I love love LOVE this story. I just wish that you would write from the point of view of a student and write about the united Hogwarts. I think it would be very interesting. I dunno, just my opinion. :)Author's Response: Hmmm... I never really thought about that. I'm pretty sure that I want to keep it just from Helga's POV, but I'll certainly keep that idea in mind for a sequel! Thanks so much for the great review and I'm glad you liked it!! Report Review
Wow, this chapter is a lot shorter than the last one. Not that it's bad, of course.
This is a really different turn of perspective on Helga Hufflepuff! I've never seen anything like it...under the happy, caring exterior, Helga actually is the one who brought around Slytherin's downfall! O: Brownie points for originality!
I noticed one little thing in this chapter that I would change. You write, "...the now-empty Staff table" but I'm pretty sure "staff" shouldn't be capitalized. That's all! :)
Haha I notice in my previous review I mentioned a vague speech (I thought you meant the dialogue between Helga and Salazar) that obviously showed that I didn't really know what I was talking about. But now I see what you mean about the speech! Hahaha. I thought it was very moving! If you had just left the speech by itself, it would've been a little boring, though. I'm glad you included Helga's feelings between sentences of the speech.
You've still managed to keep Helga's character intact by displaying her huge love of house unity, very good! I think I forgot to mention in my other review that the beginning of that chapter was very good at introducing Helga. It certainly gave a very good background of her.
Wonderful, wonderful story! Keep writing...I can't wait to see what happens next! Make sure you request a review from me when the next chapter is up.
~foundriapenguinAuthor's Response: :)
I just thought it was weird that someone like Salazar, with all of his talent and determination and cunning, would have just up and leave his life's work. Besides, no one heard from him after that... I think.
I think it was because I was going for Staff meaning like, Hogwarts Staff, proper-noun-like, but now that I look at it it looks funny, so I'm going to change it. :]
Yeah, I was worried about the cookie-cutter-ness of that speech but I'm glad I stayed away from that. Helga was also very difficult to get to; she had to have split personalities, almost, but they still had to make sense.
I'm really glad you enjoyed this... I don't know if there WILL be anymore chapters, but if there are I'll certainly request again.
Thanks so much,
Oh. My. Gosh.
Helga KILLED someone? I'm sorry, but to me this seems a bit...out of character for her :O
Okay, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm here for your review that you requested on the forums? Heh, yeah. Back to that review.
The speech by itself, though, at the end, was so dramatic! Excellent! Had my heart jumping around my chest in excitement. (: Don't change a thing. Your story is so original so far. :D
As for the general feel and flow of the story, I thought it was fine. I especially liked your word choice and imagery! I could see the scene unfolding in front of me perfectly. I can't wait to find out what happens next! So..I'm off to the next chapter! 10/10!
~foundriapenguinAuthor's Response: No way, I couldn't forget your screenname! It involves PENGUINS!
Yeah, I read your next review, so I'll do my bigger reply there.
I'm glad the description and whole murder scene didn't feel weird-- I was a little worried.
Thanks so much!
-Ai Report Review
I really enjoyed this, far, far more than expected. I think (my only real Cc) your banner needs revamping: while your actors are chosen well, the banner is glaringly out of place with how smooth, polished and sophisticated your work is. Nothing in this piece is unneccessary, description vivid but not cloying, well defined characters and terrific evoking of emotion and tension.
I thought it was well written, an original take on H/S, and I want to read more!
9/10 - this is the best chapter I have been asked to review yet. FavouritingAuthor's Response: Okay, I'll definitely try and fix that-- that's not a big problem, yeah?
Those are such nice descriptions-- even I didn't think so well of this one. Thank you so much for this review, it really made my day, and I'm stoked that you liked it.
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I have never read a Founders Era story, not until now. I'm not entirely sure why; I just haven't. It is so interesting to read about something that no one really writes about! I never thought I would love it as much as I do. I was really excited when you requested - and I didn't even realise until that point that I had never read one before. So this was a new experience and new era for me. But I absolutely love it. You have me hooked. There are just so many relationships that can be explored between the four of them. Add that to the fact that it is part of history (and who doesn't get excited about reading about things that happened in the past?) and you have something really, really cool.
This was really, really well-written. It had such a simple plot. Yet, it was still interesting.
I never really thought about how the other founders would have reacted to Salazar's decision to put a Basilisk in the school. I suppose I always just thought there would be outrage in general and he left as a result. But this? This brought something a lot deeper to the story; it added another layer, something human, something personal. And I loved it.
You mentioned that you were concerned that this was not believable. While I can understand your fears, you have nothing worry about. Everything you wrote was believable, particularly Helen and Salazar's relationship.
Everything just makes sense. I never, while reading it, thought, "Wait a minute... that doesn't seem right". It just flowed. Really well.
Both of their characters were done really well. Granted, we did not see much of Salazar - but from what we did see, it was exactly how I pictured him. Falsely sweet and someone who can turn cold in an instant. And devious. Definitely devious. His letter proved that.
You definitely got my sympathy for Helen. It is a classic relationship - boy does something unthinkable, girl is somewhat blinded by love, girl goes into denial, girl walks away after realising that it is true. Don't think that it was cliche. It definitely was not. I know you didn't express concern about it. But I just wanted to add that to my review. She was beautifully written. Someone strong, loving and loyal. A true Hufflepuff.
You said in one of your author's notes that you were very proud of the speech. And rightly so. I don't know what it is about those types of speeches, but they just move me. Unity, coming together, fighting for a cause, building bridges - all of it. I just love it. Your speech was really uplifting. And I believed every word. Sometimes people really fail at those types of speeches but you did no such thing. You also really added Helen's pain into it. And I felt it. Especially when she just said the word "please". I just had such a clear image of how she would have said it... it was just so sad. But still really inspirational at the same time? I hope that was what you were going for. But it definitely touched me.
It always amazes me when I can find so much to write about in response to a story that has such a simple plot as this one. It is a true mark of how well this was written that I could! I just don't know why more people aren't reading and reviewing it.
-Joop :]Author's Response: Yeah-- it's definitely one of those under-written genres, which is sad because there are so many relationships that are yet to be discovered and dissected by the mainstream.
My main objective was to make this kind of off-the-wall idea simple enough that I could really concentrate on Helga and Salazar's characters; to make this flow, the complexity of their respective persons had to be clear.
Umm... I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous, but Salazar didn't actually write the letter-- Helga made it up. I'm sorry if that was unclear-- I'll try and give it another look.
Thank you so much for the lovely review-- I'm glad you felt it wasn't cliche, and that it was so easy for you to visualize the speech and the interactions. I'm really happy that you liked the speech, it was definitely a difficult thing to write, and I'm even happier someone actually read the Author's Note!
I can't thank you enough for this amazing review-- I've had a rough last couple of days, and it was so great to come home and see this waiting for me.
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