Reading Reviews for Hope - A Lily Evans Tale
  
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by angeless7fallenstarsong Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

19th August 2010:
"Someone should really roll out the red carpet and give the four idiots golden crowns."

This was pretty brilliant. :) It was kind of a new take on the James/Lily pairing, too, because I've never read a piece before in which Lily views James as sort of above her... I'm not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, great work.

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Review #2, by pink_rook A Certain Kind of Crazy

29th June 2010:
I love your writing style. It's unique and amazing. You manage to make the story unravel before my eyes and I can picture every scene so clearly in mind, as if it was a movie.

I love this story. I've been waiting to read it for years now! Keep updating, you lovely Rach! :)

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Review #3, by la vita bella A Certain Kind of Crazy

26th June 2010:
I'm sorry but WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

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Review #4, by la vita bella A Certain Kind of Crazy

31st May 2010:
Hi! I love your take on the story! I can't wait to read more!! ;D

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Review #5, by Moony's Girl Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

28th May 2010:
So the tale has potential...however, it was rather slow moving and to me it was akward at times(as pertaining to wording). James's character seems abnormal, not because of his lack of infatuation towards Lily, but his general demeanor. Also, James would most likely know the name of any beautiful Gryffindor, even if he did not like her. Happy writing!

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Review #6, by Onna_Elwood Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

26th December 2009:
First of all, sorry that this review has been so long in coming. I moved, no internet. Explination enough.

Now, one of the only consistent mistake I saw in your writting - which is amazing by the way - is you miss spell 'stare' as in 'she stared at him' as 'steer' as in 'steer the cart that direction.' Other then that I'm liking the idea of the tables being turned and Lily being obsessed with James. It's different. So, I'll form more of an opinion later on in the story.

~Onna

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Review #7, by Alassie Chapter Two: Little Girl

13th December 2009:
Poor Lily, feeling so badly about herself. That's such a shame. I liked this chapter too, it was quite good. I am still a fan of your writing style, it is really good. But again, poor Lily. I hope that she doesnt feel this down on herslef for too long, she doesn't deserve that.
Keep up the good work!
Alassie

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Review #8, by Alassie Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

13th December 2009:
Oh, a Lily/James! I love Lily and I love James, so understandably I love them as a pairing. Though this was a long first chapter, it is a first chapter after all, and I would like to move onto the next one before saying much, though I must say that I was a big fan of this. I really like your writing style too, its very good.
Good work so far!
Alassie

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Review #9, by Miss Lily Potter Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

1st December 2009:
Hey! I'm here from the forums with your review.

Firstly, I love your banner and summary. They're both so well done, they draw the reader in and such.

Also, your A/N had me laughing hysterically! I love it. (:

Also also, I like the idea of Lily being in love with James, rather then he her; I've often wondered if that could have been how it really went down. (:

I like your descriptions of Lily. SO many stories have her with 'emerald' eyes and 'flaming' hair, it's refreshing to see a new take. (:

I must admit, when I started reading this, I wasn't a huge fan. (big apologies) But as I finished, I realized this is a really well-written piece of writing. (:

Just one question: How did Lily suddenly regain her speech? She seemed so... calm, compared to how she'd been earlier.

I'm sorry this review was so short, but I'll review the second chapter more in-depth. (:

-Jasmine

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Review #10, by Lindsay Chapter Two: Little Girl

25th November 2009:
I, like you, died. Haha, we got exams here as well. Anyhowww, lovely chapter. Nice flow, good descriptions and I love your character development so far. Of course, I know where you're taking this, so I'm biased, but who cares! tHIS is great, I love it.

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Review #11, by night writer Chapter Two: Little Girl

25th November 2009:
Another great chapter.

I normally don't like too many OC's in fics, particaurly Lily/James ones, but your ones work nicely. I like how Keira and Courtney aren't like the cliched friends of James, and Lily's friends seem to be developing nicely. I adore Krista and Rachel, and I hope you have plans for both of them!

I like your James too - not too over the top with his arrogance, but it's certainly there -just that shade of confidence and coolness. I love it; i've always been a James fan haha.

anyway, loved the chapter, and hope you'll update soon.

xoxJasminee

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Review #12, by Writrchick Chapter Two: Little Girl

24th November 2009:
So, here I go.

I really like this story. Very much. I love Rachel and Krista; they are hysterical. Courtney and Keira are...what's the word?...multi-faceted. I like how you wrote them, not just as adoring Maurader cronies, but no-nonsense girls who still really like said Mauraders. With Leila, it seems like you didn't develop her as much. I get the feeling that she has some sweet qualities, but can also be manipulative. Perhaps we can see more of what she is really like later on?
I like the way you write Lily. The shyness, the awkwardness, though at times it does seem a little over the top. I like how much she hates Sirius. Perhaps you could develop more on that as the story goes on.
James seems on par, with all of his arrogance. I can't wait for Lily to humble him. :)
The plot is good. I really like where you seem to be going. Good job!

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Review #13, by _Lady Marauder_ Chapter Two: Little Girl

23rd November 2009:
I really liked James' POV. Better than Lily's I think. I dont know, just something about her narration came across as whiney to me. It could also be because I have a mysterious infatuation with James.

Aw, all of James little thought about Lily are really sweet! And that Leila girl...hmm, very mysterious. I wonder will we see more of her later on?

James is a bit of a puzzle. For example, he doesnt know the names of Lily's friends but knows their bios (srt toilets on fire; insanely drunk etc). I dont know what to make of that...

Sad ending! Poor Lily. Well, I totally forgot to talk about your OCs in the last review so I'll do that now! I think they're coming across quite nicely. It must be hard working with so many OCs! Three in Lilys group and three in James' right? I think they are characterized well in James groups. The ones who are friends with Lily dont stand out to me quite so much but I have a hypothesis about that: I think Lily is characterized so strongly, that even though the othera are characterized perfectly fine, they pale in comparison a bit.

Overall, this was quite enjoyable to read! Be sure to re-request when you get more chapters up!

~~Chelsea

Author's Response: Thanks so much for you reviews on the two chapters! I know its super hard to write a review for a story that's only just starting to get underway, so I appreciate it so much! Your comments have helped, and I'll go over the spelling and such more carefully for the second chapter. I know a BETA is a good idea, but all the ones i've had have been so unreliable, and a bit of a waste of time. Who knows - they're a probably good ones out there!

My OCs will get further development. I hate it when authors include OC's for the sake of including characters. I'm trying to contrast James's friends with Lily's, and then eventually, somehow, get them all together - after some conflict and drama of course!

Anyway, thanks again. I'll be sure to let you know when I've updated! =D


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Review #14, by _Lady Marauder_ Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd November 2009:
Hi! This is Chelsea from the forums to review your beautiful story!

Before I even start on the actual story, there are two thing I want to talk about. First, your banner is gorgeous. Really, it is, and the quote on there is fab, it really makes the viewer intrigued. Second, your summary was also very good, and it got me thinking this story is for me! :]

*sighs* I loved, I mean LOVED your A/N. Seriously, I choked on my drink because it made me laugh unexpectedly. :]

Ok now to the good stuff! I like when people use the first person, especially in stories with a lot of emotion because we can see into the characters head that way. Your portrayal of Lily's reactions when she sees James are priceless. Brilliant analogy with the cake btw :]

The scene with the Marauders walking in reminds me of in The Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep walks into the office and everyone is terrified of her and rushes to get out of her way :]

The whole non-canon thing threw me off at first, but it was pretty easy to climb back from (after all, write in the realm of SOOO not canon all the time :]). And actually, it seems like their relationship (maybe a tiny bit of Lily's appearance or personality) is AU. James seems totally canon to me.

There are just some one-liners in here that I think are really awesome, "that was reserved for Sirius Black"
"prayed to high Merlin he had simply stolen the badge from Remus Lupin"

A really nit-picky CC. Lily says something about her mid-life crisis. Technically, that would be at the age of 30ish. An "oh, God Im half dead!" sort of thing. Lily wouldnt be having a mid-life crisis (a social crisis or a romantic crisis would be valid though).

A few minor spelling mistakes here and there: fest instead of feast, steer instead of stare. Nothing a quick read-over of a beta couldnt fix.

I liked the ending. The 'welcome-home' scene was a good note to end on. I wonder if Lily realized she spoke a full three sentances speaking like a normal person? :]

On to the next chapter!

~~Chelsea

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Review #15, by Leigh Kelley Chapter Two: Little Girl

23rd November 2009:
Here's the second one.

I like that you switched it up and told some of this from James' POV. I always like to know what other characters may be thinking, especially since one character's views can come off as completely biased. He seems to have his own voice, too. Often times the voices are blurred, and some authors tend to slip up by having the male character's voice very similar to that of the female's, just because she's probably most comfortable. But I can definitely pick up some differences, here.

I do find it strange and unexpected that James compared Keira's hair to Lily's. Just given the fact that he seemingly forgot her name, I wouldn't have thought he'd have noticed her hair. Interesting that he does, and I wonder if he even realises it.

Dialogue is something you write well. The conversation between the boys and their friends was easy, amusing, and natural. It's just the way I imagine they would joke around, since they are as we all know, very close.

I'm not entirely sure yet if I like Courtney and Keira. I know they are James' friends, and I guess he would have friends outside the Marauders, but there's something about them that I don't like. Then there's the fact that they interrupted the moment between James and Lily, and the way she was addressed by her full name. Eh, my dislike is probably my own, so ignore me xD.

Oh, I like that Wormtail got some lines. He's such a neglected character, something I always frown about because he was their friend, you know? So good on you for giving him face time.

Something I forgot to mention in the first chapter, but that I am going to do now, is the fact that I love that you didn't include Head Dorms. There's no such thing, so I commend you for not using it as a way to get them to spend more time together. There are other effective ways, I'm sure.

Lily truly is a pushover. I get that she'd be intimidated by his friends, but she shouldn't have just excluded herself completely. Then again, if she didn't, she wouldn't be the Lily you wrote about in the first chapter.

It was a nice chapter. Some of the same errors from the first one; typos, missing words and such. Nothing particularly glaring, but fixing them would make for an even better read.

I like your plotine, and I'm still loving Lily's friends. Now I understand more why they dislike James, and it makes plenty sense. You're doing a wonderful job with portraying everyone so far. Everything flows well, and the story's moving at a good pace.

Keep it up!

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review on the two chapters!

I love exploring the non-canon plot line, so it's nice to see people like it. =D

Thanks heaps.


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Review #16, by Leigh Kelley Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd November 2009:
Hey there :). Here from the forum with your requested review. Sorry I'm so late, but I'm here now.

I've been noticing a few of these stories lately, where James hasn't been infatuated with Lily for years, and the roles are reversed in some way or the other. The plot is certainly growing on me, and yours story is as well. Even though I've only read the first chapter so far, the way you weaved it has me definitely wanting more. I can already tell that you're a great writer.

Now. I loved your descriptions. They weren't bland or boring; just enough to have the reader picturing the scenes and the characters. The beginning, where you have Lily desperately hoping that James hadn't returned, then suddenly coming to the realisation that he had, was lovely. At first I thought that it was because she had done something embarrassing or hurtful the year before that she was dreading his being there, but then I finally understood that she's just hopelessly crushing on him. Poor girl, having such a reaction to a boy.

Speaking of crushes; I believe that you wrote it realistically. From the scribbling of hearts, her snitch-sized eyes on recognising that James is Head Boy, her inability to talk or function normally around him. I believed her crush completely.

James doesn't seem like a bad guy. He did forget her name, but if she hasn't been able to communicate with them, it isn't something I can hold against him. I like that he has some of his normal Marauder swagger, but is able to joke around with her as well. This is different than the other plots I have read, because James usually hates Lily. Here, he just doesn't know her too well, and can talk to her when their in the same setting. So, I'm definitely liking this.

As for your concern. I love Lily's friends, Krista especially. I didn't get much from Rachel in this chapter, but I can see Kris' personality shining through. She's very in-your-face, and unapologetic of anything that she might say that irks someone else. I do wonder why she's so sulky when James stood up, and why she's so quick to yell at him. Is there something going on here that I'm missing, or am I reading too far into things?

Sarah is amusing. I can't believe she had to bum a ride in the luggage racks. Haha. She really has no sense of time, huh?

I'm curious as to where you're going with this, and if Lily will be able to come out of her shell more fully. There are a few errors scattered throughout this though, that you will be able to find easily if you go back and read through it. I didn't want to point them out because it wasn't something you asked for. Aside from that, it was a well-written chapter, and I already have an idea of your plot so far.

Reading on, then.

~L. Kelley

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Review #17, by pink_rook Chapter Two: Little Girl

3rd October 2009:
The last line was perfection. I simply wasn't adored. Wow.

I like the way you write dialogue: it sounds believable and I can actually see the characters interacting before my eyes. I also love the way you write Lily's reaction to James and the first sparkle between them - the mad laughing.

I love it. I heart you.

But I think I'll never forgive you for the disappearance of a certain character. Just kidding. :] It's much better like this.

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Review #18, by night writer Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

2nd October 2009:
Wow, great story!

I ADORE Lily. Even though this isn't canon, I always imagined this side of her: sweet, quiet, a little awkward, but at the same time, fiesty and determined. You portray this so well. I'm in love! Ha ha ha.

Your OC's show promise, which is good. Actually, your characterization overall is pretty damn good. I think I like your James more than I do your Lily - not all arrogant (Although still confident), but more sweet and an actual gentleman.

Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter.

xo Jasminee

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Review #19, by civilized Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

30th September 2009:
Hey! It's civilized from the forums! And this is the review you requested.
Alright. First things first. My initial response:
Wow. Can you perhaps PM me when new chapters come up? Pretty please? Beautiful please? Absolutely stunningly gorgeous please? I want to read this story forever...
Right then, onto the actual reviewing.

There are only a few minor things, and they go as follows:
-In the part near the beginning that goes like "And if I couldnt see them, Id defiantly hear them. Their cursing would be loud enough for the entire train to hear." Simple misspelling of definitely. Nothing too bad.
-Another little one "My eyes were squint as I attempted looking past the light fog surrounding Hogsmeade station." Squint isn't right, it'd be squinting, I believe, but that doesn't quite sound right. I'd fiddle with it if I were you, the right word is out there somewhere.
-Okay, this one is so ridiculously tiny I almost didn't even say it. I probably wouldn't have if you didn't specifically say you wanted grammar and spelling. In the sentence "I sprawled my long, legs out, not being able to see the freckles that decorated my almost-white complexion; it was get getting darker." Just take the comma off of long. See? It's the tiniest error, hardly means a thing.
-In the paragraph about Leila (where it says something along the lines of "she's the school drifter", take the colon off 'I think her name is:'. Also, there's just generally too many colons in that paragraph. It detracts from the overall fantastic quality of it because it's distracting.
See? Easy mistakes; won't take but two minutes to fix.

Now, onto the things I adored (well, not all of them; that would fill up your whole screen).
-I LOVE LILY. I mean, the way you write her... It's enchanting. She's vulnerable and quirky and so real sounding. You have a way with character development.
-Now, I realize that at the beginning you said this is a revision or some such, but this is absolutely perfect and it doesn't matter how many times it took you to get it this way. I love it. I love Lily. I love this chapter and this story and the fact that it's entirely NOT canon. Canon is so limiting.
-Did I mention this is perfect? That I love it so much that I'll be checking on it probably every day until it finishes?
-Oh, because this isn't canon, it's completely your own, completely original. I value you that so much when I review. (I mean really, who likes reading the same Dramione stories day after day? Or the same Scorp/Rose? Not me. I don't even like Dramione OR Scorpius/Rose.)

Wow. This is turning out to be my longest review ever. ^_^
Congrats on the fabulous talent and great story!
Alright, I'm off to read this again...
Bye!
-civilized

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, and for how long it was! Haha, it made my day. Thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes. I've yet to find a BETA for this, but will get onto it straight away.

Does this site not have an alert thingy to tell readers when a new chapter is up? If not, sure, I'll PM you when new chapters are up. I just put chapter two up for validation, so it should be up in a few days. =D

Thanks for your compliments again, really means a lot. =D


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Review #20, by Carrrin.x Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd September 2009:
Nice story so far. I love Lily and James ficcys!!


Update soon

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you're enjoying!

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Review #21, by Potter Girl xx Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd September 2009:
Hey, great story! I am loving the way you write Lily. Not all uptight and bossy and screamy. I don't mind your OC's either. Sometimes authors portray them to be horribly fake and sue-ish, but yours seem good so far.

Love the Lily/James moment in the train, BTW. You've got yourself a fan. :-)

Author's Response: =D Haha, thank you!

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Review #22, by Lindsay Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd September 2009:
Rach! Hey, remember me? I read this way back in the day when you first posted it on here. What can I say? I am so glad you're reposting! I adored this story. ADORED. Anyway, update soon.

Author's Response: Oh, LINDSAY! haha, back from the days of ff...oh the fun! Haha. How are you? Still writing CYHM?



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Review #23, by nana_banana_xx3 Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd September 2009:
i saw this browsing through the james/lily stories and almost had a cow on the spot. (: i remember reading the opener to the first version and absolutely loving it, and i'm so excited that you've posted it again. (: i'm loving this so far and can't wait to see where you'll take us! thank you for your work! (:

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Review #24, by pink_rook Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd September 2009:
I see Hope. And it's as gorgeus as I remembered it from the good all times. Your writing style is always improving, Rach. And I think I have told you a million times you have a way with describing people's feelings.

Did I mention I love you for posting this? :]

Otty x

Author's Response: I love you!

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Review #25, by Paloma Patil Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

23rd September 2009:
Oh - this is original. It is SUCH a different approach to have Lily obsessed with James. I'm really interested to see what you do with this.

Update soon!!!

Paloma

Author's Response: Thanks, Paloma! =D

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