Heylo :) I really liked this, and the way this set up the plot, although I thought you could maybe have provided more detail in places, which you are probably deliberately saving for later chapters. I think your writing shows a lot of promise, and I can't wait to read the later chapters of this fic. Generally, I thought your characterisation of the major characters was good, and I felt this worked really well as a first chapter.
One thing I did think though is that your grammar around speech tended to be a little off-putting: you tend to put capital letters at the beginning of verbs when they're not needed, eg. “Why have you called us here?” /Asked/ Minerva McGonagall - needs no capital. I also thought you might want to reread passages with Dumbledore in the books - to me, in this, he felt a little ... feminine? I also felt your portrayal of Aurora seemed a little overdramatic. Your beginning repetition of the word her felt too repetitive rather than the anaphoric effect you might have been aiming for - I would suggest varying your sentence structures more?
It may seem like I've been very critical, but I did really like this chapter, and I think the rest of the chapters will be very good.
EmmaAuthor's Response: hey, thanks so much for reviewing! Two reviews in the first day of having the chapter up is much more than I'd hoped for, and I'm very grateful! I totally understand the praise/critique style, I use it myself, so you didn't seem too critical.
As for Dumbledore, I will have to think about what you said, because in the past I've written him this way and people thought I was being very true to his character...as much as I'd like to please everybody unfortunately I can't. :-) But I will definitely try and read some of the places where he appears in the books, just to refresh my memory.
Anyway, thanks so much for reviewing, hope to hear from you soon! Report Review
The summary of this story really interested me, and I simply couldn't resist taking a peek :) And I review everything I read, so here I am.
I don't have any issues with this (spelling mistakes or similar) it all seems perfectly fine. Well-written and pretty awesome. I like how its taking place the same time as Voldemorts war, it would be really interesting if you wrote a canon fic so that it complys with the HP series, as in, both stories are happening at the same time. if that makes any sense. I think that would be better then an AU fic.
I loved how you wrote Minerva's character!!
Please update it soon!!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing, and I'm glad you liked it! I actually consider this a canon fic since everything that happened in the books happens in this story--basically this is set during HBP, but it won't come to the attention of the magical community at large at least until after Deathly Hallows. I don't want to give too much away, but if you read on you will find that I stick to canon as much as possible considering I'm kind of bad at remembering details. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and I will have the next chapter up soon! Report Review
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