Reading Reviews for All Inclusive
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by timeturner All Inclusive

8th October 2009:
This was an extremely creative piece of fiction. I have to admit, the characterizations seem completely off from canon neither of the characters being what we expect them to be. But, I rather like it when authors take characters and make them their own. You will probably take some heat from readers for the straying you've done but I think the creative approach to changing the characters the way you want them to be worked well. The story itself is one that lends itself to a novella length and I think it would showcase your writing more (and the characters you've created) much more clearly than this one shot.

Here, you are forced to move so quickly because of the one shot (as opposed to a longer piece) that I think we are missing out on viewing the best of your writing. That's no fault of your own, of course, I just think a longer piece that develops these characters even more deeply would help provide readers a better change to explore you as a writer and perhaps give them insight into the characters you created.

I do say you created because, really, even though these are canon characters they read much more like original characters since they are so different than what we know. Again, that's not a bad thing in my book and I enjoyed the plot and scenes you created for them.

Author's Response: wow. Just wow :D .

I think that Padma, even though she is a canon character, gives the writers a lot of space to experiment because we don't really get to know her. So I just behaved with her like with an OC. And Ron...well, yes, he's not how people would imagine him, he's not even what I imagine him to be because, honestly, I can't picture him with anyone other than Hermione :D so this was a real challenge and to make him actually fit with Padma...a hard thing to do.

I agree that this has potential to be longer, the characters have their reasons, have their stories, to be the way they are and in this one-shot I didn't have room to explain that. Currently, I have a lot of plot bunnies and very little time to write anything but I might expand this to be a short story, or a novella.

Thanks for the wonderful review, I'm glad that you weren't put off by the characters and their behaviour :) .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #2, by long_live_luna_bellatrix All Inclusive

2nd September 2009:
Wow, this is by far my favorite story of yours! Padma was really well written. Her character was really interesting and your idea of her profession was amazingly described. I found myself loving her, even though she wasn't the greatest person. And getting her together with Ron was simply brilliant. I really enjoyed this, no crit for you. Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing ^^ .

Well, Padma wasn't extremely hard to write, but Ron...ehh, he was much harder since I 've never written him before (same goes for Padma but she is easier to write since she was a minor character xD ).

Thanks again, I'm glad you liked the story :)

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #3, by Celestie All Inclusive

19th August 2009:
This was very original. I love that you set it in Amsterdam and that the pairing was Ron/Padma. That canon pairing (along with Harry/Parvati, I guess) is almost never seen in fanfiction.

I also love Padma. She's this jaded, detached woman who just goes on with what she has to do, even if it means selling the All Inclusive. And the All Inclusive is a very original idea. Fanfiction doesn't tackle that kind of subject very often. :)

Some parts, I felt, were rushed. It was odd that Ron would just tell Padma he and Hermione broke apart even though he hasn't seen her in a rather long time. I think you could have stretched the dialogue a bit more there.The mid to ending sections also felt a little rushed. One minute they're talking and then they're in a club. I get it's because of the All Inclusive, but still.

I like the ending a lot though. Padma just acknowledges to herself that what they have isn't going to last. It's very realistic. :)

Overall, I liked this. It was an enjoyable read. ^_^

- Celeste

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) .

Well, I didn't chose this pairing, it was a part of the challenge but it was fun to write somehting I've never written before x) .

I'm aware that it does seem a bit rushed, in fact, it is rushed and I just have to tweak the story a bit, but at the moment I don't really have the inspiration *sigh* . Thanks for the advice, though, I really appreciate it ;D .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #4, by eightfourseven All Inclusive

17th August 2009:
THIS IS SO ORIGINAL. I love it. Hah, I thought she was going to be a prostitute at first. But I really like what you have! Aw, Ron is so sad. I want to know why he's sad haha. I like that she knows so many Muggles because it really drives the point home (is that the right expression?) that she's really gotten detached from everyone she knew in the wizarding world. Ah, the All Inclusive thing is a really clever way to get them together. I like that a lot. And I love the last few lines. They show the change in her character really, really well. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

I was aiming for original, so I'm glad that you think that xD.

I'm not sure about the expression (not being an English speaker myself) but I know what you mean x).

I thought it would be too OOC for Ron to just get together with Padma right after Hermione left him so I had to think of something that could change him and I remembered what sort of stupid things people do while under the influence so there was an idea... hehe...

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #5, by harrylilyjames All Inclusive

15th August 2009:
wow!
I felt sorry for her at the end, but then she turned all evil and I don't know what to think of her now. She took advantage of Ron. =[
But I have never ever read a fanfic on here like this before, and I enjoyed it immensely!! Really well done, just one mistake that I noticed was -
"know you're here.' He says.." - i think it was suppose to "were here"
but other than that it was brilliant!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

It's supposed to be 'you're' because he didn't know Padma was in Amsterdam or that he'll meet anybody he knew there ;D .

Yeah, well Padma isn't a good person, at least not anymore - you read how she lives and what she does and all... You can feel sorry for her but at the same time not really because it seems like she chose that life.

I'm glad you liked it and that I was able to write something original. :)

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #6, by Phoenix_Flames All Inclusive

14th August 2009:
Hello, dear! I'm here with your review.

Well, this was a very interesting story, and a very interesting pairing. I can tell you that. I've never read a story quite like this. It was very entertaining and new.

Now, I could never imagine Ron with anyone other than Hermione, but you managed to allow me to open my mind to it in this story.

Well done. You captured the mood of the story brilliantly. There were the occasional mistakes, but eh, everyone has them. Well done. ;)

8/10

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. x)

Honestly - I can't imagine him being with anyone other than Hermione but this was a challenge and I had to think of something how would the two of them end up together. xD

I'm glad you liked the story and though it was interesting :) .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #7, by Alopex All Inclusive

14th August 2009:
I have to admit right here that I am not a big fan of "going clubbing" stories. I generally don't see much point in having characters visit a club. Usually, it seems like an excuse for them to get drunk and for two unlikely characters (usually Draco and someone else) to start snogging each other senseless while under the influence.

However, in this story, I was sort of amused by Ron's perky, "Do you know any good clubs?" antic as soon as he took the All Inclusive. Not that I think drug use/abuse is all that funny, but Ron's behavior at that moment was kinda funny. I thought his moping around seemed in character, even though I personally would expect Ron to be more of a homeboy, staying in England (but I have read several fics in which he does leave the country after breaking up with Hermione). Why did he come to the Netherlands anyway?

I wish there had been more development of the plot and of Padma. For example, I don't quite understand why/how she ended up a drug dealer in Amsterdam. Yeah, I get that her family disowned her, but I think you're asking the readers to make a big leap between Hogwarts-Padma and Amsterdam-Padma without providing much of a springboard or anything.

I realize that Ron and Padma have a bit of a past - especially in Padma's eyes, at least in this story - but this seemed a little rushed to me. Yes, they were using an illegal substance. But this is a very short story, and I think it may benefit from some additional development. It flows from "what are you doing here" to "let's have coffee" to "let's do drugs" to "let's go to a club" to "let's have sex" quite rapidly. I would have liked to see some additional conversation during the "what are you doing here" and "let's have coffee" stages.

Overall, I think it's interesting what you've done with Padma's character. Though I wish I knew more about the in-between states, you did a good job in the first part of this story conveying what she's like now. I liked her little comments throughout about how much money she had made or would make. I think the encounter between Padma and Ron years later is an intriguing idea as well. It had never occured to me before, but now that I've read your story, it makes me wonder why I've never come across any before now. In short, I think you have a promising idea here, but it could benefit from some additional development, so that the reader better understands how the characters came to be where they are.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. :)

I do agree with you that the story is short and that it could use some more plot development but as it was originally supposed to be a one-shot, I didn't want to make it too long by adding all the things that should have been added in order to better understand the plot and the characters. If I ever have the time, I though about making this a short story - about 3 chapters, so that we could see everything that actually happened (1st chapter - Padma, 2nd chapter - Ron, 3rd chapter - this). :)

Once again, thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate that you took the time x) .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #8, by taylorj828 All Inclusive

14th August 2009:
Hi there! I stumbled upon this story because I was interested in the Amsterdam setting, having been there recently myself. And also because of the uncommon pairing. (o: I liked the little bits of Dutchy things that came out in the story, though admittedly I would have liked to have seen more. I'm not sure what area is De Wallen, but I know I saw several Kerk's, not sure if one of the ones I saw was the Oude Kerke you're referencing...

I like the job you've created for Padma and the way you've developed her with her own story line, so different from her sister.

Ron's admission about Hermione leaving him was very quick and sudden. I would have loved more background, but I understand you probably were eager to get the All Inclusive out there, and see where it led Ron, and of course, Padma. I really enjoyed the portrayal as the two of them simply losing themselves to the moment, though for different reasons.

This was a creative idea. (o: I'm glad I had the chance to read it.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

De Wallen is actually Red Light District but as far as I know the Dutch don't really refer to it as the Red Light District so I've made Padma use De Wallen because she grew accustomed to Dutch culture and behaviour ;D.

Oude Kerk is the oldest church in Amsterdam (also written in Dutch but you've probably been introduced to it in English or some other language - I'm not sure if you're English or...hehe xD ).

I know that Ron telling Padma that Hermione left him seemed a bit sudden and quick but the two of them aren't really the best of friends so I doubt that he would tell her the whole story (and Padma interjected with her offer of All Inclusive).

I'm glad you liked the story and thanks once again for taking the time to review :)

~ Krsitina


 Report Review

Review #9, by Axjion All Inclusive

13th August 2009:
I'll sum that up in one word. Wow. I've very amazed and rather impressed with where you've taken this. This touches subjects I never usually see in fanfics (and it includes Padma, whom I heart).

I'll admit, the first few lines had me skeptical. As you had Padma narrating too familiarly, and her train of thought seems to be a little irregular, somewhat erratic, but after reading the entire thing I can see why. She's really changed and become someone entirely different. I think you have her characterization (from what I'd expect of a drug dealer) spot on. Ron's characterization wasn't too bad, although, I do question if he would have simply taken the drug without having argued first, especially since, as it is stated, he is now an Auror.

The plot was confusing at first I suppose. I saw the banner and saw Ron and was wondering where he came into play with Padma's fiasco. (I had first actually considered him to be her buyer, and secondly thought she was going to prostitute herself to him when she said "I have something that'll make you feel better, if you want it"). But I suppose that's a good thing, I couldn't forsee what would happen so it kept me reading.

That was a most interesting read. Raw, real, and uncensored, and I thank you for sharing.
-Axjion

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

Ron's characterization was hard because I've never written him before so... I suppose I didn't make him argue since he was depressed and all that...

I'm glad I wrote something different and that you liked it :)

Thanks once again for the lovely review x) .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #10, by Anna All Inclusive

13th August 2009:
wow!
this is so great!
i love how unique this format is!
characters convincing and i love ur narrative voice!
bravo!
xx

Author's Response: Thank you for the nice review, I'm glad you liked it :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by Miss Lily Potter All Inclusive

12th August 2009:
I like it! (:

Ron and Padma both seemed pretty much in character, except the drug thing... But A) it was necessary to the plot and B) we don't know all that much about Padma.

I like the idea of drugs in the wizarding world, it's not done often.

The plot worked really well, even with Padma using him and stuff. (: I liked it a lot!

Good job!

-Jasmine(:

Author's Response: About Padma and using Ron - I've made her to actually be very lonely, her parents disowning her as soon as she strayed a bit (I always considered them pretty strict and all that - idk why though...), she estranged herself from her friends and became the person we saw in the story (under the influence of war and drugs) and when she met Ron and remembered her school days, she just wanted to have somebody...gosh, I just explained the whole character o.O .

Well, when DarkRose gave me the place (coffee shop) that I had to include in my story, I immediately remembered Amsterdam and those coffee shops xD .

I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the nice review :) .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #12, by Jazzeh Turnip All Inclusive

12th August 2009:
Ooh. This was very interesting.

Padma isn't really a character I've read much of, especially not from her view point. I like the idea of the wizarding drug and how a former ravenclaw prefect has got themselves mixed up with it all.

In my opinion, Padma is a little out of character, but for the nature of this fic I think it was needed. Your characterisation of Ron was spot on, and the way he reacted the the effects of the drug are just what I'd expect from him.

The opening to this was very well written and very enthralling. I so wanted to see where this went and I wasn't dissapointed.

I would make a few comments on little mistakes such as missing comma's, but I found that, in the case of this fic, those missing comma's fit the story and Padma's voice perfectly.

I did notice that you had 2 random words in bold ("while" and "the" which are both around the middle-ish) that confused me quite a bit.

Great idea, and pretty good excecution of it too :) 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) .

I don't know for Padma, I mean we didn't see much of her in the books so I wrote her much like an OC, but I agree that maybe she did seem a little OOC in the part when she said how she grew fancy Ron and all that...

I'm so glad I managed to write Ron and his reactions well because I find him actually hard to write, much harder than Harry or Hermione x) .

I just read the fic again and noticed those two bold words...hmm... I don't know where that came from xD, in my Word document everything seems fine, I'll have to edit that :) .

Again, thank you for the helpful review, I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked the story.

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #13, by AntigoneBlack All Inclusive

12th August 2009:
I just want to start and say we're story buddies! You have Ron/Padme and I have Harry/Parvarti. Patil twins!

Okay, I think that this story is very creative. The idea that Padme is in Amsterdam as a drug dealer. It's a lovely Post-Hogwarts. I love seeing what happened in the nine years between school and the birth of all the children.

I think that this is a good submission for the challenge. Good work!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks :) . I really wasn't sure if this was going to be validated considering the whole plot and everything, but I couldn't just pass the idea because it was really something I haven't seen around here... xD

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #14, by theRandomSlytherin All Inclusive

12th August 2009:
Oh, nice job!
Loved the characterization on Padma and Ron.
And the drugs too.Very unique plot.

Awesome work!

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, I'm glad you liked the story :) .

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #15, by Varlot All Inclusive

11th August 2009:
Oooh, very nice!
I liked it a lot.

I especially liked the way you characterized Ron, and the wizard drugs...very imaginative.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) .
Ron was somewhat difficult to write since I've never done it before and Padma is canon but we don't know anything about her so she was easier x) .
I really appreciate that you left a review and that you like the story.

~ Kristina


 Report Review

Review #16, by DracoFerret11 All Inclusive

11th August 2009:
Hey there, it's DarkRose from the forums!

Awesome job rising to the challenge; thanks so much for participating!

I really love how you interpretted the title. :]

Great characterization.

Also, stupendous job conquering tough issues.

I liked it a lot.

Very original.

--DracoFerret11/DarkRose

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. :)
I'm glad you liked it x). The idea popped into my head when I saw the place you've given me xD because I remembered the kind of coffee shops that exist in Amsterdam...ah well, I hoped it was original since I haven't read anything similar...

~ Kristina


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login