queen Carla gives off an aura of a very strong woman!!
Would love to read more!!
~CessZAuthor's Response: My novel isn't a Sirius/OC, but I have another one-shout up right now that is. It's the same OC as this one; Saleena, and it's called "Perfect"... Have you read that one, maybe?
This little excerpt here takes place right after Chapter 5 in my Novel; "All is NOT Fair in Love & War". If you're still interested in knowing more, you could always look that one over too, if you have some time... Saleena is in it off and on, but Draco is the Main Character in that one.
Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you liked it!! :)
~Deana~ Report Review
Wow cool, unique and very different story! The description was very good only I felt it was a little rushed! But generally it was great!
LpF123 xxAuthor's Response: I agree with you that this does feel a bit rushed. The challenge was to describe an Original Character in 1,500 words of less tho, so I couldn't add in any more without being disqualified. :(
Trust me, is I had it my way, this story would be WAY longer than it is cuz I write HUGE chapters normally, lol!! ^_^'
I am glad you thought it was unique, thanks!! & If you are interested in reading more, I have a Novel that goes along with this entitled "All is NOT Fair in Love & War". I also wrote another one-shot about Saleena when she was younger. It's called "Perfect" if you want to read it... Thanks for the great review!! =) Report Review
Dear Yoshi Kitten,
Hi! It's me from the forums, here to review on the one-shot you submitted for the TWH.
First of all, thank you for submitting, I really appreciate it.
Secondly, I think your plot was very good and well-written but the ending was a bit of a cliffhanger though. Is there supposed to be a story connected to this somehow?
Third, I think your grammar/spelling was very good. But I'd like to point out a few things.
1.) because it doesn’t. like I care what they think of me! --I don't know if you did this intentionally but I think "like" has to have a capital "L".
2.) as this this change will take some time getting used to. --I think just one "this" would do the trick.
3.) my grandmother is a seeier.
known as the greatest seeier of all time, --I think seer is spelled as "seer".
But aside from that, I think it was an interesting one-shot so, well done. ^^ Oh, and if you plan on editing this one-shot any time soon, please PM me because I'll have to go over it again to make it fit with the riddle I have for the TWH. Again, thank you and well done,
SevvyAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!! And Idk if you noticed it in the chapter summary or not, but this is actually a companion piece for my novel; All is NOT Fair in Love & war... This takes place right after chapter 5, so yes there IS another story connected to this one! :)
And thanks for pointing those few errors out to me. I have gone back through and edited them now, so hopefully all of the new corrections will be posted soon! I had to change a lot of things to make sure the word count was right at 1,500, so you may want to read through it again if you plan to use it for the TWH...
I appreciate you taking the time to read & review, and I hope you can use it in the game! Oh, and if you're ever board and looking for something to read, you can always read my Novel too, if you want to, haha!! ^_^'
~Deana~ Report Review
Wow, I must say I found this very intriguing. Saleena comes across as a very interesting character, I may have to go back and read All Is NOT Fair In Love and War, as she was one of those intriguing OC's that seem to have a certain way about them. Your writing has given her something very I interesting about her personality, a strength to do what has to be done and that really came across in this short piece. Despite the length I really wished for it to continue, so I guess I'll be dropping by again in the near future to read the original fic.
Saleena's grandmother appears to be a rather interesting character also, it is clear that she is strong but perhaps also there is something else about her lurking beneath the surface. Well that is what I gathered in any case. I also liked your use of Seeiers and Rememberer's, I've never actually come across these terms before and they seem to be rather intriguing also, just another reason to add onto my list of reasons to go back and read the original fic.
I really enjoyed reading this, and inevitably, I did not exactly need any prior knowledge to understand it as all the questions I had about the characters seemed to answer themselves which made it one of those great little one-shots that is able to stand alone from the main story. I look forward to coming back and reading the original fic at some point in the near future and keep up the great work!
- Ashlee Report Review
Weird...in a good way. I don't think I've read anything like this on HPFF, and it really spins off from the usual concepts. However, I like that - the point of writing is to create something new, and this side world, with its own traditions and abilities, certainly fits that bill.
I love how quickly we're enveloped into an entirely new situation, without losing track of potterverse altogether, or having anything that makes this seem unable to fit with said world. I've found myself with a million questions because of this, as the story asks more than it answers, but then that can be one of the best things about one-shots - they spark the imagination, rather than just giving you all the facts.
Still, it would be cool to see where this went... let me know if you ever continue it!Author's Response: Thank you so much for all the nice comments! I'm so glad you liked concept behind all this!! :)
As for continuing it, you should know that this one-shot is actually a companion piece for my Novel; "All is NOT Fair in Love & War". This little scene here takes place right after Chapter 5. So if you still have questions, you might want to check the other story out too! It goes into way more detail about why Saleena has to return home in the first place... You never know, you might like it!! =)
I am glad to have introduced you to something new. Thanks for snagging me, lol!! I hope you will check out my Novel too! Thanks so much for the awesome review!! :D
Wow. Your characters interact so... smoothly. It just crazy! Everything is just so flowing and amazingly written. I love how much stuff you put in this chapter in such a short amount of words! It's amazing! This confrontation is exactly how I pictured it would be.:)
Great job on you one-shot! It was stunning.:D Report Review
Hi Deana *Hugs again*
Ok, firstly I'm kicking myself for not reviewing this quicker, I've been so busy , which isn't really a change 'cos I'm always busy lol.
Ok, so before when i was reviewing your other fanfiction i was talking about Kirreona, Queen Carla is Kirreona's mother right?
Well, it's pretty clear that Saleena detest both of them, her grandmother would probably deserve the cold treatment more than her mother though. Queen carla is very interersting, she doesn't show very much affection towards Saleena considering she's her grandaughter and heir, infact she does not demonstrate any patience for her at all. There's something distinctive about her that makes me dislike her, she has a selfish quality, and she's very high maintenance as well. I think it's the fact that she put her position and job before her own flesh and blood.
Never the less this one shot was very insightful to the world of the gypsies, I could understand Saleena's situation a lot more seeing as you took out the time to write things from her perspective. Like I've said before, Saleena is probably my most favorite characters, closley followed by Roxi. I can just relate to her characetr and her situation a lot more.
I think you showed her strengths and her dignity in this chapter a lot more clearly given the situation she was in, I think this best defined her and I'm glad you made a one shot on it.
Writing was flawless as usual.
KatieAuthor's Response: Hey Katie!! There's no need to kick yourself, lol! If anything, I'M the one who should be doing the kicking, for not responding to this lovely review of yours for so long... I guess I'll start by clearing up the confusion a bit: Queen Carla is in fact Kireonna's Mother/Saleena's Grandmother. And your accusations are spot-on, as usual, lol! Kireonna does not deserve the cold treatment from her daughter as much as Carla does, no. But I think that part of the reason Saleena dislikes her mother so much is because she was never there for her as a child. As I'm sure you already know, Saleena is one who can hold a grudge for a very long time...
As for Carla, if she had it her way, Saleena would never have been allowed back into the clan after abandoning them. If it were up to her, she would not be teaching Saleena any of the Gypsies secrets of power. She would have it all to herself, if she could, because that's just the type of selfish person she is. So I think it's safe to say that you've peg her character right-on as well. Oh, and I really don't like her either, lol! She's EVIL!!
I was very excited to share this one with you, as soon as I got the idea to write it, cuz I know how you love Saleena so much!! I am really happy that you liked it Katie!! Thank you so much for the awesome review!! :) Report Review
Wow, the story of seleena, thats intristing. You should totally a story from When Roxi is in America, that idea just came into my head today during math class and I lost my attention(not good but sorta good i guess)
10 outta 10Author's Response: Thank you for reading, I'm glad it interested you!! And I actually HAVE thought about writing a one-shot or two about Roxi when she lived back home in America... Like right before she moved to London, and I may yet write one some day... but for now I am making this novel my main focus! It is a VERY good idea tho, and I thank you for giving it so much thought! That is so awesome --not that you lost your attention in Math class, of course, lol-- but awesome that my story would mean so much to you that you would even be thinking about it in a Math class to begin with, lol!!! I do have some ideas for Roxi stories, but I don't know what I am going to do with all of them as of yet, haha! :)
Thank you so much for your review, and for the 10!! =)
Hello, this is fatality from the forums!
I feel so bad because all I could find to critique are grammar mistakes. Then again when I get into a good story, I blank out and keep reading.
“Miss. Saleena, it is an honor to have you back here with us…” - You don not need a period after Miss. It isn’t an abbreviation but a title preceding a name.
“…I ask, but I hadn’t meant it to sound that could.” - Um, did you mean cold? xD
“Once we are at there, the front door is opened for me…” - Simple enough. ‘At’ should be taken away from the sentence (;
Anyways. Now that I am done being a grammar freak, I am happy to tell you that I really enjoyed reading this story. Saleena comes off as a hardheaded but determined girl who preaches what she believes to be right. But as overused as those personalities are, you definitely made it work. I love how you managed to keep all of the basic information in a tiny one shot without it seeming crammed. Very good! Then again, it might be your writing style. Its just so easy to follow and made me want to read more! Good job (:Author's Response: OMGosh, yes I did mean Cold! Thank You for pointing those out, I will go back and edit them now!! :)
I am so happy you enjoyed it, and glad that you liked Saleena's character!! She most certainly is all of those things you said she was, lol! And, if you are interested in finding out more about her, she is one if the OC's in my novel "All is NOT Fair in Love & War". It is a Draco/OC fic, if you are interested in giving it a read sometime!! -_~
Thank you so much for the kind and helpful review fatality, I really appreciate it a lot!! :D Report Review
Hey, hey, hey Deana!
*yawn* too lazy to log in.
I'm so bad. Lol, just kidding.
It's like, the epitome of awesomeness! Yeah,haha!
Well, I LOVE Saleena's character and her personality, and, oooh, I love this quote:
"I really wish this woman could understand the concept of personal space. I am not a hugger."
Lol. I think about that all the time when I meet distant relatives and stuff, hehe.
The way Carla was portrayed- old, selfish, senile-was just so realistic.
Overall, like I said, this was a really great one-shot, and Saleena is an awesome character.
"My name is Saleena Blackwell and, weather I like it or not, I was born to be a leader. I have spent the last 30 years of my life running away from my past, because I did not want it to become my future. But it seems that all is catching up with me now, as I find myself back in the last place on earth I ever wanted to be at... my home." (Okay, I think I'm overusing the word "love" here, but me love the summary! Eep! It's deep and descriptive and just.eep! Lol)
100/10, girl. 'Cause you deserve it.
Peace, Love, and Chocolate Frogs (yum, chocolate),
MichelleAuthor's Response: Lol! Haha, you're funny girl!!
OMG, this review was great!! Thank you SO much!!
I'm glad you liked that quote, and I totally know what you mean... I actually JUST came home from a family reunion the other day, so, um yeah, haha! :)
I am so happy you liked the Summary! Deep is definitely what I was going for, cuz Saleena is certainly a character with a LOT of depth to her! She is very secretive, and secluded, and repressed when it comes to her past, and dealing with her feelings. The summary was actually the last thing that I wrote, and I was very pleased with it! At first, I seriously had NO idea of what I was going to put there, but then, that idea just kind of came to me! So I am really glad that you loved it!! =)
Thank you so much for being the 1st to review Michelle!! I am glad you like Saleena, and happy you enjoyed the one shot! Hopefully, my banner for this should be done here in a few days!!! I can't wait to see it!! (And, on a side note, the chapter of AiNFiL&W that I am writing right now -chapter17- will have a chapter image if Saleena's mom at the top of it!!) YAAAYY!!! ^_^ Report Review
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