Reading Reviews for Blindness
  
42 Reviews Found

Review #1, by greenbubble Blindness

9th July 2014:
Hi over there! I'm here to review for the House Cup 2014.

I'd like to start this review off by saying how much I enjoyed reading this. It is a beautiful angst one shot with a hint of happiness or hope almost like the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just guessing here as I was slightly confused but is the one speaking in the first person Lily Evans? I actually got excited when you wrote this. It is almost like you've told us another fact about Lily Evans that no one knows of; she is blind. And I'm sort of getting the jist that THINKS SLUGHORN IS PERFECT. I love the twists! If only you had a sequel to this *looks hopefully with cute puppy dog eyes* *hint, hint* . It would actually be quite interesting as a sequel. You could learn more about Lily's 'blindness' and more about her and Slughorn. You could include James too! I'm just thinking up a random plot right now. I'd better shut up hadn't I?

Anyway, it was a great one shot! Keep up the excellen work! (and maybe write a sequel.)

Well done.

- Emma

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by to read and review this story! :)

It's not a first person story - it's third person limited, so it presents the thoughts of characters without the use of "I". It makes for a neater style, slightly less personal. Another thing is that Lily isn't blind - it's only a metaphor that Snape uses to describe the way he thinks she never notices him. That's the key to the story, really.

I'm glad to hear that you liked Slughorn. He's an interesting character to write. Thanks for your suggestions, too. Perhaps it's something you should write! It sounds like it would be fun.


 Report Review

Review #2, by lumos_knox Blindness

8th July 2014:
Hello! I'm here to review for the House Cup 2014 Event Five.

I found this so true and revealing of how much Snape really liked Lily. It's unfortunate for him that she just doesn't realize, that like you said, she is blind to him. I really liked that theme, the blind theme. It really describes Lily's feelings. I also think that you got Slughorn right too. He definitely doesn't hide the fact someone is his favourite. Not at all.

And of course, Lily's too proud to ask for an answer. I think that's one of the things I like about her. Her personality, a sort of hard shell on the outside and sensitive on the inside. I think you described that well.

Thanks for sharing this story!

Lauren.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

I don't know if the blindness describes Lily's feelings, or whether they more accurate describe those of Snape. He makes himself worse by believing in this blindness of hers, failing to appreciate the kindness and love that she shows him in her own way. She isn't dramatic with her feelings - they're very calm and everyday, but not un-loving. But Snape doesn't see this at all.

It's great that you liked that bit about Lily's stubbornness. It is a wonderful trait of hers, making her more real. :)


 Report Review

Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Blindness

8th July 2014:
Hello!

Great job with this challenge. I love that you chose to write about Snape and Lily. I am not a Snily shipper, but you've held fast to canon on this one. Snape has a skewed vision of their relationship. Lily never saw them as "two sides of he same coin." She just saw him as a great friend and the person who was her initial foray into the world of magic. Although he is unrealistic about their relationship, he does know Lily really well. He knows that she will never ask for help, that she is very kind and a fierce friend. He just can't see that she will never love him in the way that he wants her to. Very nice job with this piece. I really enjoyed reading it!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by to review! It's interesting that you would come to this story if you don't like Snily - unless of course the House Cup challenge required it (and if so, I'm sorry you had no choice).

Yet despite this, you've hit on the most important part of this story: it's only Snape's perspective. He never considers what Lily is actually thinking or feeling, only what he wants her to be. If anything, Snape is the one who is blind - although he can see her personality, her quirks, her habits, he cannot see her heart. He probably doesn't want to, not if it means having to acknowledge the truth.

Thank you very much! It is lovely to hear that you enjoyed this!


 Report Review

Review #4, by Pretense Of Perfection Blindness

6th July 2014:
Aw, I always love a good Snape/Lily, even if it is typically unrequited, and this was no exception.

You completely captured Snape's character, especially in regards to his longing for her, and how he feels about it. I always imagined that, at least while in school, he would sort of loathe himself for loving her so much when she basically stands for everything that he hates.

"Inky lank strands that..." This sentence flowed a bit weird to me, and I'd maybe rephrase it as "Lank, inky strands that..." That's of course just my personal preference on word choice and sentence flow though. That's literally like the only thing I could pick out that was "negative" about this story, otherwise I normally wouldn't point out something so trivial.

I have always felt bad for him, but he's typically so creepy that it's sometimes hard to. You actually managed to balance that out pretty well, and made him a slightly more sympathetic character than he typically is.

Given his character, what we know from canon, and the word limit you had, I think you did a beautiful job with everything. Simply amazing!!

--- House Cup 2014 Review ---
Pretense Of Perfection

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by to review! It was a surprise to see reviews for such an old story, especially when my feelings about Snape/Lily have changed, but I will try to respond as best as I can. :)

I really like what you've said about Snape loathing himself for loving Lily - it's definitely something I can imagine him feeling, especially as he gets older and closer to the Death Eaters. He knows its wrong, yet he can't let her go - there is something very special about Lily, and he can see it in his own twisted way, just as Voldemort can. It is a bit sad that he's so desperate to have her notice him in a different way, as more than a childhood friend - if only he went about things in a reasonable way, actually saying outright what he feels rather than expecting her to come to him. Snape's a great study in how expectations of masculinity and blood purity really warp a person's mind.

Again, thank you for your critique too. Your way is more grammatically correct, I think, but the way I had it is meant to sound strange. There's an off note throughout this story, and in that sentence, the rhythm of those three words is particularly harsh when "inky" comes first. I do weird things with rhythm in my stories, or at least try to.


 Report Review

Review #5, by patronus_charm Blindness

17th July 2013:
I feel bad by pilling all of these reviews on you. Iím not exactly sure why as I know everyone loves receiving them but itís the whole mass dumping in a short period of time thing :P Oh well, Iím going away for a month soon so Iíll have to make up for the time where I canít read your stuff now!

I canít quite describe how hard it is to choose something to read on your page. Itís like being in a sweet shop and each story is yelling pick me. In the end, I ended up choosing on the basis of the pretty banner :P This one definitely deserved to be picked because, gah, it was just so wonderful. ♥

Iíve read a fair few Snape/Lily stories and I have to say I really loved this one. I know, that everyone knows that Snape looked up to Lily like she was deity, but in this story you took that but you seemed to take away the obsessiveness and place it with a calmer form of devotion, one I believe Snape was more likely to have. Instead, of feeling disgust at Snapeís weirdness after reading this I felt all peaceful which was quite odd as I did not expect that when I started reading it.

Your syntax in this story was really excellent. The short phrases pieced together made it an unusual but interesting read and it was almost as if the bluntness and abruptness of them represented their friendship and how it ended. I could go more into all the other interpretations but that would take far too long, and I may be wrong :P

Another aspect of this story which I really liked was the way Snape viewed Lily as the better version of himself and one that he could aspire to be but instead chose the path of becoming a Death Eater. It makes me wonder whether if Lily had shown more ĎGodly characteristicsí such as forgiveness whether Snape would have become a Death Eater or not. I would presume not, but in cases like these all I can do is ponder.

Snape appeared quite isolated in this one-shot too, and it was really nice how much emphasis you placed upon it. He wished to be blind to his peers and then he assumes that he is blind to Lily, so it appears that he is ignored by everyone. I guess isolated people are more inclined to head towards the extremes so it sort of solves the problem listed above. It did make me pity Snape more because he obviously felt disgusted by himself to want to be blind and viewed himself as unpleasant if he thought Lily was blind to him.

For 500 words this is an amazingly complex study of Snapeís views towards Lily and Iím impressed again by your work! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: You've got it in one - as much as I love getting reviews, there must be a way of ensuring that one comes per day or something, rather than receiving so many at once. XD It's taking me forever to respond to them all, but it's worth it for all of the inspiration that I get from them. It's wonderful of you to have given me so many reviews - you're much too kind! ^_^

I'm pleased to hear that you enjoyed this story - it definitely has a lovely banner, and it's also got the added bonus of being extremely short. XD But for all its brevity, there's still a lot going on in this story, enough to surprise me each time I re-read it (mostly to check that I wasn't too forgiving of Snape). What you say about the calmer sort of devotion expressed in this story is what I wanted to try to depict - although Snape's adoration of Lily crosses into obsession, I was also struck in DH by the devotion aspect of it. When this story takes place, they're still young and there's still an innocence to the way he regards Lily. I see the weirdness coming later, perhaps as puberty addles his brain or, more likely, as the ideology of the Death Eaters takes root, though there are hints of it here - he expresses a certain frustration to her supposed "blindness" to him. She doesn't take the notice of him that he believes he deserves, but instead sees him as her childhood friend and potions partner. There's also a problem in the way that he characterizes her in this saintly/goddess-like role, a characterization that he maintains until the end. Would things have been different if he had viewed her as an equal? By constructing her as both romantic ideal and goddess, he strips her of her humanness, which is of course problematic, as it has always been in portrayals of women in literature and art.

Okay, I need to stop now. *turns off brain*

I've always seen Snape as an isolated figure. Although he does what he can to fit in among the Death Eaters, he's still never one of them because of his background. He's always in-between, alienated by others (such as the Marauders) and, most of all, alienated by his own choice, spending time alone and isolated from society. It's a dangerous thing to be left alone with one's mind, especially when one is already troubled. He's so disgusted by himself yet he also wants people to notice him and respect him, and it makes him entirely unable to have healthy social relationships.

It's fantastic to hear that you liked this character study of Snape and the style/language it used. It means a lot to hear these compliments from you! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :D


 Report Review

Review #6, by Phoenix_feather123 Blindness

25th August 2012:
Really good, you should write more storys like this

Author's Response: Thank you! Now, what about this story should I try again? The style or the length? :P I'd actually be curious to know because I'm always anxious to know what I'm doing right. :)

 Report Review

Review #7, by Maybe Blindness

18th July 2012:
This was great. I think you captured Severus' feelings for Lily really well. Watching from afar, never getting up the confidence to talk to her and tell her how he feels. The description was lovely, in particular, this line: "She is flushed, freckles blending into skin, skin clashing with hair." And I liked how it was concise, not too long and gushy. It was a nice snapshot into Snape's point of view, even if Snape is not the character I most identify with, I enjoyed reading about his feelings in this story.

-Maybe

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! It's great that you enjoyed the story, and that it managed to convey so much feeling in so short a space. Writing short things is really difficult- I'm a wordy sort of writer - so it means a lot to hear that the brevity of this story didn't take away from its impact.

Snape/Lily stories seem to easily erode into melodrama and extreme angst, which is partially why I chose it for a 500 word story - it heightened the challenge, forcing me to take extra care for each word. Thank you again for the review! :D


 Report Review

Review #8, by Roots in Water Blindness

18th July 2012:
This was very well written. I really liked how you used the concept of blindness to define their relationship, especially since Lily's green green eyes are one of her trademark characteristics.

As well, I found it very interesting how, even through the concept that he is in love with her, that he desires more than friendship, you can sense that he's slightly bitter. The way he refers to her as the "potions prodigy" and then says that he already knows both the problem and its solution makes me almost think that he resents her having the title but I don't think he'd want the reputation, the expectations that comes with it. As well, his line about how she is always the favourite is also very interesting because it could be taken two ways: one, that he's bitter about this being the truth or two, that he's proud of this fact and is giving her a compliment.

I think that you did a fantastic job of exploring the hopelessness he feels about his situation in the 500 word limit that you had. It is easy to sense the confusing mass of emotions he feels and the scene you picked fit his problem wonderfully because it's a situation that probably occurs often and thus shows that he is constantly surrounded by his problem.

Furthermore, I think that the concluding sentences you gave this story truly did a brilliant job of summing up all that you said (and didn't say) in the story in very few words. It really made me feel for him, to know that he essentially worships Lily whereas she feels nothing but friendship to him. She is blind to his feelings now and nothing will change in the future. Poor Severus.

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this story. The way you captured this pairing and all the problems that went along with it was very well done and I definitely enjoyed reading it!

Author's Response: Wow, this is quite a review for a little story! Thank you for being so detailed, particularly for the reviewing race - I really appreciate it. :D

Yes, that was exactly what I wanted to emphasize, how everyone talks about her eyes, yet she somehow (as canon would have it) did not "see" Snape's love for her. Her eyes are what others see of her, but they're only a surface feature.

Haha, I couldn't resist making Snape a little jealous of her popularity with Slughorn while he, who regards himself as a genius at potions, never receives recognition for it. If he wasn't somehow resentful, even of Lily, I would be surprised. He also wanted to be special, to be admired by others, and that always seemed to pass him by (it must have been one of the reasons he joined the Death Eaters - like Peter, he wanted to be "noticed"). The irony is that, while he recognizes that she is everyone's favourite, she is also his favourite too. ;)

It's wonderful to hear that you enjoyed this story and found that it effectively explored Snape's emotions (yes, very confused and conflicting). He is a difficult character to write in a long story because there's just so much to him, many facets (and layers... like an onion), and trying to squeeze all of that into 500 words was a challenge. It took a while to pare down the words to reach that 500. I'm really glad to hear that this story turned out so well and that you enjoyed it. ^_^


 Report Review

Review #9, by LadyL8 Blindness

18th July 2012:
Hey there Violet :D

This story captivated me from the first sentence. I just enjoy how you write. You make me see the story in my head, make me feel what the main character- here Snape- feels, and I just can't help but like your story. Like - forget that- LOVE is more like it!

Okay, so I usually don't read any stories that have Lily and Snape and their relationship in focus, but I enjoyed reading this one. Snape is- to me- a character I either hate or love, no in-between. Normally I hate him, but in this story I loved him. I love how he struggles with his love for the beautiful Lily Evans, and how you describe these emotions he feels- especially the feeling of not being worthy her. I love all of the description, and I like that you have so much of it.

My favorite line is the last one; She is blind to him. I just found that line extremely good. I imagine that is how he feels, like she is blind to him, like she cannot see him the way she wants him to see her. And this story made me feel so sorry for him. Just... Thank you! It was great, and I loved it. I really don't know what else to say.

Yours Sincerely
LadyL8

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's just a little story, every word literally needing to count, so it's wonderful to hear that it was captivating and brought you into Snape's head (or more importantly, his heart). It's even better to hear that he's a love-hate character for you because the fact that you like... wait, love! this story means all the more. :D

That little line says many different things at once - she is blind to his love, blind to who he actually is (because, in canon, she seemed to see more of his Slytherin side, the mask he wore for protection, rather than the "true" self who loved her). It's painful to look at their relationship in this way, but I am glad to hear that this story made you feel sorry for Snape. That was just what I wanted to get from readers. ^_^

Thank you again for the lovely review! I really appreciate it!


 Report Review

Review #10, by onestop_hpfan18 Blindness

1st July 2012:
Susan, I absolutely loved this one-shot. You really delved into Snape's emotions and how he's feeling for Lily. Also, how he feels about Lily being completely "blind" to the fact that he really likes her. It was so bittersweet and made me actually feel remorse for Snape. Great writing! :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much, Leslie! ^_^ I'm so glad to hear that, even with the brevity of the story, I was still able to successfully explore Snape. There's so much to him that it's a challenge to write him into a novel much less a minimum-length one-shot!

 Report Review

Review #11, by alicia and anne Blindness

14th August 2011:
Poor Severus, having to always be the friend and nothing more.
You've really conveyed how she'll only see him as just a friends and nothing more, and how she's just so oblivious to his feelings for her.
And I really liked this, especially how Severus watches her because she is his sheild and protects him from the likes of James and Sirius.

alicia and anne
slytherin

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It was difficult to make Snape entirely on the margins of Lily's life like this, even before their alienation from one another - I always thought that there might have been more between them, even if canon never said either way whether it was or wasn't. I'm glad that you liked that one bit about Lily acting as Snape's shield - I thought it tied in well with how she tries to protect him in the OotP flashback. ;)

 Report Review

Review #12, by Debra20 Blindness

3rd July 2011:
Oh honestly, this made me tear up! I can't help it. It's so doleful I can't help it. Your words seem magic, and this magic transported me to the moment I read Snape's story in DH. And again my heart tightened as it did then. You choose your words wisely, not giving too much away but at the same time expressing your very thoughts.

This is going straight to my favourites!

Do you like Snape? :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad that it brought you back to Snape's story, as I was trying to capture its flavour and tone, bringing that youthful Snape back to life. And yes, he's one of my favourite characters of the series. ^_^

A favourite! Thank you! It really means a lot that you liked this little one-shot so much.


 Report Review

Review #13, by VeniceLily Blindness

21st August 2010:
This is so poignant. I felt my heart breaking for Severus, something I didn't expect because this is so short. It's amazing so few words can have such an effect.
This line:| He keeps his gaze upon Lily, and feels safe.| is brilliant. It makes perfect sense for the way he feels about Lily.

It was beautiful.

-Lily

Author's Response: Wow, it's great to hear that, even with the shortness of the story, it was still able to move you and make you feel sympathy for Severus. I've never written anything so brief before, so I'm glad that it worked. :D

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to hear how the story affected you. :)


 Report Review

Review #14, by Cleopatraa Blindness

18th August 2010:
Your banner is just wow! But what really made me read this story is your summary. Itís one of the greatest I have ever read: Lily Evans has always been known for her eyes, but to Severus Snape, those eyes are blind. How can you come up with that?!? Not only was your summary great but also your story. This was beautifully written. The work of a true genius writer. The only thing I actually didnít like was the title . You have such a great banner, summary and story but that title of yours doesnít match with the greatness of the things I just said. The title is quite blunt. I donít know the say this but the title didnít feel that well. Besides that you did a fabolous job! Also for I forget the thing that really blowed my mind away was this : She completes him, like two sides of the same coin. Her side glitters in the sunlight. His is dull with darkness. I only have to say OMG

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this! :D It's great to find new reviews for it.

The summary just seemed to encapsulate the story in the right way - I always thought that it was too simple, but that you like it is excellent, and I'm glad to hear it. As for the title, I can't think of anything that would work better - the story is too short for a long, poetic title, and blindness is what the story is about. You're not the first person who's mentioned it as an issue, and I've racked my mind for any alternative, and I can't at all think of one. :(

It's great that you liked that line! It was one of my favourites from the story, and something that I edited in just before posting when it came to mind. :D

Again, many thanks for the review!


 Report Review

Review #15, by daliha Blindness

14th July 2010:
Short but wonderfully written I loved every word of it.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :)

 Report Review

Review #16, by pennyardelle Blindness

23rd May 2010:
I was looking around for good Snape stories and came across this one...and it didn't feel right to not leave a review (same for the other Snape/Lily story on your page). This was beautifully written, and I loved the intensity of Snape's feelings. It was so consuming, not just for him, but for the person reading as well. I think it was the combination of perfectly-phrased, nicely-flowing sentences, along with the fixation on Lily. It was a great insight into Snape's character, and a pleasure to read! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for this! It's fantastic to hear that you enjoyed this story and liked the style and characterizations. It was a different style for me, with so little description and such a small word count, but I'm glad that Snape's feelings were still successfully conveyed. ^_^

 Report Review

Review #17, by HarrietHopkirk Blindness

10th January 2010:
I love this. It's oddly beautiful. 10/10 x

Author's Response: Thank you! That's actually a good way of describing it - most of my one-shots from this last year are very odd in style, and this one is so parred down that it's not a normal sort of story at all. ;)

 Report Review

Review #18, by 1billsookie Blindness

8th November 2009:
very good. i like it.

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by Steph Blindness

20th October 2009:
It may only be 518 words, but you've managed to capture their relationship so well. And you didn't even say directly, "He loves her, but she's blind", you only hinted. And when people can still get the message, it just makes it even better.

Fantastic job. I love it (:

Author's Response: Thank you very much! The simplicity of the language helps get the idea across - there's nothing for the message to hide behind, yet at the same time, there's no need to state it explicitly either.

It's wonderful that you enjoyed reading this. Thank you! ^_^


 Report Review

Review #20, by DracoFall243 Blindness

6th October 2009:
Aww poor Severus :( It was really well written especially with the 500 word requirement!
:Dani

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D

 Report Review

Review #21, by Sarah_Bee Blindness

13th September 2009:
short but really heart wrenching. I loved it Susan. It was beautiful. I think you made me see Snape in a whole new light. You captured his emotions so wonderfully. I like how you took part of the first line and brought it back at the end. Great job. :)
Random thought but I was surprised to see a new skin/look for Hpff as I haven't been online here in days but I love it! It looks really cool, what do you think?

Sarah

Author's Response: Thank you very much, Sarah! :D It's great that you were able to see Snape in a new (and hopefully kinder) light. It took me a while to get used to Snape/Lily as JKR portrayed it, but I'm glad I was able to convey the sweetness and depth of Snape's adoration for Lily.

The new skin is fantastic! I love the neutral tones and, even more, the rotating header. :D


 Report Review

Review #22, by Liam R Blindness

12th September 2009:
A work of pure and unimaginable genius.

That's really all I have to say about this story. Perhaps that seems like a little bit of an over-exaggeration, but from where I'm sitting, it really is not.

In the mere 518 words you've used, you've captured the very essence of Snape/Lily, and that takes true talent, which we all know you have anyway, but that isn't the point.

Very interesting that this should be set in a potions class, aswell. Perhaps I'm just seeing some irony that isn't actually there, but seeing Snape's longing for Lily in the classroom he would come to spend many years teaching in himself is very interesting.

Your descriptions were to die for, absolutely perfect, and the way you ended it was so ... crushing. I really did feel sorry for Snape, which, by the way, is something that never ever happens as a rule for me.

Brilliant, Susan. I really did love it ^_^

Author's Response: Oh wow, Liam! I've tried to respond to this review a few times now, and it's very hard to figure out what to say in response to all these compliments. ^_^ It was such a one-off story, something that just came out without a lot of thought or planning - maybe it's because of that that this story worked out, haha.

It's wonderful that, in so few words, this story was able to capture the essence of their relationship. It's such a classic unrequited love tale, which makes it easier to write in a way, following along the same pattern that JKR did in "The Prince's Tale." I liked the idea of having them together in Potions class, though I didn't think of it in the way you did, with Snape in the place he'd spend a large amount of his adult life. That is indeed a cruel fate, and one has to wonder how much Snape thought of Lily while in that classroom.

Yay! You felt sorry for Snape! That's more than I could have asked for in response to this story. :D Thank you for that! And for this review as a whole - it was wonderful to receive and I'm very thankful that you took the time to read and review this story. ^_^


 Report Review

Review #23, by WeasleyTwins Blindness

6th September 2009:
Hello Susan! I'm here to review for TGS's Frantic Frenzy!

I have to say, I'm not one for Lily/Severus, it's just not my cup of tea. But that only pertains to Lily/Severus stories where Lily is secretly in love with Severus. And I must say, I was absolutely delighted at each sentence of this piece. It was just perfect. Lily's blind eye to Severus's love and his longing. One-sided, the way it was always meant to be.

To do this in only 518 words, to show us show much emotion and depth...it takes a true writer and that you are. Susan, this is pure brilliance and is going on my favorites list.

Amazing, 10/10

Shelby

Author's Response: Hey Shelby, thank you for taking the time to read and review this! ^_^

I agree about it not working when Lily is the one secretly in love with him - if she was, then she wouldn't have thrown him off so easily, nor would she had married James. She may have liked Snape as a friend, maybe even as a brother, but never beyond that. Perhaps if he hadn't called her a mudblood, she'd have grown to love him, but that's a huge "what if."

Wow, your favourites list? You liked it that much! *squees* That's brilliant, and it's a fantastic compliment! Thank you very much! ^_^


 Report Review

Review #24, by GubraithianFire Blindness

25th August 2009:
When I opened my thread again, I was 98% sure that this would be among the requests. As always, I'm glad to do it (and you know by now that I need prodding to review), and as usual, I've read it before.

I really, really like this challenge. I don't know why: maybe it's because I've written something similar without meaning to, or maybe it's because, as a verbose person under normal circumstances, it's hard to have something in so few words. In any case, I must applaud you for managing it. Five hundred words isn't a lot, but it's definitely possible to fit in a lot. And - this shouldn't surprise you - I think you did it. And, even better, you didn't compromise your style or depth to fit it into those five hundred words.

Your characterizations, unsurprisingly, are spot-on. I haven't read a serious Marauder-era fic in awhile, particularly a Lily/Severus one. Their relationship, while at times kind of saccharine and/or clichť, is difficult to pull off without it sounding like either of those things. So I really, really liked that you stayed away from that and went for a simple observation. Your portrayal of Lily and Severus together is, like I said, simple, but there's so much untapped depth between them that it feels like there's a lot more that isn't being said, and that is something I truly love. There's such longing that Severus feels, but it's just on the tip of his tongue, he doesn't say it outright. In that respect, your language is, as usual, fantastic. It's simple (that word again!) without going too far, and it touches on the tip of the iceberg, which I think this challenge is all about.

If I may be completely blunt, though, the one thing I was not a huge fan of was the title. I know, that's completely irrelevant, but it took the style, which is already sort of minimalist, into something more... I don't know how to explain it, but it felt blunt, much more than the one-shot itself is. Again, quite irrelevant, and I can't think of any better title, but I wasn't crazy about it. Which is just me being neurotic, but still.

I don't really have much else to say, because this is just impeccably written, regardless of the length constrictions. Wonderful, as usual.

Author's Response: Haha, so I'm that predictable with my requests? XD Though it's always a pleasure to hear from you, and since I just happened to have a new one-shot... *innocent expression*

The challenge is an inspiring one, for certain. It's challenging, as a challenge should be - length is a problem for me, as I tend to make things very long, so it's helpful to force myself into shortness and simplicity. To make every word extremely significant and meaningful. It's almost easier to be more poetic in these short pieces - the words work in a different way from a "normal" story.

Saccharine is the right word for Snape/Lily. It's the ultimate unrequited love story, and one knows how mushy and sentimental those can get to be. *shudders* Even JKR made it too sentimental in DH, which meant I stopped liking Snape for a while after that book came out. XD

Anyway, I'm glad that the characterization turned out right. Lily is distant, yet an unmovable presence - the story revolves around her, yet from Snape's perspective. I wanted Lily to be more real, just a girl who Snape happens to like - Snape loves her for that reality, for being his centre. I can't see Snape ever explicitly saying that he loved her - he always hints at it in his memories and it's obvious, but never named. That's what I was trying to capture here, and from what you've said, it did come through. :D

Yes, the title is a "need title, yes this! it will do, yes" sort of choice. I'm not good at coming up with them except by mistake or random inspiration. I see how this one is too explicit - it bluntly names the problem. But even now, I can't think up another one. It's something I'm going to think about for new stories, and maybe a new one will come to me for this as well. Thanks for that, Gubby. :)

And thank you for the review! I really appreciate hearing from you. ^_^


 Report Review

Review #25, by pink_rook Blindness

24th August 2009:
I always pictured Snape realizing he was in love with Lily after fifth year. But looking at the situation like you did is even better. I like the way you wrote Snape's POV, so sharp and yet so full of emotion. I think you captured the very essence of his personality. :]

Author's Response: Falling in love with her after she has rejected him, now that's cruel, but it would make a very good story too. ;) I assumed after reading "The Prince's Tale" that it had been a long-time thing. Perhaps he didn't know it was "love" right away - that realization might have come afterwards - but there was something like love there. Now you're giving me more Snape/Lily plot-bunnies - there's so much one can do with this ship! :D

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this! It's fantastic that you liked how it turned out. ^_^


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>