You have a new story! You have a new story! Yay yay yay! I'm apologising in advance for one, how late this review is. I was away, I'm a very bad person for not coming directly back to reviewing though. I had to take a couple days to let my mind slow down. And second, I'm saying sorry for how short this review is.
Your descriptions are amazing, I really really like your idea. It's so interesting. The thing I couldn't really understand is how the ghost is part of Teddy. I read someone's review previous to mine and i was confused as well about the ghost. Great work, Len. This is superb.Author's Response: Thanks for the review Rachel. I'm glad you enjoyed Hide and Seek enough to come on over and check out this one too. So thank you! It's an honour :D Report Review
Whoah ... Len, the descriptions in this were amazing. Beautiful, beautiful writing. The moon, the night, the stars - everything had such a "you" touch to it, and it was really just right. Not too much, not too little.
One thing I don't get, though, is why the ghost said he was part of Teddy. I didn't get that at all - and the idea that the woman locked him in the room to starve to death was amazingly ... gruesome. XD Not in a bad way. I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced that the reason why Teddy couldn't sleep was because of the ghost, but it was a wonderfully original touch.
Chapeau, my dear. An amazing one-shot, with, I'm sure, much more to come from you. :)
XOXO, KalinaAuthor's Response: Kali,
Thank you so much for reading this. You know I always look forward to seeing a review from you. Report Review
This piece reminds me again why I love your writing. It was wonderfully written and a great story on top of that. Fantastic job my dear :D
My favorite line was: "A large family portrait adorned the wall above a fireplace that had been forgotten for so long, it had vanished from the room completely."Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, I'm glad you keep coming back to read more of what I write. Report Review
Hello! I'm here with you're review. (:
This was very interesting. I liked the detail and imagery that you used here. It really helped a lot and I could imagine every detail that you described with the room. I also like the situation you had at hand. I rarely read stories about Teddy Lupin and the ones I do usually don't have this much detail about his emotions or background in them. I really like what you've done here and it's a brilliant idea and well written!
In your request you mentioned that this was your first next-gen. I think that you have done a lovely job with it. Since we don't really know that much about Teddy we can explore his character more deeply than any of the Marauders or Hogwarts Era characters. I like what you did with it, and for your first next-gen, it was lovely.
10/10 overall :D
--ron.weasleyxo from the forumsAuthor's Response: thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
The descriptions in this are incredibly vivid, so although most of the story was made of long paragraphs, it kept my interest and I didn't get distracted. I could picture exactly how Teddy was moving through the school to the Room of Requirement (that's what it seemed to be). I also liked how you portrayed Teddy. He seemed just right, a solid mixture of his parents and also with his own unique personality.
At first, I thought that the reason behind his amnesia would have something to do with Remus having been a werewolf. While your reasoning was more original, I don't think you quite convinced me. How exactly the ghost connected to Teddy could have been described in a bit more detail, making it more clear exactly why part of Teddy's soul was trapped with the ghost. That part of the story requires more to make it work better for the reader.
But I still enjoyed reading it for the descriptions and Teddy. He's one of my favourite next-gen characters, and it's always great to see him written well. ^_^Author's Response: Since you are I think (the 19th person) to say the same thing about the second half, I am seriously going to have to read over it and figure out how to make it more convincing.
Thank you so much for enjoying the description and Teddy's characterization. I've always thought Teddy was cute and interesting, but never had the desire to write for him until recently. I did hope I mixed enough of Remus and Tonks together to come up with the perfect combination for Teddy and keep him unique. I had feared he was too much like Harry at certain points.
Thanks again for the review and the concrit and praise. Report Review
I think you did a great job for this being your first Next-Gen fic! I really enjoyed it. Plus, I think the story was very unique and it kept me interested. You seem like a very poetic, descriptive writer and I really like that. Especially because you actually manage to do it well. In the paragraph where Teddy looked out the window, I could actually see it. You did a great job describing it because that's exactly how I would describe looking out of my window at night.
The only thing I would fix was the part when he first meets Seth. I'm not actually sure why, and I'm sorry I can't tell you, but it was hard for me to keep focus during that part. Also, I think you may want to consider explaining the meaning of all of it a bit better, unless you want to keep it open to the reader, which I understand.
Thank you for requesting a review!
~Casey (aka Vegirl123)Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read this and review it. I appreciate it. Report Review
This is a brilliant little fic. It was very creative! Plus you gotta love Teddy.
You have a natural talent to writing descriptions, which I can't do. And I really look up to you for that. You really put the reader in the exact place you want them. We see what you see, and that's wonderful.
I love this oneshot, and I hope to have the chance to write some more next-gen!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and I'm glad you have enjoyed this one-shot as much as I enjoyed writing it. Report Review
Well written story. You're very good at describing the setting in this story and I can clearly picture the environment Teddy is in.
There isn't really much to work on in terms of grammar.
One suggestion I do have is on your dialogue tag where it says, Teddy spat angrily at the ghostly visage. That response seemed a little out of character. Maybe just, he said angrily, is better. He spat just seemed a little out of nowhere for Teddy's personality.
So basically that is the only suggestion I have lol b/c the rest of the story is good and dosen't need any work.
Well done and good luck on future stories!
*KristinaAuthor's Response: Kristina,
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It was my first attempt at Next Gen. Report Review
That was great!
The descriptions and imagery of Hogwarts was stunning.
I really like that Teddy is contemplating the past.
The end was a little rushed, but nevertheless, it was excellent!
Wonderful job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I'm glad you liked the imagery and descriptions. I absolutely loved writing this fic. It was so much fun :D Report Review
I really enjoyed your characterization of Teddy and the reflections he has about his family and the past of Hogwarts. His mysterious night wanderings are really interesting. It's neat that you have him finding a unique room and a unique ghost/spirit within it. I'm a little bit confused as to who this person is - he's a part of Teddy stuck in limbo because of a curse? At any rate, I think it's awesome that Teddy is finally able to sleep after this spirit and the part of him have been freed.Author's Response: That's exactly what it is. Seth is stuck haunting the room that appears every hundred years in hopes of finding the rest of his soul so that he might be released to move on, and in turn complete Teddy. I thought it would be an interesting plot to write. And it was. I love Teddy, and I love that you like this fic. Thank you so much for the review. Report Review
This was very interesting, though now I wish to know what exactly happened x). I mean, I understand but you know... I want the whole story, hehe. ^^
I must say that the story is original and that's cool. Though I don't know what could I possibly say that wasn't mentioned already concerning grammar and story flow.
I like the characterisation of Teddy and his longing for the carefree days when he was younger. And since he is a Gryffindor it would be madness if he didn't go exploring ;D (I'm talking about this sentence: 'For a moment, he stood before the door, uncertain of whether he should turn around and return to his common room, or brave the unknown and discover a room that perhaps no one had found in quite some time.'
All in all, it's a great story and I'm glad you requested that I review it :) .
~ DeaVanityAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I'm very glad you liked what I have written, and that you like Teddy and his wistful ways. The description was my favourite part to write. It was so much fun writing this fic. Report Review
What a very unique story. In your request, you mentioned that there wasn't much dialogue, which is true. I actually found that my favorite part of this story was the beginning, while Teddy was wandering about, thinking, looking, existing. That was all description, no dialogue. I thought the description was excellent. I thought you conveyed the mood of the castle and setting very well. I could feel this heavy stillness, almost a melancholy feeling, that was peaceful and yet slightly unsettling in a way. The scene seemed very alive to me. You did use many, many adjectives. Any more would have been too many. As it was, I really loved the description throughout the chapter.
I thought the story seemed a little rushed toward the end. The flow was altered. I don't know if that was on purpose because of the sense of urgency of getting outside before daylight, or if it was you simply rushing toward the end of the story to get it over with. I personally wish the last part had kept that almost dreamy feel, the slower pace.
Seth's situation reminded me a bit of the movie "Brigadoon." Are you familiar with it? Basically it is about a town that appears for one day every hundred years. Something similar seems to be happening with that room. I liked the way you described Teddy finding the room and trying to imagine it. However, I thought he was perhaps a bit too quick to accept that Seth was a part of him (I'll admit I'm a little confused on the details there) who'd been cursed into haunting a room. I would have liked some more background information to help me understand the circumstances better. The interaction with Seth was my least favorite part of the chapter, actually.
I liked the ending again, though, when it was just Teddy again. I thought the final paragraph had a similar "feel" or mood to the beginning. There was a certain dreaminess, as if everything that happens in the earliest hours of morning is only half-real. Reading the final sentence, I could almost imagine that Teddy had dreamed the whole thing, though he hadn't. I'm really intrigued with the description and mood of this piece, and the feelings it invoked in me as I read.Author's Response: The last sentence was by far my favourite line of the fic. It just seemed to me that it fit so well with what I was writing. I love my Teddy, and this fic. I am sorry it's confusing, the part with Seth. I might one day add in more info on him, or write another fic, perhaps longer, with Seth in it.
Thank you so much for the lovely review, I do so much enjoy hearing what people think. Good or bad. Report Review
The imagery...was..stunning..I could see every bit of Hogwarts at night. You don't even need the dialogue, really, it's lovely exactly as it is. The mood of the entire story, fit with what you were going with and I really enjoyed it.
You've left me wanting more. I want to know more about your Teddy. I want to know why he doesn't know everything. I just want to know! I applaud you! Really. The grammar was impeccable (from what I could see :D) and I didn't see any spelling errors.
Keep up the good work! :]Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked my Teddy. He's so fun to write for in this fic. I really do love him, a lot. I'm hoping that one day I might write more of him. But we'll see.
Thank you so much for the wonderful review. And thank you for coming to read. Report Review
I thought this story was pretty cool! Your description was amazing! Especially when Teddy was first walking through the school halls at the beginning of the story. That was fantastic!! I thought the idea and plot of this one-shot was really cute. Though, I might add I think there could've been a bit more explanation on the ghost that was apart of Teddy. Perhaps thinking of some creative way it could possibly be him, Teddy. I was a bit confused on how it worked that Sethh was Teddy, but I still like the idea and would advise you maybe futhering the idea more and explain it a bit better :). Also, there could be room for more of explaining how Teddy felt apart of him was missing. That would help to I think.
But overall I did really enjoy this story. Your descriptions were very moving and totally realistic. I really liked it! Great job!
Clair :DAuthor's Response: I am sorry the part with seth was so confusing and short. It was not my intention to confuse you or anyone for that matter.
Though, I am glad you enjoy the description and everything else about the fic. It was so much fun to write and I love hearing back from the readers :D
Thank you. Report Review
Before I even begin this review, I want to tell you how much I love Teddy Lupin. Remus is my favorite Marauder, so his only child is naturally quite close to my heart. Which is why I was ecstatic when I saw you placed this on my review list. I really, really enjoyed this. Though I usually have a hard time with stories with little dialogue, this flowed so naturally that it captured my insterest instantly and didn't lose it once throughout the course of the story. You're characterization of Teddy was exactly as I pictured him in my head, and I was quite happy with it. Your grammar was, as far as my decent knowledge of grammar goes, flawless. As a whole, I found this to be a lovely, intriguing read, perfectly depicted. Fabulous job.
~Alassie~Author's Response: Well, when I saw you liked next-gen ships, I was a little worrisome that you wouldn't like my shipless fic for Teddy. Now knowing you love Teddy, I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D
I had so much fun writing for Teddy, so much so I'm hoping to come up with a new story for him that will be longer. We'll see, of course, since I've never written a longer fic for any Next Gen. It's something I plan to try to do though.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my fic and I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D Report Review
An all-around good story if you ask me, but I do have a few things to point out. One: in the beginning you mentioned Ravenclaw house, which I had assumed was where Teddy would be residing, but at the end you said he went back to his dorm in Gryffindor. You might want to check up on that, but it's really not a big issue.
The second thing I must mention, which is really more pressing is the whole doppelganger ghost thing is a bit confusing. Truthfully, it just feels like a last minute idea that popped into your mind without really thinking it through. I don't get how a part of his soul would be locked in a room for some hundred odd years when he's 15 at that moment. Nor do I understand the reason behind it. I know you wrote that he was cursed there by a woman, but I really don't get how that could be. Sorry, it's really just all very confusing to me. I suggest going through that section and re-reading it to see if everything you meant to be in there is written. Maybe you meant for it to be that way as a sort of 'let the reader decide' thing.
Anyway, your writing itself is very good. I love your descriptions of the room and Teddy's feelings. You're grammar is also very well. Only a few run on sentences, but they were quite minor.
I loved how you wrote Teddy as a 'night' person. Somebody who loves the moon and the stars. It's a good contrast from how his father was, and I think more often than not kids are very different from their parents. I liked that I lot. I also liked how Teddy only knew about his parents heroics through books, really. It seems very realistic that Andromeda would shy away from the topic of her daughter and Remus.
Again, I'll say it was a lovely story. Other than the confusion with the ghost and the house he belonged to, it was great! 9/10 =]]Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Everything I wanted to be in the fic is in the fic. I did leave it open to allow the reader to fill in blanks however they saw fit. It was never a last minute addition, because, honestly, I don't write like that. Sure I get these strange ideas in the middle of writing a longer fic, but never with one-shots.
As for Teddy's house, it says in the beginning that he left the Gryffindor Common Room and continued on his way, being pulled in the direction of the Ravenclaw common room. It was something that I felt needed to be put in that section as it was describing that part of the castle.
I'm not sure the all kids are different from their parents. As I can almost 100% say my brother is almost a duplicate of my father, with a few of his own traits. But I do agree, a lot of child are complete opposites of their parents. I simply saw Teddy as the type of person to enjoy the night - perhaps, because I do too.
Thank you again for the review, and I do appreciate the comments you've made about what confuses you. Report Review
Lovely descriptions. You've painted a great picture of the current Hogwarts that puts the reader right into the hallways with Teddy. I know you are concerned about the lack of dialogue but I think it works well here. It adds a mysterious undercurrent that you wouldn't get if he had someone along with him on this adventure.
I found it interesting that he was having to sort out the historical details of the past war. Whether you intended it or not, this actually brought other characters into the story by making me wonder why they were keeping something so monumental from him. And, of course, if that was the case why he needed to be protected from such things.
Anyway, I enjoyed the story tremendously and felt you did a fine job crafting an atmosphere that fit perfectly with the plot line. I think you have a good basis for exploring more with Teddy or other next gen characters if you so choose.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm very glad you enjoyed the story and the descriptions. You're right, I was very concerned about my lack of dialogue, though everyone seems to say it works well with what I've written.
I really didn't intent for it to bring other characters to him so to speak, it was just how the words formed in my head and how I knew I had to write it.
Thank you so much for the amazingly thoughtful review and praise. I really do appreciate it. Report Review
This is a very interesting idea. Original, certainly. I liked how you've kept the reader on their toes the whole way through.
Your description was fantastic! I didnt feel like there was anything left out, but neither did i feel like i was being overloaded with adjectives and the like. The dialogue you had was very realistic and I liked how it was used sparingly - much more effect for this kind of piece than if you'd put a lot in.
Excellent :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the praise. I'm never a huge fan of fics of complete dialogue or complete description. I firmly believe that there has to be a comfortable medium between the two, which varies depending on the need for both. I'm glad you found that I had that comfortable medium. I'm also very glad that you enjoyed reading it. Report Review
Wow, this was fantastic.
I really enjoyed it. I love post-hogwarts stories and I absolutely love Teddy.
You amazing descriptive skills. The imagery in this story is fantastic, as is the grammar, which was perfect.
The little dialogue you had in this chapter was perfect. Very realistic.
"The moon that had once haunted his father brought a smile to Teddy now." This was my favourite sentence of the whole story. I loved how you connected him to his father here.
Now on to the negative stuff, because that what is a reviewer is for.
I thought you could have developed Teddy a bit more. You developed the scene around him better than you did him. You could have slipped little hints about his physical appearance, his hair colour, his eye colour even. This really helps the reader visualise him. Your setting kind of overtook your actually character, if that makes sense. Also, I had no idea how old he was in this, so I think you should clear that up somehow as well. Just don't make it too obvious, don't be like, 'the eleven year old Teddy...'
Also, the plot and conclusion were a bit confusing at times. Who was Seth? Was he an original character? If so, make that more obvious. Also, I didn't really get why Teddy was whole all of a sudden and I didn't get why Seth was part of him in a way.
Just assume your reader is stupid and spell it all out for them! Because they usually are!
Otherwise great story. You have a real gift.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. This wasn't so much as a character exploration, though I do understand that I could add in such details, and perhaps one day I might. For the moment though, I enjoy it the way it is. Funny that you say the grammar was great, I'm terrible at it, so all those thanks get to go to my beta lol.
You are the second person to comment on Teddy's age, and I swear I wrote it in. Perhaps it was too confusing the way I wrote it. It was in this line:
"He owed his freedom to them both, and many others who had died over the years to ensure that he, a child of mere fifteen, would be able to learn magic without fear of persecution for being less than pure."
That states he is 15, though, I could always reword it.
Again, thank you so much for the review. I always take everything someone says to heart and use it for later pieces. Report Review
Aww, that was really good! No, 'aww' isn't the right adjective/verb/whatever, I'm aware, but it was really good! Especially for the length, and little dialogue. It flowed together really well, and I could picture everything in my mind, you know? I liked where he was all "It was too easy"; for a second, I thought the ghost was going to be, like, the next Voldemort. xD (:
But, good job! :D I really enjoyed this!
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Haha, when I was writing it, I actually considered making the ghost the next Voldemort, but decided against it. I didn't want to make this a really long fic, I wanted something simple and that's what I got.
I'm so glad you liked it. I rather enjoyed writing it. Seeing as I have always disliked the Next-Gen stories out there, there being a few exceptions, but this was fun.
Thank you for stopping by and reviewing this for me. I appreciate the review. Report Review
I really like this story! It's kind of different, but definately in a good way. Your descriptions are really good, especiallyhow he feels at night. The part with Seth is good, kind of confusing, but in a mysterious way that makes it fascinating.
Teddy's feelings of his parents and their deaths are really realistic, his description that he thought of them as heroes especially. This is a great, unique story. 9.3/10 :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for the thoughtful review. I'm very glad to know you enjoyed reading it and that you liked my descriptions. I normally write in 1st person and this was one of only a few I've written in 3rd person. Normally I'm terrible with descriptions but I tried really hard to make everything I thought of seem realistic.
I loved writing for Teddy and his thoughts on Tonks and Remus were something I felt were absolutely necessary for the fic.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing. Report Review
Hi! Here to review :)
First this is a very good story overall! Very interesting and it has an original plot line. You should be proud of it.
1) "It was four o'clock in the morning, and everyone was supposed to be tucked safely into their beds. Everyone that is, except Teddy Lupin, who, for the fourth night in a row, found he was unable to sleep, and drawn to the beauty that the night brought upon the school. The floor was cold upon his bare feet. A small draft made him shiver as he found himself standing before the moving staircase. He descended one step at a time, ever careful to keep a watchful eye for those few people who, like him, were unable to sleep so late at night. The last thing he wanted was to run into a Professor and spend the rest of his week in detention." - This is a good paragraph. It's nicely descriptive with a good sense of atmosphere.
2) "Drawn to the second floor corridor for some ungodly reason" - The "ungodly" part of this seems a little random, it doesn't quite flow. It might work better with something like "some reason which even he himself was not aware of".
3) "The school appeared to have an aura of its own as the night left itsí mark upon the cold, grey stone." - I really like this sentence, it helps to build up a good sense of tension.
4) I have a concern with something that I kept noticing throughout the story, you repeat words quite a lot, in consecutive sentences. This isn't a huge problem, it just interrupts the flow of the story a little. But I'm probably just being picky there lol.
5) "As eerie as the school looked beneath the pristine shine of the full moon, it looked perfect and unmarred from decades of use. No one would have known that fifteen years before, parts of the school stood in piles of rubble, or that, had it not been for his godfather, Hogwarts may still be under the control of the Dark Lord Voldemort and his disgustingly grotesque Death Eaters. While Teddy knew only what his History of Magic text books told him and what little his family would talk of that time, he knew one thing was for certain; his parents were heroes. He owed his freedom to them both, and many others who had died over the years to ensure that he, a child of mere fifteen, would be able to learn magic without fear of persecution for being less than pure." - I LOVE this paragraph, it's well written, shows a good link to the past and gives an impression of the world having healed.
6) "...He had just been gazing at not long before..." - The word "just" is not needed here.
7) "...covered the floor and furniture and were coated in a thick layer of dust." - This is good but would flow better with "they in turn" between "and" and "were".
8) "Often, he had found himself sitting on a large fallen oak tree as the first star came out to play. He'd try fruitlessly to count all the stars as each one appeared, and often counted the same star half a dozen times before he would finally give up and chase the fireflies around the yard. How he wished he could go back and chase fireflies and count stars until his eyes began to water!" - This is so sweet! I love it!
9) "Note to self: do not try and envision a room you know nothing about, especially one that is in Hogwarts!" - Haha! Too true!
All in all this is a very good story and I enjoyed reading it. Sorry about the length of the review and I hope I wasn't too critical.Author's Response: First, let me say thank you for the absolutely amazing review you left me. I swear this has to be my longest review ever in my whole time here (and I've been here a long time).
I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this fic. I know I have a very bad habit of repeating words throughout a fic and worse in the same paragraph. It's a bad habit, and I'm not very good at breaking it apparently. Still, it is something I know I need to work on.
I thoroughly enjoy the fact that you are critical of my work. It only serves to make me a better author and I am very grateful for the time you put into the review.
Thank you again for taking the time to read and review my story. It helps immensely to know what you think of it. Report Review
I like it alot, How old is Teddy?Author's Response: I believe I implied that he was 15 in this fic. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Report Review
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