Reading Reviews for Struggle
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Nordanvinden The Beginning

22nd August 2009:
Interesting start I must say, I rather like it so far!

The plot seems very interesting and the character portrayal is pretty great, as well as the character interaction! The fic is quite well written too, but you've some typos and grammar mistakes as well, as a few spelling mistakes, nothing too big though, so don't worry!

But you might want to get a beta reader; someone that can/will proof read the chapter before you posted it, that is, just a tip!

For now I'll do my best to point them out to you; "It was the start "o f" an interesting day when he woke up that morning. He was excited, one more week until his second year ended."

In this paragraph you just have a blank space between the beginning of the sentence; in the "of" part, it's only a minor one, as you see!

It should be Headmaster Dippent and not Dippens, you also spelled Phinias wrong, it should be Phineas (Nigellus Black), sometimes Weasly and Ablus too, when it should be Albus and Weasley, oh well!

If you're unsure how to spell names and unsure of dates, etc, just Google them or look them up in HP Lexicon, couldn't be any easier!

And here, shouldn't it be "There was a stunned silence", instead of "There was a sunned silence".

“All of you head straight to your commen rooms." Should be common rooms!

"He was pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of frantic knocking before revealing a tearstained, frantic Hermione Granger and a grim looking Harry potter. “Headmaster, he figured it out,” Harry said, his voice tight and angry." You simply forgot the capital P in Potter.

“What do you propose we do then? Kill the? The Wizarding world needs Harry Potter. If we kill him, You-Know-Who-Wins,” Dippit argued. " You forgot the m in "them" after "the kill part".

"The two nodded and were gene faster than anyone could realize." Should be gone and not gene.

And that's it for now, as I said, noting too bad, but be sure to proof read before you post and you'll be fine, I think!

So Harry and Hermione are vampires, interesting but how did that happen and when?! And the Cullens were at Hogwarts, cool, are they still there?! The flashback scenes were very nicely described, I really liked them!

One more thing; I wonder which pairings it will be, whom Harry and Hermione are going to be with, I mean, lol!

I'm pretty anxious to see what's going to happen, so please write more and update soon...

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login