Reading Reviews for Amorous Breakfast
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HarrietHopkirk A Revelation Of Sorts.

30th August 2009:
Aaw! That is so gorgeous! :)

Author's Response: Err, thanks for taking the time to leave a review :)

~ Kristina


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Review #2, by Fuzzy_Slippers A Revelation Of Sorts.

27th August 2009:
Hey, sorry it took so long to get to your request!

First of all, let me say that I LOVE the fact that you've done a Scorpius/Lily fiction. There are only so many Scorpius/Rose fics you can read before you want something different. Your story accomplished this. I also liked that it was a fluff story. Different from the normal 'I'm Scorpius Malfoy and I'm pretty much a pimp' storyline. It was a nice change.

I also loved the small background info you included in relation to the Malfoy family, as well as the wizarding world as a whole. The tiny additions of things like the boy Dobby Creevey, and Goran (who wore two mismatched socks and a tea pot on his head), and the fact that the old Malfoy Manor had been donated as an orphanage - they were all perfect and helped to add depth to your story.

Your writing was sweet and simplistic, which went along with the feel of the story perfectly. Characterization was for the most part correct - Scorpius seemed like Draco's son, though without a lot of the inborn prejudices that Draco had. The way he whined for a kiss from Lily felt, to me, perfect - seeing as though he's probably gotten everything he's wanted as soon as he asked for it, most of his life.
Lily had the right amount of mischievousness, in my opinion. The only thing that felt a little weird was her reaction to Scorpius lying about Dom - it seemed like it'd be sort of obvious what he was doing, since she had just asked him to fight with her. But, the concept of Kiss and Make-Up day was incredibly sweet. : )

Great job! It was a joy to read. : D

Author's Response: Hey, thanks a lot for reviewing ^^

Oh, I loved ScoRose ship before it became too cliched, Romeo and Juliet kinda thing, so I started liking ScoLily more and more - now I'm a fan lol xD .

Anyways, Goran is in reality a real person, with his own quirks and odd things, so I just kinda borrowed him from real life o.O, hehe, I dunno how would he react if he knew I used him to make a house-elf ^^ .

Oh, yeah, whining and all was intended to make Scorpius seem like someone who always got what they wanted and all, so I'm glad I managed to capture that :D .

Yeah, I know Lily's reaction seemed weird but she was, in fact, joking and Scorpius was serious (at least it seemed that way to her) - though I could add a line or two like: 'Merlin, she doesn't think I'm joking!' . :D

Anyhow, I'm happy that you liked the story as a whole ^^

~ Kristina


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Review #3, by TwilightPrincess A Revelation Of Sorts.

27th August 2009:
Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here from the forums with your review =)

Fluff isn't my favorite either, so I understand where you're coming from. When I tried out my first fluffy story, I also asked reviewers if it made them gag =P

I like the narrative voice of Scorpius here. I like that he is strong and it seems like he is sure of himself. The way he narrates the story shows that you as a writer are confident in writing him this way. It's kind of like, "Yeah, I said it." I love that kind of attitude, especially coming from Scorpius. However, Scorpius as a character didn't do much for me. I know you're trying to write a fluffy story, but that doesn't automatically mean that your female character has to be a cute little girly girl and your male character has to be a lapdog. The way he acted contrasted so harshly with the strong sound of his voice, I was kind of thrown for a loop. It seemed like he was two different people.

I liked seeing their relationship, though. I liked how you had a very serious underlying note about their relationship - how Scorpius saw Lily as THE one for him, you know? It was very cute =)

The plot was interesting, albeit a little weird. Kiss and Make Up Day? o_O Okay, fine. I'll bite. But what was really lost on me was that Lily suddenly shifted into OMG HOW COULD YOU mode when Scorpius had obviously just made up a lie so that they could kiss and make up. You seemed to allude to the fact that Lily didn't care if it was a lie ("It can be about something totally random.") so I was a little confused when she suddenly flipped on him.

My favorite part was when he was going to take a drink and she jumped on his back and made him spill it all over the place. ^_^ Simple scenes like that are enough to make me smile. Scenes like those are what make a fluffy story good, in my opinion, and I think you captured that beautifully.

Overall, I wasn't gagging, but I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. There are many different types of fluff, just as there are different types of horror, of action, of romance. You don't have to automatically resort to something you think works - take some risks and make scenes your own. Let your point of view as a writer shine through =)

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing :)

Concerning Scorpius - he acted that way solely because of Lily (he can act like he's tough or whatnot but on the inside he's a big softie - and that kinda shines through when he's with Lily, I dunno, maybe I should've made a point on that somewhere in the story hehe).

Well, Kiss and Make Up Day was purely there because of the challenge (Happy Obscure Holiday, hehe) - I didn't even know that such a thing exist (there are many more obscure holidays though... o.O I was surprised ^^ ).

Lily reacted that way because she was saying that jokingly and Scorpius was being serious (you as a reader from Scorpius' POV knew he wasn't actually serious, but Lily didn't :D ). Anyhow, I'll try to tweak the story a bit so that the point comes across that Lily was joking and all. :)

Thanks for the helpful review, I appreciate every feedback (especially in something like this hehe ) :D

~ Kristina


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Review #4, by musicgirlhp14 A Revelation Of Sorts.

27th August 2009:
This was cute. I liked that it was a simple love story, and that it did give some kind of background into Scorpius's life, but not even to take away from the fact that he loves Lily. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, I'm really happy that you liked it (and that it didn't cause you to gag or anything lol ^^ )

:D

~ Kristina


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Review #5, by Clair Clementine A Revelation Of Sorts.

26th August 2009:
This was such a sweet one-shot! Really cool! I was excited to see it was a next generation too! You really did a great job with it! I really liked it!

I've never read something that had been in the first point of view as a guy and I really think you've done a good job with it. I'll admit, I tried desperately to write in first person for a guy, but it's really hard :( But you did a great job! I liked seeing Lily and Scorpius together a lot!

Characterization was really good. I can definitely picture a Scorpius the way you protrayed him and Lily was just as good! You wrote their relantionship out well. I loved the description you used when Score was thinking of Lily. I'm a total sucker for description so this was right up my alley!

The flow was also really good too. I think that the transitions between the events was really good and it didn't last forever and it wasn't too short either. Nice work!

The only thing I have to critique on is that when your characters are speaking, you should probably use quotation marks rather than apostrophes. It's much easier to see when a character is talking as quotation marks stand out a bit better.

But really good job over all! Thank you so much for requesting! I had a good time reading this story! Thanks!

Clair (EvelynCullen09 at forums) :D

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

I dunno, writing from guy's POV isn't hard from me (omg, maybe I'm a guy trapped in a girl's body *oh noes!* lol, hehe xD) - I managed to write this and the one-shot 'bout Theodore Nott ^^ .

Anyways, I'm so happy that you liked it because I honestly can't judge my own fics and you know, having never written fluff before (I'm more of a dark/mystery/adventure kinda person) I didn't know what to think of this :D .

About quotations - I dunno, we use this: ' ' in our English class o.O so... Though in my language we use this: " " . lol, I suppose both is alright hehe ^^ , but I'll keep in mind that it's easier to read it with "" , thanks for pointing that out :D

I'm glad that you liked it :)

~ Kristina


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Review #6, by theamalfoy63 A Revelation Of Sorts.

25th August 2009:
Hi! It's theamalfoy63 from the Reviews Wanted thread on the forums.

This story is very cute! I like it very much, (not only because August 25 is today, because that's just ridiculous!!).

I couldn't find really any grammar or punctuation mistakes so that's good! :)

It flowed really well and was very cute and pleasant, it definitely left a smile on my face! Great job!

Thea

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

omg, I'm so glad it didn't make you puke or anything lol. Because, well I'm not really a major fan of fluff ^^ and I've never written something...ehh, fluffy, before so I need honest opinions :D .

Thanks again for taking the time to review :)

~ Kristina


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Review #7, by xTimexTurnerx A Revelation Of Sorts.

24th August 2009:
Well done! I really like your banner, as a side note. I use the same person for Scorpius in my story. Anyway, I've never been much into Lily II/ Scorpius, but you wrote them very well so it didn't seem stalkerish. I liked the holiday used as a fluff mechanism :D Very cute. I love fluffy one-shots. I'll be reading all the stories one more time before I decide a winner, so good luck and well done!
-Ms. Lizzie/ Lizzie/ xTimexTurnerx

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

Yeah, I think Alex Pettyfer is the perfect Scorpius ^^ . And he's unbelievably handsome so...lol hehe.

Anyways, I was a fan of ScoRose before it became cliched. Now most of ScoRoses have a similar storyline and are something like next-gen Dramione...So I became a fan of Scorily instead, hehe ^^ .

I'm not usually a fan of fluff but I wanted to at least try and write something that is fairly manageable to read and not gag. So I suppose it's a good thing if it's cute because that's what I was aiming for. :D

~ Kristina



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Review #8, by twinklinghazeleyes A Revelation Of Sorts.

24th August 2009:
AAW!! So so sweet!!! Poor Lily thought he'd actually cheated!!! One of my favourite pairings is Lily/Scorpius as well as Lily/Teddy!! So glad they love each other and the Dobby stuff was so sweet and funny!! Please write anouther story with this pairing or Lily/Teddy, please???!! 10/10!

Author's Response: Yay, a fellow Scorily lover! ^^

I'm not sure if I'll write another Scorily or Lily/Teddy in near future because I have some writing projects that aren't even near that but maybe a one-shot or two could come up eventually... :)

I'm glad you liked it and thanks for leaving a review :D

~ Kristina


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Review #9, by baletgir A Revelation Of Sorts.

24th August 2009:
Aww that was very sweet and well written. Good Job!
:)BaletGir

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm happy that you liked it :)

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Review #10, by Miss Lily Potter A Revelation Of Sorts.

24th August 2009:
Aw! That was really sweet. I liked the tone of Scorpius' voice, it was funny but at the same time, sweet. (: I loved the "Kiss and Make Up" bit, with him and Dom? I got confused, but that's more me then anything else. o.o (:
Overall, a very sweet one-shot. I liked it a lot.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)

'Kiss and Make Up' part was actually part of the challenge xD .

And it was Lily not Dom ^^ :)

I'm glad you liked it :)

~ Kristina


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