I love that kiss she blew at him, many people make Hermione OOC to be like you're character so that she can be a better suited match for Draco. Report Review
Draco is in character, it's great. I really like the OC, you've introduced she has the right attitude to balance out Draco and doesn't appear Mary Sue-ish at all.
Good Job! Report Review
I don't think Mrs Zabini does have a canon name, so you're safe for now (:
Looking forward to the next chapter, as I'm pretty interested as to how Charlotte's going to get those polyjuice potions past Filch and his cronies (; Report Review
'minger'...ahha! I haven't heard that insult in ages! That's brilliant (:
I liked this a lot. It's promising, and I'm looking forward to learning more about these new characters, especially the two elusive hufflepuffs (: Report Review
thiis was a great chapter, i can't wait to read the rest Report Review
Well, good job! I liked this chapter even better than the last one. You developed the characters more and the plot flowed seemlessly. I really loved the line, "distracting choice of hair color." It made me smile. :D Oh, and I love Snape. Well written. Crabbe and Goyle were a bit strange to me, but they worked. And I liked that you explained how all the Slytherins worship Draco. And about Voldemort. Nicely done. One question about the DADA class: why are all four houses in it? Usually there are only two houses in each lesson... Oh well, it didn't impact the plot at all, so it's ok. And good job throwing in the Trio. :D I think you did really well this chapter. Keep up the good work!
--DF11/DarkRoseAuthor's Response: thanks for the review and for reading both chapters! Glad you liked my description of Snape. About the DADA class, I honestly didn't know about two houses per lesson. But thanks for pointing that out. I'll be sure to incorporate the Trio and the other Gryffindors in some other setting. Thanks again! Report Review
Ahh, it's the ever-slow DarkRose from the forums, finally here to review for you. :D
Ok: good opening chapter! I didn't see any blatant errors. And your OC is well introduced. I liked how you portrayed Draco and the way you spoke about the Hufflepuffs. It showed the tone and mood of the story. And with Charlotte? I really like her. She's interesting and not a Mary-Sue! (YAYYY!) Good job with descriptions and the flow of the plot. I can't think of anything to criticize... oh dear. :] Well, I'll go read chapter two now!
--DracoFerret11/DarkRose Report Review
Eep, in the time it took for me to come here and review as you requested, you have already had the second chapter validated! That's awesome, though. It just means I got to read more. Which is never a bad thing. *grin*
You know the thing I like about this? You have the characters down pat. You really do. Sometimes, when I read characters that are so very true to what they really are supposed to be, I find myself getting bored. It's a horrible thing to say since we are, after all, trying our best to write well. But it's the truth. I just sort of get a bit... distracted?
That didn't happen in this. You kept me interested. And I don't know how you did it. But you did. And, for that, you should be happy.
Draco. Snape. Pansy. They're all just... them. Draco is Draco. Snape is Snape. Pansy is Pansy. And it works.
You mentioned that one of your areas of concern was flow. I don't think you have much to worry about. It flows well. It doesn't jump from scene to scene. It doesn't skip bits. By the same token, it also doesn't linger on one small, insignificant thing for too long. Your pace is fine. Don't change it. It keeps the reader interested! And that's what you want! :]
I really like Charlotte. And, perhaps the thing I like most about her is that you haven't given us much about her. Now, now, don't think that's a bad thing! Please don't. It's quite the opposite. We have the basics. We know who she is. But you haven't told us every aspect of her character or personality. You may, as a writer, perhaps perceive that to be a flaw, but I like it. It's story-telling at its best. Don't give the reader too much. There is no point in overwhelming the reader with every fine detail right to the colour of the flecks in the character's eyes. Let the reader do some of the work. We have fun with it. I like the image I have made of Charlotte myself. And I'm quite content with building on that image on my own. And, in my opinion, the way to truly tell how a person is inside is through the way they act, not through description. And I think you're getting there. That's a strength.
I also absolutely adore Mousy Brown. I just love her. I don't know what else to say about her except for the fact that she's awesome.
Good job on what you have so far.
-Ju :]Author's Response: thanks so much for that informative review and for taking the time to read it!
glad you liked mousy brown! i really wasn't expecting anyone to adore such a minor character, but that's not a bad thing! :) Report Review
Hey, it's InviWitchie019 here to review, obviously.
First of all, I'd like to say that this is only, like, the second Draco/OC that I've read. I have a feeling that I'm going to like this one as much. Your writing style is brilliant. It flows well and is easy to read. The descriptions and dialogue are great, too.
Characterization is excellent; you got Draco spot-on portrayal and the OCs (Charlotte, Mousy Brown, etc.) seem like nice characters. Sorry for the rather short review but just keep up the good work! :)Author's Response: TYSM for the review! Report Review
You know I've never read a Draco/oc before and it was interesting to see the dynamics you had between all of the characters that you wrote. I think you do an incredible job of writing Draco, I think you are very accurate with how you portray him and a lot of writers struggle with that. I'm very interested to see direction you take this story in. And
I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Thank you for that review! I'm happy to know that you think my perception of Draco was accurate. I made sure to get everything right (almost!). Thanks again! Report Review
Ok, as I read your summary from your request and saw that it was Draco/OC I simply could not WAIT to read it! It is SO much like the story I'm writing! It's a Draco/OC too (though not really a pairing). But my OC is helping Draco with the plan too. That is SO cool! Great minds think alike I guess. Haha! But our OC's are so much alike with their cool don't-mess-with-me attitude. I think Charlotte (that's her name right?) is really cool! You've done a good job with her character so far!
I think Draco is VERY much into character. You're doing AMAZING for this being your first story! Not even kidding! My first story was way beneath this. What you've got going on is really good though! Great plot so far, good characterization, and you're an acceptionally good writer might I add. I liked the little descriptions of the Malfoy blood-line. Nice job there as well!
Obviously I really enjoyed this story! I'm super anxious to see where this is going! Please, please, please re-request at the forums once you've got another chapter up! I'm really excited for the story! Thanks for requesting!
Clair :D (EvelynCullen09 at forums)Author's Response: Aww...Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so happy you liked my story a lot! Thanks for pinpointing the little details in this chapter that you liked. Chapter 2 is already in the queue, so I'll be sure to re-request once it's validated. :D Thanks again!
x Report Review
I like your style of writing and the way you describe the characters. Mousy Brown is definitely one of my new favourites now. ;) I really enjoyed reading this chapter. :) Keep going!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked my writing style. I always thought it was a bit off. And I'm also happy you enjoy Mousy Brown! I love her, too, lol, even if she really isn't a major character. :D Report Review
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