Reading Reviews for Winging It
  
59 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Christine_Nighting You're Such A Hypocrite

28th April 2011:
Lily sounds right!!

I don't really like Alex. But maybe thats cuz I love Sirius XD

Wonderful!

Author's Response: I think she is!

Aw, I like Alex. But I just like everyone in the story.. (Story time! I thought for a second that I'd planned for Sirius and Alex to get together before remembering the real plan. Whoops.)

Thanks so much!
-Jasmine


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Review #2, by Christine_Nighting We Wanna Live It Up

28th April 2011:
I think Ariana's POV best fits the writing. When its James, I always forget who's talking, because in my mind both him and Sirius are playboys so I can't remember that its James who's talking XD

Very excellent!

Author's Response: Oh, really? *squeal* Me, too. She's my favorite. XD I can see how you could think that!

Thanks so much!
-Jasmine


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Review #3, by Christine_Nighting Dreams Only Last For A Night

28th April 2011:
I wish we could have seen more of the dares, it seems a little rushed. Sirius was funny, though!

Author's Response: I will check that out when I rewrite this! I'm happy he was! (: Thanks!
-Jasmine


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Review #4, by Christine_Nighting We're Back

28th April 2011:
This made me giggle a few times. Well done :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad. (:
-Jasmine


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Review #5, by Christine_Nighting There's a Story to be Told

28th April 2011:
I thought it was good for setting up the scene! Don't know much about the characters yet, but I'm hoping to see more Marauders! ;D

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! That's what I'm worried about... You will! They're, ah, my favorites. (;
-Jasmine


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Review #6, by DaBluBanana There's a Story to be Told

6th November 2010:
Ookay, good job with introducing the characters - I'm pretty sure I'll be able to remember them all...

Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you can remember them all, yes. (:

Thanks for the review.
-Jasmine


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Review #7, by ob sessed There's a Story to be Told

7th August 2010:
I loved it! This is so well-written, and the characters are developed enough for a first chapter. The storyline is yet unclear, but in a good way because you were able to introduce your OCs and their relationships with each other. It fits the chapter well. I love the way it's structured and it flowed rather well with having the cuts to different POVs. Erm, there was one bit, the exchange between Sirius and Sean that was slightly confusing. Other than that, nothing else needs to be changed. Great first chapter :)

x

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it. I'll try to fix the exchange that you mentioned. (: Thank you for the lovely review. (:
-Jasmine


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Review #8, by Ginny Yeske You're Such A Hypocrite

5th August 2010:
LOVE IT! UPDATE REALLY SOON PLEASE!
10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the reviews; it made my day to get them all. And as soon as I have the next chapter up, I for sure will.
-Jasmine


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Review #9, by Ginny Yeske Dreams Only Last For A Night

5th August 2010:
best chapter yet.
10/10 deffinately.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
-Jasmine


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Review #10, by potterwriter340237 Dreams Only Last For A Night

18th July 2010:
Ohhh I love James, so this being in his POV is lovely :)
So far I like this chapter better than the last one, I don't know why but I already am really enjoying it.
I like James' 'voice'
Truth or dare was funny/revealing and it seemed like a good idea to pull out secrets!
I am interested to see what the dare is haha :)
Thanks for requesting reviews! Again sorry it took so long!
-Miranda

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it! And I'm sorry the response took so long, I was gone. (:

Thanks for the lovely review. (:
-Jasmine


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Review #11, by potterwriter340237 Who I Want To Be

18th July 2010:
Hi! It's Miranda! Sorry this review took forever, I have been at camp and completely exhausted and stressed. So here it is finally :) Sorry again!
This is cute so far, it's interesting to see Remus and Peter as the playboys and not the typical cliché Sirius and James.
I would love to see more character development in regards to Peter and Remus, why are they such players? Why does Remus have such an unhealthy disregard for girls?
This does not really go together, it's kind of an awkward sentence, "She said flirtingly"...you may want to use flirtatiously instead
I like that Arianna is helping out James, it was a sweet moment and I think you wrote it well!
This was cute, a bit on the cliche side but I think you are very talented in your writing and your ideas are good!
On to the next chappie :)
-Miranda

Author's Response: It's totally fine; I just got back from camp myself. (:

I'm glad you think it's not too cliche; that was what I was going for. And all that will be revealed... later. (:

I'll fix that sentence when I get around to an overhaul; thanks for the lovely, lovely review. (:
-Jasmine


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Review #12, by Ronsgirl29 There's a Story to be Told

8th July 2010:
Hello, I'm here with your review!

Personally, I think you should continue with this if it's a story your passionate about it. From what I've read in this chapter you've got a nice base for all the characters, and you've already written 6 chapters, so I feel it would be a shame to scrap the whole story. If you feel rewriting the whole thing would be best, then you could, but I think you've got enough good stuff in here to just rework it.

What it really comes down to is if you really want to do it. If you love the story, then nothing should stop you from making it the best it can be :D

As far as this chapter goes, there was a nice introduction to all the characters, and we got to see a bit of how the relate to eachother. The only thing that seemed a bit confusing was that they were all friends even though I don't think they are in the same year. Mary is a 7th year it said, and Alex is a 5th year. So are all the other people 5th years too? Because that would mean Mary has a thing for a 5th year boy. It's not unheard of or anything, in the HP books the trio was friends with Luna and ginny, it's just not super common.

Oh, I almost forgot about the prequel thing at the begining! The whole chapter I was trying to figure out which character it would be talking about. I was thinking at first Lily, because she was the first character mentioned. But there's all these OC's that I don't know their story, so it could be any of them!

Speaking of Lily, I liked how you wrote her, and her relationship with Snape seemed realistic. Just be careful with the whole "Freak!" thing with petunia. So many authors just throw that in everytime Petunia and her interact and leave it at that, so it would be nice to see a little depth to that.

So, based on this first chapter I think you've got a good story going, and I think you should would work with it if it's a story you care to continue with!

PS: I love the ATL quote, they rock (:

Author's Response: Thank you. (: I know, I'm 6 chapters in, but I just feel like it's not up to snuff to my other stuff, you know?

Well... Okay. xD Shane is a 6th year, and in Ariana's house, who's a 5th year with everyone else that's not Mary, who's a 7th year. I'm sorry if I confused you/made you think it didn't make sense (like that didn't... o.o). I don't know, I just felt like everyone being in the same year was a bit convenient, you know what I mean?

Ha, you'll have to find out about the prequel later. ;P (: I'm glad you were trying to figure it out, though!

Oh, there'll be mentions of the "Freak!" thing, as well as an explanation that (I hope) isn't too cliche. I just didn't throw it in there because, as you said, there was a lot of information so far.

Thank you so much for the lovely review, it was awesome to read. :D
-Jasmine

PS Ha, I love them so much. (:


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Review #13, by SeVeRuS LoVeR You're Such A Hypocrite

1st July 2010:
Hm not s huge Lily fan now :(( dnt know why I just dnt like her I guess Btw I LOVE the songs you have been choosing in the beginning of your chaps it's like you're taking them from my playlist haha

Author's Response: Lol, aw. (: Thank you so much! I'm not a big fan of her either, lol.

Thanks for the reviews! :D
-Jasmine


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Review #14, by SeVeRuS LoVeR We Wanna Live It Up

1st July 2010:
Loved it! Hehe Ariana and Sirius are hilar I'm hoping they get together haha but if not oh wells

Author's Response: Ha, you'll have to read and see! ;D
-Jasmine


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Review #15, by SeVeRuS LoVeR Dreams Only Last For A Night

1st July 2010:
Haha very funny :PP haha I liked James' POV it was hilar hahaha

Author's Response: Thanks so much!
-Jasmine


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Review #16, by SeVeRuS LoVeR Who I Want To Be

1st July 2010:
Aw hmm seems to me that Ariana and Alex are quite similar but hey thts just me :// well Ariana doesn't swear as much so that's something and is a tad more comforting I guess haha but we'll see haha

Author's Response: Well, I think they're just really good friends, and they kind of have the same traits.

Ha, she's not that bad of a pottymouth. (:

Thanks for reviewing!
-Jasmine


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Review #17, by SeVeRuS LoVeR We're Back

1st July 2010:
So I meant to review last chappie as well but forgot to hehe btw I love that All Time Low song at the beginning of the last chap as well!

Good story so far I rly love Alex already haha :PP can't wait to read more!!

Author's Response: Ha, thank you! :D
I love her too, haha.

Thanks for reviewing! :D
-Jasmine


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Review #18, by blueirony We Wanna Live It Up

15th February 2010:
I am so upset right now! I swear, I posted a review for this. And it didn't post for some reason? Surely it could not have been reported and deleted in the space of an hour!
Damnit. I was looking, just by chance, at the reviews I had posted and I noticed that there wasn't one for this. And I don't understand how it could have happened. No. That's so sad.

Sigh. Ok. Let me think about what I had written and I'll see if I can replicate it. Sorry if this isn't a very long one, but I don't know if I can remember everything I had originally written!

Your first chapter is not very confusing. Far from it. The only confusing part that people may have commented on was the beginning prequel, the part in italics. That confused me. Yes. But it also intrigued me. It's a really clever way of starting a story.
There was an introduction to a lot of new characters in the first chapter. And I normally hate that. I just don't think that it's conceivable to introduce more than two original characters in the space of about 2,000 words. You proved me wrong. It was clear who you were talking about. And, more than anything, you gave us an idea of all the characters' personalities. That was a very good thing you did. It meant that the characters were not just names, but they were characters. So in later chapters, when names like Ariana and Sean cropped up, the reader can go, "Hey, I know who they are" and continue reading without getting confused.

Some of the characters are slightly out of character. No. Sorry. I take that back. It isn't that they're out of character, it's more that... what am I trying to say here?
I think it's that some of your characters need more depth. Now, please don't take that the wrong way! It's just that this is such a light-hearted and fun story that it might get in the way of real character development.
You have established clear friendships. You have established that they all like to have fun. But I just fear that we are never going to really see more of the characters than them just joking around and having fun. I know that this story is primarily humour, but you want to be careful that you don't compromise character development at the expense of humour.
I'm not sure how much sense that makes...

But in terms of humour, it all does work. It's just fun to read. I was smiling at times throughout it. And I love that. I really do.

What else?

The character switches. Again, I don't find them confusing. And I'm not too sure why so many people do?
Maybe just be really clear with your formatting. Bold the character's name, add a few lines of spacing between POV switches, that type of thing.
Switching between different first person POV is apparently frowned upon, but I think that if it's done well, it can definitely work. And it is done well here. All your characters are well defined.

I think this story is shaping up to be something that you can really have fun with. But I do hope that you add bits about how there is darkness surrounding them. It will give your story more depth and add another dynamic to it. And, yes, it is humour, but the rising of Voldemort is really hard to ignore.

Ju :]

PS. There seems to be a difference between the summary you have for this story in your signature on the forums and the summary you have for the actual story - just wondering why that might be? :P

Author's Response: Aw, I'm sorry your review got deleted. ): Thanks for re-reviewing, though.

Awesome. (: I've gotten mixed reviews about the first chapter; some say the OCs are too much, others say it's not. But it's great to hear more then one opinion. (:

I see what you mean. The first few chapters don't have as much character 'depth' as the later ones... It gets more serious later on. But I'll try to work on that now, thanks. (:

Thank you so much! I'm glad you find it funny, and that you like the character switches. (:

Later, Voldemort will come into play more...

Thanks for the lovely review!

(The reason it's different is because it wouldn't all fit in my signature. :P Sorry if that confused you...)
-Jasmine


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Review #19, by Laugharama_llama We're Back

14th February 2010:
Hello! I'm here with part two of your review.

I really think this story has potential. I know a lot of reviewers say that to sugarcoat bad reviews, but I believe in honesty and I sincerely mean it when I say that. There are some things that I really enjoy about what you're doing with this story, and some things that make me frown. So I'll get started now, and I hope you'll keep an open mind to all I say.

The two things that I think you need to improve upon are the flow and development. I was really confused about the Sirius/Alex situation, and actually had no idea that they hated each other. Since there was so much joking around between everyone, I thought Sirius and Alex were joking with each other too! Also, it seemed really odd when everyone would go from fooling around, to being somber (i.e. when Dumbledore gave his speech), and then back to fooling around. The whole chapter felt really hectic and a little bit confusing because of all that.

In terms of development, I didn't really know where this story was going, and still don't. Just as a reader, I feel like it's important to know at least a hint of what to expect, or even a question mark. I'm not trying to tell you how to plot out your story, as I do realize that is your choice as the writer.

I really enjoyed the way you showed each character however. By focusing this chapter primarily on Alex, I got a good idea of how she thinks and feels, which I think was really good for the reader. It was really nice to see everyone's relationships with each other in this chapter, whereas that was a little confusing (but I assume on purpose) in the first chapter.

Another thing I really enjoyed was the way you characterized Peter. I've always been against making Peter the dumb random follower. I think he obviously had a pranking-streak, and while he didn't have to be dashingly handsome, he must have been charming and well-liked also! I really liked that you strayed away from the clichè there! :)

I hope you took this all with a sense of constructive criticism, because that was how I meant it! I'm not right about everything, but I just reviewed in the way that I honestly felt. Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I'm glad you think it 'has potential'. (:

Hmm. I'll try to work on the hectic aspect... I didn't realize it was like that. Thanks for pointing it out.

It was half on purpose, but I've been trying to clear it up. -blush-

I'm glad you like my Peter! I've had mixed responses about him, but I like making him that way. (:

I definitely did, and I'll work on what you said! Thanks so much!
-Jasmine


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Review #20, by mizzxpearl We Wanna Live It Up

14th February 2010:
Hey! This is mizzxpearl with your review! :)

I actually read this yesterday, but I just got around to reviewing it right now. Well, I think you've done a pretty good job so far! The story's cliche but if what you are going for is a light, humourous piece, than you're doing really well! I would suggest for you to add more details and stretch out sceans. Not stretch our like pointless gabbering, but enough so the reader can get a better sense of what's going on. I think, since there was such a big build up to the truth and dare game, you should have had the game go longer. You have to be careful, if you build up to a scene, you need to make sure that scene is the best you can pull of! (It's kind of like saying you have a really funny joke to tell. The audience expects more, and when they get it, their most probably going to be like...that wasn't funny? But if you just tell the joke, they would have liked it more. Do you get what I'm saying?) Just be careful of that! If you think I'm just blabbering, feel free to ignore what I'm saying!

I like the different POV's you have, although it might get a little confusing to some people. (Personally though, as long as you don't switch narrartors in the middle of a chapter, I think it works!!)

Anyway, all on all, you're doing good. Try not to make it too cliche though! You wouldn't want it to feel like something that we've already read, right?

Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing. (: Hmm, I've been getting that comment a lot. I'm trying to lengthen it out, but I don't want to *too* much, you know? But I'm glad you like it, even if it's cliche. *blush* I think my later chapters steer away from that, but I'm not sure.

Thanks for reviewing, and the comments! (:
-Jasmine


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Review #21, by RocketBabyDoll9 There's a Story to be Told

13th February 2010:
Hey there! Rocket here, with the review you requested. Sorry it took me so long to get to, I've been swamped the past week and a half.

Okay, let's start with your review. I'll do the CC first (constructive crit). There's something prevalent I've noticed in many marauders era stories, and that is how modernized they are. The narration, dialogue, and culture seems far too 21st century, and that's something I kind of noticed here. The Marauders were around in the 70s. A couple of the things you had your characters say or think were a bit too modern American teenager. I could never write a Marauders story for this very reason, I would have trouble keeping it from being anachronistic.

Your grammar/spelling etc. were all fine. The only thing I noticed was when you were talking about someone's cat. You put the cat's name in parentheses, when you could have just used a comma and been done with it.

Okay, now on to the nice part of my review! (:

I've been trying to get into Marauders stories again, so thanks for requesting it. Sometimes I like stories that have few characters, but I secretly enjoy an abundance of characters, and love triangles, whole nine yards. The whole Gossip Girl scene is a guilty pleasure. So I like how many characters you've included, though it's slightly overwhelming in the first chapter. I'm very curious to see how everything you've introduced so far is going to play out to reach what we see in the prologue. You actually did a good job with the multiple POVs. A lot of times, authors don't know how to utilize that to their best advantage, so kudos to you. You made each POV short enough so they wouldn't get monotonous, and it gave us a fresh perspective. With a story that has so many main characters, it can be a good idea to have multiple POVs, because we want to know what everyone is thinking, compared to a story with 2 main characters, and a lot of minor ones where we don't care what's going on in everyone else's head.

You haven't really established which character we're going to follow the most; the one that will be the main protagonist. Since this is only the first chapter, I can't expect to know who that will be yet, though it'll be interesting to see who gets featured the most.

I also liked the Lily/Severus thing you did there. You stuck to canon with Severus's family issues. So many people disregard that, and just leave it out.

Anyway, hope I was helpful! Feel free to re-request. I'm trying to clear up the thread at the moment, hopefully there will be room. (:

Cheers,
Rocket.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Sorry my response took so long...

Hmm. I see what you mean, but I wasn't alive in the 70's, so I don't really know what they were like--I -am- a modern teenager. Not to be rude, I promise. I'll try to work on it, though. (:

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. :DD The main protaganist is kind of Alex and Ariana, they share the spotlight, in a sense.

You were very helpful. (: I'll definitely re-request!

-Jasmine


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Review #22, by Laugharama_llama There's a Story to be Told

12th February 2010:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review from the forums!

I really like the way you set this up! It was nice seeing an insight on all the characters, without practically listing them and their traits like some authors tend to do.

The chapter was very informative in terms of character personalities and development, but I'm not to sure where this is going. I usually expect a first chapter to give the reader some sort of incentive to read on, or to make the reader intrigued. I do realize you're the author, however, and that it is your choice on how to lay out your chapters. I'm just giving my opinion :)

Other than that I really enjoyed it though. I'm a little confused about some of the ages. I know that Sean, Alex, Ariana, and Sirius, James, Lily, Severus are different ages, but I'm not sure who's older - is Sean and them a year older than Sirius? And is Mary two years older than Sean?

One thing I liked was the way you portrayed everyone and their personalities. I enjoyed the little character scenes and just getting an intro to your OC's overall.

Good job! I'll be getting to the next two chapters soon! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! I see what you mean about it not having that much story... I kind of just wanted to set it up.

Well, Sean is a year older then Alex, Ariana, Sirius, James, Lily, and Severus--he's a sixth year. And Mary's a 7th year. Sorry about that!

I'm so glad you liked it. (: Thanks for the lovely review! :D
-Jasmine


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Review #23, by searching4neverland We're Back

11th February 2010:
I dont think you need to worry about the first chapter, its not that confusing. I read the first two and they are a good introducing to interesting, individual characters.

So, characterization and flow… in this story I thinks they are very tightly related.
I liked the characters you created, because they have this feeling of spontaneity about them, which I suppose speaks for their young age. There is a lightness about their behavior and dialogue that gives the story a playful mood and moves it along very naturally. What Im saying is that, to me, it felt like the way you portrayed your characters is moving the story along and that humorous streak of this story is in their personalities rather than actions. (I hope that makes sense)

This is where the characterization comes in. It was really subdued and scattered thought the story, and this way it allowed me to get to know your characters as if they were people, bit by bit, relying on their actions and words. It was more fun that way, the subdued description and hints here and there.

The most distinctive characters are Alex and also Mary so far. Alex because you have given her a great kinda weird, funny personality. She stands out not just because you have this chapter from her POV, but as a very original, lighhearted person.
And Mary, because in the first chapter I got this feeling that you were trying to say how different the 2 sisters are, so now with everything Alex does, I keep thinking Mary would do it differently, perhaps even the opposite. So you see, it feels like I know her too, and I find her interesting for some reason, shes always in the back of my mind when I read about Alex. I like this pair because they are individuals, even though they are sisters and with they tend to put each others thoughts and actions in perspective - for themselves and me too. I cant wait to read the dynamics of their relationship.

The one things I didnt quite understand is Alex and Sirius relationship. Other people think they hate each other, but to me it doesnt come off that way – which is why James outburst at the feast was a little weird for me. By how you wrote their interactions, hate doesnt seem like the feeling between Sirius and Alex, more like edgy friendship. Anyway, its just the beginning of the story, so dont read too much on this comment.

The only thing I have to point out is the Dumbledore bit. He is a difficult character to write about, because he is so amazing all the time. I just think that you should show a little more of the impact his speech made on the students. I mean, he was saying that students are dying, but all Alex could think about was her stomach. Of course, that may be part of her character, but still, it seemed to me like you cut it a little short there.

Anyway, this is it for the first two. If you want me to go on reading, request another review and I’ll be back.
Thanks for requesting, I had fun :)

PS: The bit on the train, with Peters rat was hilarious, how everyone reacted and all the mess. It was like too much noise of nothing. Cracked me up. :D

Author's Response: I'm so, so sorry this review took so long to respond to. I've just been swamped and not on here. Sorry!

Thank you so much for the lovely review. (: I'm glad you see that Alex and Mary are different, that's kind of what I was going for. And I'm glad that you didn't think it was that confusing. (: I can kind of see what you mean about Sirius and Alex, and I'll see if I can work on that.

Thanks for the lovely review! :D I'll definetly re-request.
-Jasmine


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Review #24, by Kirsty Weasley We Wanna Live It Up

10th February 2010:
Its been him? I'm so confused! I dont understand. What has been him?! -Kirsty x

Author's Response: Oh, sorry!
Him who's been covering her eyes. >< Sorry.
Thanks for reviewing, though. (:


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Review #25, by MrsKatieGrint We Wanna Live It Up

31st January 2010:
I love love love Ariana!:) Haha shes just amazing! I love it!
I only found one itty bitty mistake, "he said quickly, and i laughed" Just the I should be capitalized. :) I really had a blast reading this! Keep up the amazing work! :D

Author's Response: Ha, I love her too. (: She's my favorite, I think. Once again, let me say thank you for reviewing all the chapters. (: They made my day, really. And I'll fix that when I do the edits and stuff; thanks for pointing it out. :D Thank you so, so much for the amazing reviews.

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