A writer's block can be pretty good sometimes. Especially if the best chapter so far is born of it.
Some parts are written in that tough to read, tough to master "stream of consciousness" style, perfect for the purpose of this chapter. This is getting good. You're moving, gradually, slowly, to the right direction.
Also, less punctuation errors. Still a few in there, but negligible.
What I also like are your closing sentences. They are summing up the chapter and introducing something new, something to look forward to in the next chapter. Report Review
Back at 'cha and our favourite heroes.
I like the "Harry's inner voice" POV in your story. It's a nice instrument to describe the fight going on inside Harry's soul.
Also, you manage to display their awkwardness, their knowing or rather feeling that something's going on between them very nicely, believably.
That priceless last paragraph sums it all up pretty well. Well done job! Yes, Harry, you missed one. If you play nicely, you might get ONE chance more.
There are still a few punctuation issues, but nothing really serious.
Going on to the next chapter :D Report Review
Come on. We deserve more! Update soon! Report Review
ompc!! yayay!! u updated!! great chappie really liked it. it was very well written and i like how you include harry's thoughts. oh and thnx for updating quickly! pls pls pls do it more often. lol!
Sincerely, DEMMA LOVA
PS: if you have any free time at all i'd appreciate it if you would read my story "the christmas of a lifetime"? im a first time author and i'm not sure if i'm good or not. lol! it's still in validation but when its out i'd appreciate it if you would. thnx. Keep up the great work!!Author's Response: glad you liked the chapter, the next chapter is in validation so it'll be up within 10 days hopefully:) and i will definatly read your story when its out of validation , i havent been writing that long either and its horrible to not know what people are going to think of your story, i bet it'll be great tho :) thanks again for the review x Report Review
awesome i liked it it was sweet :3 Report Review
Whoa! That was awesome!!! It made me smile as i read, specially the tickling part!... so cool! hope film producers think of a way to produce a movie starring daniel and emma... well, good good good work! i mean, me, waiting waiting waiting please, can't wait for the next chapter! Report Review
OMG!! NO FAIR!! Such a cliffie!! hope you update soon!! pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls do! your doing great, but just pls pls please! make the chappies a bit longer, if you don't mind ofcourse. lol! Keep it up!
Sincerely, DEMMA LOVA! Report Review
Again some minor punctuation issues, my offer still stands :D Also, in two places, you mix up 1st person and 3rd person POV, which, for some readers, might be slightly disturbing.
A relatively short chapter, this one, nevertheless a very sweet one. Stay put, Harry, and get drowned in those beautiful eyes! There's nothing else on this world what you may possibly want so badly!
Hope your next chapter gets validated soon. In the meantime, why not check out MY Harry/Hermione story, Shadowlands? Report Review
I always stop for a good Harry/Hermione story, it's always interesting what one could make of a relationship JKR always shooed away as being pure "brother/sister relationship".
First things first. There are a few punctuation (comma) errors in the chapter; if you want to, I'll be happy to point them out in an email.
A quite interesting writing style you've got here. First person, Present Tense POV, mixed with flashback-style storytelling of past events, is a very tough one to master, but you've done a good job.
There are some intriguing changes to canon events, for example Hermione not picking up her parents in Australia after the war.
The last sentence closes the chapter in a very intriguing way, as if a foreclosure of things to come. Good job!Author's Response: thanks for the reveiw. i'll try and catch out the punctuation errors and i'll try to get my punctuation sorted out for my next chapter but thanks anyway :) Report Review
You evil creature! How could you leave us like that? Update really really soon and please make the chapters a bit longer!Author's Response: evil? haha lol i think my next chapter is a bit longer and i shall post it really soon thanks :) Report Review
interesting start. I can't wait for more. Report Review
nie plot and storyline Report Review
Very nicely written i can't wait to read more !!! Report Review
amazingly nice! but still i want some continuation of the story. i really love to read stories involving harry & hermione. craving for more!Author's Response: lol don't worry the next chapter will be up after the first of Sept. glad you liked it :) Report Review
OMPC!! That was GREAT!! I really liked it and I like the way you put it in the end: but most of all it bothered him the way he felt a shock when she touched him. GREAT!!! Lol! I really hope you continue! pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls UPDATE SOON!
Sincerely, DEMMA LOVA!!Author's Response: lol glad you liked it so much :D and ive got another chapter written so that should be posted after the first of sept.
thank you x Report Review
Nice chapter but a bit short. Also there's a bit too much of Harry's and there's little left for action. Update! Report Review
I Like Your story a lot. BUt i'm just saying, i think you shouldn't put Harry's thoughts in Too much. but otherwise, its really good. Hope ya update soon. Report Review
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