I thought that was really cute, and I loved the refrence to Alice in Wonderland, which is ironic, because I actually have that flower song stuck in my head! ;) Anyways, I loved the way you characterized Lily and Petunia. You seemed to capture Lily's innocence just right, and you also seemed to get the kind of relationsip that Lily and Petunia had. They were sisters, and friends, but Petunia always acted somewhat superior to Lily because she was older. Great one-shot, very cute! :DAuthor's Response: That's the exact song I had in mind while writing this story. It just seemed to fit perfectly. I'm really glad that you liked my little story. I usually have difficulty writing children. Thanks for your feedback :) Report Review
This is a beautiful scene. Though I've tried to imagine it many times, I could never really come up with a way that young witches/wizards show their magic that I really love. This is it. It's just lovely.
11/10Author's Response: Thank you so, so much! It was just a little one-shot that I threw together when I was feeling a little young at heart :) Report Review
Awww... that was truly a cute story. i loved it! =) it's really nice actually hearing about the beginning of Lily's magic... thanks!
- SnufflesAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! :) Report Review
Very sweet story I love ho you wrote it! You did an excellent job!
~LeoAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your kind review! :) Report Review
That was short and sweet. I loved it. Very descriptive and very enjoyable. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
Hi it's elisalinguine_x from the forums!
This was SO cute! I loved it! You captured the quote perfectly. You gave it a unique twist which makes it different from the real meaning behind the quote and gives it a completely different one... if that made any sense lol. I really liked your description. It was just the right amount, not too much and not too little. It suited the air and kind of narrative tone of the story as it focused on five-year-old Lily. It's nice that even though she didn't tell the story herself it reflected her young personality.
There were a few mistakes I picked out, but they were really small :)
"When she told Tuney, the seven and a half-year old told her rather matter-of-factly that it was just because people looked at her funnily because of her bright hair." - re-word it, it doesn't make much sense
"She started at stared" - i think it's meant to be 'and' not 'at'
Other than that I loved it (as you might have guessed by now lol) I think it's Lily knowing that she is special at such a young age that made this story really beautiful. It's a simple concept which you explored wonderfully in this little one-shot. It was really a good piece of writing :)
Thanks for applying to my challenge! I hope you had fun writing it as much as I had fun reading this story!
ElisaAuthor's Response: Hoorah! Thank you, Elisa! (I know I took forever and a day to respond. Sorry about that.) Yes! I'm glad you liked the limited quality of the narrative. I was really trying to make it seem like a five-year old's story, and I didn't want to go with my usual tendency to make everyone sound like a thirty-year old English professor. I had fun with the quote, too, since it's such a dark comment in the play.
Thank you so much for your lovely challenge and review! Report Review
This is such a beautiful story! I love it when it shows how Lily first finds out that she could do magic. Brilliant! =]
~riddikulus lunaAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review! :) Report Review
It's beautiful... and the banner's SO adorable! It's wistful and sweet and delicate. Lovely.Author's Response: Thank you! I actually wrote the story with the banner in mind. It was a UFG, and I knew I wanted it, so this story just formed. :) Report Review
Great one shot! So simple and wonderful! You've evoked such a feeling through just one memory. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was a little afraid that it would be too simple, 'cuz this is the shortest one-shot I've ever written, but I'm really glad that you found it just right :) Report Review
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