Reading Reviews for Fragments
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Edward Ollivander Red Lipstick

8th December 2009:
i guess he still has his dream of her. He had better be good at what he does. Otherwise she wouldn't give him the job after what he did. Happy writing.

Author's Response: I think he would have to be good for Hermione to have sought him out in the first place. I think she might give him the job in the end, although rather grudgingly. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #2, by Edward Ollivander Erised Sbi Uqsa

8th December 2009:
If only he could have understood what it the mirror really shows him. Happy writing.

Author's Response: It's such a shame, but sometimes desire can blind people to the truth. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #3, by Edward Ollivander The Art of Clumsiness

8th December 2009:
OOOHHH NO! she was so close! happy writing.

Author's Response: Yes, poor Tonks! Thanks for the review.

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Review #4, by Edward Ollivander The Sweet Taste of Self Loathing

8th December 2009:
somehow, i can't bring myself to feel sorry for her. happy writing.

Author's Response: She is a truly loathsome woman, I don't blame you for not feeling sorry for her. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #5, by Edward Ollivander Once Like Them

8th December 2009:
I had a feeling that is who it would be. Why do I always feel so sorry for the poor guy? Nicely done. Happy writing.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading, and for your review.

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Review #6, by Alopex Red Lipstick

28th August 2009:
Oh my goodness, I'm still laughing! Galleons are still galleons! Haha, that insufferable man! I seem to remember a Slytherin Quidditch player named Urquhart; I assume this is the same one?

As I've already implied, I found this story to be quite amusing, though had I been in Hermione's place, I likely would have reacted with similar offense. Even though I guessed from the chapter image, I wasn't really expecting a "red lipstick" story about Hermione, but her character really is perfect for a scene such as this one.

Allow me to point out a typo: Found a brought in --> found and brought in. Also, there were a couple places where I thought commas were misused. For instance, when Urquhart asks how he can help her, the comma after "married" should probably be a period.

Blah, blah, boring grammar stuff. I really liked this drabble. In fact, I like the whole collection. I'm quite impressed with it. I have now read everything you have posted on this site as of this moment, and I have to say, this collection is my favorite of everything you've written. It is very good. I'll keep an eye out for future additions to it, as it is a WIP.

Author's Response: Yes, Urquhart did play Quidditch for Slytherin, I wanted to use a canon Slytherin character for this role, but one who was in a different year to Hermione at school.

I'm glad you liked Hermione in this scene, at first I was undecided about which character I was going to use as the 'woman', but I really thought Hermione would be the best to use in the end, because of the way she would react to Urquhart's advances.

Thanks for picking up on the typo, I'll have to fix that. I'll check up on that comma too, I generally always seem to have a few misplaced commas in my writing.

I'm so glad you're enjoying this collection. I was quite proud of these pieces when I wrote them for the challenge at ehpf, which is why I really wanted to post them to the archive. I do believe these reflect some of my better writing to date.

Thanks so much for reviewing, I hope you enjoy any future drabbles I happen to add, as there will definitely be more in the future (there are a few prompts by pookha that I am currently contemplating writing at the moment).


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Review #7, by Alopex Erised Sbi Uqsa

28th August 2009:
I read the chapter summary of this story and then just sat there for a few moments, wondering what to expect. I was trying to imagine what Filch would see in the mirror, and I can't believe I didn't even consider that he'd see himself performing magic! Duh! I was actually gearing up for a heart-wrenching story, one that would make me feel like a Dementor had gone by.

Well, that isn't quite what this story was. Filch is a rather pitiable person, and that definitely came out in this story. However, I actually like that you didn't play up the emotions much. You just matter-of-factly stated what was happening, which was, up until the end, an ordinary day in the life of Filch. I think you portrayed his situation and life very accurately. He had a rather boring and miserable existence, and that came out strongly, without poor-me sobbing overtones.

I wasn't expecting that last sentence, but I loved it! Filch reacted to the mirror the same way Ron did, and his progression of thoughts there was very logical. There wasn't much in the story to be sad over, but I bet that if someone wrote a story about Filch realizing his Qwik-Spell course isn't working, that would be more emotionally fraught.

Author's Response: I worried that it was going to be too obvious what Filch would see in the mirror, so I'm glad that it wasn't, to you at least.

I really didn't want to make this piece an emotional piece, because I don't see Filch as being an emotional person. I see him as being a guy who just wants to get his job done and live his life day to day. As you say, he had a rather boring and miserable existence and I'm glad this came across.

I think for many people looking into the mirror and not knowing what it is might have the reaction of believing it to be the future that it is showing, after all, most of us would want to believe that our greatest desire will come true one day.

Thanks so much for reviewing.


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Review #8, by Alopex The Art of Clumsiness

27th August 2009:
Wow! You know, you do tend toward shorter chapters in general, but there don't seem to be many writers on this site who can pack as much punch into a short chapter as you do. The beginning of this chapter was a bit funny with the purple foam and all, but it really just set up those final few paragraphs, where the real meat of the story lay.

Based on the prompt, I was expecting a successful declaration. However, I am once again impressed by your creative take on a prompt! This story could not have worked with any character except Tonks. I felt so embarassed for her. Not only that she was about to make a public declaration of love (how embarassing is that, in a school?), but that she knocked herself out doing it! Man, I bet she wanted to just sink through the floor. Poor girl. This story makes me wonder "what if . . ." though, haha.

Author's Response: I know I do tend towards shorter chapters in general anyway, but of course one of the aims of these drabbles was to make them short and yet still write an effective piece, I glad I was able to achieve that.

When I thought of using Tonks for this piece, I just couldn't have it end any other way, besides I do like to do things differently and didn't want it to be a totally cliched declaration of love. I'm glad I made you wonder "what if.." and maybe I cheated just slightly with that prompt, because as you know I am a big on sticking to canon in my fanfics, so my take on writing a non-canon pairing was to still make it seem as if it could have been canon lol.

Thanks so much for the review.


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Review #9, by Alopex The Sweet Taste of Self Loathing

27th August 2009:
A character that you hate . . . um, yeah, I think not many people can like Dolores Umbridge. Good choice, and much more interesting than Voldemort. I did feel like the ending of this story was a little on the abrupt side. However, to describe what the reader knows will happen would surely be repetitive. Maybe it's because I'm used to reading longer things that the ending felt so abrupt. I don't know.

I thought the beginning of this chapter was fantastic. The description was amazing! The way you described the sensation of eating chocolate - and not just eating it, but anticipating it as well - was just incredible. My sister recently lent me a book about a group of people recovering from eating disorders, and there's a chapter in which one of their therapists has them each eat a raisin. They're all supposed to focus on the sensations of the raisin in their mouths and try to allow themselves to enjoy it. The main character really gets into this activity . . . the description of that scene reminded me of the opening paragraph or two of this story. The description was really powerful and almost made me feel it too.

And again you displayed your knack for getting into a character's mind. I thought your description of Dolores' reactions to herself after she ate the chocolates did fit her character, and it felt realistic. (Not to say everyone reacts to eating chocolate that way.)

Well done. I am very impressed by this little drabble! I'm giving 10/10 despite my feeling about the ending. I hardly ever tell what "score" I'm giving, whether it's a good or so-so score (and sometimes I forget to give a score), but I liked this piece so much I wanted you to know. :-)

Author's Response: Umbridge was definitely the first character that leapt to my mind when thinking about a character I disliked. I think I mentioned in my blog how one of the most challenging parts of these challenges was trying to stay under the word count. In the case of this particular drabble we were required to stay under 300 words, which I have since expanded upon so that it would be acceptable for the archives. I guess that's why the ending seemed so abrupt, because when I originally wrote it I was trying to stay under that word count.

I'm glad you liked the description, as a chocolate lover it was fun describing it, and it's great to know that as a reader you were almost able to feel it too.

Thank-you so much for the 10/10, especially considering you felt the ending was abrupt, I'm glad it impressed you so much. Thank-you so much for reviewing. :)


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Review #10, by Alopex Once Like Them

27th August 2009:
Well, first off, I have to say I am not a fan of the second person . . . I find it very difficult to read, so I'm glad this little drabble wasn't any longer! You had a very intersting prompt, by the way. I really like the way you approached it. I'm not sure I would have thought to have a character looking IN through a window instead of OUT through a window.

I knew from the chapter image who the character in this story would be, but you kept it nice and mysterious until the end. I thought the end was very poignant and moving. I felt so sad! The entire story had a melancholy air to it, despite the playing children, but the ending was a real slammer.

Author's Response: Writing this piece in second person was an extra challenge to myself, because it is definitely not a POV I usually attempt. So thanks for reading it anyway, even though you're not a fan of that POV, and I promise none of the other chapters are in second person.

It's funny actually, because I think everyone who wrote a drabble for the challenge that week talked about looking in a window rather than out (although there were only four of us left that week).

I debated about using Draco on the chapter image actually, but I'm glad it still felt a bit of a mystery anyway. I'm glad you liked the ending and that I was able to get across that feeling of melancholy. Thanks so much for reviewing.


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Review #11, by datbenik513 Red Lipstick

24th August 2009:
The way you've written this made me want to kiss those gorgeous red lips.
Bravo! Beautiful imagery!

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, that was exactly the effect I was aiming for. Thanks so much!

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Review #12, by Paloma Patil Red Lipstick

24th August 2009:
That's a riot! (I was reading it the wrong way, and thought that she and Ron were playing some sort of fantasy game. I like this better, though.) Nice work.

Paloma

Author's Response: lol, that would have been quite funny actually (you should check out my Passion one-shot). Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #13, by Paloma Patil Erised Sbi Uqsa

24th August 2009:
Ah - great use of the Mirror of Erised as well as Filch's delusions of self-esteem!

Paloma

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked my use of the Mirror of Erised and the way I portrayed Filch. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #14, by Paloma Patil The Art of Clumsiness

24th August 2009:
That is adorable! Of course Tonks had a crush on Charlie in school...and of course, she was hopeless!!

Well done!

Paloma

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. I could just imagine Tonks being hopeless like that at school and I thought it would cute having her crush on Charlie since they went to school together. Thanks so much!

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Review #15, by Paloma Patil The Sweet Taste of Self Loathing

24th August 2009:
LOL! God - she's awful, eh? Nice work here.

Author's Response: lol, yes she's truly awful. Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #16, by Paloma Patil Once Like Them

24th August 2009:
Oh - you've done a great job showing his lapse into hopelessness here. Well done.

Paloma

Author's Response: I'm glad I was able to portray that hopelessness. Thank-you so much.

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Review #17, by Pookha Red Lipstick

24th August 2009:
I went to the recently added stories list to see if mine was near the top (yes, I do that) and saw this set of stories. I love your writing and had to check it out. Of course, I read most of these stories during the LDWS challeng at eHPF, but this one was new.

Imagine my surprise when I found it was from my drabble prompt! Imagine my further surprise when I read the story. No, not surprise that you had written an excellent story, because you always do.

My further surprise was Mr. Urquhart. When I gave the prompt, I must admit that I was picturing Narcissa looking for Lucius who had gone into hiding and going to a hard-boiled, noir-type detective. While this isn't exactly the same thing, it's very similar. I swear that you read my mind.

I love your characterisation of Mr. U. He wants what he wants and he's not afraid to say what he thinks. I also like that he's going to send the owl in the morning to take the case. That makes me think better of him than if he was a 'Mike Hammer love 'em and leave 'em type.'

I think you capture Hermione well here as well. She's very proper and doesn't want to give him the wrong idea so she's very clear. When she's annoyed, she's direct and cutting. I can totally see her reactions being just as you described.

Wonderful, and thanks for taking my drabble prompt and doing something with it.

Author's Response: I didn't think you would stumble onto this quite so quickly! I only just posted it moments ago. I've been meaning to post my drabbles from the LDWS challenge for some time, and thought perhaps before the queue closure might be a good time to do it. I've also been meaning to write a few drabbles in response to the great prompts you've been posting and got inspired this afternoon to have a go at the first one.

It is quite interesting that you had that same idea in mind when you gave the prompt, perhaps I really am a mind reader and I just didn't know it lol. It was a great prompt and the words just seemed to flow onto the page.

I'm glad you liked my characterisation. I think Mr. U. would have been a Slytherin at Hogwarts, well at least that's how I picture him. When I first started writing this I still didn't have a clear idea on which character I was going to use, but I could just see Hermione's indignity and thought she would be perfect.

Thanks so much for reviewing, and thanks for the great prompt! I plan to attempt a few more of them in the near future.


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