Reading Reviews for IV
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ruby_slippers 5. The Burden of Knowing

25th July 2011:
This story is genius! Your hands down the most talented writer i have come across on this site! How the bloody hell do you do it?!? Never mind how actually just keep doing it! Seriously this is absolute genius! love it!

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Review #2, by GracieBagel 5. The Burden of Knowing

27th June 2011:
oh my god. :D this is fantastic!! finally a riveting, action packed story that actually has some sort of storyline to it (yeah I can't talk, my entries on here are pointless rambling baha :P) but this is amazing. I love it. It's very suspsense filled and agh. Perfect. :) Update son. x

Author's Response: So glad you liked it and I should be updating soonish :D

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Review #3, by MajiKat 1. God Complex

7th December 2010:
your characters are so alive, Rita. They bounce off the page, clear as day, and I feel like i know them, even though I have only just met them. You seamlessly weave their personal histories into the main narrative so I don't feel encumbered reading paragraphs of backstory. well done.

Mal is a brilliant character. I absolutely love him. and I loved the cadaver scene - wonderful imagery!!

So Dowd is from the Order? Nice. I would not have guessed that by the way you presented him, or rather, by the way Mal presented him to us.

this is a beautiful line by the way: "As smooth as a calm night’s journey and more charming than a snake with an apple."

gorgeously poetic!

this is great! I am adding it to my favs and will continue on later. Again, the pacing of this chapter was perfect - it flowed beautifully from one scene to the next and the introspection from Mal was wonderfully done.

Kate xx

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Review #4, by MajiKat 0. Patient 0

7th December 2010:
alright dear, here I am, and I gotta say, I love this so far!
the urgency is so clear at the end, the fear as Roth and Grier glance at one another. yikes.

i felt like i was seeing this, even though you gave minimal description (which was good, because i think for a piece like this is shaping up to be, you don't want to digress from the main action with paragraphs of description) - it was like watching a medical drama on TV, so well done! i don't usually watch that sort of stuff mind you, but this set-up, and your writing, has me very intrigued.

Reading on!!

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Review #5, by jenny 5. The Burden of Knowing

4th December 2010:
oooh god, please update this soon! there are no words to describe this awesomeness :)

i can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Glad you liked it!

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Review #6, by You Have No Idea Who 5. The Burden of Knowing

12th October 2010:
OMG! This is one of the best stories I have ever read. UPDATE SOON.

Author's Response: AHHH! You have no idea how much that just meant to me! Thanks so much! ILY!

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Review #7, by cadence hamilton 4. Sanity

21st July 2010:
Oh my goodness! I'm so happy you updated! I can't wait to see what happens!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! ILY!

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Review #8, by dark_lord_snape 4. Sanity

14th July 2010:
i love this story. it's so different and well written. my only gripe is the chapters are kinda short. lol

hope to see more soon

Author's Response: Hahaha, sorry about that. My little way of keeping the suspense alive. I don't think it would be as "gripping" if they weren't so short :D

Thanks so much for the review! Glad you like it!

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Review #9, by ataxaphobia 4. Sanity

12th July 2010:
This story is AWESOME. One of the most well written and original stories I've come across on this site. I really hope you find it within yourself to take it all the way to the end, instead of succumbing to writer's block.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'm so glad that you like it and think it's original! I shall do my best to finish this, don't you worry!


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Review #10, by Myriad 3. The Great Purging

7th July 2010:
“The matter plagued him and he cursed Dowd for coming in the middle of the day. Instead of looking the fool in front of his students, Mal cancelled all his classes for the day, telling them to catch up on their laboratory assignments instead. Mal locked himself in his office, shut the blinds and sunk himself deeper into a freshly brewed pot of coffee.” In this section you’ve used Mal’s name twice really close together. It just makes it read funny if that makes sense. I think if you replace the first ‘Mal’ with just ‘he’ it would flow much better.

I love your alternate explanation for Pompeii and the London Fire. That was well done and very believable considering what we know about the disease.

“But gods that could deal such death were no god at all.” ‘Gods’ maybe? Or ‘good’? for the second ‘god’

“Or has finally come to believe that he is the only God on earth?” ‘or has he’. You forgot ‘he’.

“It’s about the cadavers sir. The ones you gave us as an assignment.” The last sentence here read funny. I think ‘on assignment’ rather than ‘an assignment’ would read better.

“He tried to drove her out of his office, but she wouldn’t leave.” ‘drive’ instead of ‘drove’

I love this. It’s definitely in the top 5 stories I’ve read on here. You’ve got such strong characters, and such a great style, and such a new idea. There’s no clichés and that is so refreshing! This is just excellent all around. I’m gonna favorite it and continue reading.

Author's Response: Haha, thank you for that. I wanted to connect the disease to history, giving us kind of a scope of the devastation it's capable of and the bloody history it has to it and with the fires in Pompeii and London, they seemed like perfect fits into this alternate universe.

I am so glad you liked the story and think so highly of it! Your reviews have been so helpful to me, you have no idea. ILY!

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Review #11, by Myriad 2. Message

7th July 2010:
Excellent job with your opening paragraph, you’ve done a great job of showing things about the character, even though we don’t yet know who she is, as well as set the tone for the rest of the chapter.

“…through Fiennes Street…” Is this a reference to Ralph Fiennes? The actor who played Voldemort? :D I love when authors do that! It makes me feel so clever for catching it.

“Rough and horse.” Should be ‘hoarse’ instead of ‘horse’.

“She would likely turn on her companion if he didn’t gotten to the point.” Your tense changes here from present to past.

“If I’m right, then you should also know I where my loyalties lie.” You should lose the ‘I’ in the middle of the sentence. There’s no reason for it to be there.

This is another really strong chapter. Like I said before, your areas of concern aren’t really anything you should be too concerned about. Your very strong in characterization and plot, the only thing I’ve really noticed are the typos here and there. I really like how you start off each chapter with a new set of characters. I can tell that they are going to come together at some point and you’re setting up for that nicely. This story has obvious direction (meaning it doesn’t read like a random string of events) which is good, you’ve clearly thought long and hard about what you want to happen and it pays off in a big way. I also really like the individuality of each character. None of them sound alike; each one is completely different and with a unique voice. This seems to be a difficult thing for a lot of authors and you’ve done an excellent job at pulling it off.

The only thing I can think of in the way of criticism is that perhaps you should establish the timeline a little earlier. The first two chapters, to me, sounded like post Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but this chapter has James in it, so obviously it’s during that 13 year lull. Its still works how it is now, but if you really want to establish it as marauder era, giving some indication of the year a chapter or two earlier would be nice.

Author's Response: Once again, thank you for pointing out the errors. It's really embarrassing how many of those I have. And again, I am so glad that you like the story so far.

Haha, the story isn't really as planned as I would like it to be, but I really appreciate the fact that you think it so. It's not going to be a huge story, but it will definitely have some size to it, thus calling for the numerous characters. I really hope it pays of in the end.

As for the establishment of the timeline, it'll come soon when the characters meet together and receive their mission of sorts that is the main plot of the story.

Thanks for your reviews. They have really been helpful!

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Review #12, by Myriad 1. God Complex

5th July 2010:
“Correct Ms. Hobbs. You may resume hiding behind your handkerchief.” As she so did gladly.” I love this line! But should it be ‘and’ instead of ‘as’?

I really like the sarcasm of this chapter’s narrator. You can tell he’s been around a long time and is just fed up.

“You’ll notice hints of blisters. This is because in the earliest forms of the curse. Traces of cloth merged on the skin indicates that this would set the victim ablaze with something akin to Greek fire…” This part here got a little sticky. I think there’s a line missing or something.

“Each group with get a different chart.” Will instead of with

“…from fools and friendless alike.” I think just friends rather than friendless.

Wow, I love your last line. That’s some powerful stuff there.

Based on what I’ve seen in the first two chapters, I’d say your areas of concern are nothing to be concerned about. Your plot is great, your characterization is great, the only things I’ve been able to find wrong I’ve mentioned above and in the previous review.

You’re doing a beyond excellent job and I will be back to review the rest tomorrow night

Author's Response: Thank you so much for pointing out the errors! Haha, not much of a beta really.

And I am so glad you like the story so far! It is really encouraging to hear that :D

See you in the next review!

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Review #13, by Myriad 0. Patient 0

5th July 2010:
This is gripping. Like seriously, could not look away from the computer screen.

There was this one small typo:

“The woman started to seize and Roth’s had slipped from the neck.” Hand not had

And the only thing I want to caution you about is your use of the f word. I’m not one of those people who has any problem with it at all, I just think that you should be careful not use it for the sake of using it and I got the feeling that it was not entirely called for in most of the places it was used in the chapter.

Really though, excellent job! I’m sorry I don’t have more to say.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review! So sorry if I was late in replying >.<

Ahhh! I'm so glad you said that because you have no idea how much I try and make it so. Action isn't really my strong suit so I constantly panic over whether or not it still keeps the attention of the reader. Your reassurance soothes my anxious soul :D

As for the typo, rest assured that it will be fixed :D

And as for the matter of the f-word, the only reason I used it as much was to heighten the adrenaline of the chapter and to highlight the gravity of the situation as well as the urgency of the case. But upon your comment, I shall make sure to comb through it again and see if I can weed out the unnecessary ones :D

Again, thanks so much!

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Review #14, by cadence hamilton 3. The Great Purging

25th June 2010:

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Glad to hear that you like it!

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Review #15, by BusinessJournal 3. The Great Purging

24th June 2010:
Hello again!

Mmm this is getting exciting. Once again, really enjoying Malachai's character. Yes, he's very jaded and cold but he does have some warmth running through him, and we see that here. As far as Ophelia goes, I can't decide how much I like her character yet. I mean, this was only a small glance so I can't say too too much but I'd like her to get some courage! Ha ha. Perhaps it'll be one of those cases where she toughens up over time and becomes a hero. I obviously don't know yet though, but I'm very excited to find out! As I said before, I'm really looking forward to this all coming together with James and Sylvia as well. This is extremely promising. I don't have much else to say! PLEASE re-request on my thread when there's a new chapter. I'm extremely intrigued and you've successfully drawn me in!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: He does, doesn't he? Well some semblance of it, rather. After all, he's still human and must be vulnerable some time :) As for Ophelia, her character development has a long way to go. More on her in the next chapter. An explanation why she has such a lack of courage. Hopefully she'll make much more sense after that chapter. Definitely won't be the bravest toaster in the kitchen, but she'll grow.

It's getting really close. The point when they both meet! I can't wait to post the chapter and share it with all of you. Meanwhile, one must settle for a Hobbs-centric chapter next :)

Updates soon. Check my main page for the schedule.

Thanks so much for these wonderful reviews! You have no idea how much I appreciate them all! Thank you! Will definitely request when the new chapter is up!

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Review #16, by BusinessJournal 2. Message

24th June 2010:
BusinessJournal here again!

Once again, wonderfully written. Not loads to say! I really like your choppy, short sentences. I'm finding they add a lot of effect for me. Once again, beautiful characterization with Sylvia. I can't wait until this all comes together and we hear from Malachai again (who I think I might have a crush on. Yes, I'm aware he's fictional ;)). Anyway, sorry for the short review, just don't have too much to say! It's lovely and brill though :)

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: I love you. There, I've said it. I really do!

Thanks again for this amazing review. I had more trouble writing this chapter than the first because of James and Sylvia. I find them harder characters to write. James, because there's already so much precedents out there. And with Sylvia because she always has to be one step ahead of everyone. I'm glad it didn't fall apart XD The storylines of Malachai and Sylvia won't intertwine for some time, but they will. And that's when the real fun begins, I suppose.

Off to the next review!

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Review #17, by BusinessJournal 1. God Complex

24th June 2010:
BusinessJournal here again from the forums ^_^

Oh, you are brilliant, my dear. Your characterizations are impeccable. Plus, the name Malachai is EXCELLENT. Malachai is very cold, distant, and sort of angry, but you really didn't overdo it. You can tell he's had years to achieve these characteristics, and you've managed to show that in one little chapter. Your writing is absolutely stellar, from the spelling and grammar right down to the metaphors and dialogue. I feel like this could be translated beautifully onto film. I really wish I had more to say other than how awesome and original I think this is, but you're going to have to settle with that! Onto the next chapter!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: Hello again!

A Malachai lover! I never thought they would happen. I kind of think of him as a character only I could know, since he thinks so little of mankind and all. So, if I didn't love you enough before, I do now. Ah! I am really so happy you liked it and I really am looking forward to read your next review!

*skips off*

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Review #18, by BusinessJournal 0. Patient 0

24th June 2010:
Hello! BusinessJournal here with your review! :)

WOOWWW Oh I'm excited. I almost skipped reviewing this chapter just so I could get to the next one but I stopped myself! Wonderful opening chapter! You've captured the audience, added just the right amount of detail, and added a lovely cliffhanger to keep us hanging on! Your spelling and grammar are perfect, and I really liked the choppy sentences in this one. It added to the suspense and excitement of everything. Opening chapters are very difficult things to write; you never know where to add detail, how much to add, and where to end it. But you did a lovely job with this one. At first the f-bombs sort of caught me off guard but I think in this story they are very suitable. I think it's a rare thing when a curse word is NEEDED in a piece of writing but you did it very tastefully here. I honestly don't have a lot more to say, but I'm off to read the next chapter!

BusinessJournal ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your prompt review! I really appreciate it and I am so glad you like it!

Oh! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that! I guess it's what every writer wants to achieve - things that people can't stop reading, so thank you so much for saying that! You're amazing!

Ha! Yeah, I'm very persnickety about swearing in fics as well. Especially as of late, but in the stressed situation that the healers were under, even I would drop f-bombs like it was wartime. Again, I'm so glad that you understood it and appreciated it as well! Thank you!

I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

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Review #19, by Ilasia 3. The Great Purging

22nd June 2010:
Rita! Dunno if you recall my squee-ing about the update in the cbox, but I'm here to rave about your talent now!

This chapter only reinforces all the reasons I fell in love with this fic! The tension, the suspense, the mystery behind it all is just completely addicting and your wonderful characters just make me want to never stop reading! Lend me some skill, won't you?

Anywho, absolutely loved this chapter and can't wait for the next one!


Author's Response: Zinny! Thanks so much for the review! I'm so glad you've kept with the story despite the long lag it took to update it XD I really appreciate your loyalty and am over the moon because of it!

Update coming soon XD Again, thanks for the review! ILY darling!

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Review #20, by strawberrydarhling 0. Patient 0

22nd June 2010:
Hi, its strawberrydarhling here for your review

Right, I have to tell you, I'm feeling a bit confused here. Everythings going so fast I can hardly tell what going on.

However, you do have an interesting plot, and this is the type of story that can get very big, so keep up the good work. And even though I'm left felling very confused, I do want to read on to find out whats happeneing so please feel free to re-request.


Author's Response: Hey straweberrydarhling! Thank you so much for the review. I'm sorry I didn't respond to it earlier. Have been living without internet for a couple of weeks.

I can definitely see why you're confused. It may be because it's the prologue and not a lot of things are explained thus far. Hopefully it won't be as confusing as the story goes on.

And thank you! I'll do my best. I do really love writing this story. So far it's been a blast, hope you'll like the further chapters as well!

Shall definitely re-request!

Thank you!

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Review #21, by Scarlette Sunshine 3. The Great Purging

22nd June 2010:
This is the chapter that made me whine. Why? Simply because I must wait for more. I was so taken aback by this installment, that I felt it needed to be added to my Favorites list! Congratulations..! Feel free to request another review anytime. I am an avid fan of your work. ^_~

Thank you for the incredible story. More when you have the time!

Author's Response: Awww, the final review! You have no idea how much I loved these reviews of yours. Very constructive indeed! Thank you so much! They were a great help! Appreciated and I will be certain to come back when the new chapter is up!

Again, thank you! You're AWESOME!

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Review #22, by Scarlette Sunshine 2. Message

22nd June 2010:
Now, here is where we get a little CSI. I absolutely love the way you expressed Sylvia in this chapter. Even more so, I love how James and Lily were brought in! It left me thirsting for more! I admire your style!

Author's Response: This is definitely the bit where CSI comes in. While we do have healers to find the cure, we also need aurors to find out who's responsible for it. This is where Sylvia comes in :) As for the James part, I loved him too much not to include him in the whole fic, but sadly, Lily won't appear. All will be explained in the coming chapters.

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Review #23, by Scarlette Sunshine 1. God Complex

22nd June 2010:
I love the characters in this chapter. They are so well written. Normally, I can go on for pages about this sort of thing, but you have left me nearly speechless. Again, work on the punctuation errors, and try to connect a couple of your sentences with a colon or a semi-colon. Awesome chapter, though. I love the way you write. Those excerpts at the top of each chapter=sheer genius.


You deserve it.

Author's Response: Thanks again for this review :) Really do appreciate them! Ha, the excerpts at the top of each chapter was actually an idea I got from reading Frank Herbert. He would use fictional documents as well to frame his chapters and I thought that was just amazing and fitting for this story XD Glad you like it!

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Review #24, by Scarlette Sunshine 0. Patient 0

22nd June 2010:
Hello, ScarletteSunshine, here from the forums!

I will get right to the point:

Wow. I love it. I actually skipped reviewing one chapter--just to read the whole thing. I am raving about this story! You could tighten up on punctuations and your tenses. There isn't much more to say, but, Oh my God, I am in love with your story. It is so original. It's like... ER with 28 Days Later + CSI. EPIC. Wonderful!!!


Author's Response: Hey Scarlett! Thanks so much for the review! So glad you liked the story so much :) You have no idea how much I love you right now!

For the punctuations, I guess my defense would be I practically throw out the rules of grammar every now and then when writing fiction is concerned. Because sometimes, it's just about the sound, you know? But thank you so much for the point out! The time and care directed at finding those mistakes out is brilliant and well appreciated!

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Review #25, by Margravine 3. The Great Purging

18th June 2010:

My memory is a bit groggy since the last update, but I still love this story SO much and it's not what I normally read, so kudos! Ooh the plot thickens further.. can't wait to see where this goes!

One quick thing - when I read your paper on the Akroposthia, I didn’t see you not missing an e for note?

anyhooo as per usual nuanced and wonderful characters, I rather like Hobbs and hope we see more of her? Also, the snippets at the beginning are lovely and oh so you. LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT CHAPTER ♥

Author's Response: :D I am so glad you liked the chapter Jo! I know, it has been a while since I last posted. But I've written more of it up in my computer and I'll be slowly posting them up after by two week hiatus. Indeed, the plot will be as thick as a chowder by chapter 7, I tell you that :)

Thanks for posting the error :) Fixing it as we speak :)

Again, thanks Jo! I loff joo hun!

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