I love hearing stories from a ghost's perspective. I've always found them really intriguing and this one was too; you expanded on the story we were told in Deathly Hallows really well. Telling it from the Baron's point of view was interesting, hearing how much he loved her and then that blinding rage and how now he's looking back on that and reflecting on what he is now - that's exactly how I imagined his character to be and you captured that. :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate it! Report Review
Wow. Just wow. This was such a beautifully written story that I just need to sit here in awe of it for a moment. You made this such an emotional piece [for me at least] and I sat here with the Baron feeling rejection and loving his golden lady at the same moment. I really love it when I happen across stories that explain missing moments from the series, and this is no exception. I've always been fascinated with the stories of the ghosts and the founders, and this was such a pleasing piece to read because it catered to both :P
I think what I liked the most about this story is the way it was told. I felt like I was watching a movie where there was a bunch of narration going on with the gravelly old voices talking about it- and I guess that really is the case here, since he was talking about it from a ghost form XD
Anyways, I absolutely loved reading this! You did such a splendid job with everything that I have nothing to critique :)
Forum Name: Drecklin
House: Slytherin Report Review
Such an unusual, original story. I particularly love the beginning, the "prologue" of sorts. It leads perfectly into the story and definitely captures the interest of the reader. Who truly thinks that they'll become a ghost?
The line "I fell as hard as a large boulder plummeting to the bottom of the sea" has such magnificent imagery. The quickness of his love for her was well described, showing how it grew into an obsession and later hatred. It became unhealthy.
The way you wrote his murder of her was very well done. I think it would have lessoned her death for you to have described in detail her murder. Instead, you showed how truly he was lost in his mind, in his emotions. Killing his love... and then killing himself.
This was beautifully written. I especially love the last sentence: "forever chasing my now gray lady". It's so sad that he lives with his love, but that he can never interact with her fully, or forgive himself.
The little details you dropped (the page boy) helped to give a sense of the period this story took place in without overwhelming the story with descriptions.
The only problem I noticed, and it's not even really a problem, is in the sentence "The countryside fled my speeding stead". I think that if you include "fled from", it would flow better, sound less awkward.
This was very well written- a beautiful story about an often forgotten couple.
Roots in Water (Hufflepuff) Report Review
whoa... speechless!!! such dept! i mean like where do u get such ideas from and your words string up such sentences that move your heart so that one forgets that they're meant to hate the slytherin ghost!!! amazing!!Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm really glad I was able to create sympathy for the Slytherin ghost! Report Review
I really like the style of this story. It flows well. The language is formal enough to be appropriate for a Founders-era story, but it still has a conversational quality. I like the way you used the first person to describe the Baron's story, as well as the way you established the background story for him.
Helena, of course, wasn't the central character in this story, but she was one of the pivotal characters. I thought you did well with her characterization as well, as brief a glimpse as we had of her. There seems to be a fair bit of variation when it comes to portraying Helena (or any of the Founders, for that matter), which is quite understandable, seeing as how they're minor characters in the HP books. I really liked your approach, the way you had her wanting to learn all along, not just being seized with a sudden jealousy, leading her to steal the diadem. I also like that the diadem was not even referred to directly in this story. It squares with my idea that he didn't know of it, at least not while alive, since Rowena apparently concealed its loss from everyone, and Helena hid it when she heard him coming.Author's Response: Thank you for the in depth review. I really appreciate it! Report Review
Ah. Poor Baron :(. I really loved the way you characterized him. People always write him as this disgusting man that wasn't worth Helena's time - but I sympathize with him in your story. Your imagery is astounding; I can literally see everything and the way you describe everything is so rich and inviting. Amazing! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm really glad that you liked it and that you could empathize with the Baron! Report Review
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