honestly... i find your plot line thin and predictable and very boring... constructive critisism Report Review
i like the story but don't put don't put A\ N in their it ruines the entire mood of what you are saying in the story. Sorry to be so blunt about it. Derek Report Review
umkay, I just wanted to say that it is pretty good, but Harry is just not believable... If Sirius really got released, then he would have done more than grin. AND Sirius wouldnt've gotten released, because Peter Pettigrew is supposeldy dead. Report Review
:)) already posted a review...guess i did read it Report Review
i remember i read this once more ...but hmmmm shish i think i.ve got problems:D goor work anyways Report Review
hey great fic:) Report Review
come out with more like it please Report Review
cool! Write please :-D Report Review
I just started your story and I think that the only thing you need to work on is your emotions their too abrupt. Otherwise its great but I nearly forgot that this was a year 5 book and not a year 6 after OotP. yes I know that you can't really change ther chapters after this but I thought it would be nice if I gave you this suggestion Report Review
Great story!!!!! Report Review
Excellent! Excellent! Well done. Quite a talent you have there. I hope you continue with it. I enjoyed the entire read. Report Review
So far, I\'ve only read the first installment (with Chapters 1 and 2)...not enough hours in a day to go around :-)
I haven\'t read far enough to see what kind of plot is going to develop, but I already see some problems that you might want to fix. In the first chapter, you had everything going in past tense narrative...\'He said\' \'She said\' \'He grabbed\' \'She screamed\'...but then in the second chapter, you had it present tense \'He says\' \'she says\' and you also threw in a few past tense verbs \'He trailed off\' and \'He thought\'. Some of the dialogue seems too Americanized. I can\'t picture Vernon, a middle-to-upper class British citizen, yelling at Harry to \'GET OFF HIS BUTT!\' or something to that extent. Maybe use arse or behind or bottom, something more British. Same with some of the expressions Harry and Ron use.
Anyways, I like that Sirius finally got free (WHOO HOO!) and the rat was caught. Hopefully he gets punished...and punished *good*. The b-day presents were fun to read about. However, if Hagrid checked in on Arabella, finding a Dark Mark floating above the house, wouldn\'t Harry see it too? And if he saw it, wouldn\'t he also go and check out the scene? Or did the Death Eater attack happen right before school let out?
Sorry for sounding so critical, that\'s just kind of reviewer I am...:-)
Keep writing. Report Review
This is bout as long as Harry Potter 1+2! I am very impressed. You stayed with a good storyline, and with the story! Good job. Report Review
you have a huge talent for writing, i really like this story, even if the SOME people don't know how to press the review button i do, 36 chapters is a huge accomplishment, and you deserve a lot more prasie then you're getting, (unless your deleteing reviews) i hope you continue writng, because i will continue reviewing Report Review
Pretty good story. Check mine out: It was bound to happen, Sometime and Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix.
Also if you like songfics see mine: The Twelve Days of Hogwarts Report Review
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