17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LadyL8 he wishes for the cloths of heaven

14th July 2013:
Wow. This was such a great story.

My favourite characters are Remus and Sirius so I obviously loved this story. I loved your description. It was so good.

I especially love how it all starts at Hogwarts, and then move on from there. You have included some memorably moments from their Hogwarts-time, like Sirius' joke that nearly killed Snape. And you even showed how they both grew apart (which was very believable), and you just made me feel very sad about it (probably cause I know how it'll end for both of them). And it just seemed very realistic.

I'm just blown away. Good job. 10/10

Yours Sincerely
LadyL8

Author's Response: thank you so much for this review! really happy you liked it :)

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Review #2, by bluecharlotte he wishes for the cloths of heaven

25th August 2011:
This is one of the best R/S stories I think I've ever read. The description and flow of it all is amazingly good, and I like that you bring out the happiness in the dark times. And the way they found solace on each other but never told anyone seems more realistic to me than anything else (having a more constant/real/public realtionship). Awesome job, and can't believe it's one of your first slash attempts! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this kind review!

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Review #3, by forsakenphoenix he wishes for the cloths of heaven

17th July 2011:
All of my favorite things wrapped into one pretty little package. Yeats, roman numerals, Remus/Sirius! It's like you wrote this story with me in mind! I find Yeats' poetry to be absolutely perfect for the Marauders - as I'm sure you're well aware of my use of Yeats in my own fanfics - so I'm glad to see someone else making use of his beautiful words to write about these precious boys. I'm pretty sure I've used at least two out of the three quotes you used, if not all of them in some form or another. Just...perfect.

I felt uneasy reading this, consumed by the quiet urgency of your words. Maybe because I know how it ends and I was dreading it. It's just sad that their relationship was limited to hiding in broom closets and sneaking kisses.

I like that you still kept with canon, having Remus with Tonks in the end. It doesn't feel like a replacement for Sirius, just a natural progression of how life should move on. I think, also, because Sirius and Remus weren't in a committed relationship, it was easier (I don't mean to pass off his grief as trivial by saying this) to move on to a new relationship. I find it hard to see Remus falling in love with Tonks if he had been madly in love with Sirius, you know? So I'm glad you wrote it this way.

Just...lovely. I always have a soft spot for R/S so I'm glad I found this on my way to check out your new story. :)

Author's Response: You know, I did write this with you in mind! You were the one that introduced me to Yeats way back when, and as you say, some of his poetry is indeed pretty perfect for the Marauders. The snippets I used in this story just screamed R/S, and you were also the author that first introduced me to this ship :)

I am so happy you liked this; being a big fan of your writing and stories, well, you can imagine what this review just did to my ego ^.^ Seriously though, thank you so much.

And yes, I agree with you. To me, what they had was fleeting, but passionate, and I think Remus would in time just think back on the memories fondly, but still feeling like moving on. I'm not a big Remus/Tonks shipper, but I still felt like I had to include canon, partly making the story more believable, but also to show the whole aspect of how he chooses to move on with life eventually.

Ugh, rambling, don't think I made any sense by the end. Anyway, thank you so, so much for this review, you totally made my day.


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Review #4, by BellaCamille he wishes for the cloths of heaven

24th November 2010:
This is so well written and original!
Usually I don't like slash fiction if it's not canon. Not because i'm against it, but just because I don't think it sounds genuine or realistic. But this story was fantastic and completely realistic. I never thought about Remus/Sirius ship, but after now it makes loads of sense to me. :] And I LOVE it.
-camille

Author's Response: thank you so, so much! this made my day :)

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Review #5, by AndrinaBlack he wishes for the cloths of heaven

9th October 2009:
I love the way you begin this story with how they started at Hogwarts. The way you write it, it seems so right and you manage to include Peter too really nicely. I like how he and Remus are first friends while the other two are best friends together.

The way their romance starts also works really well, with the Snape insident as the final push while they have felt something before. And I can see the excitement they feel partly with the fear of maybe being caught.

Then them getting distanced and the final catastrophe with Lily and James' deaths is so heart breaking. And I had tears in my eyes when he lost Sirius later too and thought about Peter being the one who betrayed them. I liked too that you included Tonks at the end as well.

The only bit of critisism I have is that I thought it was a bit strange how you changed from past to present tense and back a couple of times. Other than that, it wass really beautifully written and a really emotional piece.

Oh and I should read more Yeats. I've liked what I've read of him before and you picked really nice bits of his poetry to include here. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I'm happy you liked how I began writing this piece - it was supposed to be all Remus/Sirius, but instead, that became a subplot, and I began telling Remus's story instead. From what I gathered in DH, James and Sirius hit it off immediately, but as Remus and Peter were probably both very shy at the young age of eleven, I believe it took something like joining in on a prank for them to finally become the Marauders. I needed to include that (: As for including Tonks at the end - I'm happy you liked that. Personally, it felt kind of forced, but as I wanted this to stay as canon as possible, I had to include her. As for your criticism - I know what you mean. The tenses were even more of a mess when I'd just finished writing this, and I struggled with them a lot. This was meant to be written in present tense, through and through, but the beginning were all memories, so it didn't become present tense at all, but a mixture. Thank you for letting me know though, I really appreciate that. And you definitely should read more Yeats. His work is truly marvellous. Anyways, enough rambling on my part. Thanks again for this kind review!

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Review #6, by GubraithianFire he wishes for the cloths of heaven

3rd September 2009:
So I'm not sure if you know this or not, but I don't like slash very much. Nothing against it, but I don't usually delve into the topic. But every now and then, there are real gems that are absolutely superb. In fact, the last slash fic I really loved was from two years ago... and hasn't been updated since :P In any case, I really want to say, this is definitely a fic to be proud of.

I read this a few weeks ago, when it first came out, and was rather blown away (but at the same time, categorically lazy, which is a real shame). I have privately always liked the idea of Remus/Sirius, but I haven't read a fic solely dedicated to them before. This was executed flawlessly. There's still an edge of uneasiness in your writing (or maybe that's just me? or both?) that fits your portrayal of them so well! And yet, odd as it seems for them, it just works very naturally and they fall in to step in an uneasy, happy peace. They're nervous, but they're together, and that's what made me, in turn, very happy. And oh! Because I forgot already, I ADORE how you characterized the Marauders as a group. That line, about the table being split between James and Remus versus Sirius and Peter - hello? AMAZING. Not just the line, but the concept as well.

I really like the way you showed them sort of growing apart. Almost inevitable, but all the more regrettable because of it. And watching that time apart from Sirius' point of view made it worse. We're left to speculate, too, what Remus did, while Sirius is wallowing away in prison. And then - release! And oh, it was so heartwrenching! It's so bewildering for poor Sirius, shedding a new kind of light on his time in Prisoner of Azkaban, especially that confrontation with Remus, Peter, Harry, and Snape at the end. I feel horrible for Sirius there, and even more when they're together in the OotP section. Because they have, again, an uneasy, pleasant peace, but it won't last. At least, not in life. Remus moves on, and he does love Tonks, but it never really clicks for me. In my opinion, it didn't click in canon, and I don't think it did here, either. Yes, he was happy, but it's kind of... I don't know, it just lacks a spark, you know what I mean?

Which is why the ending is so heartwarmingly gratifying. The dialogue, the diction, it's all superb. I would say more about that, but I'd be repeating myself and what's the good in that?

You are such an inspiration that it's not even funny. 10/10. You are amazing.

Author's Response: Gubby! I have no idea how to respond to this wonderful review - seriously. But I'll try... So, here we go:

I had no idea actually. I've noticed you haven't written it (until the implied slash in your latest one-shot, which was awesome by the way), but I wasn't sure at all how you felt about it. It means a lot when you say that this is a story worth being proud of, especially when coming from you, with your masterpieces (: So, thank you.

That edge is not just you - I felt it when I wrote it, I felt it when I re-read this. I'm glad it fits their personality, though. Worked out for the better then. Ah, the Marauders. Love those Marauders, so it was sad splitting them up. Happy you liked that ^-^

I agree - Remus and Tonks don't really click, and I felt that too when writing this piece. I hurried through that part - maybe a mistake, and if I could've chosen, I would have left that out, but I still wanted this to be as canon as possible. Either way, I know exactly what you mean.

You don't know how happy it makes me, to hear that you liked this piece. I loved writing it - writing Sirius and Remus and the Marauders in general is always a wonderful experience - despite holding back some. But - thank you. So, so much.


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Review #7, by Lovely_Slytheriness he wishes for the cloths of heaven

3rd September 2009:
Linnea here, as requested.

Oh, wow.

I barely ever cry, but this brought tears to my eyes. It was so, so beautiful. The final part is so powerful and yet gentle; I read it over and over again.

You have a knack for capturing emotions and portraying them in a way that makes it feel like I actually am the person expiriencing them, if that makes sense.

This was a lovely passage:

There was always a certain gleam in Sirius's eyes that sparkled whenever his and Remus's eyes locked from across the common-room, the table at the Great Hall, or occasionally at classes. But Remus tended not to analyze them, not to explore them, not to dwell on those moments and the feelings they awakened. Sirius was generally difficult to read, so there wasn't much for Remus to do but ignore whatever it was that hung heavy between them, because he was certain that voicing them aloud to anyone would not do any good.

I think it was so sincere and well-written (like the rest of this piece) and it flowed so naturally and the conclusion was realistic. Bravo.

Moreover I enjoyed your description of their first kiss -

It was the first time they shared a kiss – at first tentative, then explorative and demanding, and eventually hungry and fervent.

A fantastic first kiss, very enjoyable indeed. Loved it.

This piece is amazing, dear, it truly is. I admire your writing; your prose is descriptive and has a fantastic flow. I find this story realistic aswell - Remus/Sirius is almost canon anyway, lol - and I think you portrayed not only their relationship, but all of the Marauders in a lovely way.

Amazing writing, plot and characterization, I very much enjoyed it and it also goes into my favourites.

And, am I correct when I say that you're Swedish? ^_^ If so... Tack för en underbar berättelse, jag kommer läsa den många gånger om.

Love,
- Lovely_Slytheriness

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this awesome review, Linnea! It made me speechless! I'll try to give you a coherent response, in any case, so here goes:

Yay, you liked that first kiss! I had so much trouble with that one - I wanted to expand that moment, but I just couldn't do it, so I kept to those two lines, hoping they would be enough
( =p ) I'm very happy you liked this piece in general - I'm kind of proud of it, because it felt different from what I usually write, and not only because of the slash. And yeah, they are (canon, I mean), hah! I really love this ship - one of my favourites ever. I'm so honoured that you favourited this! Means a lot. And yeah, I'm a Swede. Tack så mycket - du anar inte hur glad jag blir att höra det (:


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Review #8, by TwilightPrincess he wishes for the cloths of heaven

27th August 2009:
Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here ^_^

I'm not a slash expert. I'm actually just warming up to it after a long, cold refusal to have anything to do with it. So I'm not sure of how much value my opinion will be, but here goes.

First of all, I am most impressed by how you handled your flashbacks. They were almost... not really flashbacks. They were just awesome. I like how you sort of explained the situation leading up to the important part, and then continued the story with dialogue as though we were actually there. And when what you had to say was done, you took us out of the situation and back to real time. I love that technique and I think you did a marvelous job. I was fully engaged in everything, without having you explain in full detail every tiny aspect of what had happened in their past. =)

The slash was well done. I like that you explored their entire relationship over the years, and not just on one or two short moments between them. I think that was a really smart choice on your part. There was only one line that I felt was awkward. After Sirius-as-an-Animagus sees Harry step onto the Knight bus, you say: He wishes for Remus, then. He really does. I just thought it felt out-of-place and random. I understand what you were getting at, but I just thought the execution could have been better.

This is my favorite part: They leave it at that, like they always do - they don't go into the details of the night James and Lily died, don't talk about the past at all, and leave the topic of Peter Pettigrew untouched.

They say goodnight and they go to sleep.

They say goodbye and they say hello.

The days go by and the weeks go by.

And one day they can't resist it, and they kiss; and as odd as it feels after all these years - as odd and as right - they cherish every moment of it. They fall asleep beside each other, exhausted but content - but when they wake up the next morning, they say nothing. Just goodbye and see you later.
I like how you covered so much time in so little words. Just enough words. You did it again here: It was the first time they shared a kiss - at first tentative, then explorative and demanding, and eventually hungry and fervent. It's one sentence, but the film in my head, it takes up at least a few minutes. You're a master with simple sentences and I admire you for that.

This story was heart-breaking. Beautiful. Thank you for requesting this!

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Gaah, I've no idea how to respond to this amazing review. And I value your opinion, no matter what. The structure of this story was one I hadn't paid attention to until I'd written that final word - the entire story was meant to be told in present tense, but the first part was still the past! It had me all confused ( =p ), but I've got to say that I didn't mind it. Messing with the tenses can be very confusing sometimes. Either way, I'm glad you liked the way I told the story. And that you thought the slash was well written! That was a real big concern of mine. As for that line - I know what you mean, about it being a bit out of place. And maybe I could have done it better, but truth be told, I'd like to leave it there, ambiguous and vague. Open for interpretation, at least for the time being. Anyways, can't tell you how happy this review makes me - and that you didn't mind me requesting a review for this ^-^. Thank you Ilia!

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Review #9, by harrylilyjames he wishes for the cloths of heaven

24th August 2009:
Hey!
I like the way you didn't forget about Peter, loads of fanfic writers do, so thanks for keeping him in and for giving him a girlfriend- I thought that was so cute.

I don't think they made the Marauders Map that soon into their first term, I think it was second or third year that they all sat down, with all the hidden passages that they had found and made the Marauders map together.

They seemed to be okay after their first kiss, wouldn't they be all confused and stop talking to one another because of feeling awkward. Then they would come together again, because they are just good friends and it would just spark up all over again.

When Sirius asks about what it was like returning to Hogwarts, the sentence after that line has a load of 'ands', could just leave in one, so it runs more smoothly.

This just sounded like a poem or song-
"They say goodbye and they say hello.
The days go by and the weeks go by."

Was it? Because just seemed like it was randomly plotted in, if it's not, write something like "They say goodbye but also hello, they day and weeks go by"

You use a lot of brackets in this piece, might want to use commas instead, because brackets are like an after thought after whatever the line before it said.

But it was sweet- I looove Slash stories and I adored this. Out of all the Marauders I could totally see the two of these getting together.

Author's Response: It wasn't the Marauders Map they were drawing, actually - it was just a game plan, so to speak. I personally like to think that their first prank ever would take some planning, involving drawing and maping out, but maybe that's just me. I'll check that sentence out! I just love my 'and's. As for the 'they say goodbye etc': that's not a poem or a song - that's just me and my wierd writing style. And as for brackets - I'm sure I'm totally misusing them, but I'm kind of okay with that... It's the way I want this story to be read. Other than that, thanks so much reviewing!

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Review #10, by Lyn Midnight he wishes for the cloths of heaven

17th August 2009:
oh.my.god, STEPH! You're a genius!! I love this ship, but most of all, I ADORE this story!! I am speechless! SO moving. Truth be told, even if I didn't like the ship, I would have been moved by this nevertheless. It was so ... smooth and emotional, intimate, real. Especially real, because sometimes you read something and you know it would never happen in life, but with those two, and this story, and how things happened, I can see it happening.

Wow, seriously, I read it so fast, and btw, I adore your long sentences and the way story is told, it seems fast, but it's really at the right pace. Funny, I actually found this story by stalking Susan's gallery (as usual :P), and when I saw the Sirius/Remus banner, I thought the title was definitely yours! I love Yeats too, but I didn't know that poem. However, I now am your fan, and knowing your style, I rushed towards your page to read this, and am I happy to have done that!! :D

Anyway, probably a good idea to stop gushing now, especially when I don't know the wordcount of my review so far, it could exhaust you, for heaven's sake. :P Oh, and one last thing -- I thought it was so fabulous to think that it's not the gender we fall for, or the looks, but the person him/herself. I think it's beautiful, like a poem, like life. *huggles* I LOVED it!!! Keep writing romance, though it's not your only strength, people really like reading about love. I'll have to look for another story by you I haven't read. Still, write more!! Looks like you're on a roll!! :D

Author's Response: I don't know what to say! Except that you totally made my day - wait, no, scratch that, you made my week (and that's saying something, because my week isn't going very well so far -.-) Anyway. Wow. Totally speechless. I can't tell you how much this means, especially since I was worried about it, seeing as, while I love writing Remus and Sirius, it was a bit difficult writing them as a ship. Still though, I'm very proud of this. I don't know what else to say, I'm still struggling here :p Just... Thank you, so, so much. You're the best, Lyn *hugs*

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Review #11, by shesXaXfake he wishes for the cloths of heaven

17th August 2009:
I like how the first part is the story of how the Marauders came to be. It was kind of cool seeing Remus come in a draw the Great Hall better for the map. Excellent idea =] The only part I didn't like about the beginning was the ending. "And that’s the story. That’s the beginning." I think you can come up with someone less bland.

I like your description of Sirius and the tension between the two boys. It's not often that I read such good descriptions. Also, the kiss between them was only awkward because I saw them as older men, not as the young boys they were. You might want to write a little bit about how they looked back then.

James is Head boy? What? lol. I like your explanation of why Sirius could never commit to a girl. That was also a brilliant idea.

Hit Wizards, hahaha that was comical. I really liked this line for some reason, though: "There are many bridges yet to build between them, but Remus knows the truth, and in that instant, it’s enough."

Before the numeral III, I felt the memories were flying too fast and you needed to write a little bit more to them. It felt very rushed along.

Excellent one-shot, overall. I liked how it was pretty much Remus' whole life story. 9/10

Author's Response: James was Head Boy! With Lily. Didn't you know? :o And Hit Wizards are the ones that deal with even more high profile criminals than what the Aurors deal with. You can google it (;

And yes, I was worried that I'd been rushing and that things were moving too fast - I'll look into it some more. Thanks for pointing it out and for your review! It was really helpful ^-^


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Review #12, by soliloquy he wishes for the cloths of heaven

17th August 2009:
This was a beautiful work. Absolutely stunning. My heart was aching for them - the descriptions were rich and inviting. By the end, there were tears in my eyes. How can you always move me to tears? I have always loved Remus/Sirius and you've surpassed any other writer I've ever read. I love the way you interrupt with parenthesis and the attention to tiny details. It's astounding. It's brilliant. The English language can't even convey how great this one-shot is. Well done. :)

Author's Response: Aw, soliloquy, thank you so much! You've left me utterly speechless with this review *blush*.

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Review #13, by ClearCutDiamonds he wishes for the cloths of heaven

17th August 2009:
Hey, this is your wanted review from the forum (:

Wow, this was very well done. I've only read one other Sirius/Remus one-shot so I can't really compare, but this is amazingly-written in general. The formatting was unusual but really very cool, with the separations and quotes, which really fit the story. Rather than Remus and Sirius' relationship being fueled by lust, I think you really showed how much they loved each other because you didn't only write about the physical aspects, but about the love aspects, as well. How Sirius's heart leaps when he sees Remus and is overcome with memories.

I think you wrote Remus' character really well, how he's unsure of himself and insecure about his condition. How you explained the relationship of the Marauders and how they came to be was perfect. The transitions flowed well and your description was good.

The ending was sad and I think you're an amazing writer because you can write in a way that makes the reader understand how the characters feel.

All in all, I think this was a really good Remus/Sirius one-shot. I hope I've covered all your areas of concern, but really, you shouldn't have any because this was great.

Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this kind review!

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Review #14, by confusedlover he wishes for the cloths of heaven

16th August 2009:
very lovely.

oh dear! i have always loved your one-shots and i must admit that this seems to be one of your better ones. not that any of them are bad or anything- every one that i have read so far is simply unbelievable- but really liked the fact that this one was sectioned and split up. it really added a feel that this was more than just a story but rather a tale of a lifetime.

your characterization of Remus was perfect in my eyes. he felt alone and unwanted a lot of the time which seems perfectly acceptable when keeping in mind that he was a werewolf in a magical school filled with humans. you did a wonderful job of keeping his personality in alignment when the romance end of things came along and by the end of story i could tell that he was still the same character. sure, the things that took place in his life changed him but i could still understand him as Remus Lupin and that was what i was looking for.

Sirius was characterized very well also. when all of the Marauders first met, i could really tell that Sirius was a bit worried about making friends with his new housemates considering the fact that he was convinced that he didn't belong there and i was really very pleased to see that. Sirius is human and most authors tend to make the mistake of thinking that he is a fearless, inconsiderate jerk. i was very excited to see something different. Sirius' escape from Azkaban was more indepth than i have seen in other stories as well so that was a nice treat as well. this whole story had more depth and internal thought than some do, especially when dealing with third person POV, and so i really did like that as well.

the romance aspect of this was completely and entirely believable in my eyes. i liked how you described, in their earlier years, the gleams or odd looks in each other's eyes. it made their romance come as less of a surprise. love doesn't just spring up randomly and so i found it very nice to have that be not the case. i definitely liked how you didn't make Remus' and Sirius' romance a big part of the story. well, let me rephrase that. i liked that you didn't seem to spend that much time on it but yet you still could tell that it contributed a huge part to the overall plot. it was nice to read a romance that wasn't completely romance, if you know what i mean. this was certainly different and i definitely found it very intriguing.

overall, i thought that you did an amazing job on this one-shot, as well as all of your other ones that i have had the honor to read. you really seemed to know what you wanted this Sirius/Remus story to turn out like and i like it when i can tell that an author has put a lot of thought and dedication into their work. it certainly makes the plot that much more realistic and exciting. wonderful job. as always, feel free to take advantage of my thread and request again. =D your writing certainly inspires me and i would never deprive you of a slot for that reason plus many more. have a wonderful day and i do hope to see a new request very soon!!!

Author's Response: I know exactly what you mean - what they share in this is a sort of comfort to them - not an epic romance like Lily and James's, and that's the way I preferred it in this case - it felt more natural to me. And I am so happy (and relieved) that you liked my characterizations of Remus and Sirius - I love to write them as Marauders, as friends, I really do, but whenever romance is involved in the picture, things suddenly change and I struggle! Still though - this is one of my favourite ships. Anyway, enough rambling on my part. I will most likely drop by your thread again because your reviews make my day! Thank you so much ^-^

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Review #15, by Violet Gryfindor he wishes for the cloths of heaven

16th August 2009:
I knew this would be a sad story, and it fulfilled my expectation as a heartbreakingly beautiful piece of writing. It has been a long while since I've read Remus/Sirius, and this story has a particularly "epic" feel to it, extending across a lifetime. I really liked your take on how the Marauders first met and became a group. It was so natural for them to become friends, though it's interesting how often in your story they divide into opposing pairs.

Remus was perfectly characterized: awkward and nervous, yet with great endurance and affection. There wasn't a sweeping romance between him and Sirius, just a "more than friends" thing that suits them both very well. The short interlude from Sirius's perspective was different in style, emphasizing how different he is from Remus - everything about him is related to enclosure and the need for freedom.

What really strikes me about this is its simplicity. While there is a lot of emotion (I was on the verge of tears by the end) and depth to the characters, the style and language are more simple, not overrun with description or poetics. It's like you took care to make every word mean something, and it works amazingly for this story. It fits the characterization of both characters.

I don't know what else to say without dissolving into squees and gushing. This is a wonderfully written story and an amazing addition to the best of this ship. ^_^ You really can write anything, can't you? ;)

Author's Response: I really have no idea what to say, except thank you - so, so much. I can't tell you how much your support means to me (:

... okay, it's been half an hour, and I think I'm ready to give you a coherent reply. So, here goes: I'm both happy and relieved that you liked this story - I struggle a bit, writing slash, but I really love this pairing, and I wanted to give it another try. And yes, it wasn't anything official, what they have in this fic, and that's the way I like to think of it as. An indescribable, but mutual feeling between the two; something as simple as that. Nothing more, nothing less. As for the characterizations - phew! I love writing Remus, and I love writing Sirius, but it was suddenly a bit diffcult, so again, I'm relieved you liked how I wrote them both. In Sirius's case, I really wanted to show his longing for freedom, but how there were still issues from his past that prevented him from becoming free, if that makes any sense.

Gaah, I don't know what else to say. This was more difficult than I thought. Just... thank you, Susan. This review made my day.


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Review #16, by taylorj828 he wishes for the cloths of heaven

15th August 2009:
Hi there! Me here for your review! So typically I just mark everything that stands out, good, bad, or awkward. So it'll go in sequential order. This was a nice read. Though I'm not really a fan of the Marauders, I enjoyed reading your take on Lupin, especially, and filling in some of the gaps for Sirius. (o:

he thought he would never again experience anything as grand as that; but he did, as soon as he befriended James and Sirius and Peter. Friendship: nothing was grander than that, Remus would conclude many times.

So, the first 'that' sticks out to me, but I thought it wasn't so bad. But with two 'that's, it might be better to drop one, for flow's sake. But only if you like, of course. I think you could cut 'as that' and simply say, "he thought he would never again experience anything quite so grand; but he did." Maybe? Maybe it's just me... I'm too picky about little details, so if it doesn't help you, just toss it out. Seriously.

And in any case, when he was in the presence of James and Sirius, he didn’t occupy much space – just like lumpy Peter Pettigrew.

Lovely line. I like your description of Lupin. It's a creative way to speak about him - taking up (or not taking up) much space. But it makes me just want to hug him!

-exalted (James' reaction to sorting)

The dictionary does say you can use this word like 'elated' but it's more obsolete that way. More commonly we think of being praised or honored. So your readers might think that, first. But I know myself, I sometimes like using the older variants, so whatever makes you happy. (o:

And Remus (who had yet to recover from the prospect of having been welcomed to Hogwarts at all) hadn’t said much at all either. He didn’t occupy much space at all.

You have 3 'at all's. That's a lot of them! Is there one you maybe don't need? Or are you doing it for effect?

they walked over after a silent agreement.

This makes me wonder - an agreement to what? *shrug* I understand from context, of course. Just, you know, that questions hangs there, bugging me. (I'm strange, I know. You can disregard anything unhelpful, as I said before!)

I like that Lupin can draw. (o: Just a little detail that makes me smile!

Sure, there had been hints (or maybe illusions), but a tension had nonetheless existed between the two boys, and Remus was as confused as ever, raging teenage hormones becoming slightly overwhelming.

Oh, I want to see these hints and illusions! I love the journey! The glances and touches and brushes. Hehe.

But Lupin's disappointment after Sirius' prank... It speaks volumes, poor fella.

“You weren’t thinking, Sirius. You never are, but this time things went too far. I don’t want to be that final touch to a prank that endangers lives. This is me. This is your friend, the werewolf, who could have killed someone without even realising it.”

I like their confrontation! There's nothing like a good "fight." Hee!

And I like the romance we see afterward, on the Tower, but it does move a bit quickly. Have you thought about slowing it down a bit? Describing it a bit more, not in graphic-ness, but in the details, drawing it out, since we are taking this journey to get there? Pausing to appreciate the touches or gazes or held-breathe? Just an idea.

The next thing he knew, he was learning of their deaths – James’s, Lily’s, and Peter’s (whom he hadn’t seen in so long) – and of how Sirius had betrayed them.
And he wept, and he sobbed, and he screamed, alone in his flat, broken, so broken, and so lost.
He was lost without them.


I like these lines a lot. They carry a lot of weight and emotion. Just great!

Will I ever be free? he thinks, and doubts it.
He will never be free. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
He has too many ghosts haunting him.


Again, I like these lines, too.

“I wish I could go back,” Sirius says out of the blue, and truth be told he’s not sure what he’s referring to. Luckily, Remus doesn’t ask him. He doesn’t have to.

Mmmm, AWESOME. Love the subtext. (o:

They say goodnight and they go to sleep.
They say goodbye and they say hello.
The days go by and the weeks go by.
And one day they can’t resist it, and they kiss; and as odd as it feels after all these years – as odd and as right – they cherish every moment of it. They fall asleep beside each other, exhausted but content – but when they wake up the next morning, they say nothing.
Just goodbye and see you later.


Love this, how it's so understated, how they're avoiding it, too. It's nice, the way you write it.

And I like how you explain Lupin's feelings with Tonks, and then the battle, the green light, and waking up to Sirius. It's all lovely.

My main encouragement is to take a little more time on the scenes where you want the most emotion and emphasis. Help us feel it more closely within ourselves, by making full use of the small details. Otherwise, it was really nice. I'm glad to have read it. (o: I hope my review helps in some way, but remember to take what helps you and throw out the rest. I'm just one person. (o:

Author's Response: Wow. First off, thank you so much for taking your time and being so thorough! I fixed those first few awkward sentences - losing the 'that' and the 'at all's' (can't believe I didn't notice those!), but I wasn't entirely sure how to explain or elaborate the silent agreement thing, so I let it be for the time being *blush*. As for the word exalted, I changed it as well, just to be on the safe side. So thanks for pointing those out, I really appreciate it.

As for my biggest problem with this - the romance - I knew I'd moved a bit too quickly, but I was still unable to expand it, especially at the beginning. I guess it's the fact that I moved from their first year directly to their sixth year, though I was considering adding something in between when writing this, but I never did, in the end. If I do add another part there, then maybe I can show more of the hints and such that I mentioned. And I'll definitely try to explain their feelings more, especially in that scene. I'm very glad you liked that I explained Remus's feelings about Tonks; I didn't want to exclude their relationship, thinking that the entire story would be a bit more canon with it.

This review did help me a lot and I'll go through certain parts to expand their feelings a bit and elaborate in general. Again, thank you so much for this incredible review.


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Review #17, by www_meat_org he wishes for the cloths of heaven

15th August 2009:
This was really cool, it was the first slash I've read and I think you did it nicely!

Best Quote:
“Are you planning something that will lose us points?” Peter had plucked up the courage to ask – because everyone knew that James and Sirius loved losing points.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked that sentence and the story in general (:

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