good, but there are a few awkward sentences that are hard to get past like this one:
While packing for my train ride to Hogwarts that afternoon, Bellatrix and Andromeda came in and gave her a ribbon-wrapped green box.
you mix up 3rd person and 1st person.
easy to fix!
really nice characterizations of the characters, a bit rushed at the end but that's reasonable considering how boring train rides are to write about. Report Review
I love this story and please keep on writing Report Review
ddfdsfsgsgdfgdfgsdfsfsd Report Review
i love this story!!!
please keep writing Report Review
very good i love it keep writing Report Review
good goody good googd Report Review
So far i like this Story..
Except now I feel like a dumbass because I had always assumed Narcissa was a Star too.
I knew it was a flower but I honestly thought it was a star too.
So Thank You for educating me as I read your story. :DAuthor's Response: You are very much welcome. A lot of people think that she's a star, but she's so much more than that. :) I love being the one to tell people that. It makes me smile. Report Review
No! Bella's expelled. Just because she was overeating a bit. (And some other stuff) Yet Bella was my favourite. And for heavens sake did Potter not... Poor Narcissa, Snape, Wilhelmina and all the other he was bulling? Never mind.
She didn't seem so unhappy bout it and they didn't break her wand. I'm guessing she going to the dark lord or something like that now.
Well I'm going to miss Bella.
P.S I do like the way you write Narcissas charcterAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review. I do appreciate getting them. No, she wasn't too upset about getting the boot, huh? well she's not out of my story just yet. ;) Report Review
Bella 's pregnat! That was a suprise! I do hope she don't kill the child. Which I fear she will.
Good story btwAuthor's Response: SHOCKING! haha, a story's not a story without someone getting pregnant or dying. Report Review
Bella can't give the baby to the Dark Lord! How would the Dark Lord even bring up a child. I just can't seem to imgine it,lol. Great story and keep up the amazing writing. The story really is WONDERFUL! Thanx, IcequeencissaAuthor's Response: Thank you for your constant reviews. They are very much appreciated. :) Report Review
I love reading stories where Bella does really love Rod, as it's my favourite pairing so please don't change it. The story is amazing and the chapter titles are brilliant! Thanx, IcequeencissaAuthor's Response: No, you have my word that Bella and Rod stay together. Report Review
I like this story. It's pretty funny. Keep going.Author's Response: Thank you. Report Review
i really like your story so far and i find your chracterisation of Narcissa interesting. She is not normally a character that I would read about, but your story has drawn me in.Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you've branching out and stumbled across my story! I'm going to start including more Gryffndor pairs, though. They are fun characters with their morals and whatnot. Report Review
Heyy again :)
Well, this was much more exciting (I like! :))
I did notice a few grammar/spelling mistakes but my story probably has way more so I can't really criticize :S My only other problem with it is that I'm pretty sure Ted Tonks was a muggle, not a muggle-born wizard... so wouldn't have been at Hogwarts.
Really loving this so far :)) Please update soon :))
Lily ;) xxAuthor's Response: And to be fair, it is MY fanfic, it just makes more sense to me Report Review
I'm really liking this so far, the dialogue is well written but now and then it seems like some words and stuff are missing from your writing (constructive criticism xD).
It seems like an interesting story, the way you write Bella is different from quite a few others (in my story she's a proper psychopath :L It's fun to write though :))
Of to read chapter 3 :))
Lily ;) xxAuthor's Response: I wasn't completely sure how to handle the Ted Tonks situation so I figured I would just add him in at the last minute. Report Review
Well, I don't normally like Lucius/Narcissa stories (they are evil!) but this one seems quite good so far... If you can make me like Lucius Malfoy it will prove what a good writer you are :)
Really good first chapter (I hadn't noticed all the Black were named after stars except Narcissa :O I'm a bit slow obviously :S), off to read the next one now :)
Lily ;) xxAuthor's Response: Haha, yes, they are deliciously evil and I love them very much! I hope Lucius grows on you, too, because he's going to be quite a big charater in this story. :) Report Review
Wow ur really good at writing!Author's Response: Thank you. :D Report Review
I do like it but it sounds a lot like another story called Exotic Bloom.
CissaAuthor's Response: If it's about the flower not a star part, that wasn't an "Exotic Bloom" exclusive. It was on a lot of HP websites, the ones where they explain the names. In my future chapters, my story is going to have WAY more drama, action, surprises, different characters, scandals, and all that. So, calm yourself but thanks for the input.
(PS: I was writing my first chapter BEFORE I read Exotic Bloom. It's good so far, I'm on the part where she's playing the quidditch match.) Report Review
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