That was amazingly sad... I love stories regarding Sirius and Regulus and this one was beautiful. I can't say much more than that.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
Hi there :)
This is really an interesting piece. I love that you wrote it in first person - it makes it all the more intriguing, and really helps to put the reader into the mind of Regulus.
the flashbacks are seemlessly woven into the rest of the story, which is something you should be quite proud of. I've read many a fic where a flashback sticks out liek a sore thumb, and it ruins the whole flow of the story.
Speaking of flow, yours flows wonderfully, each sentence fitting together with the next. I was a little distracted by the formatting - the spaces are too large between single sentences.
I like the scene where Regulus is begging Sirius to forgive him - but I think it is rather unrealistic. I think Regulus had always been so headstrong, and so stubborn, that he never would have sunk to the level of admitting he was wrong. I think he would have gone about undermining the Dark Lord quietly, without letting anyone else know that he had changed his mind.
That said, I do like the hesitation he had for being sorted - how he was SO nervous to be put into Gryffindor. And the bit about his future being set, all because he was a Slytherin.
I also really enjoyed the bit about the lack of a brother - I think that is exactly how their relationship must have been. The bit at the beginning about Sirius being pinished was a nice insight too, into how both Sirius and Regulus must have felt.
Overall, a very nice peice. In the last line, I would remove the name, personally. We all know who the character is, and it feels kind of.. too stagey, if you know what I mean. It kind of ruins the idea that we are actually listening to him think, because I doubt he would say that himself.
-Lily Report Review
That was brilliant. I never thought about what Regulus would be thinking when he died. All the flashbacks were amazing and it really showed the relationship between Sirius and him.
Aww, I feel so bad for both of them. Sirius hoping that his brother would go the right way &Regulus wanting to be the perfect son and not being like Sirius. I think my favorite part is definitely that last line &when he said he has a brother again. I almost cried at those lines.
There's so many emotions going through me right now its amazing!
Beautiful. Your amazingly talented! This story is going into my favorites and please stop by my thread to re-request. I'd love to read your other works!Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! :) I'm so glad that you liked it! It means a lot to get reviews like this. They really keep me going! Thank you so very much!! Report Review
Hey there! Rocket here, with your review you requested!
Oh. My. Gosh. This was brilliant. I don't typically read angsty/darkish fics like this. So I'm glad you requested it. I thought it was really well written.
I really enjoyed the flash-backs. We don't see enough of the Black brothers' relationship, at least, not portrayed in a realistic way. They always hate each other all the time, or begin hating each other suddenly, so the way you had them 'close' to one another when they were younger was of course, believable. I have two older brothers, close in age the way Sirius and Regulus were, and they were definitely closer when they were younger, and as they've gotten older, they have certainly drifted apart.
I also really liked Regulus's sorting. To eventually have any kind of redemption, he had to have not always been a smug type Slytherin. He obviously showed some believable strength and weakness in contrast, as a character.
This, being your last line, was of course, genius. It was emphatic, and fitting for everything the passage was about.
'I, Regulus Arcturus Black, had finally shown what I was really worth.'
As I said, genius.
Anyway, even though this was only a one-shot, feel free to re-request anything else you've written! This was glorious, really.
Rocket.Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) You have no idea how wonderful it is to receive reviews like this! Thank you!! Report Review
Okay, this one's gping to brief rather brief. I've noticed you've got quite a lot of reviews. The spacing just about made me stop reading. I know it seems like a minor detail, but it's really not. As a general rule, If you're using MS Word, don't indent your dialog paragraphs. I understand this is a whiny point, but it makes a difference for those with eye problems.
Now, onto the actual story. Regulus seems like an interesting spin. The flashed memories before death (what an angonising death) seems perfectly logical. I think, by human nature, we all panic with death.
Regulus Worth: This is the point that I diagree, but you can take your views. Sirius's parents loved Regulus because he followed their set 'plan'. Although they stood silent, whispering in the background, he stood up and actulaly did something under the pressure. Yes, he walked to his death, but thats hows something honourable of his character. (I'll stop myself from takihng this to another level ...), but Walburga (what a name!) loved him. Sirius, if he lived to hear Kreacher's confession, probably would have felt sympathy.
I think it was more self-realisation ...
Sorry, this sounds like an analysis.
-sleeping paigeAuthor's Response: Thanks for your time. I've spent a lot of time trying to fix the spacing and honestly, I'm sick of dealing with it. Yeah, this doesn't sound like a review at all. But thanks anyways for your time. Report Review
Hello Saya! I'm here with your review from TGS :)
That was amazing! The story captured me from start to finish! I really love stories about minor characters, because JKR goes into so little detail about them - Reg is a favorite!
One thing I enjoyed was the amount of detail you went into for each scene. The way you described all of Regulus' thoughts and feelings really made me feel like I was experiencing the story! It was wonderfully done :)
I also liked the way you formatted the story. It's so fitting, that at the end of his life, Reg would remember those moments. The memories v. reality was a nice cherry on top!
One favorite moment of mine that I wanted to point out was in that last reality scene, where Reg decides that he wants to keep living and tries to fight that one last time. It was very symbolic of his whole life, just like he has the one moment of doing something good and epic. That scene was such a clever move on your part!
Great job Saya!!
KatrinaAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much katrina!!! :) Report Review
Touching. An enjoyable read.Author's Response: Thanks!! Report Review
This was stunning! The concept of the story was amazing, and so was the execution. Regulus was characterised wonderfully - he was just the weaker older brother who was desperate to please his parents until he realised it was wrong. The moments with Sirius really made me love this story - the fact that he wouldn't forgive him, wouldn't even listen to what he had to say seems so stubbornly like him. It flowed perfectly - the transitions between the memories and the present were wonderful, and the desperation he felt as he died was brought across very skillfully.
Yes, yes, this review was just a gush but that's what it deserves! 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
I really enjoyed this short story! It would make a great full-length story--how Regulus and Sirus' paths diverged, and how Reg realized he was wrong but it was too late. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: This has been brought up before and perhaps one day I'll turn this into a longer story. For now though, it's just going to be a one-shot. Thanks for reviewing!! Report Review
I've always wondered what went on in Regulus' head in his final hour.
The memories of Sirius and Regulus were very intriguing and were very insightful.
You wrote very well from a male's POV, and for me, it is very difficult to write from a POV of the opposite gender, so great job.
It wasn't confusing at all, it was easy to understand, and I loved it.
MichelleAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you loved it! :) Report Review
Very good one-shot. We could perfectly imagine a boy's mind and you did well in writing it.
We know he's going to die and yet we don't want him to. I liked how you inserted the memories. The story flows well.
You have a good grasp on Regulus' feelings but sometimes it seems a little rushed. I think you could have written more. The feeling I have at the end is: "I want more". Which is good but which also means that you had a very good story that you could have been longer. I think that there is more than just what you portrayed about Regulus. You had very good ideas and got Regulus minds very well but I think you didn't go deeper enough. I think your Regulus deserves more. What I mean is that we know Regulus struggled between his duties as a son, his love as a brother and his duties as a righteous person. You exposed each one of them perfectly but I think we didn't see enough of Regulus internal struggles and why he ultimately gave his life to fight the path he had chosen to follow since birth.
To conclude I'll say that you wrote a very good one-shot that would deserve to be a short story.Author's Response: You bring up an interesting idea, but I don't think I could make this any longer. I fear that if I did, I'd lose Regulus's character and it'd become trash. Thanks though for suggesting! Perhaps one day, I'll write a longer story about him. Thanks!! Report Review
Here from the forums!
Nice start, very grabbing.
I think you did very well writing from a male point of view. Personally I have trouble putting myself in a boys shoes, but you did it very well.
Hang on... What's this I see? orrible? Are we going Cockney?
Perfect grammar... Apart from the orrible spellings are wonderful...
All in all, a well written, well thought out piece.
xEAuthor's Response: Thanks!! Report Review
Hi, It's Mercy from the forums. I'm reviewing as requested :)
I have to say, I rather enjoyed that. It had a nice flow to it, and the emotions that the characters were feeling were very strong and obvious. I really, really liked all of the exchanges between Sirius and Regulus. I could really feel the struggle that both of them were going through... You portrayed the Black brothers very well :)
Another thing I liked is McGonagall in the sorting scene. Even though she had very few lines, I felt you stayed very close to her actual character. It was very realistic, which I know can be very hard to do.
There are a couple lines I'd like to applaud you on ^^ I really like the closing line of the scene where Sirius gets into a fight with their mother for attacking Regulus. It really brought the mood across... Another one I really liked was the thing Sirius said about wondering what happened to his baby brother. But I'd have to say my all-time favorite line of the story was when Sirius says "It does, Reg, but unfortunately I lack a brother to have that with." That line was positively brilliant!
Hmm... what next... Oh! Just a little side note, you've got a bit of a typo in the very first paragraph of the first flashback. I think it's supposed to be horrified, you're just missing the 'h' ^^
A few sentences in the story sounded a bit awkward. First is the very last line of the first paragraph. It sound a bit repetitive to say 'my life' like that twice in a row. Also the last sentence in the third paragraph threw me off a bit. It might just be worded weird, but I had to reread it and the paragraph over again to really get what you were trying to say...
Another part that I thought sounded not right was the part during Regulus's sorting where the hat tells him about his brother being nervous as well. The paragraph where Regulus finds his brother in the crowd sounds a little awkward. Maybe just tweak a sentence here or there...
This next ones probably just a little pet peeve of mine, but whatever :) At the part where Regulus is back in the present and starting to suffocate, I really think you should perhaps italicize the word had in 'I had to breathe.' Otherwise it just sounds flat and dull, and very repetitive since the sentence before it states the exact same thing, just in a different way. Another pet peeve would also have to be the use of swears in the story. I don't see anything wrong with a swear here and there, but it's just the kinds of swears that are used. You didn't really hear swears like 'shit' and 'fucking' used at all in the books, so I think if you want to make the story as realistic and true to its origin as possible, you should change those more 'muggle' swears to ones that could be found in the books. They just seemed to stick out like a sore thumb.
As for what you wanted specifically looked at... Let's see... I think you wrote very well in a male POV, actually :) It really flowed well overall, and the style was good. An accomplishment, definitely. It also was very easy to understand.
All in all, this was a wonderful piece, and a lovely little insight to a scene not described in the actual series. Regulus gets really next to no spotlight in the series, so it's good to see some fanfic about him!
7/10Author's Response: Thanks! You were so helpful! I've resubmitted the story at 15+, replacing the swear words and tweaked a few of the lines. I'm glad you thought it was good. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Hi, it's HappyHexer from the forums.
I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the plot of this story, it was well crafted together, with the flash backs been woven seamlessly into the narrative. Although it has rather a depressing theme I think you dealt with it well capturing the emotion of it all.
Now the POV was consistant and considering the little evidence there is about Regulus in the actual books I think it was believable. No problems there.
The only thing I'm not sure about was whether Sirius would have gone to meet Regulus for a final time. That varies depending on how forgiving you think Sirius could be, but for me, once Regulus was a Death Eater, I don't think he would have gone to meet him.
But still this has to be 10/10 =D I'm now intrigued to read more about Regulus, so this was definately a success.Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D Report Review
Ugh, Sorry! I accidentally hit the "submit review" before I was done. I could've left it like that but I felt like I needed to say this:
The flow of the story, between Regalus' death and the flashbacks are amazing. So don't worry about it much, because of someone can't understand the story, well there's something very wrong with them. Your story, despite being a one shot, says a lot about you as a writer. Great grammar, characterization is perfect for every character, including Mrs. Black and McGonagall, description was amazing.
And with that, I'm done, Haha. Again I'm sorry my review is separated...I blame the "preview" button and the "submit review" one as well. They just don't like me.
Very good job
--Perelandra/Remus Report Review
Heya, Perelandra here from the Forums
Alright so I have to say, this story is amazing. You wrote down your main concern was the Male POV and how understandable it was. Well honestly, you shouldn't worry! Regalus' POV seems perfect to me considering that we never got to talk to him at all in the books. His interaction with Sirius, both young and old, seemed something JKR herself would write and absolutely loved how Sirius did not want to hear what Regalus had to say making it tragic that he always believed that Voldemort had killed him for being a coward and never knowing that his brother died heroically.Author's Response: Wow, well thank you very much! :) It's good to hear. I'm glad that this story has gone over so well and thanks so much for all of the compliments! :) Report Review
Hey! Leaney From The Forums Here!
To Start, This One Shot Was Gripping, Powerful, & Truly A Delight To Read. I Loved This Story As A Whole Because I, Like Everyone Else I'm Sure, Would Love To Know What Happened In All The Sketchy 'Touched Over' Subjects That We As Readers Must Just Imagine. In The Books We Get A Very Vague Sense Of Who Regulus Was And What He Did & How He Felt About It. This Story Was The Perfect Antidote To Answering Those Questions. Regulus Seemed More Or Less Cannon & Your Description Was Superb! I Really Felt Horrible For Him And His Young Life Ending. Your Writing From A Male PoV Was Perfectly Fine In Everyway I Much Enjoyed This Little One Shot. No True Suggestions Other Than Just Formatting. All The Spaces Made It A Bit Harder To Read. Great Work All Around!
-leaneyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! :D Report Review
I love this, it is great. Poignent and well written. The flashbacks flow beautifully, and easily and work very well with the story line.
I feel sorry for poor Regelus, always trying to be what he thinks he should be, and not understanding who he was and whta he wanted to be until it was too late.
Beautifully written, with great grammer, characterisation and flow.
Although terribly sad the relationship between Sirius and Regelus is well written and portrayed and captures perfectly the way I believe that Sirius would react to the news that his baby brother was a death eater.
Great work on a marvelous story, sorry I have nothin more constructive to say but there is very little to alter in this story! Actually, I cannot think of anything!
Keep up the amazing writing, 10/10 :)Author's Response: Thank you! :) That's great to hear. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. :) Report Review
Hello, Saya! How are you?
Thank you so much for requesting this and introducing me to such an amazing story! This was astounding; very!
Your characterization of Regulus was amazing and powerful, as were your descriptions and all the emotions Regulus felt.
I liked how you organized this story. There were many gaps between paragraphs, but each paragraph seemed to be a sharp, moving statement. It seemed as if you almost planned it that way.
Great job dear! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get around to this! Be sure to request again!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you for such praise! :)
I'm so glad that the emotions weren't lost since I'm always so lost!
Shoot, the gaps are there again? I'll have to fix those. Sharp and moving? You're basically spoiling me with all of this praise! lol :)
Thank you so much! :D Report Review
Hello, Angeleyez3954 here with your review!
Great story! I think this is a very interesting topic that you explored. I love how your flashbacks tie in with the present day story you are trying to tell. I think that Regulus' characterization is spot on, and he is the perfect narrator.
I think my favorite part was the first flashback, of Sirius and Regulus as children. The scene made me smile, and I think it was very well written and perfectly portrayed.
Great job :)
~LJAuthor's Response: Thank you! :) I'm glad that you liked it! :)
The first flashback was my favorite part to write as well! :D
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey, Fuzzy here. : )
Well, first of all let me tell you how much I adore your choice of fanfiction - Regulus gets too little love! I'm currently writing a story very similar to the one you've got here, though mine is a novel. : ) So it's obvious that I love the topic.
I think you've captured Regulus very well. You couldn't tell that it was a girl writing; the male POV seemed effortless. You really captured the younger brother feel to the Sirius/Regulus relationship, as well. Very realistic. All of the flashbacks where Sirius and Regulus were interacting were done splendidly - Sirius seemed just like I would imagine him to be. Great job. : )
The scenes in the cave were appropriately dark and you could almost feel the atmosphere of desperation surrounding Regulus as he tried to escape. This sentence struck me as sort of beautifully sad: 'I could feel my heart beat slowing; fainter with every beat. My body was failing me.' Likewise with the sentence 'One day they would know; he would know and I would have a brother once more.' So fitting for the theme of your story. : )
I noticed a few mistakes. One was a typo: 'I watched, orrified, as my brother balanced our mum's priceless vase on two fingers.' Missed the 'H'. : ) The second was more of a canon discrepancy. You note that Sirius saw the Dark Mark on Regulus, yet Sirius can't have seen any Dark Mark, because in GOF, when Harry tells Sirius about Snape gripping his left arm (or Karkaroff showing Snape something on his arm, I can't remember), Sirius would have known instantly what Harry was talking about and made a comment about it, but he didn't. Anyway, just a few things I noticed.
Great job, really. It was a pleasure to read. : )
Feel free to throw any other fics my way!Author's Response: Well, thank you! :) I'd love to read your story. It's sounds like it would be very interesting.
It's good to know that it's realistic and such. I always worry about that. :)
Hmm, the canon discrepancy. To be honest, I didn't even think about that! lol Thanks for pointing that out, but I don't think I'll change it. Mostly because I'm not sure how I would. :)
Thanks again!! Report Review
I've read the story of Regulus retrieving the locket a few different times and from a few different POVs, and this is one of the best I've read. Your flashbacks add depth to Regulus' characterization and give the reader a way to care bout Regulus.
As a male, with two older brothers, I can assure you that you wrote from a male perspective just fine. You caught the 'brotherly bonding' with their fight just right. I also really liked the way that Walburga reacted, obviously treating Sirius differently than Regulus. It rings so true to the canonical stories and gives Sirius another reason to hate the Black name.
You do an excellent job showing the differences between the two with the Hogwarts flashbacks. I love the way the Sirius is so unforgiving. He just can't bring himself to see that Regulus is just a scared little boy at heart, trying to please his family. Only at the very end does Regulus have the strength to live for himself.
For me, the flashback parts of the story were what gave it the drama and interest and the lake with the Inferi was a good backdrop to present that. You do a great job interweaving the two to keep interest and to move the scenes along in time.
I don't usually like the Sirius/Regulus stories, so for me to enjoy this is unusual and a tribute to your skills.Author's Response: Thank you! :)
I'm so glad that you liked it, especially since this isn't what you typically go for. That really does mean a lot.
Yay! It's a major relief to know that I managed to make Regulus sound like a guy and not a girl as it so often happens. :)
Thank you again! :D You're review is greatly appreciated and thanks for being detailed about it. :) Report Review
I really, truly enjoyed this one-shot. I'm a bit of a Sirius Black addict and this is the first thing I've ever read that highlighted things from Regulus' perspective but kept Sirius in character! Not only was Sirius in character, but his actions were unpredictable- it really fascinated me. I was completely heartbroken when he left a seat open for Regulus; he was still hoping. And then when he forced Regulus to show him his arm! Incredible work.
I loved the narrative you have set up with the flashes interrupting. And the concept that Regulus only lived up to his potential when he died- how macabre! I loved it =). You showed such an original take on the story! I really think you showed a consistent characterization from Regulus' POV - it truly did make complete sense.
One of the other things you did that quite impressed me was make a legitimately introspective character at that age- so many authors write one-shots that are reflections and have ideas marked by way too much maturity for the character they're writing. Yours really, truly fit - it came from exactly who Regulus was as he watched the world give up on him.
I think the one thing you could to make this better would be to add a tiny bit more detail in places to fill out the mental picture a bit more for the reader - you're doing a fantastic job of showing and not telling, but adding a tad bit between the lines of dialogue would be helpful. You did a fantastic job when Regulus was underwater- but I think a bit more when Sirius and Regulus are conversing would be a good addition.
Great work! Lovely piece! And thank you so much for joining Aparecium!
;- ) SarahAuthor's Response: Wow! Thank you! :) I'm really glad that this has gone over so well! The truth is I never spent a lot of time with this piece, so you're comments are wonderful to read! Thank you! :)
I think you're right, there could be more detail. I can never seem to get the right amount of detail in.
Thanks for being so specific! :) I love knowing just what people like and what they think could improve. Thanks again! Report Review
in his first flashback you misspelled horrifiedyou just forgot the h. other then that i didn't really see any mistakes. altogether i felt this was a good story.. the story and flashbacks flowed well together. great job. it was a great take on what regulus was going through in the last few moments of his life. keep up the good work.
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Oh thanks! :) I don't always see mistakes, so it's very helpful to have it pointed out. Thanks again! Report Review
i thought that you did an amazing job on this one-shot. i really seemed to capture the whole feel of the story so easily due to your writing and that is one thing that i often find myself searching for. you really forced me to connect with Regulus as a person in this, something that i honestly love to see.
you did a fine job of writing from Regulus' point of view in my eyes. i saw nothing wrong with any of it and am actually very impressed with how everything turned out. you really got inside of his head and when writing with anyone in first person that is something that should be accomplished by the end. the flashbacks were a nice touch and helped me to actually get the idea that he was dying. he was reliving his life in his last moments and that is something that never gets old.
the POV itself was easy to understand as well as the actual words of the story. this was a very readable one-shot so i thank you for that. i did not struggle at all to take in words or to understand a particular sentence and so well done on that as well.
the one thing that i think that you could maybe look out for are the tenses. throughout a few of your sentences i found a few random changes in tense that sort of disrupted things a bit. there were only a few but i just figured that you would like to know about them for future reference. it's something to look out for as you continue to write.
overall, i thought that this was a splendid one-shot that really allowed for a whole lot of emotions on my part. pity, depression, surprise- everything. great job on this story. feel free to, as you already know, stop by and request anytime that you wish. keep up the lovely work and have a great day.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that I could evoke emotions and that it's easy to understand. :)
Tenses? Shoot, haha, normally those are a strong point of mine. Oh well, thanks for pointing that out. :)
Anyways, thank you so much for the wonderful review! :D Report Review
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