So I saw the date published on this and then had to check it out.
You've grown in your talent so much, but even three years ago you were immensely talented. This piece is emotion, pure emotion with nothing else and I *loved* it. It... rawr! Like that! And Slade!!! I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that name will make its way into an OF of mine sometime or another.. I hope that's okay ;). You just forced me to love!!
He's so... man-tough-strong-temper.. rawr. She's so -it's his fault, he's strong/man/temper and I won't let him so I'll push him away first. They are just two every destructive people but the tension it creates!! Bah!! Cold glass of water please??
You have so much natural talent, it's insane. I would never have imaged something you wrote years ago could be this good. Like I said, you've gotten even more talented and really owned your skill, but even this screams I am a writer .
I love storms. LOVE them. As you noticed with Eyes of a Survivor, that's based around the storms, then The Protector starts with ones... there's just something about thunder and lighting and screaming skies that makes you want to destroy, and these characters are destroying each other so it's perfect.
I read this last night, but my fingers couldn't iphone review and I've been itching to review it today! I seriously fell asleep with this man with dark hair and dark shadows in his eyes running through my mind, the imagery you created with this was *very* powerful.
The entire fact that it's drawing off of a strong man and weak woman may have been my favorite part. First of all, neither character felt weak, but I can see how she would. To the reader she doesn't, but inside her heart she does. And I felt like she wanted to torture him for making her feel like this, but was torturing her self as well.
The slap part. Love it. I have an insane temper when it finally breaks. As in, throwing things/slapping Ben. He usually pushes it and instigates it, because he's a brat, but every time I've tried to slap him he always catches my hand and it makes me even more mad. Haha. So my temper literally spiked when Slade caught hers, because I wanted her to give him one good thump. Haha sorry, mean girl over here.
I love your writing and I love your skill and you just turn me into fangirl mush. Is it creepy if I fangirl over you? Kind of Slade too..because I feel like we'd have some good fights.Author's Response: This is the second time I've replied to this - the first time, it was all erased! Ahh! It was long and beautiful too - ah well. You know you're so sweet? Thank you!
You really think so? I've always had such problems with my confidence as a writer and even now, when I get such wonderful reviews, I still don't see myself as a decent writer. But everytime you leave me a review, you bring my confidence up a notch - you're honest with me and that's what I need. Oh my goodness, yes! Don't you just love that name?! Yes, oh please do use it in an OF! It will be the next best-seller, I'm sure!
I'm glad you picked up on their destructive natures. It's one of those things where you want it to last because of the good times, but the emotional turmoil overrides all that.
Thank you for that! I knew deep down I had potential, but I never saw it, especially in these earlier writings. I was definitely still trying to find my place in the sphere of writing goodness.
Storm are amazing, gosh, they're just, ahhh! I love them! They create such a wonderful mood - great and terrible things happen during storms!
Oh yes, the slap part! I have an insane temper too! I've learned to control it over the years, but they say that when it comes out, you don't want to see me angry because it's like the devil himself has risen. Haha, I wanted to give him a good punch right in the mouth too and I was writing it! :) It's actually loosely based on a real life event - let's just say me and this boy in high school - he was tall and gorgeous and had these piercing green eyes and then there was me. :P
I'm totally stoked that you go all fangirl! It gives me confidence as a writer. And not creepy at all! Thank you so much for the FABULOUS review! :) Report Review
Hello dear! torrentaldownpour here, with your review. :)
At first, I was confused. And it did continue throughout the story...but I got the situation sooner rather than later. I see you played with her emotions quite a bit, and that helped tremendously with the story line. But I got more confused at the end. Was it femmeslash? I kept seeing her and I in the same sentences and it got me confused. But at the end I saw it wasn't. ^_^
Just one grammar mistake I saw: "Somehow, he had seen me and was coming to grace me with a huge." I think hug should be replaced by "huge." ;)
9/10! Good job. :D
~lovelyinsane aka torrentaldownpour Author's Response: Gosh, I can't believe you had to endure that awful story. It was just a spur of the moment thing I wrote about something in my life, bah!
Yeah, it could be confusing, for sure. But, I thank you so much for the review xD Report Review
Hola Shelby *waves nervously from distance*. I'm really sorry about my lateness. Hopefully this review will patch things up?
Why do you have to be so talented? Just reading the summary made me click it and read it through. It captured my attention, and I wanted more. The descriptions you gave in the first chapter really slid into the story nicely; you must have a gift for it!
So pretty much, it is about an OC who stereotypes men as cruel strong creatures without realising she was one herself (a cruel strong creature, not a man 0.o). It's kind of ironic in a sense, but more on that later. And the theme of this would be to not judge people before evaluating yourself? That's what I got out of it =]]
The POV is absolutely perfect for this sort of mood. Since it's first person, the way she says declarative statements obviously isn't her natural tone, but it felt right. No flaws to be seen in this area. As for the mood; it had a lazy feeling to it, yet it was serious. I really liked how the POV blended in with the mood. It didn't sound awkward like a bunch of other stories I read.
The characters were very believable. I could imagine Carina thinking all the things she said in this story, and the feelings she had for Slade as she lusted for him. It was very human of her to make mistakes- in this case leaving Slade after he confessed she broke his heart. His confession, by the way, makes him realistic but very vulnerable =] And OMG! His name was Slade! When I was little, I used to watch Teen Titans all the time, and he was the bad guy, so when I was reading this, I imagined a large dude with a mask over his head. It made it really interesting for me.
Some of the parts confused me, like the backbone of their relationship. Their history. I'm a blonde, so sometimes I'm slow on things =]]
The dialogue, for the most part was...okay. It wasn't horrible, it's just that the swearing made me feel uncomfortable. I'm okay with hearing it in real life, but when people write it down, it's just weird. It might be a fetish of mine. Dunno. I'll get checked out.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you for not summarizing everything everyone does. The whole, "And then he stopped her hand, and she knew he would," would sound terribly boring. So thank you for making it interesting! I think that the best part of the story was the last paragraph. Here, I'll copy and paste it for you =]
"Biting my lips to keep from screaming bloody murder, I gave Slade one last look as I slipped past him. Real men left their women, but I was never Slade’s woman."
Beautiful dahhhling, absolutely gorgeous *stops talking in fake British accent*. That paragraph was totally cool dude. Teach me everything you know!
So I was wondering a few things (in case I didn't understand)
Were Slade and Carina together? I thought they were until the end...but then, they still could've been. And where do you find inspiration? What gets you motivated when you write beautiful things like this?
See you on the forums dear =]
ConstantsAuthor's Response: It has taken me so long to respond and for that I'm sorry! And don't you worry about how long it took you, I am a patient person!
Let me tell you, that first paragraph of your review made me smile! This was just a random one-shot that I concocted out of thin air. Talented? I really wish I was.
You are such a perceptive reader! Yes, stereotypes, they are so important in this fanfiction. It's really about exploring those stereotypes and our perceptions of them.
I am so glad that you liked the POV! Lately, present tense has been my POV. I like to try new things. I want to expand my horizons and do everything possible so that when I write a novel, it will be a success.
Slade, ha, I love that name! It sounds like a knife or something...and OMG, it is from Teen Titans! Baha! Brilliant catch there!
I decided that their relationship was just there, it was just in existence, so if I confused you, I understand.
This was based on something in real life, so the language was...necessary. I know that it was a bit much, but, well, I am sorry it made you uncomfortable!
Ahh, I love the British accent, it made me blush xD Yes, summarizing makes me want to crawl in a hole, so I definitely wouldn't do such a thing!
No, they were never together. The inspiration? Actually, it was something that came out of my very own life. Shocking, really.
Thank you so much for the super awesome, fantastic review! :]] Report Review
Another stream of conciousness? My goodness Shelby, you never cease to amaze me. Never. This is another brilliant piece of art, and very true.
I can see where Carina is getting upset at Slade about not thinking of her as a woman, as a normal human being with feelings. Feelings that can get hurt and ripped to shreds.
I'm sorry my review is so short, but it's just because you write so amaizingly well and get everything spot on. Tell me your secrets! Tell me how you do it everytime! Ha.
Wonderful work hun and don't hesitate to request something else from me again! I love reading your work!
xxAuthor's Response: Hello Alicia!
Thank you for your wonderful compliments! And don't you worry about the length of your review! Any review from you makes my day! My secrets? I have none, I honestly don't know how I write.
Thank you so much! xo Report Review
This was very deep, and very true. I saw I part of myself in it. I especially liked this line: "Define a real man? Hell, don't ask me, do I look like a man? Raw, powerful strength sounds good to me. I wish I had the raw strength of a man, but as I woman, I was meek. A women's rights activist would surely shoot me if they could hear my thoughts now. I want to be meek and wanting. It's in my bones." It's right there, at the core of women, even if we want to be strong.
You posted somewhere that you'd found your style of writing, and it was stream of consciousness. I agree. All these things that you say you wrote out of no where; they are all your best writing, all have the best ideas embedded in them.
Was I supposed to say this is corny and dumb, a kiss in the rain, even if it's true? Is that why you wanted an open mind? Because I didn't think it was dumb. The story rang of truth, of human emotions that are hard to put on paper, but that you do your best with anyway.
The only things I completely didn't like were the names. Slade? Yes, it's a manly name, but it sounds like a name from a sci-fi fic. You happen to have caught me in a bad time, as I'm reading a book I was sure was going to be good, but it really isn't, and one thing I hate about it is the random names. But I felt like the name Slade sort of brought it out of reality and into... well, something less believable. Carina was fine, it's the kind of nice original name I like to see. But Slade... I'm sorry, I just didn't like it a bit.
Other than that, it was amazing. You're one of the few writers I know on this site who can fit so much meaning in so few words, and not make it rushed. Nice job with this one.
~lllbAuthor's Response: Thank you, thank. That particular paragraph is me, seriously. I've always been strong and independent, but there's always that thought that I just want to be protected. I'm so old-fashioned. And you understand that. No matter what any woman says, that's what they have thought at one point or another. One of my friends is all "independent", and "don't need a man," and yet the other day she said to me, "I wish I had a man to hold me." Ha, right there. That's why I wrote it.
Thank you for that! I know that my style is not super stream of consciousness, but it's there in the words, in the piece. It may not be totally off-the-wall, but I have now found my niche.
Oh no, that wasn't it at all. You see, I didn't think that people would really like this piece. It's based on a true story and I just thought people would be like, "Oh, this is stupid." It was just me worrying as usual.
Ah, the names. I could see where you're coming from on that one. I really didn't like his name either, but for symbolism purposes, I used Slade. To be completely honest, I'm a freak and I love the oddest names in the world. I would love to name my kid fanfiction or writing or stop sign, I'm so weird :P
Thank you so much for the amazing review! I really appreciate it! xDD Report Review
I think this is the first "stream of consciousness" that I've properly read - I've come across it before, though never really read it like I did with this. I suppose it'll take me a while to get used to, because it's rather different from the usual narrative, but I'm not against it by any means. It's just unusual, which is never a bad thing in my books.
There were some truly beautiful lines in this story, Shelby. Really absolutely stunning:
"a lying, deceitful heart and I wanted to rip it out of my chest" - truly remarkable personification and I could really sympathise with your main character... Mine was a sad heart at this point because every line oozed a sense of sadness, though mixed with a kind of defiance. I liked how that came through as well.
"A streak of lightning ran across the sky, its legs running miles faster than mine ever could" - that really interrupted the scene but in a good way - you know how you randomly notice things in weird situations? The lightning here broke up the scene but also added drama because it's a shock, it's loud and sets the mood. And that personification, again, is gorgeous.
You have a way with words, Shelby, and especially with descriptions. This was wonderful and I enjoyed the different style of narrative. I admire you for trying something different.
- MarinaAuthor's Response: Really? But wait, my story Juliette is stream of consciousness. It's not so BAM! as this one, but yeah.
I'm really glad you liked those lines. They're just things that pop into my head and it alway seems they flow with the story really well. I'm so big into personification, it's something that I believe can make any story, it just has to be handled properly.
Thank you so much for the amazing review, Marina! I appreciate it so much and I do hope you enjoyed the read!
Wow, Twinsy, this was great! I mean, really great.
I especially loved your first line: "My heart wasn’t in my throat, it was on the tip of my tongue, ready to fall out of my mouth and shatter on the ground." It brings such a weird imagery to the mind, you know? And definitely captures your reader's attention.
It was really cool to see the stream of consciousness. I mean, I could almost see your mind working and scribbling down (or typing, whatever :P) in a frenzy.
Really great stuff, Shelby. Your style never ceases to amaze me. :)
- RinAuthor's Response: You liked it, Rin?
I love that line, it's my favorite! It really is weird imagery, but I really wanted to capture that 'heart in your throat' thing.
I love stream of consciousness, it is one of my favorite writing techniques. It really draws the reader into the story and makes them wonder how a writer's brain whirs.
Thank you so much, Rin! ILY! Report Review
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