I thought I would read this story after I saw some of ur comments on "Be Seeing You" by fizzlesticks. I love her story but thought id take a look at another one. But unfortunately this one didn't really catch my attention. It was good, but not the best writing, although I found that I could picture it really well. Anyway, keep writing, I'm sure many people will enjoy this story more than I.Author's Response: thank you for the review. i also cannot seem to find inspiration in this fic, so i have chosen to write another one called "Tests of the Heart" i do hope you will check it out and hopefully enjoy it better Report Review
I must say, this is a very unique interpretation of what can be considered a blossoming relationship between Rose and Scorpius. However, I do have some constructive criticism.
For the most part, your writing and grammar is very good. That's always a good thing. Good grammar can make the worst plots better (although your plot is fairly good, so you don't have to worry). :)
Your character development is somewhat lacking though. Your character Blake out-of-the-blue lashes out at Rose and we don't know anything about his background. That is something that's an easy fix. Since you're writing in third person, you can easily include background information about him, his family, his life. It's easy to see that he is pureblooded by some of his comments, but dialogue isn't always the best way to go to get to know a character. The same goes for Rose and Scorpius. We really want to see who they are, not merely what they say.
Also, the action is a little choppy right from the get-go, and especially when Blake just flies off the handle. This just happens to go along with the action being guided by the dialogue. If you were to move the plot along with imagery and description, it could flow so much better.
Anyway, this is a fairly good start. I know it may seem like a lot of suggestions, but I assure you they will help if you choose to follow them.
Best of luck with the rest!Author's Response: thank you! i found the criticism quite helpful actually. unfortunately, i have abandoned this fic for now and have moved on. "Tests of the Heart" is my new fic, i had a huge inspiration for it so i went with it. i do hope you will check it out Report Review
I love it !!!
Please , update hun!
10/10Author's Response: thanks a bunch, ill update, the chapter is being written as we speak, however i do not know how long it will take to get validated, thank you for reviewing, it means so much to me :P Report Review
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