wow that was wonderful
it was so sad I was crying by the end of the story
10/10Author's Response: thank you so much!
im glad you were touched by the story :) Report Review
This made me cry ):
I guessed quite early on that she was talking to a gravestone or something, but actually reading it at the end made me crack. This is really depressing, but really well-written and a lovely story line. I really love this.
You did a good job (':
10/10.Author's Response: thank you!
im glad you enjoyed reading this.
i was trying to create a new perspective of lily's character, as she is always overshadowed by the other characters.
i know the story is quite melancholic, but i think i wanted to present harry in his more vulnerable state as well. im sorry that you cried! but i hope it was a positive feedback ;) means the story touched you, so my mission is accomplised! :)
thanks again for the review Report Review
Wow, I thought that was really good! Your characterisations were brilliant, especially Lily, and I loved your portrayal of the relationship between her and Harry. It was just great how caring and overprotective he was, and I also liked the fact that Lily was a bit of a rebel, because she's usually shown to be the good-girl of the family.
I've got a couple of corrections and suggestions, though, so I'll just get them out of the way first :)
why my feet remains this size. - 'remains' should be 'remain'
My new boss hates when I leave my hair loose. I have to tie them up. - 'them' should be 'it'
Albus is doing great, he's working with dragons right now, like your best mate's brother. Charlie was that? - wouldn't she just refer to Charlie as her uncle? I love the idea of Albus working with dragons, though, it's really original :D
The spaces between each paragraph were quite large, as well, which made it a bit hard to read sometimes, and it might be better just to have one line between each. Also, Ginny was always referred to as 'Mom', and if you want to be more in keeping with canon and use Britishisms then 'Mum' might be better. Just my opinion, though obviously it's up to you :D
Anyway, I really did enjoy this! The whole part with Ginny was simply heartbreaking, and I thought you wrote both Harry and Lily's emotions really well. I loved the overall tone of the piece, as well, how it was so sombre and sorrowful, but then there were those happy flashbacks to lift the mood which was lovely. Wonderful job!Author's Response: Hello,
thank you so much for your review!
I really appreciate it, of course I think I should stick to the 'Britishisms' :D
Yes, I thought I should experiment a little with Lily's character, as she is often portrayed as the girl who stays behind, drowned out by the love story of rose/scorpius or james/albus. I'm really happy that I could bring out Lily's pain and sorrow, but also her love towards Harry.
It is great, that you pointed out about the spacing, because I was always unsure on how to do the paragraph spacing, so thank you again. I shall edit the story and bring in the corrections.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the story :)
Thank you again for everything! Report Review
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