Wow, another heartwrenching piece!
Poor Scorpius. The idea that the girl he loves would do that to him is just awful. And now I might die from curiosity as to why she would want him dead in the first place! If you wrote a sequel or a companion piece about why she did it, I would definitely read it!
Anyway, amazing job. I loved reading this, even if it made me want to cry (:
-Ronsgirl29Author's Response: Haha, I've considered a companion piece, but I kind of like leaving it open to interpretation. :P But I'll let you know if I cave one day and write up a prequel.
Thanks for another great review! I feel so bad that you've been reading all the sad things :P Report Review
you're writing is FANTASTIC! that was a great one-shot. How th heck did you manage to write it in an hour? wonderful! 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you! Let's just say I was really inspired. :P Report Review
I don't quite understand why Rose would want to poison him though...Author's Response: I left it vague purposely, because I thought it was better left open-ended. =) Thanks for the review and the fav! Report Review
Wow! This is definitely not fluffly happy bunny Scorose, and I like it! :) The play on words between the title and what is actually happening to him is really clever. I like the way this short little piece flows quickly from what happened right until the end with its simple statement - "I'm sorry, Scorpius."Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you liked it! As soon as I saw that title in Titled Inspiration, I knew EXACTLY what to write about. Thank you for pointing it out! Report Review
Oooh, yay! I got mentioned in the author's note! Haha, that's nice to see. I'm glad I could get your muse pumping. ^__^
This was a beautiful story, very. It was moving and captivating, and the fact that you wrote it in an hour is amazing! It seems so well thought out and so deeply written. I could never write something like this in an HOUR! :D
The end was so gut-wrenching and it reminded me an awful lot of the Linkin Park song, 11 minutes to midnight. ( Or I think it's 11 minutes to midnight ) Did that have any relation?
Really great job. I didn't find any mistakes, and I thought it was so beaufiul. So I have no CC.
10/10Author's Response: Hey Drue! Yes, your idea to make a Word Race came at exactly the right time!
I did remember Linkin Park's CD "Minutes to Midnight" after I wrote the story, but the song and the story have no relation. I'm not sure I've heard that one, actually...
Thanks so much for the awesome review! Report Review
Dementingly powerful... well done!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Hey, Leslie from TGS here to review as requested. I thought you did a great job painting the mood of this for Scorpius's last hours of life. Especially describing how much pain he was in, yet not wanting to show it to give her the benefit of causing him it, even if she wasn't there to witness him. It makes perfect since to want to hold out as strong leading up to death just in spite of the person who poisoned them. Overall, great job and keep up the excellent writing; 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, Leslie! :D Report Review
Hey Sami! I'm here with your review from TGS!
I love this. I think this is a brilliant entry for the staff challenge -- the idea of one lover poisoning another. Creepy and dramatic and excellent. And I sort of like how, at the end, I wasn't sure whether her apology was genuine or ironic -- I don't know whether you intended to leave it open-ended like that, but I enjoyed the effect it had.
To be honest, I can't really find anything to criticize -- even the length, while short, suits the way you chose to write it, especially since it's only his last hour. However, I'm confused about the letter Rose sent him -- it seems like an admission of her crime, since she listed the ingredients she used, and she used something that was obviously poisonous. It seems she was risking getting caught and punished, because he could have easily sent the letter off to the authorities. Did Rose just not care? Was she doing it for the thrill and/or to torment him further for satisfaction?
Also, present tense was perfect for this fic. I'm thinking that present tense will be a good choice for a lot of the entries to this challenge, because I think it makes it seem more urgent. So I'm really glad you used present tense; it wouldn't have been nearly as great if it were past tense, in my opinion.
Fantastic overall! Thanks for requesting, because I might not have seen it otherwise! ^_^
MelanieAuthor's Response: Hey Melanie! Sorry I took so long to respond!
I'm squeeing inside (and outside occasionally) about your lovely comments! I hardly ever venture outside of past tense, but lately present tense has seemed... appealing. I thought it suited this fic much better than past, and it's nice to know other people agree!
As for the letter, I think Rose knew that Scorpius wouldn't turn it in to the authorities. He feels that if she thought he should die, then he should, even if he'd really rather not. Whether the letter is found later on or not is up to the reader to imagine. I definitely think she knew it would torment him further. I also don't think she cared too much about the consequences of her actions.
Thanks sooo much for the fantastic review, Melanie! Report Review
OMG I'd just love to know /why/ Rose poisoned him. It seems horribly romantic though it involves Scorpy dying D: I liked this part:
He could almost taste it in his mouth as he read the letter, a letter tied with a crimson bow that perfectly matched the color of his drink last night.
Oh Rose... WHY? :) Great writing.Author's Response: Thank you, Burnt Cheese (cool penname, by the way)! And thanks for pointing out your favorite line! :) Report Review
Rose! But why?! haha, I am fond of it too.
It's an interesting write, and I wish you luck in your challenge!Author's Response: Haha, thank you! :) Report Review
Ello there, Malia from TGS, here to review.
I like the length. It's short enough to leave an imprint (;
The overall piece was very good! I loved how there was an explanation, how you let the reader in on what's going on, but still leave that air of mystery. The flow was good, it wasn't to abrupt or too slow ^_^
CRIT: In the beginning, you start if off alright and all, but it didn't just set the mood with anything that made me glue myself to the page. One sentence in front of the one you have - any sort of sentence or fragment might've really opened up to the reader. Tick...tock...tick...tock. Just something to really reach out and grab the reader ^_^
OVERALL: Gah. I love Rose/Scorpius ships, and you have just defined it in a different way. Although you haven't delved into each character, I see a lot in your writing. Rose seems to be this girl who's unafraid of the circumstances, who is willing to poison someone so efficiently, yet have some sort of regret. Scorpius, in my opinion, seems to be a sort of thoughtful and passionate person. I don't know why, but your writing just seems to scream that he is XD
Anyhow, wonderful peice. Thank you for requesting ^_^Author's Response: Squee, thank you, Malia, both for the concrit and compliments! I'm glad you liked Rose and Scorpius, and you share my views on both of their characters in this story. I've always liked Scorose, too, and I've always wanted to write one... though I didn't quite expect my first one would involve one killing the other. xD
Thank you, Malia! Report Review
It's me ^^, I finally found a little time to r&r this :D .
First of all, you didn't have to credit me ;) but ahh, that's not really important...
And yeah, I liked this. The whole heartbeats/clock ticking thing was cool but what bugs me is why?! Why did she poison him? Why?! hehe, but that's just the charm of this fic, at least I think of it that way. It has a certain openness that allows the readers to fill in the gaps for themselves... :)
I don't have much to say - your writing is obviously good, especially the descriptions ^^
Thanks for informing me of this, it was a wonderful read! :D
~ DeaVanityAuthor's Response: Haha, of course I had to credit you! I love the title, and I didn't want to let readers assume it was my own.
Yes, I decided to leave the reason open to interpretation. I do have bits of backstory in my head, but I thought it would ruin it overall if I added it in.
Thanks so much! For the title and the review! Report Review
Wow, this is great. You're definitely really good at writing a dramatic and emotional scene! =)Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Very powerful writing. You used description well in this piece. My favourite line:
"The poison has reached its mark, and the pain in his chest is equal to that of a knife wound. A knife wound, though, would have been much quicker."
You write very well and I only picked up on one grammatical error:
"who he still loves with all that is in him" - It should be 'whom'.
I almost wasn't even going to bother mentioning it, because it was drowned out really by the rest of your fantastic writing. A great piece.Author's Response: 'Who' and 'whom' have always been my downfall -- even though I technically know when you're supposed to use them, I never think of it. I'm glad you did point it out. I've just submitted the edit!
This review has me smiling! Thanks so much, Joanne! Report Review
You're welcome, Wildheart! Tag!
Yes, short, so I don't yet know how much I'll find to comment on. The story was definitely to the point, and I liked that you worked in how the poison took exactly 24 hours to work . . . just like the challenge said. The symbolism of heartbeats and clock ticks is a bit obvious, but it still works very well.
I like the way you describe his thoughts and feelings in his last hour, as he remembers the night before. I like the dark, gloomy, mysterious mood of the story. In fact, it almost feels . . . poisonous. What a wicked twist with the recipe for the wine being sent by owl!
The one part of the story I'm not super crazy about is the final line. Somehow, I liked not knowing who "he" was. Reading that it was Scorpius ruined that effect for me, but I know that a lot of readers will be curious about "his" identity. I did think it interesting that "she" (maybe Rose, maybe not, we don't know) expresses regret at the end, but I was very surprised by that, considering the precalculated poisoning.
Overall, I definitely found myself impressed, though. It's amazing that you wrote this in under an hour, and I'm always impressed when writers manage to pack something meaningful and powerful into so few words.Author's Response: Squee, another beautiful Alopex review! :D
I had a bit of an inner debate to decide whether or not I shoud leave off the final word. The story really did almost end with "I'm sorry." In the end, I decided to keep the version revealing his identity. I appreciate the honesty, though, and I will definitely keep it in mind.
"Her" regret is something I played around with in my head. I didn't want to get any deeper into the actual reason for the poisoning, but I've got loose bits of background information in the back of my mind.
I'm definitely flattered that you liked it and found it meaningful. I really respect you as a reviewer, and I appreciate all your comments!
Thanks so much! Report Review
Very well done! That was a beautiful piece of writing! I especially loved how you didn't identify who the characters were until the end of the story, kept me guessing the whole way!Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review, lilausty! =D I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
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