That was beautiful.
The power of every word, the extreme force of his love...
I am honestly at a loss for words.
Favorited (and that is not something I do often). Report Review
Review Challenge #1:
I can't describe how much I enjoyed this. He does love people. He isn't a monster. Lucius did have emotions. He was broken. Maybe he always was.
This is such a unique way of getting at the roots of his problems. You write so beautifully. That was so vivid and amazing.
I loved this story. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you :) x Report Review
Oh my god! That definitely made me feel so awful and sorry for Lucius. I can't imagine what having that level of memory loss would be like, but you did a pretty good job explaining it from his point of view. Great Job! 10/10Author's Response: Thank you! :) x Report Review
Oh, my gosh. This was... wow. This was such a good story. ): And so sad! It must be horrible, to think you've lost your wife... And he killed himself to be with her. ):
Maybe it's just me, but this story almost reminded me of Romeo and Juliet (on his part, not hers). It may not have been intended, but that quality added to the hauntingness.
This is easily the best Lucius-centric story I've read on here. And I've read a lot.
And now I'm sad. :P It made me cry.
Great job. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Awh thank you! What a lovely review :) x Report Review
this is so sad! You are a wonderful writeer!
bravo Report Review
Hmm. I read this a few days back and meant to review it, I must have forgotten it. In fact, I could have sworn I reviewed it. Oh well.
I thought this was an incredibly original idea. As I was reading it, I felt so sorry for Malfoy. And when Narcissa arrived in the room, I knew something was dreadfully wrong. I nearly sobbed at the funeral. The idea is amazing, and you made it very believable that Lucius would do such a thing. I especially liked how they were obviously rich purebloods, but the story also showed that they had a loving side like any other human. I saw no reason why this couldn't happen to Lucius and Naricissa. And you wrote his memory loss nicely too, what with the little quiz and showing him getting more and more answers wrong. No CC, this was really enjoyable.
~lllb Report Review
>Because the day he forgot Narcissa was the day she died fully and irredeemably. And he would die with her.
Oh God, my heart. I was really miserable when Narcissa turned out not to be dead. I mean, at least if she had been it would have been a bittersweet ending as opposed to "now I will tear out all your hearts and stomp on them, ha ha". :P
I like the descriptive style you've got here - it sort of reminds me of single photographs more than of a film? White and black and thin branches. It goes well with Lucius's 'static viewpoints' I think.
This is total nitpicking, sorry, but it seems a bit odd to me that they would celebrate Draco getting his Hogwarts letter with something as spontaneous-seeming as deciding to cook dinner for them. Wouldn't they have expected it and had a planned celebration? It just seems like something that would fit better with something sudden, like his first spell.
I really like the idea of Narcissa as a smoker, for some reason. It suits her. The lung cancer and yellow fingernails don't, but I'm going to assume she has a magical way around that.Author's Response: Hehe sorry I hope you're not too depressed after reading this!
I'm glad you liked the style. Its quite different from what I normally write. I get what you mean about the static viewpoints...Lucius is definitely not living a vibrant, always moving life. He's stuck in the manor with no-one but himself for company.
I totally understand about the Hogwarts letter. I get that they would of course have planned a formal celebration but I was thinking along the lines of Narcissa spontaneously deciding to do something the day the letter came...because they may not have known exactly when the letter would come even though they were certain it would come. If you get what I mean lol.
Narcissa as a smoker was a completely last minute decision but I agree that it sort of fits her quite well. And yes I'm sure there would be magical solutions to the less desirable side effects of smoking! :D
Thank you so much for the review! I'm still waiting on an update for your story! :D xxx Report Review
Um, wow. As I finished reading this, I was actually a bit slack jawed. I have always thought of Lucius as one of the least redeemable characters in the Potterverse, and I never thought I would have any sympathy for him. But no matter how much I hate him, even he didn't deserve an end like this. This was absolutely heartwrenching.
Your description in this was beautiful, and served to bring the mood and atmosphere into crystal clear focus. The scene with the single leaf was gorgeous, and I loved how the loss of that last leaf mirrored Lucius' loss of his wife's memory.
In your request you mentioned characterization was your main worry, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about. This is not the Lucius we know from the books, instead this is a Lucius who has lost the memory of pretty much everything that defined that other man. All that is left is the shell, and you have portrayed that beautifully.
I absolutely adored this. This is going onto my favorites list immediatly. 10/10.Author's Response: Wow thank you so much! :D
I wrote this for the staff challenge but also because I really wanted to challenge people's perceptions of Lucius...and I'm glad I succeeded with you!
I never viewed the scene with the leaf in that way before, but I absolutely love your interpretation! From now on I'm going to pretend that is what I intended all along hehe XD
That was one of the reasons why I was worried about characterisation...because the Lucius of this story was so different to the one of the books that I thought it might be difficult to relate them to one another. Its a relief to hear that you thought it was okay. :D
Thank you so much! :D xxx Report Review
I really enjoyed this story. It was put together nicely; Lucius' feelings, the impact of his memory loss, how inextricably everything Narcissa did and was became tied up with him. The lost memories were nicely done - the bittersweet nature of the loss.
I loved this line:
His wedding day was now a vague haze of white lace and pretty blue eyes.
Very poignant. I thought your word choice was great - the language precise, and I could picture just what you were saying with each sentence. And I thought the twist was a nice, if evil, touch.
Thanks for posting this - it's not something I would normally read, but I really enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sorry its taken me an age to reply. I'm so glad you liked it. That's one of my favourite lines as well :)
Haha glad you liked the ending...even if it was a bit evil! I couldn't help it...the story just felt so right with that ending.
Thank you so much for reviewing! :D xxx Report Review
This is Muinthil from the forum with your review! This is such an amazing story! I have always been a fan of Lucius and Narcissa and there really aren't many fics out there about them, especially as the main characters. This was so touching yet so very sad. The twist at the end was what really got to me! Brought tears to my eyes! Very well written. Bravo! 10/10Author's Response: Awh thanks! *hugs* Yes its a very sad ending...hope it didn't depress you too much! I'm so glad you liked it :D xxx Report Review
Hi DearMyLove, it's Blissbug from the forums here for your review.
So, the first time I looked at this was about four days ago, and not even five paragraphs in I was suddenly inspired and left your review to pick up some writing of my own featuring these to characters. Ehh, anyway, now I'm back ;)
I really liked reading with this POV choice, and even though you had to switch in the end, I still had this very clear sense of voice and character in my head.
You capture a very...Malfoy-ish essence in the word choice and physical action -- pacing, frowning, clencing the bottle in his hand. I also just adore all the description of the manor and how you use elements of the weather to off-set the phyiscal and emotional changes of the character. Well done.
This is a surprising story, and I like stories that don't necessarily get their happening ending, so this one really resonated with me. It was well written. My favorite line is:"...they twisted away into nothing."
A great write and even better read. Thanks.
BBAuthor's Response: Heya! Thanks a bunch for the review :D
Lol I get that as well...I'm reading a story and then BAM get that urge to go and write my own stuff! And its always so hard to resist :D
I loved that: Malfoy-ish essence. I feel as though I should be bottling it up and storing it away in a potions cupboard lol. But anyway...thank you very much! I'm glad you thought I captured his characterisation...I was worried because I depicted him as far more vulnerable than in the books. I'm glad you picked up on the weather as well. I tried to contrast the weather at the start completely with the second time he read the questions in order to fool the reader into believing there has been a long passage of time. I'm just so pleased it worked...generally my mad-cap writing ideas completely fail to work in the way I intend!
Thank you so much for the wonderful, insightful review. I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it :D
Very sad story but very well written. I loved the way you portrayed him, it seemed very fitting. The story had great flow and nice depth. Wonderful story.Author's Response: Thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed it :D xxx Report Review
When I first read it was a Lucius/Narcissa story I was intrigued as I haven't read many of this ship, but I was pleasantly surprised.
The concept of Lucius loosing his mind is incredible, and the way you deal with it is wonderful. It's an interesting twist as to me, he has always given the aura that he has to be in control of everything.
I had a little chuckle at the idea of Narcissa having trouble cooking, it is very believable though as she wouldn't have had a clue :)
I thoroughly enjoyed the way you wrote Lucius as deciding to commit suicide if he ever forgot Narcissa. It was wonderful to see a more sensitive and vulnerable side of him.
It was an amazing end to the story, a beautiful but sad twist, and for Astoria to be pregnant makes it all the more poignant.
I felt the story flowed well, and characterisation was good. I would just say that I don't think Draco ever hated his father, and I don't think Narcissa would have ever smoked. Other than that it was a pleasure to read and i hope my review makes you smile :)
LilyGreenEyesAuthor's Response: Thank you so much!
YES that is exactly what I think - that Lucius is always in control. Which was why I decided to remove that control with the memory loss. The list of questions is a way for him to maintain control...though of course what it is actually doing is completely misleading him.
Did Draco hate his father? No I don't think he did all the time, though I think at times he probably did, for getting him embroiled up in Voldemort's world.
Oh and Narcissa smoking...yeah that was a last minute thing. I wanted to cast her as a kind of Hitchcockian blonde with bleached hair and a cigarette in her fingers. Its Lucius' impression of her when he can hardly remember her at all...so he's perhaps inventing certain aspects of her that do not in fact exist.
Thanks so much for the lovely review! xxx Report Review
Really sad, but I really loved this!
It was so beautifully written and taken from a view of Lucius most people don't tend to see very often.
This is probably my favorite Lucius/Narcissa oneshot.
Great writing! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm so happy that you liked it. And *blush* you're favourite Lucius/Narcissa oneshot?? I'm happy!:D xxx Report Review
...Wow. I am in shock. This story is without a doubt one of the most beautifully sad pieces I have ever read. I have worked with people who have this sort of memory loss, and you captured what they must be going through in perfect detail. This is an incredible piece to read, not only because of the seamless flow, but also because of the story. It shines a light on both sides of the story, those who are left behind when someone forgets, and the ones who forget.
Well done, and you can count me as a fan! I think you wrote a truly beautiful piece, touching on something no one really thinks about.
~navyAuthor's Response: Awh thank you! I'm so glad that you, as someone who has actually encountered people with memory loss, think this story is alright. I was worried that the angst was piled on a bit too much so as to detract from the main point of the story. Thank you so much for reading and for your lovely review! :)
xxx Report Review
I love, and I really do mean LOVE this one-shot. The way you have written Lucius is beautiful, poignent, and respectful towards a patient, that I assume has Alzhiemer's, and the way that they reacted.
I was distraught when Narcissa arrived back and Lucius had already taken the green vial and ended his life :'(
I almost cried durin this story, and considering it takes a lot to make me cry this is quite an achievement.
Lucius was written brilliantly, I felt like I myself was watching him from almost another realm like a ghost as he wandered about and for all my efforts to get his attention I could not.
Then as I read about the funeral, I could visable see in my mind the scene, as though once again I was present at the scene.
Congratulations on an AMAZING piece of work that is simply stunning and purely breathtaking. I have re-read this multiple times already and am without a doubt making this one of my favourites.
Great work! Thank you so much for writing this and suggesting that I review it, it was a pleasure and a treat to read and I am more than happy to recommend this story to anyone.
10/10 without a doubt!
10/10Author's Response: Blimey thanks! :D
I love what you said about watching Lucius almost from another realm...its a really interesting thought. When I was writing it, I was itching to let him find out about Narcissa before he took the poison and for everything to work out fine! But the challenge this is written for required the person who took the poison to die at the end, so I had to kill off my poor Lucius :'(
I'm so glad you liked it and can't say thank you enough for all the wonderful things you've said! Thank you so much for reading :D *hugs*
xxx Report Review
hey, tessae from the forums with your review! Thanks for re-requesting! :-)
Wow. that's really all I have to say about this beautiful little fic. Other than a couple of very minor spelling mistakes, it's absolutely lovely. Completely sad of course, but lovely. I think you've done perfectly with the characters and the description of Lucius's disease. Really nothing at all to critique! Thanks so much for requesting, hope to hear from you again soon! Definitely making the favorites list...Author's Response: Thank you! :D I will look through again for the spelling mistakes...there are always a few that slip through no matter how many times I proof read! I'm so glad you liked it and thanks for favouriting :D
xxx Report Review
I think it's lovely--very well articulated with complex, deep emotions. I absolutely love this pair. Your story was particularly interesting to me because I've written one-shots about a couple of the events in their past mentioned here. Good job!Author's Response: Thank you very much! Lucius/Narcissa is one of my favourite pairings as well...I think there is so much potential there to write fics because we know hardly anything about the pairings. I shall have to check out some of your fics :)
Thanks again! xxx Report Review
Very interesting...I liked it but I was kind of confused untill the very end. A unique point of view. Thanks for writing!Author's Response: You're welcome! :) Thank you for writing the review! I hope you weren't too confused, although I was wanting you to be guessing a little about what was going on!
Thanks again :D
xxx Report Review
I was very moved by this story. At first, I thought that someone was threatening Lucius, and if he didn't answer the questions correctly, that there was an enchantment that would force him to drink the poison. It never occured to me, until I actually read it, that he had made the paper himself (or so I assume it was him) because of his memory problems.
I liked that description when he thought question number one was way too easy. Lucius isn't my favorite guy in the world, but it was sad to see the way he quickly lost confidence in the easiness of the questions and how the next time he read the paper, question number one wasn't so easy anymore. I felt very bad for Lucius. The part about having a note on the bathroom mirror really drove home his memory loss.
I'm impressed by the way you managed to bring the readers in Lucius' memory . . . or non-memory, as the case may be. Because of his memory loss, he isn't a very reliable narrator, and so the reader believes that Narcissa is dead, too. All the evidence seems to point to it: the empty house, Lucius saying that she's dead. Most of all, the ritual of answering the questions seems to be an old one, although we never really know if that's the case or not, so the reader fully falls into the trap of believing Narcissa is dead, especially when Lucius starts paging through that photo album. The ending of this story is such a twist. Oh, the cruel irony. Fantastic work on this.Author's Response: Thank you so much for writing such a thoughtful review. I really appreciate the feedback.
The whole concept of memory loss is one that interests me greatly. I tried to give the impression of a gradual deterioration in his ability to remember things properly, and repeating the questions was key in this.
It sounds weird, but I'm kind of glad you felt sorry for Lucius...I've always had a soft spot for him and most stories that I write involving him try to challenge readers into seeing him in a different perspective.
His memory loss also means that his narration is unreliable, as you've said. As far as he's concerned he's been in that house completing that ritual with the questions for years and years, and so I deliberately presented this impression to the readers. My original idea for the story was for him to have been there for a long time, doing the same thing over and over again. But then I had the idea about Narcissa and decided to write it as it stands now.
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks once again for writing such a wonderful review!
xxx Report Review
How sad :(
but in a good way...
Good job, I liked it!
Although i feel like crying...
10/10Author's Response: Oh please don't cry! :( I'm sorry that its sad, but I agree that it can be seen as a vaguely happy ending as well. I mean, as far as Lucius was concerned, he'd found her before he died. So I guess he died happy :)
Thank you for the review! xxx Report Review
Wow. Seriously, wow. I really loved it!
His memory loss and thoughts about Narcissa were all so tragic and heartbreaking, and then when he took the poison I was actually happy because he would be with her again which was what he wanted... and then when she came back and it turned out she was actually alive I was practically in tears! I couldn't believe it.
The whole idea of his severe memory loss is a really interesting one for a story and it worked really well - I've been attempting the challenge myself and not getting very far xD That documentary also sounds really awful but fascinating at the same time - I can't imagine what that must be like...
Wrapping his coat tightly around him, he headed in the direction of the trees. - sorry to be super-picky, but maybe 'cloak' would be more wizard-y than 'coat'?
Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this, and it's definitely going on my favourites! Brilliant :)Author's Response: Oh wow *blush* thank you!
Yeah I haven't written angst in a while, so I sort of piled it all up on top of itself for this story. Sorry...hope it didn't make you too sad. The memory loss thing has always fascinated me and, yes, the documentary was very interesting but quite harrowing at the same time.
You know I was searching for a 'wizardy' piece of clothing and came up with nothing! Can't believe I missed cloak! What an idiot...thank you for suggesting it, I will change it straight away.
Wow thanks for favouriting *hugs* And thanks for the awesome review *double hugs* lol xx Report Review
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