Reading Reviews for How to Disappoint Your Parents
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Moonyxluna How I Disappointed My Parents

4th April 2012:
The beginning of this was such utterly perfect fifteen year old girl/ mother talking I cannot even find how to say it. Seriously.. I think you must have just videotaped me and my mom talking ages ago (okay, I'm not that old :p ), and changed the names to Rose and Hermione. With every sigh, sarcastic comment, and eye roll I just watched my fifteen year old self having painstakingly annoying conversation with my mom.

I loved how even as parents you still managed to capture Ron and Hermione's bickering so wonderfully. The part about Ron saying "oh don't be nervous!" followed by Hermione's witty response, followed by Ron's threat with McLaggen-- it's just fantastic.

I really can't believe this was your first fic! It was really wonderful. I think you captured the mannerisms of not only Ron and Hermione, but the way a daughter wouldn't want to disappoint her parents, but still want to find her own place in the world. Beautiful work!

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you could relate and found it realistic! I wasn't sure if I had over did the sarcasm, so I'm glad you didn't think so!

As for Ron and Hermione, I wrote this before Fighting is Perfection, and I think the interactions between the two of them in this was my inspiration for Fighting is Perfection.

Thanks again!!
:)BaletGir


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Review #2, by bri_5_stars How I Disappointed My Parents

4th February 2012:
Gotta say, for a very first fic this was really good. :D It felt really real to me, (you know if normal families talked about quidditch tryouts ;)) But it really did, all of the family interactions were very fitting for the characters and situation. And as a Hermione hater in general, I really liked your portrayal of her as a mother. I think it was pretty spot on. Meaning that despite my dislike of her, I liked her in this. Also, your Rose was great. :D Good job!

Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much! I'll be honest, I really liked writing this piece, but I can't read it anymore. I don't know why, but I haven't read it in awhile.

It means a lot that you liked my portrayal of Hermione and Rose. I was really worried about getting Hermione right, as I always am with the Hogwarts era characters.
Thanks!
:)BaletGir


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Review #3, by Jane_Volturi How I Disappointed My Parents

2nd June 2010:
Overall this was a stunningly written one shot. The words flowed really well together, and you painted a clear picture of what was going on. It was definitley very easy to follow and enjoy, undoubtedly, it would be music to the ears if read aloud.

I'm rather skeptical that Hermione and Ron would be dissapointed of their daughter for something as slight as Quidditch, or in Hermione's case, even pause to think it through. We know for one that Hermione was never big on Quidditch in the first place; she always dissaproved of Harry and Ron's many Quidditch practices and she even said that Quidditch only distracted them from their study. Furthermore I'd expect Hermione to be supportive of her daughter no matter what, throughout the series she was always demonstrating her respect of people's/creatures rights and decisions. Ron, I suppose I could understand if there was a reason to explain his dissapointment (perhaps he desperatley wanted one of his children to be a Quidditch superstar, and Hugo was always weak on that particular field). For constructive critisism i'd suggest changing their reactions/reason to make them similar to what I suggested. you don't have to do it, I'm just here to be honest and offer whatever help I can give.

On a positive note, I adored your characterization of Rose, her unyielding determination and solid independance mirrored that of her mothers. Personally, this is one of the best characterizations of Rose I've ever seen. if you ever write about her in a different story, i'd strongly suggest keeping this version in mind, it really is a winner!

Overall, this was a brilliant One Shot and I had a great time reading and reviewing. I hope to seem more magnificent work from you in future, your writing skills are most definitley something to envy.

Katie (JaneTwilight)

Author's Response: You have no clue how much your review means to me! Thank you so much! Honestly, this is my favorite one-shot I have written to date, so I am thrilled you enjoyed it, and more so than I ever expected.

About Hermione, you make very valid points, all of which I thought about when first writing this. I had decided though, that I wanted it to be a little on the dramatic side and found that if I wrote their initial reactions, and they were completely surprised, I would get just that. I believe that even Hermione can forget to think things through sometimes and I wanted to show that in this piece. She is human too and everyone seems to portray her as pretty flawless except for her pushing sometimes in he education area. I also felt that Quidditch defined Rose and her parents were confused about who she would be without it.

Thanks again for the wonderful review that made my day!
:)BaletGir


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Review #4, by maskedmuggle How I Disappointed My Parents

10th April 2010:
Very well written! Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks again... and again for all of the reviews! I love coming on to HPFF and finding one new review, never mind 4! I am thrilled you enjoyed my fics! And this is one of the best things to hear, that someone sees it as well written, that means a lot.
:)BaletGir


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Review #5, by tbhasker How I Disappointed My Parents

29th November 2009:
Hi! :) So first off, I like the story! And I think it has potential to be continued, even! I like the way your portrayed Rose in your own original way. In a lot of other fics, she's either a carbon copy of Hermione, or this rebellious teen who flirts with the Slytherin's. So this is a good change! It shows that she's not perfect --something that her parents want her to be. I just feel that in the beginning, you should have more details on why they moved. Ya know? Something to make the beginning flow a little better. But over all, I loved it! Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I never really thought about why they moved to be honest, I just needed something else for Rose to be angry about. Haha. But that is a great point. As for continuing, I don't know if I would be able to, but it is something to think about.
:)BaletGir


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Review #6, by ollieb How I Disappointed My Parents

18th October 2009:
well done for your first fic, it was really well laid out, only i think maybe you should've put a bit more on her parents' reactions.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I know what you mean. I had a bunch of different endings that I played around with and this was the one that seemed to work out the best, yet it didn't show as much.
:)BaletGir


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Review #7, by long_live_luna_bellatrix How I Disappointed My Parents

28th September 2009:
Hey there! Sorry it took so long to get to this, I'm sure you know how easy it is for a review thread to get backlogged.

Firstly, I think that the biggest suggestion I would have for this fic is to alter the first 1/3 of the story to fit the rest of your. What I mean is, the first part of the story you spend more than enough time showing us how Rose feels about her new home and her family, but it's too much description when the story ends up leading to her problems with Quidditch. Basically, you need to spend less time introducing everything and start talking about Quidditch in the third or fourth paragraph. The thing about one shots is that they're so short that nearly everything in them has to be revelant with the plot. Because the ending was sort of unsatisfactory, when I was being led to think that this story was about Rose disappointing her parents as a whole, not on just one little aspect of her life.

One other suggestion. A lot of the time you said things like "I am" and "do not" which would sound much more natural if written "I'm" and "don't". Your dialogue sounds a little forced, what helps me a lot is to read aloud your work before posting it and editing certain things to make them sound more natural.

Overall, the idea of yoru story was pretty good. I personally think that Hermione would be a little more understanding, as she hated playing Quidditch, but Ron's reaction was spot on.

You captured a teen's resentment for a pushy mother very well. I personally am very close with my mother, but there are times when I want to act just as Rose does. And Hermione sounds a little OOC with her pushiness on knowing every aspect of Rose's life, but a lot of parents are like that. I really like how she told Rose that she expected a lengthy letter after the first week of school. That made me smile- very Hermione-esque.

For a first fic, this was very well written. Nice work.

~lllb

Author's Response: Thank you for your review and I appreciate everything you said. I am taking your first point into thought, though honestly I don't know if I will change anything. About the contractions, I am so use to writing everything out for school that it is just a habit of mine I need to think about more I guess. I understand your thoughts on Hermione, but I felt that after she thought it through she would understand completely. You may have noticed she didn't say anything and my point by that was she always thought Rose loved Quidditch and was just surprised. I see now that I didn't get that through as clearly as I could have.
:)BaletGir


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Review #8, by Phoenix_Flames How I Disappointed My Parents

26th September 2009:
Hello there, dear! Here with your review!

Brilliant little one-shot here. It was really enjoyable and a nice turn in Rose's personality to see! I really enjoyed it.

The beginning was quite nice. The "don't forget to smile" bit really made me pity Rose even though I didn't quite know why.

You developed her into this nice young girl who is trying to figure out life and you showed that she does have her flaws. She's not this cookie cutter image that everyone is making her out to be.

It's brilliant!

Few grammar mistakes here and there, but those are rare to not find and easy to look over. All in all, this was wonderful!

Great job, dear! Come request again soon!

9/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I appreciate everything. You nailed what I was going for, the Rose with flaws trying to find herself. The grammar, I really had hoped to have found them all, if you ever are to review one of my fics again don't hesitate to point them out so I may fix them.
:) BaletGir


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Review #9, by BornUnderABadSign How I Disappointed My Parents

24th September 2009:
This was wonderful. You have a talent for words.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review and just for taking the time to review at all.
:) BaletGir


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Review #10, by LilyGreenEyes How I Disappointed My Parents

18th September 2009:
Firstly, I think you have nailed Rose's attitude, I could just imagine her imitating Hermione with the whole 'homework first' scenario. You write her very well and it is easy for the reader to sympathise with her situation, as i'm sure we have all had to tell our parents something we knew would disappoint them at some point :)

Hermione interrogating her for information is something I assume she would have picked up from her own parents, as they wouldn't have experienced Hogwarts for themselves. This, again, is well written.

I think it's good that you have Rose and Hugo not liking the move. It's the typical reaction of most teenagers to change, and you also write this very well :)

Putting Albus as Captain of the Slytherin Quiditch Team is a great idea, I imagine the whole of the Potter family would be good at flying with Harry and Ginny's expertise being handed down. Also Ron and Hermione bickering over McLaggen is another brilliant touch!

I did notice a couple of typos, 'I think be a prefect' needs the 'be' switching to 'being' and 'which use to stimulate' is missing a 'd' on 'use'. But other than that it was fine :)

Overall, this is really good for your first fic. It flows nicely, is well paced and light-hearted. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I was reading over a part the other day and I noticed the first typo, but still thanks for pointing it (and the other one) out to me. Actually I never specifically said Albus was Captain of Slytherin, just that between him and James one was Slytherin Captain and the other Captain for Gryffindor, though I was thinking about Albus for Slytherin. I am so glad that you feel this was well done!
:)BaletGir


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