I haven't read too many Teddy/Victoire stories and the ones that I have read have been very varied in their content. This is another unique story about them and I really enjoyed it.
To begin, I liked how you started the story with the description of the flowers. It was very interesting to read about their innocence and beauty and wonder in contrast with Victoire's problems. Your descriptions were very lyrical and you painted very vivid pictures.
The manner in which you personnified them was well done- it was interesting to picture flowers "screaming in protest", "petals sagging in agony" and "crying with her". I think that it added something extra to the story, to have two completely different elements interacting with each other.
As well, I liked how you indicated that Victoire was having problems in her relationship with Teddy without going into too much detail. You managed to convey the problem in a way that fit smoothly into the narration of the story. Now that I think about it, the whole story revolved around her problems with Teddy but you wrote it in such a way that the story seemed a little bigger than just that.
Finally, I liked how you concluded this story. It was very interesting to see that the flowers were once again dancing while Victoire continued to cry- it shows that the world does go on, even if one person's life is crumbling down around them. The world is too big and some problems are too small to be considered a concern in the great vastness of time.
All in all, I think that you did a great job with this story and I found it very interesting to read. I particularly liked the continual comparison of the flowers and Victoire. Great job!Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! This is very, very unexpected, and I am just completely in awe of your kind and compassionate words.
I didn't really want to go into the relationship between Teddy and Victoire because I felt like it wasn't the main part of the story. I wanted to focus on the flowers, the dirt, etc, and going into detail about their marriage wasn't really something I had in mind when I wrote it. That being said, I really appreciate that you picked up on my vague-ness; the fact that you mentioned it just warms my heart.
Personification is just... I don't even know. I do it unintentionally, and I've actually been told that I sometimes go a little over the top with it (which I can understand). Thank you so, so much for liking my personification - it really eases the fear that I've, once again, put too much of it in.
Lyrical descriptions - I've never heard that before, but it makes sense. It's a wonderful compliment!
Thank you so much for the review. It was, like I mentioned earlier, very unexpected, and you've completely made my evening.
xx Rin Report Review
I totally loved this story. What I liked the most is the description. I love description, and especially when you talk about the flowers. It's just amazing. I can imagine Victoire standing in ... maybe a garden or somewhere else... and she is among all those beautiful flowers. I just... I can see it all in my head and I love it! I LOVE when authors do that with their stories. Thank you for that!
I was a bit surprised at the end, but in a positive way. When it turns out her relationship with her husband - which I'm guessing is Teddy - is not good in any way. I just felt so bad for Victoire. It was just heartbreaking, I seriously felt every emotion I imagine Victoire is feeling in this story. And that last part, last sentence, is my favorite. It makes me hope they will be happy again. I love happy endings if you didn't understand that, so I'm left with the feeling of hope- hope that she will get a better marriage.
This was good. I loved it. I honestly don't know what else to say. Good job. 10/10
LadyL8Author's Response: Wow, thank you! This review is so unexpected (which I think is the best kind, honestly), and it completely made my afternoon. I have no idea how you found this story, especially because it's on the second page of my author's page, but I'm extremely glad you did.
This is old, I think. Old enough that I haven't read it for a long time. Still, I remember struggling with the emotions as I wrote it, so hearing that you think the emotions are all there is just... perfect. It really eases my fears in that general area.
I like happy endings too, actually. Which is why I left that little line there in the end, and I'm honestly sort of surprised anybody picked up on it.
Thank you so much for the review! You are so, so kind, and I cannot thank you enough.
Rin Report Review
This was written really well, you used great description and it flowed really well. I like that she's surrounded by flowers and think the set the mood for what you believe at first to be happiness. But why won't her husband kiss her?
Who is he? and why has he upset her so much?
I really enjoyed this
alicia and anne
SlytherinAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it.
Ah, I think Teddy and Victoire are kind of an enigma. Whatever happened in their relationship is not really something I can explain (or even really know), other than the fact that there is obviously something wrong. :)
Thanks again for the review!
I appreciate your feedback. Report Review
This was absolutely breathtaking!
Like what the heck. OMG. The way you portayed Victoire’s feelings in 500 words. You deserve any praise other reviewers gave you. This story just took my breath away. Words actually can’t explain how truly amazing I though this was. As you can see I’m rambling and I don’t make any sense well that’s because of this story.
Just WOW!Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! Gah... I really, really appreciate it. I mean... wow. Thank you!
You've totally made my week. I really appreciate it. Report Review
I never knew it was possible for colors and flowers to break my heart but they just did.
To come up with something as heart-wrenching as this in just 500 words is worthy of a bazillion virtual brownies. To let the elements and the colors describe the heartbreak is even more amazing - I'm honestly still trying to wrap my head around the wonder that is this piece.
So yes, safe to say I'm a fan. :)
Still in awe,
GillianAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm... flattered. :)
It was so hard to keep myself in the 500 word limit. I mean, there were a lot of things that I wanted to elaborate on, but couldn't because of the word restrictions.
Anyway, I'm very glad you liked it! Thanks so much for the review. I really appreciate it.
- Rin Report Review
Hey Rin! Here for your requested review! And I’m actually doing this pretty quickly too! –dances-. Anyway, on to the review.
Oh. My. GOD.
That was AMAZING. How you did this in 500 words, I cannot tell. I feel like I am just parroting other reviews, but it was breathtaking. I was going to attempt not to turn this into a squee fest, since it is meant to be a serious review, but I just can't do it.
The description was wonderful. I love how you incorporated colours so well in to the flow of the story. I love the personification you used for the flowers. It made the story take on another dimension, which in turn made the story so much deeper. The lyrical, poetic language was a joy to read, really, as was the imagery. I also loved the reoccurring themes, mostly of nature. They really tied the whole piece together.
‘She does not see the way the stems bend and twist in union in the swaying breeze, almost dancing in a chaotic but rehearsed fashion’- this is probably my favourite line in the whole story. It’s beautiful in its simplicity.
The characterisation was so beautiful, and quite original. The relationship between Teddy and Victoire was heartbreaking, really and truly.
‘He'll come inside and notice the flowers, she knows, but he won't kiss her. Never will he kiss her, she thinks. Never will he throw her arms around her and tell her how beautiful she is.’ This line made me feel like I was about to cry. You wrote Victoire really sympathetically, and she seemed to leap out of the page. She felt like a real person- with flaws and strengths, relationships and backstories. And you included all of this in 500 words. :O. I am in awe of your talent.
Teddy and Victoire’s relationship was stunningly written in such a short time. I loved the fact that we never actually saw them interact, we just saw Victoire finally cracking. You also left their relationship open ended, leaving the reader to add in more back story for them. I love open ended stories :D.
The plot was truly incredible- watching Victoire crumble before us as she realised her relationship is falling apart was heartbreaking, and at the same time engaging. I can’t imagine many other authors being able to pull this off without the story feeling incomplete, or rushed, yet you managed it.
Aside from the lush descriptions, one thing I think you do very well is manipulating emotions. I felt connected to Victoire the entire time, which (I’m guessing) is what you wanted in this story.
‘But it's wrong. It's all wrong.’ I loved this line. Well, maybe loved is the wrong word, but I thought it was a very powerful line. It was a definite turning point in the story, and the repetition of wrong really added something to the story.
Just a side note- I noticed a spelling mistake here- 'She is too busy too notice'. The second too should be a ‘to’. That was really all I could find wrong with it.
Beautiful, as always. I just loved it. Thanks so much for requesting this ^^. Feel free to come back any time you want.Author's Response: I don't even know how to respond to this! I mean... wow. Um...
1) I love you.
2) I love you.
3) I love you.
Does that work? Thank you so, so much, Becca, for the effort you put into that. I LOVE YOU! Report Review
this is beautiful. i have to admit the banner got my attention, it really is amazing.
you said so much in so little words (hahha the point) but i already feel for victorie and her and am wondering about her problems just from this.
your a great writer ! amzing one shot (:
becca xxAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much! This review was totally unexpected and made my morning! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and I especially appreciate your kind comments. Thanks again!
- Rin Report Review
Reasons why Rin is awesome:
1. The name. RIN. R-I-N. I know no one with such a cool, short name. Kudos.
2. Rin engaged in a fully fledged dance-off with me. Only people with style do that. (Even if she didn't win, she's still mighty enough to take part.)
3. Rin is a fantastic admin. It takes some guts to co-run an entire forum and be so awesome.
4. Rin is stateside. The US of A is my theoretical second home. I wish, anyway. Rin's state is especially stellar.
5. Rin's current icon is of a blue hippie van. I am going to prom in a blue hippie van. Rin's sense of telepathy astounds all.
6. Rin is lovely. No further elaboration needed.
7. Rin's writing is pure win. I would quite like to revel in this story's loveliness and perhaps ice a cake with it. Literal awesomesauce.
:DAuthor's Response: JeeennnYYY!! You just made my morning. Reasons why Jenny is awesome:
1) She's crazy
2) She's amazing.
:P Thank you so much!!! -hug- Report Review
Hey Rin, great one-shot! I think you did a great job of really portraying Victoire's feelings in these 500 words that you were limited to write. I felt her pain as she sat there crying, wishing that Teddy would kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is. Keep up the great writing! 10/10Author's Response: AH, Leslie! So sorry I didn't reply sooner.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate all of your feedback. Thanks again. :)
- Rin Report Review
Whoa. I think, for the first time, that a story has taken my breath away. This is beautiful, and...I love it, really. So much. I feel the flowers, and the tears, and the earth, and even her sorrow! The imagery in this piece is so vivid. Sorrowful, but so beautiful-Author's Response: Thank you so much for all of your kind words. After a bad day, this review really picked me up. I'm absolutely flattered. Thank you so much! Report Review
Oh. My. Gosh.
Rin, words cannot truly express how truly amazing I thought this piece was. It is mind-blowingly, heart-breakingly, breath-takingly fabulous.
I absolutely adored this unhappy take on Teddy/Victoire. Your descriptive skills were enviable in every way and so incredibly vivid that I don't know if I will ever recover from the jealousy.
This is a descriptive work of art.
-JaneAuthor's Response: Haha, too many Teddy/Victoire 's out there are too mushy gushy, so I thought I'd have an unhappy ending. ;) I'm really glad you liked it! I'm flattered by your review. :) Thank you so much for all of your lovely words! Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Report Review
Hello Rin! ^_^
This was completely fantastic! I've reached the point where I cannot physically write much less than 4,000 words a chapter, so rest assured that this challenge would have defeated me. You are very brave to attempt such a feat and you completed the challenge very effectively. It truly felt as if every word was pivotal.
I adored your characterization of Victoire: it was heartbreaking. As she rips the flowers up, I honestly shuddered. I loved the way you described the colors and then segued into her relationship with Teddy and the neglect she is feeling, and the horror and sadness and rage that accompanies that. The reader really glimpses into the mind this very strong person who has completely broken. All in 500 words.
The only CC I would give in this chapter is that there are a few too many commas. I feel like a pot calling the kettle black saying that - so please don't take it as if I'm attacking you, because I'm a comma addict. It simply interrupted the flow and made it a bit choppy. I think that having a few more periods would help and add to the feel that this is such a crucial moment for Victorie. Don't be afraid to make more sentences to more clearly split up different ideas.
By the way, I thought that the scenery was brilliant- the vivid flowers being destroyed. It really echoes the sentiment and parallels the story; what a fantastic idea. It adds a completely new dimension without beating the reader over the head with it.
So, in short, amazing work! I really loved this piece! xoxoAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you so much for dropping by!
Yes, I am a self-proclaimed comma addict, I swear. They're just so... small and cute! Ha. I'll try and go back and weed some of those out. Thanks for bringing that up. :)
I'm really glad you liked it! I just sort of sat down and wrote it after school one day. 500 words was certainly really hard to work with (I kept having to pull adjectives out to make it fit!), but I'm really pleased you thought I pulled it off.
This review was simply wonderful. :) Thank you so much for your feedback and insights! I really, really appreciate it.
- Rin Report Review
Well this is gorgeous! You are such a beautiful writer, and the description is fantastic :)Author's Response: Thank you very much. :) I really appreciate the review. Report Review
I love it! Your description is amazing; I could just see her sitting there with the flowers around her. And I love how you hinted on the plot in between. I so want to read more about what happened. =D All in all, this was a wonderful piece. Good job!Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I try to work really hard on my description, so I'm glad it came out OK. Thanks so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Gosh that was beautiful, Rin. You have a knack for description that a lot of authors lack - the imagery is breathtaking and so vivid. The first line itself just made my breath catch in my throat. Your use of colour is amazing - it just flew straight into my mind as though I were looking directly at the garden.
I think Victoire's sorrow and despair were demonstrated excellently here. It really tore at me to think of her so heartbroken. It could have gone on and been drawn out but I think that by doing it in 500 words, it actually makes Victoire's emotion hit home even more.
"the way the stems bend and twist in union in the swaying breeze, almost dancing in a chaotic but rehearsed fashion."
^^ That was my ultimate favourite line. It just makes me want to squish it into a big massive hug.
Rin, you are just amazing. By far and away, you are one of the best authors on the site. You never cease to amaze me, seriously.
xxxAuthor's Response: Oh, goodness gracious I don't even know what to say. I mean... thank you! Thank you so much! I'm so, SO pleased that you said the things you did. This might seem like an inadequate response to such a lovely review, but I don't know how to reply! I'm flattered. Thank you so, so, SO much! Report Review
Rin, darlin'! xD
This is absolutely beautiful! The way you write this is amazing. It's truely amazes me how we over look things in life, especially something as small as flowers. They are apart of earth and we should be thankful we have something so wonderful and amazing as them.
I have no criticism for you dear! Every word was magical in it's own way, as alway. I truely admire your work!
AliciaAuthor's Response: Alicia, I don't think you know how much I LOVE you! Thank you so much! Your review was just... lovely. Thanks again. Report Review
Oh, Rin. This is amazing. I love the heart-breaking change in her character from the beginning to the end. At first, she was so excited to see what will happen when she takes the flowers home, that she didn't care that the flowers were sad they were being picked. And then at the end, she felt bad that she had caused the flowers so much pain for no reason =( Very beautiful.
See, the idea of this story could have been stretched into a 3000-word piece, but it didn't need to, you know? That's what I was trying to accomplish with issuing this challenge. To get people to stop being so wordy and just say what they want to say, which is exactly what you did. =)
Thanks for taking my challenge! I hope you enjoyed yourself ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Ah, Ilia, thanks so much for posting that challenge! It really was... a challenge. ^__^ I was almost going to make it longer and not enter it, but I decided against it and I'm so glad I did! You're right about being wordy. A lot of authors (including myself, at times!) just don't say what they need to say, and this helped me realize that.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm flattered.
- Rin Report Review
Rinny! Oh my!
SO SHORT! I DON'T LIKE IT! MAKE IT LONGER! MAKE IT LONGER SO I CAN READ MORE OF THIS AMAZING STORY!
Hehe! Okay! So, wow, as always completely breath taking and beautiful. It really is. Rin, you're writing is so amazing and your talent always shines in your stories. And your one-shots! They are always so astounding.
Ah, I'm too floaty-feely to have anything to say. :D Besides that it was wonderful. Really really wonderful. The he/she is amazing and how we wouldn't really have an idea of who the characters were if her name wasn't spoken half way through. This story could go for almost anyone, actually.
194,437,973/10Author's Response: Aw, Drue, you have no idea how much that means to me!! *hugs*
Haha, I know what you mean about not being Harry Potter. I was half way through writing it and realized I needed to put an HP character in it to make it Fan Fiction, so I just chose Victoire. :D
Thank you so much! I don't even know what to say, really. I'm flattered. I love you Drue!!
- Rin Report Review
I feel for her. He wont notice her, tell her that she's beautiful, her loving him, dedicating herself to him ever so.
Your descriptions are to die for, especially those concerning the flowers. I love how you portray them dancing in unison, is if rehearsed; beautiful and poetic.
I also like the sort of metaphor, (the allusion, maybe?) about how she doesn't notice the beauty within the flowers alongside him being unable to notice the beauty within her. It ties in fluidly well.
-AxjionAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I didn't plan the whole metaphor/flower thing until I wrote it, and I'm so glad you liked the way it turned out! :) That's one of my favorite lines as well, the dancing and poetic one.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I really appreciate all your lovely comments. Report Review
Every time I read your work, I envy your gorgeous style and descriptive ability. Writing for a challenge like this, where your words are limited, really showcases that talent, too, because not many people can achieve something like this, even with twice as many words. I don't think I've read anyone else on this site who does imagery as well as you do!Author's Response: Oh my gosh, Melanie, that might be one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me! I... wow. Thank you so much. Especially coming from an author like you, that means a lot. :) Thank you so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Oh my God. This was amazing.
Heartbreakingly beautiful imagery, and you have such absolute control over what you are writing. I could go on and on about the symbolism of the flowers and the fantastic description and everything else I loved about this, but it seems rather pointless. I'll point out the bit I loved though:
Bending down, she rips a flower out of the ground, and it screams in protest to her, but she does not hear it. Its roots have been broken, its petals sag in agony, but she does not notice.
You did wonderfully for the challenge - I entered too, but I had so much trouble keeping it in the bracket, I don't think it turned out as well as wanted it too. But you seemed to control this story in such a way, it would have been impossible. Ugh, this was just amazing, yeah? Too good for fanfiction. Go get yourself published or something. Now.
10/10, I wish I could give you a higher score.Author's Response: Goodness, Georgia, I can't even express how you've made me feel. After a review like that, I have no idea how to reply! :)
Thank you so, so much. Especially coming from an author like you, your review means a lot to me. Keeping inside the 500 word mark was harder than I expected (and I was almost going to make it longer and not submit it for the challenge), so it was definitely a challenge to make it work. I am so pleased that you thought it did! Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you! Like I said, I can't really express how I'm feeling right now.
- Rin Report Review
Ah, Rinnie, this is too good for fanfiction... you should publish it. Do something big. It's really beautiful, I love it.
Author's Response: Ah, thank you Soph! That means a lot to me. :) Report Review
this was certainly a beautiful story. your descriptions took it to higher levels and your knowledge for what you were writing really shined through. amazing job.Author's Response: Thank you so much. It means a lot to me, especially coming from an author like you. Thank you so much for the lovely review. Report Review
This was beautiful.
I could rabbit on about the imagry of the flowers, and how their pain and suffering, forshadow the pain and suffering felt by Victoire at the end. But I'd end up comming across as a pretentious pratt, so I'l lstick to my first sentiment.
Wow.Author's Response: Gosh, thank you so much. I'm absolutely flattered, and you've made me laugh. :) Thank you so much for your absolutely lovely review. Report Review
You should be proud. This is lovely - and heartbreaking.
PalomaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the absolutely lovely review. :) Report Review
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