First off, Longbottom-centric = love. Neville is one of my favorite characters in the books so I loved this look at the three generations.
I enjoyed your takes on Augusta. She is not just a cold, aloof matriarch - you give reason behind her aloofness; you can see the injured pride and broken heart that she is hiding. Even more so I loved your Alice - especially her interaction with Neville. I'm really glad you showed the conflict she must have felt - wanting to go out and fight with her husband, having to stay and take care of her son, and the bitterness she felt for both them and herself for feeling the way she did. Both are wonderfully three-dimensional characters, which is all the more impressive considering you accomplished this is approximately five hundred or so words each.
The only problem I have with the story (and it's not a horribly huge one) is an inconsistency in the third part of this. In the first paragraph you call her Hannah Longbottom, but then Neville asks her if she would marry him by his family's apple trees. Is this a second wedding, a renewal of vows? Or did you just change the direction of the story part way through and forget to go back and change what you'd already written? I know I do the latter all the time. But otherwise, thats it - perfect.
I'm really glad you plan on continuing this as a short story collection. Even though you only requested this as a one-shot review, I think I might have to continue with it on my own! Cheers!Author's Response: How couldn't I have noticed that! Wow, thanks so much for pointing that out - that was a complete error. I changed the story-line halfway through writing that part and didn't notice my mistake at all. But they're supposed to be engaged and I changed it as soon as I read your (awesome) review. I'm so happy you liked my take on Augusta - she's such an interesting character, and after DH, my view of her completely changed. I wanted to find a reason behind her strictness and show that she was capable of compassion. And I'm both happy and relieved that you liked Alice, especially how I wrote this conflict - it felt bad, truth be told, and horrid, but I can't see why not. She was an Auror after all, so to me, it was a plausible issue. But thank so much for dropping by and leaving this great review - it totally made my day (: Report Review
I have missed reading your writing. This is very heartfelt and significant. I enjoyed reading every second of it. I think the characterization of Augusta is perfect. I enjoyed getting to see them getting married through her eyes. I loved the line about her not being made of stone. I guess we always think of her that way, but sometimes the strongest people are that way because they're hiding deep emotions.
I also really like the part with Frank and Alice - getting to see their personalities prior how we know about them was really cool. It's kind of weird, but they actually had a situation similar to Lupin and Tonks ... It was so cute how Neville finally got to walk.
I also enjoyed how the heart pendant made it all the way through, showing Augusta's love of her family and her presence with them. I was kind of shocked that Neville and Hannah weren't married yet, but I think it's cool. It makes them more human.
This was just very sweet. I'm glad you're expanding it.Author's Response: And I have missed your reviews *blush*. Thank you. Augusta, to me, changed a lot in DH, as she had softened there a bit, and I loved that about her character. So I figured there must be so much more than this facade we've gotten to see through Neville's eyes and I wanted to find a reason for it and to still show that she was capable of compassion and understanding, you know? Anyways, means a lot that you liked her characterization. I'm happy you liked the other two parts as well - I loved writing them. Thank you for this lovely review! Report Review
:D I really love this, like, so much. Your writing has so much feeling, emotion - it makes me want to cry (is that bad? :P). The images are very clear and you're very direct when you write. I love it :) I really can't wait to see what else you've got! Your shorts always amaze me..Author's Response: No, that's not bad =p It's really flattering though, so thank you! Your reviews always make my day! Report Review
I think this is a very original idea for a story. I really liked the first half of this story because the characters were ones you don't read about very often.
The part where Augusta Longbottom gives the necklace to Alice was very sweet. I liked your portrayal of her character as a younger woman (and not just as Neville's crabby gran:) I liked the insights into her character this story gave me.
The story flowed nicely and the jumps in time weren't confusing. I didn't see too many grammar/punctuation errors. There were only a few.
I like the idea of you doing this style for other wizarding families. An interesting one might be the Malfoys, the Weasleys, and the Blacks.
Well done! I enjoyed this story :)
Oh and also thought the ending to this story fit nicely!
*KristinaAuthor's Response: I'm happy you liked Mrs. Longbottom. I was a bit worried about her character, that I didn't take my time with her, that I didn't create space to develop her properly, but it seems I managed okay. Or enough, in any case. As for grammar/punctuation errors - I'll go back and look for them. Since this was a spur of the moment fic, I did not take my time editing it (which I should have). And yes, I will include them in this collection. I'm actually very excited to get to them, choosing these kind of moments in their lives. Anyways, enough rambling on my part and thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
your one-shots are simply fantastic. i love the simple emotion that you seem to put into each and every one of them. you did a beautiful job with showing the similarities within the characters of this and the easy facts that pull each of them together.
characterization seemed to definitely be the most noticeable, best done element of this story. from Frank's mother down to Hannah i could really connect with each and every one of them in ways that i should be able to as a reader. you really brought them all together and i am very impressed by that. no one is the same as their parents or the other generations before them but you did a wonderful job with adding certain elements that showed that they don't have to be.
i did not see any grammatical errors of any kind but that is not to say that there were not any. i doubt it, of course, but sometimes my eyes don't catch everything. honestly though, i do not think that you have to worry about that.
your plot was heartwarming and well developed. i loved the different scenes of the story. none alone were fantastic, but combined, the three really open up the story that much more. at no point was it flowing too quick or making a mess so i think that you are safe there as well.
language, dialogue; well done! the voices of your characters were very believable in every way and i do not think that you could have done anything in the world to improve them even more.
overall, i thought that this was one amazing story. you really know how to grab the reader's attention in the easiest manner and for that i am very impressed. keep up the amazing work and feel free to come back to my thread any time. nice job.Author's Response: I'm seriously speechless and can't get any coherent words out of my mouth. Just... thanks for this insightful and incredible review. It made my day! Report Review
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