I liked this, I don't think he was all that OC, but he could never have Hermione. :) Report Review
This is a really good story! I think that the fact that Draco has to face Hermione's unrequited love for him is the element that gives the plot its complexity. Like, he has to face that there are these different sides to this relationship: physical intimacy vs. everyday insults in the hall vs. secret glances. For once, Hermione has that control in the relationship and she decides that "no, Draco isn't good enough for her." The best way to describe it is that the reader feels as confused as Draco is about their relationship.
As far as improvements in this story...I think it would have been strengthened if you had added in more specifics. Either, like, certain flashbacks of Draco and Hermione's certain interactions. Or maybe even his involvement with Voldemort and why he was looking in the mirror. The only reason it would be good to add more would be to give the story additional dimension, which would therefore make it even more realistic.
All in all, you did an amazing job!! Report Review
I really enjoyed this. It was very well done. :)
With lots of love,
Lady Fulula the Forgetful Report Review
it's very well written, the fact that it isn't completely finished makes it beautiful in its pain. It shows no way out, no emotions aloud in war. beautiful. Report Review
Hi Jellyman :)
Wow. That was...an awesome story!! I loved it - really moving, but such a sad ending!!
~ Falco Report Review
I adore this story. You can really feel the feeling in it, especially at the ending. Which was, by the way, awesome (: Report Review
... ohmywow. For some reason I totally thought Hermione was going to ask what he saw. ... that's a twist.
It was brilliant.
Shelby.Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
THIS STORY NEEDS A SEQUEL PLEASSSEE :oAuthor's Response: But what would I write?! Report Review
Honestly, I thought this was amazing. Draco is not the romantic hero so many (including lyself to an extent) wish he could become for the sake of his love; he is nothing more than the flawed character we all know and love from canon, and in my opinion that is what makes this perfect :)Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! It really does mean the world when people enjoy what I write, so thank you! I'm glad you thought Draco was in-character, I am always worried when I write him. Thanks again! Report Review
that was dep
love the ending
10/10Author's Response: Thank you :D Report Review
So, I am - confused :). I love the concept- it really is an exceptional. The idea that Draco is before the Mirror of Erised is completely original- I've never read anything like it. I suppose we never really learn what happens to the mirror after Harry uses it to thwart Quirrel and Voldemort in the Sorcerer's Stone - so it's plausible that Voldemort could have gotten a hold of it.
I also enjoyed the plot twist- and the bit - "And I see that mudblood whore, Granger, begging for mercy as I raise my wand to kill her." - I literally felt my heart drop. I was not at all expecting that little scene with Voldemort at the end- and when Draco uses Occlumency I thought I was going to die. Beautiful. Brilliant. Amazing. And completely heartbreaking; you really portrayed Draco's compartmentalization well.
And now I must voice my confusion, and please don't take this as an attack on your writing. This is just me, one reader, so don't think that I speak for the entire reading population. I am just trying to give you the most honest critique I can manage =).
I really do think it's evident that you meant this to be in second person, and your conversion to first wasn't entirely stable. For bits you used italics to convey when he was thinking (normal) vs. mentally thinking/talking to Hermione (italics), and that worked well. Brilliant idea- great organization, completely clear. But you didn't keep that going throughout the entire piece- and I really think it would help for clarification purposes, especially as you switch between tenses.
Second, I do not quite understand the relationship you have set up between Draco and Hermione. On one hand, you've set up Draco's wonderful mental conflict and on the other, it seems as if Hermione thinks Draco is letting her down, that he can't love her - but you've given her no reason for emotional investment either way. What confused me on that score is that Hermione doesn't seem to be giving anything back besides quick snogs in the broom closet- which seem completely outside her character anyway. I did understand when he said that she was poisoning him -wonderful image, by the way - but I can't see how this relationship could possibly keep going from Hermione's perspective if you want to keep them both in character. You've kept her reputed kindness and her ferocity, and in that sense she seems very in character. But her actions that you are displaying completely contradict it without any sense of her rationale. Why did she ever start snogging Draco in the first place? I hope I'm making sense and I shall not stop rambling =)
I also hope I'm not coming across incredibly harsh- you've done a wonderful job. I really, truly enjoyed reading it- it just perplexed me a little. I think if this was just Draco's head, you'd be good to go- but with reference to Hermione's, it doesn't entirely fit.
I loved Draco's "I can't believe what I'm seeing; I can't believe it is her." - completely chilling and amazing writing. And the child in the mirror was completely and utterly heart-wrenching.
So, all in all, very good! I hope this is helpful. And thank you so much for being on staff at Aparecium- you're doing a wonderful job ;-).
SarahAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reading, Sarah. I really appreciate it.
I'm glad you liked the concept - it was really interesting to see it develop. And as for the ending, that was actually my favourite bit to write. And I am glad you caught on to Draco's compartmentalisation - his double life was something I was really trying to get across.
The mix up between what persons I was writing in was a complete mistake - this was originally written completely in second person so I had to edit some of it out when I posted to comply with the ToS. I must have missed some, I will definitely fix that up.
The relationship is much more complicated to explain. Hermione's character is the real leap in this story - there IS no emotional investment. Whatever is going on between them is entirely up to the reader - what I wanted to make clear is that Hermione, while not being disappointed in Draco, just doesn't want him to change - she's not interested in making him "good" or redeem him in any way. This makes their relationship unstable - while he thinks he knows he loves her, he has no idea what is happening in her head. She's apparently only in for the physical while he's not sure what he wants from her. He sees her as cold and distant, which, yes, conflicts with her character in the books but Hermione is stubborn and she can be unforgiving. She could be like this if this were to happen, but seeing it from another perspective could make it appear worse than it is. Basically what I am trying to say, is this characterisation is based from the point of view of Draco who sees her presence in his life as mysterious and conflicting.
That was probably much more than you were looking for explanation. Sorry, but yes, I completely understand your problem with Hermione. That was my lame attempt at rationalising :)
Thank you so much for the awesome review. It was amazing and insightful and thank you so much. I am so sorry it took so long for me to respond. Report Review
It's like a crime against nature, me reading Dramione. And yet here I am, because I luuurve you and your writing. You're the only one who can stand between me and Ronmione. XD
Really, it doesn't matter that I don't like Dramione, because what's important about this fic is that it shows how well you put words together. The entire things just flows like... um... what flows really well? Water? LOL... it flows like water. (Brilliant, Mel, brilliant!) But in all seriousness, the whole thing was like one long, complex, continuous sentiment. It carried me right along and was really engaging.
I don't even attempt to write Draco, because I find it so hard to get inside his head. So I think this is great because you've done something that's difficult to do, which is to get inside Draco's head and keep him pretty true to character. For the most part, I found him to be in-character. I think you took a few liberties, but I wouldn't say it was a bad choice. Really, trying to determine whether a character like Draco is OOC often comes down to a hefty debate about how much love he's capable of feeling. We don't know all the facts about him; he's complicated.
I get turned off by Draco-as-a-big-softie-who-likes-puppies-and-kittens, but that's not what you did here. We still saw a lot of his hard exterior, and the way he thinks he SHOULD be and the way he thinks his life SHOULD go based on his upbringing. And a lot of inner turmoil at the prospect of being somebody he was taught not to be. A lot of self-loathing, which is an excellent observation on your part, because when Draco is displeased with something, he expresses disgust, and I believe that would extend to his view of himself.
Hermione's portrayal -- I'm not totally sure I can get into that depiction of her, but since this whole thing is filtered through Draco's eyes, I think you have a lot of leeway there, too. He's going to perceive her in a certain way based on his experiences with her. And Hermione does have a tendency to be cold, so I completely see that at play here.
I really liked the switching between addressing the reader and addressing Hermione. I liked it a lot. It really filled this piece out, because I think it gave a lot of dimension to Draco's thoughts. Though it appeared to me that he was just using "you" in the italicized parts, and there were a couple of un-italicized parts where it switched between "her" and "you"...possibly something that got lost in the edits? Not a huge deal, because it could just as easily be a stylistic choice, but in case you didn't intend it that way, here's where I noticed it:
"But she never really sees me; you never see why I do what I do. You never look at me the way I want you to - with love, with kindness, with respect."
"But lust can transform - my lust for you transformed."
"People think she's an angel. People praise you for your kindness. But they're wrong. They don't know what you do to me - the pain, torment she'd cost me; the price she'd cost me."
I'll also admit to being a little confused by the switching between past and present tense. I know you're a very talented writer, so something tells me you did it intentionally -- I just never picked up on the reason. It honestly wasn't that distracting, but I did notice it, and I went back a few times to see if I could spot a pattern, but I couldn't. So it threw me off just ever-so-slightly.
LOVED the ending. Absolutely loved it. It was like, yep, there's the Draco the entire world sees, saying all the horrible things he's expected to say. And I really liked how you used that little scene to break up the "I know what you mean to me" and "What do I mean to you?" (Although, I was thinking about it, and it could have a very interesting and different effect to put the "What do I mean to you?" before the scene with Voldemort and just end with what Draco says about seeing Hermione in the mirror... But that's purely a piece of speculation, and not a criticism of how you chose to end it!)
I still hate Dramione...but I definitely love you, and this one-shot. ^_^Author's Response: My sincerest apologies for taking so long to respond, Mel, really there is no excuse! I will try my best to answer such a incredibly awesome review, but it probably wont live up to any expectations.
You are so flattering - but you wouldn't be the same without your Ron/Hermione fixation! ;D
I'm so glad you think it flows - I was actually really worried it jumped around a lot. I sort of wrote this as a flow of consciousness, so that was what I was going for. Again, you flatter me wayyy too much :)
Draco is complicated - I'm not sure why I wrote him instead of Hermione. I guess I thought that the role-reversal would be fun. There are a lot of stories which delve into Hermione's feelings on Draco but not so many from Draco's POV. I guess I wanted to change that :)
If I ever went CLOSE to that characterisation, please shoot me. Please! Haha, I was aiming for self loathing, actually so I am glad you picked up on that - but Draco lacks drive and he's almost completely self-serving usually, in my opinion. And you picked up on that too! I'm so happy right now :D
Hermione, I think, was a greater stretch than Draco in this. Rather than accepting Draco, wanting him to change - she doesn't want him. For some reason this thing between them started (don't ask me why, I don't know :P), but she doesn't want him to change, to be a better person - maybe she's a masochist. Whatever. I'm going to stop boring you now :)
I'm glad you liked the switching! I thought it was interesting, but I wasn't sure how well it would go down. And it was only supposed to be the italics, I'll fix that up ASAP - thank you so much for pointing it out!
Bahaha - the switching was probably an accident, I'm not talented like that ;) I look over that when I check for persons as well. Thank you for pointing it out!
The ending was fun. I actually like it the most out of this, so I'm so glad you like it! It's very much what he's expected to say, AND YES! You got it! Yay :D There would have been an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT meaning if I had it first (which I originally did); first would kill the hope of redemption much more thoroughly than having it as the last line. Putting it last gives the chance of more introspection and a much more conflicted ending...or at least, I hope it did :)
I love you, Mel. Thank you so much for this amazing review which I can never repay you for (though I will read those three updates/new pieces you have written and I have been too busy to check out). But thank you so much. This means the world to me that you would put so much effort into such a thoughtful review ♥ Report Review
Ooh, this would have been so awesome in second person! (You actually can put it in second person now - because they decided that if it's told from a canon character's POV, it's acceptable xD)
Anyway, on to my review!
So I don't read many Dramione's for the same reason that everyone else who doesn't read Dramione's doesn't - I find them cliched, boring and totally unoriginal.
But this was so interesting. It's a very detailed, emotional and atmospheric piece, and to be honest, I didn't even notice the tense changes o.o
So that must say something about how good the writing of this story was!
It seems like both Hermione and Draco have something to hide. Really Draco is a sensitive person, but his exterior and behavior suggest the exact opposite, where Hermione acts like the good girl, when really, she's a total and utter cow, and those Jekyll/Hyde personalities you have for them both are really interesting to read!
I'm favouriting this, because I loved it. I thought you did an excellent job with it :)
Brilliant.Author's Response: ZOMG THANK YOU! Did not know that. I always miss these things, haha. Thank you for letting me know!
And on to the real response:
I love making people like Dramiones, there is nothing more satisfying - I think the horrible reputation of the ship makes me want to do something for it, lol. But thank you so much for the amazing compliments!
I'm glad you liked Hermione and Draco. I was going out on a limb, a bit, with their characterisations - Hermione is a cold hearted vixen, and Draco is more vulnerable than he likes to think.
Anywayyy, thank you so much for this lovely, kind review! It really made my night, thank you :D Report Review
californialove is here with your reivew!
Ok, to be honest with you, I was so caught up in the story, that I really didn't notice the tense thing. lol
And since we're being honest, I thought the beginning was kinda like "We're not supposed to be together blah blah blah, I'm a Pureblood, you're a Mudblood" kinda mumbojumbo. And from the summary, I thought this was going to be Hermione's POV because of all those cliche's that come with this genre. But this story was nothing like that.
Draco's character is like, different. I'm not saying it's a bad different, it's just a new take on the character that I enjoyed to see. Considering how I haven't read very many Dramiones, I still feel you did a good job with this because I kinda didn't really expect him to be all angsty and bitter. It's kinda like, "well DAMN!" In a way, this also reminded me of a soliloquy from Hamlet. Hamlet was an angsty young adult, why not Draco?
Another thing I want to mention that goes along with what I said before is that I like how you made these characters two faced. Like for example, Draco is a tough guy who beats up Hermione's friends, but on the inside, he's not a tough guy when it comes to the relationship. Likewise with Hermione; she's seen as a goody good, but behind closed doors, she's a total beach.
Right, okay, I feel like I wasted enough time!
californialoveAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it, thank you for the positive feedback :)
I am SO INCREDIBLY GLAD it didn't turn out like one of those stories. That would be my worst nightmare, seriously. Thank you for your honesty :)
I wanted to not change Draco's character, but show him in a different sort of light. It's because of the situation he's been put in in this story that he is this way, and I'm glad you can see that. LOL, that is totally coincidence because I am actually studing Hamlet in school, right now. How odd you should say that ^_^
I'M SO GLAD YOU SEE HERMIONE LIKE THAT. Oh my God, you are the first to mention her, and I was wondering if it got completely lost in the story! She is a cow - Draco see her as a "vixen" of sorts, and that was what I was trying to get across. THANK YOU ♥
Thank you so much for this awesome review! I'm so glad you liked the story! Thank you! Report Review
Hey Georgia! I love Dramiones, so you're in luck ;)
I loved reading this! It's good to see a slightly softer side of Draco and a more bitter side of Hermione, as if the roles have been reversed. I especially loved the fact that he was looking into the Mirror of Erised, and the ending where he lied about what he saw - such a Draco thing to do.
This bit left me a little confused:
"But she never really sees me; you never see why I do what I do. You never look at me the way I want you to - with love, with kindness, with respect. Not even when we are alone; even when we are alone, she finds an excuse not to look at me the way I want her too."
It seems to slip into different tenses, first person to second and back again. Unless it's intentional and I'm being thick (likely) you might want to clear that up.
Draco seems a tiiiny bit OOC when he's questioning himself, particularly here:
'But lust can transform - my lust for you transformed. Need, want - all part of the condition of being 'in lust', right? And what about love?'
Questioning himself just doesn't seem to fit his character as much as it should - Draco is usually depicted in the books as being cold and arrogant, so questioning himself didn't seem like a trait of his. Still, you got the whole pureblood mania bred into him stuff spot on :D
This was a really enjoyable read, well done!Author's Response: Jenny! Hello :)
Thank you for this wonderful review! That's actually the aim here - Draco is the weaker one, whereas Hermione is perceived as the stronger one. Because Draco is in such a tough spot (appease Voldemort or die), I thought Hermione could be this cruel vixen for once, lol. I tried this out mainly on a whim, trying to experiment with style, etc.
Ugh, I see what you mean about that bit. I will definitely fix that up - it must have got lost in the editing. I wrote this in second person originally, and then changed it all when I read the TOS. Thanks for letting me know!
I never liked that line, but I needed it to go onto the next thought process. I will definitely reconsider that, thank you for being honest! The reason why he is questioning himself is because he's actually stuck between a rock and a hard place - he doesn't want to be at Voldemort's service, but he's not secure enough in his relationship with Hermione. I guess he has to be a little OOC to make that work :P
Thank you so much for this honest review! It's really appreciated, I'm glad you liked it :) Am off now to read some of your stuff for my log :P Report Review
i actually read this before you asked for a review, lol. im an avid dramione fan and writer so i was intrigued by this.
first off, i think this is great. i love the idea of draco standing there being confronted by thoughts and memories - im not sure i'd say he was OOC because i believe that if you're a skilled enough writer (which you are xD) you can do whatever you wish with a character as long as its believable. and this was, so well done!
the narrative works - even the switches the second person. the I voice is draco speaking to the reader, and the you - when used - is like him speaking to hermione. its powerful. (i wrote a performance piece similar to this for uni - the narrator spoke to the audience and to a nameless person on stage, switching from I to You - so i like that style, lol)
i think it flowed very well - there was a nice rhythm to the piece and the ending was GAH! superb! that lovely juxtaposition between draco's words to voldemort about the "mudblood whore" and then the, quite sad, "what do i mean to you?"
some lovely imagery in here too!!
this would be my fav line:
I know what you mean to me; you’re everything I want, everything I need, everything I want to be. You’re the cold little girl afraid to love; you’re the girl in the Tower; you’re the girl in the halls. You’re all of this, and so much more.
You’re my hearts desire.
this was awesome hun - nice work for 3 hours ^_^
hope this review is helpful in any way. there was little i could criticise!!
kate xxAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you so much, Kate! I'm really glad you liked it, thank you for such kind words!
The confrontation, I think fitted in with the title - he was staring at both the image of Hermione in the mirror and reflecting on his life as well. Thank you for noticing ^_^ And thank you so much on the compliment about the OOCness :D I'm happy you thought it was acceptable!
I'm glad you liked the switch! I was very concerned about that because I didn't know how well it would work out - it sounded like a cool idea in my head, lol. But thank you for the compliment!
You're the first to note the ending! I'm so happy right now :D I actually did that one purpose, because I was thinking this might be sequel-worthy (haha) one day. I'm still not certain though, but I think that last line showed Draco's insecurities - he's caught between a rock and a hard place.
I'm glad you liked that line, thank you so much! I'm grinning like an idiot about this review, thank you! Ugh, I need a wider vocabulary to convey my thanks. But I suppose this will have to do - thank you so much! Your reviews are always so lovely :D Report Review
Here as requested! ^.^
Now, you have to know that really am not a Dramione person. Though, to be fair, I'm really open-minded as well. So, when I read this, I was actually really pleasantly surprised at how wonderful it was!
I guess the main thing I hate about Dramione is that Draco is almost always out of character. And then, one of the reasons I liked this so much was because he wasn't! Given, he has to have some lee-way to make the story work, but I really, really did enjoy it. So kudos to you on that.
The flow was great and the writing was totally poetic. I really enjoyed reading your words connect and melt into each other. So great job on that.
Description was really good, which is one of the things I LOVE in a story. You have a great hand on the powers of description, but you don't over-use it either (something I am known for doing). Anyway, wonderful job.
Am I making any sense? I'm writing this pretty early in the morning. XD I thought it was a fantastic fic and that definitely deserves a 10/10. :) Feel free to re-request.
- RinAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it even though it was a Dramione. That really means so much. I'm glad you liked Draco, I tried to keep him in-character, but like you said, he did need some lee-way. I'm happy to hear it wasn't too much ^_^
Poetic? What a compliment! Thank you so much! I think the reason they flow on together is because I was sort of writing them as they came to my head - they sort of flowed out, I guess, lol. ANYWAY, away from that weird thought, I'm glad you like the description. I'm always afraid I will go overboard when I write angstish things.
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and yes, it definitely made sense XD Again, thank you! Report Review
When I started reading this, there was a bunch of questions going through my head-Draco and Hermione are together? They had a child? What the hell? And I only realized it was the Mirror of Erised when Voldemort asks Draco what he sees. *facepalm* But it was really good, he isn't terribly OOC, I think he deals with his feelings for Hermione really well and the last sentences were perfect because I can totally imagine Draco saying them, especially if Voldy is right behind him: "And I see that mudblood whore, Granger, begging for mercy as I raise my wand to kill her."Author's Response: Haha, I'm happy it confused you! I think that would give it a bigger impact, even though it was not intended. Thank you so much for the amazing review! I'm happy Draco wasn't too OOC, I tried my hardest with him :) I thought the last line Draco said mixed well with the thought afterwards, actually. But thank you for reading and reviewing! It's much appreciated :D Report Review
Wow, are you a machine? Two one-shots (even though one was the 500 word challenge) in a span of two-four days? I can't write one chapter/oneshot in a week!
Anyways. I really don't like the pairing, but in some cases, people pull it off so well that I don't mind. This falls under that category. Well written, just not my favorite because the pairing.
"But I couldn’t look away. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I hate her?"
Inner conflict is good. It gives a believability to the character.Author's Response: Haha, I'm in love with Dramione's at the moment - this happens when I get obsessed with a pairing :D But a machine? What a compliment! Haha, in any case, I hope a quality machine :D
Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments - to hear that you could ignore the pairing (and Dramione's are pretty despised, haha) means so much. Thank you!
Inner conflict was a main issue with this - he knew he was in love with her, but she didn't love him but, so he tries to reason it out. And then Voldemort adds obligation on top of it and, well, it's up to you whether he is lying at the end.
But thank you so much for the lovely review! My apologies for rambling, haha. Report Review
It was really good and different. The ending was unexpected.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I Love It :]
Have You Ever Thought Of Expanding On It?
What Hermione Thinks About The Relationship?
What Happens When Draco Gets The Chance To Kill Her?
..Defying Boundries..Author's Response: I did think of expanding on it, but I'm absolutely horrible with plots that take longer than a one-shot. I will think about it, though, thank you for the tips! And for reading and reviewing, it means a lot thank you! Report Review
omg! i loved it. I really loved it!
My favorite line: "And I see that mudblood whore, Granger, begging for mercy as I raise my wand to kill her."
I could write an eight chapter story with that one sentence!
Good job! 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it, it means a lot :) Thanks again! Report Review
Oh wow. You are a powerful writer. I hope you write more, and not just fan fictions. Your own stories. That would be beautiful. I really can't wait to pick up your own work.Author's Response: What a compliment! Thank you! I've never tried original fiction - I have trouble with extended projects - but I hope to possibly in the future. Nice to know I'll have one fan :) Thank you so much for such lovely words, I'm really glad you enjoy my work! Report Review
Wow, I really love that, it is really powerfully written, and you feel yourself wanting to give him a big hug :P Its really good, but I would love to hear the rest of the story- any chance of that?
xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Draco is quite...messed up, no? I thought the reflection was fitting considering he was looking into a mirror. Unfortunately I have no immediate plans concerning this...but I was considering a sequel of the original version, but I'm not sure it would fit this one. But thank you for such a kind review! I'm glad you liked it :D Report Review
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