"Kiss in the Rain", was the topic, eh?
This was beautifully written. I was a bit confused, it sounds like Pansy is sad, but I'm taking it into my own perspective. She needs and fells the protection and warmth of Draco, even though in the end, she isn't meant to be with him. I think she sees that. Report Review
Haha, so after I read this, I went back and looked at Staff Challenge 4 and I said, "Ahh!" aloud because this was a really really great story in general, but especially for the challenge.
Okay, well one thing I loved about this story was the rhythm. I'm not sure how else to explain it, but I think you know what I mean. It made the story very poetic, which was beautiful. I guess what I mean is that it read like a poem, but felt like a story.
I also loved that this story is so different from all the other stories I've read for the Kiss in the Rain challenge. I don't know if you've heard the song Kiss the Rain by Yiruma, but I always listen to it when I read a story that was written for the Kiss in the Rain Challenge. They usually go really well together. I forgot to do that with this story and it was a good thing too, because that wouldn't have been a good combination. Your story has a determined march kind of feel because Pansy is trying stay alive and fighting to see Draco. The song Kiss the Rain and most stories for Kiss in the Rain have a woe-is-me kind of plot.
I really liked your take on the Pansy/Draco relationship. Most people write that Pansy is pathetic and that Draco ditches her for Astoria, and it was nice seeing another version. The idea that Draco ended up going out with Astoria because Pansy was already dead, never occurred to me.
I just thought it was really beautifully written and very unique. My attention was captured from start to finish; I felt so moved!Author's Response: You are my favorite reviewer ;p I'm really glad you liked this one. This was the first of my stories that I really tried to be different and more "out there" with my writing. Thank you so much for your review (: I honestly, truly appreciate it. Report Review
Hey! (woah, it's weird that as I type this review it's all underlined but I don't really know how to change that so the review may come out looking weird) but randomness aside, this was amazing! I really loved the repetition throughout, it gave it such a powerful, poetic sort of flavor to it!
It was really good and I loved it! I've been looking to start reading stories again (since I haven't really read much of anything lately and I came across your story!) A very good read!Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I'm glad you liked the repetition (: Report Review
oh wow i really liked this
ok here for your requested review @ TGS ^_^
anyway, this was lovely - chilling and sad and i loved the image of her walking around in the rain as she was dying.
you wanted to know what i thought about the flow. well, for this sort of fic and this situation, i thought it was perfect xD the slight dislocation of the narrative echoes her thoughts, and so therefore, it works and it works well ^_^
i am a fan of slightly distorted narrative so i loved the way you wrote this.
my fav line: He's saying hello; I'm saying goodbye.
so simple and so sad :( that one line speaks volumes. i also like the way its left open - she says she doesn't know who poisoned her, but that maybe it was herself. i do like the way you did not clarify that. i like to think she did it to herself - the draco you have shown (through her eyes anyway) - "soft, vulnerable" - does not seem the sort of man to do that.
all in all, this was really great hun!!
Kate xxAuthor's Response: KATE ^_^ First of all, thank you so much!
I'm glad that it flowed well for you, I've been getting mixed reviews with it XD I, too, adore the slightly distortive narratives - it makes reading something far more interesting than it really is XD
I'm glad you liked that line. It was a hard line to write, to be honest. It was meant to sort of mean something... :P
When I began to write this, I wasn't too sure at all. And it seemed as if telling the reader what had really went down, would take away from the...mood, I think? Anyhow, I'm glad you liked it! Draco. He's a confusing man. I don't dare to sort him out :P
Thanks again, Kate! I loved your review (: Report Review
That was quite different! But in a good way :) And you made me feel sad, so that's quite an achievement! Anyway good job with this!Author's Response:
Thank you so much! XD I'm glad that you felt some emotion while reading (: Report Review
I found it to be a different and interesting way of writing that I have not seen before, and I did like it. I was almost poetical, almost like a song. It really felt like I was looking into Pansy's mind and seeing her stream of thoughts. My only criticism is that the repetitiveness did start to get a little annoying by the end of the piece and perhaps was overdone, which ruined the initial effect. However, I did feel that the ending was quite strong and I loved this line:
"He's saying hello; I'm saying goodbye."
A lovely piece of writing.Author's Response:
Thank you (: I'm glad that I'm getting some crit about the repetitiveness - so far I've got some likes, but I think I was hoping for someone to crit about it. I wasn't too sure, and I'd like to have a companion peice to this one feat. Draco and Astoria ^_^
Less repetitiveness. I'll remember that (;
I thought that line was sort of hard to write. I wanted to make it mean something. I love the fact that you like it ^_^
Thanks, once again.
--Malia Report Review
Very interesting style of writing, especially with your repetitive sentences. I actually liked it very much and think that for this case it worked well.
Well Done!Author's Response:
Thank you so much ^_^ That means a lot!
--Malia Report Review
This was really good.
I liked that Pansy's identity was withheld until the very end. It added mystery and kept me guessing. The ambiguity over whether she was poisoned or she poisoned herself was also good...I'm still not sure which one it was.
You have a really poetic way of writing. The repetition of dying, cold, speak etc three times added a rhythm to the piece. It also reinforced the relentless pouring of the rain, as though the words were like raindrops. And also Pansy said at the start that the rhythm unsettled her. It was all just tied up perfectly and gave the piece a uniformity that made it a pleasure to read.
I wasn't so keen on the appearance of Draco at the end. I know it was a requirement for one of the challenges you were writing about, but I thought it disrupted the flow of the story. For the whole of the piece she's been alone with the rain, bumping into nameless strangers and not understanding what's happened to her and then suddenly Draco appears. Gah I don't know why but I didn't like it, I'm sorry I can't explain it further :(
But that hardly matters because the rest of the piece was so good! I really enjoyed reading it and I'm adding it to my favourites straight away. Thanks for writing! 9/10 :D
(if this whole review is underlined, I apologise. I'm not sure why but the review box is a bit messed up. Sorry!)Author's Response:
First of all, thank you so much. This story was so odd for me to write. I remember talking to a friend on MSN, writing the first few sentences. They were random and weird, but I sort of found it comforting to write ^^
I tend to do that, I think...try to keep the actual character's identity hidden until the end. I did the same with the HPFF United Challenge. I don't think I wanted to know if she did it or not. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios, involving Draco and any other character you can imagine. But in the end, I realized that it just wouldn't fit.
Repitition, I find, is sort of risky to write. I'm glad that you think it worked for this piece - I was sort of confused as to whether or not it did. Gah, thank you again. You're making me blush ^^
I completely understand. In the back of my mind, it felt completely wrong for the scenario. In the beginning of this response, I told you that I had thought up a thousand different scenarios - one including Draco; he would have been the one to poison her, and wanted to watch her die. But I felt it was too...sadistic and out there for this piece. But there had to be a kiss, and Draco is the only one I could ever imagine Pansy with.
Thank you, once again, for your amazing review ^^ It really made my day!
--Malia Report Review
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